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Topic : Anorexia

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:31:18 pm
Author : dataimport
Are you or is someone you love systematically starving themselves? Anorexia is a serious condition that needs immediate treatment. Share your story here.

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kitti26
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October 12, 2005, 3:46 pm PDT

Unendless Cycle

Lately, I've been wanting to lose weight more and more. I can't see to stop. My fiance, Andy has been trying to help me through it. I'm keeping a daily log of what I eat and how much I weigh. He checks it often making sure everything is okay. I want to lose weight, I know it's unhealthy, but I can't stop. I want to stop, but how can you stop the other part of you that wants THIN, THIN?!? I don't know what else to do. The more I try to get better, the hard it is. I want to exercise, but seems like once I start, I won't be able to stop. It's like I work around my disorder, making it seem like I'm getting better to others, but finding myself going deeper into it. How can I stop this? I've been battling this since I was 14-years old and I'm now 26. How do you get pass this eating disorder behavior and thoughts when trying to recover? I'm losing this entire battle and it's killing me. 
 
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kitti26
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October 12, 2005, 4:06 pm PDT

Anorexia

Quote From: babycj06

hey i have been trowing up sincei was 9 or 10  i rememeber brealfast  my mom use to make me eat and i threw it back up i dont know if i was doing it on purpose  or what then in 10th grade i stopped eatting i would throw my moms lunch out or give it to my friends  and then she stopped she didnt have time and i would only eat french onion soup thats all for half of the year almost and then my dad and mom stopped buying it and was like u have to eat something eles and was noticing and i was a excirse alolic too and i was failing classes and i messed up in high school wel 10th grade and then my mom made sure i ate and i just threw it up and then my sister said something to my mom and they confonted me and i wish they gotm y help then i was like 95 my dad always looked at me i hatre but i loved that. and durning christmas my sister and her ex husband came down and i had something and my dad and everyone was like wow shes eatting something besides  french onion soup and  i was dizzy all the time and light headed but i loved the feeling then i got better in 11th grade still didnt eat lunch once in a while my friends made coments and one knew  anfd i use to cut and still recovering hard. and now im in 12th and im eatting 3 meals or 2 sometimes and i love my self but sometimes i can feel myself slipping or wanna go back or i justcut. andm y bf hates it when i do it. and i just loved it but then i didnt but i dont know i was 95 and now i am 112 it so hard i feel liek im preg. thought i was but i  am not yay. but help e-mail me if u guys wanna talk my life has been messed up i wish i got help or wish they got me help they tryed and do it on there own. and i slip sometimes too.  i hate myself but then i love myself.   and i am a senior in school

First off, *HUGS*... I wish there was a magical cure to cure this eating disorder and SI. I use to SI also and still to this day trying to recover from my own eating disorder. Since I was 14, I've been going through this eating disorder and now 26 and still haven't gotten better. Instead, I find myself working around my eating disorder, showing everyone I'm okay, but instead, I'm falling into another trap. There were times where I want to cut my wrist,  but I find other things in order to distract myself. Anyways, take care of yourself. Know that you aren't alone as far as feeling this way. There are many people out there who feel the same way as you do. I know for me, I would like/love myself or hate/dislike myself or both. It's weird. It's like I want this eating disorder then again, I don't. It's like you are battling two people and it's like you are caught in the middle of a dangerous battle. It's like Nancy said in For the Love of Nancy (a Lifetime movie), "It's like this war going on in my head and I don't know how to stop it." That is how I feel. I don't know how to stop it, I wish I did. If I knew, I'd love to share it with you to help encourage you to getting better.  Anyways, *Hugs* again. Take care of yourself. You can email me if you wish. jesus4every1@myway.com  
 
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kitti26
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October 12, 2005, 4:14 pm PDT

Anorexia

Quote From: bjork12

 I've got to stop treating my body like crap.  I am on all these prescription meds for my depression and my seizure disorder (brought on by my Anorexia), and yet I still take this "wonderful" coctail of diet pills.  I don't even remember what they're called anymore.  I took them out of their containers and hid them in a bag in my closet.  I take up to three differend kinds of pills (with Ephedra ) because I'm afraid they won't work if I take any less.  I'm so stupid and addicted to these things!  I spent all last night wonering if I was going to live or die!  I actually thought I was having a stroke.  My brain was all tingly, my vision was blurred, balance was off, and I felt just "off", just "out of my head.  Why do I mess with these things anymore??  I just know that I will get up in the morning and think, "Well, that won't happen again", and just take two or three more pills.  Seriously, am I a nut?  I just can't stop taking these things!  I think that if I do, what little weight I have lost in the past months will all come back and then some! Can't have that!

Bjork
*HUGS* You are not crazy nor nuts. Like my therapist has been trying to drill into my head, "Think of things that are positive about you" Can I come up with some? If I really tried, I might. I know I need to do this, this could also help you. Try to find something that is positive about you. What is it that you like about yourself that is positive. For me, let me start....I love my eyes. Can you find something? It was a good start for me. Now if I can come up with something else... Let's try together if we can find more things that are positive instead of dwelling on the negative and find other things that ends up driving us into self-destruction. You can email me at jesus4every1@myway.com if you need to. I don't know what else to tell you, but I can understand a little on how you feel. With me it's trying to get better from this eating disorder instead of dragging myself further into it. All I want is laxatives, no food, etc. All I want is to lose this darn weight as what I can is fat. How can I get better? I don't know just yet, but I'm gonna find it, even if it kills me. Take care of yourself. Know that someone is out there who can help. Also know, the only person who can really help you, is YOU. Gosh, I also need to listen to my own words... *HUGS* Take care!!
 
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kphethean
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October 12, 2005, 6:20 pm PDT

Thank You!

Quote From: ralphy

Your intense fear of weight gain and your goals to eat less each day and early warning signs that an eating disorder is beginning to appear right next to you.  You may think it makes you feel good or makes you stronger, smarter, prettier or even more acceptable but that eating disorder will not stay standing next to you for long....The more weight you lose and the more fear you get of eating the strobger this shadow will become.  I trusted my annorexia since I was 15 and half until my 21st birthday...yes that means I did not celebrate my birthday because I was stuck away in hospital.  It take so much away from you that you are left drained, exhausted and feeling like their is no hope.  I have been down this road and the euphoria of losing weight soon wears off as your life becomes restricted by harsh routines and unbreakable demands.  Your social life fades, your friends disappear and you are seperated from the world and the life you could truly fufill.  Trust in someone close and seek out a good consellor.  It won't be easy and you will want to turn to your old habits to ease the discomfort but fight hard and each day will become a little less of a battle...and eventually you will laugh again...and see yourself as worthwhile!! 

i just wanted to say thank you, to whom ever you are that wrote this. i have been struggling with anorexia most of my life, i am now 23, and i have 3 small kids. the only time that i did not starve my self was when i was preganant. my husband has no idea that this is still a problem for me, and i am not sure how to tell him that he is a huge part of the problem.i still look @ my self in the mirror and see a fat person. just as i did when i was in high school and i barely weighed in @ 100lbs. it helps to know that i am not alone in this, and that maybe i can get past it all someday. Thanks again.
 
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eskiers
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October 12, 2005, 10:54 pm PDT

Anorexia

 Hi, im 17 years old im not officialy diagnosed with anorexia, mainly because I dont think my councilor wants to, that would involove my parents that and I havent lost my period. Im 5'8" and 110lbs and dropping. I rarely eat. Some days Ill have like a granola bar or sometimes I have to end up eating a meal with someone to avoid conflict so I purge It all up afterwards. I really dont know what to do. Everyone notices but noone really .. does anything. (I know I shouldnt expect them to I should deal with it myself) All day long I get comments of how grossly skinny I am or people grabbing my arms and feeling how thin they are or whatever.. its really annoying. Im so stuck in this thing I really dont know what to do. Its been going on for about a year. My theraist is reallly worried and wants my parents to know but i really dont want that.. I dont want any attention from them.. but at the same time I just want some help. Im terrafied of help though and in a sence dont want it.. beucase I still want to lose a lot more and everytime I eat anything I feel huge bloated fat gross. Im just stuck in a hole and noone knows im there. My mom doesnt help.. she makes comments about it but then 2 minutes later will rant about being fat and gross and all her new diets . Bleh Im ranting on about nothing now. Im always tired and weak from it and when I stand I almost pass out. I almost wish someone would send me away to a treatment place and force me to get help.. but no luck there. that makes me sound like Im doing this to be rescued.. but im not. I just know I will never give myself help and cant end this on my own.  anyway.. ya.
 
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bjork12
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October 13, 2005, 9:00 am PDT

Anorexia

Quote From: kitti26

*HUGS* You are not crazy nor nuts. Like my therapist has been trying to drill into my head, "Think of things that are positive about you" Can I come up with some? If I really tried, I might. I know I need to do this, this could also help you. Try to find something that is positive about you. What is it that you like about yourself that is positive. For me, let me start....I love my eyes. Can you find something? It was a good start for me. Now if I can come up with something else... Let's try together if we can find more things that are positive instead of dwelling on the negative and find other things that ends up driving us into self-destruction. You can email me at jesus4every1@myway.com if you need to. I don't know what else to tell you, but I can understand a little on how you feel. With me it's trying to get better from this eating disorder instead of dragging myself further into it. All I want is laxatives, no food, etc. All I want is to lose this darn weight as what I can is fat. How can I get better? I don't know just yet, but I'm gonna find it, even if it kills me. Take care of yourself. Know that someone is out there who can help. Also know, the only person who can really help you, is YOU. Gosh, I also need to listen to my own words... *HUGS* Take care!!
 Thank you!  For once I am going to do something to take care of myself... I am going to see my doctor.  I haven't seen her in a *long* time.  I think I'm going to tell her how I've been feeling and what I've been doing.  I know I need some medication for acid reflux.  I've messed myself up really badly.  The other stuff is mainly that she's got to kick me in the butt because no one else is, including myself.  I take up to three types of diet pills per day on top of my 10 prescription meds.  I can't eat, I can't think, it's frustrating.  And I shake like a leaf.  No one asks why.  Maybe no one cares anymore???

Bjork
 
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kitti26
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October 13, 2005, 4:16 pm PDT

Anorexia

Quote From: bjork12

 Thank you!  For once I am going to do something to take care of myself... I am going to see my doctor.  I haven't seen her in a *long* time.  I think I'm going to tell her how I've been feeling and what I've been doing.  I know I need some medication for acid reflux.  I've messed myself up really badly.  The other stuff is mainly that she's got to kick me in the butt because no one else is, including myself.  I take up to three types of diet pills per day on top of my 10 prescription meds.  I can't eat, I can't think, it's frustrating.  And I shake like a leaf.  No one asks why.  Maybe no one cares anymore???

Bjork

There are people out there who cares. Don't think no one cares, because there are people who do. I am proud of you for taking the step and getting the help you need. I saw my therapist today. We didn't get into my eating disorder, but we will next week, this week was basically talking about getting my priorities in order and getting things done. She also wants me to keep a journal and putting down atleast one positive thing about me. 

  

I know it's hard to just give this thing up and get better, but I know there is a time where everything will get better. I need to know this myself. Email me if you can. I'll like to talk to you some more about this. Maybe we can help each other recover. I know it will be hard, but it's all we need right now, is some support and encouragement. jesus4every1@myway.com 

  

I have to go home now. Take care of yourself and I will try to reply again soon. *HUGS* Take care of yourself 
 
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ralphy
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October 14, 2005, 2:53 am PDT

Trust me there is another side....

Quote From: kphethean

i just wanted to say thank you, to whom ever you are that wrote this. i have been struggling with anorexia most of my life, i am now 23, and i have 3 small kids. the only time that i did not starve my self was when i was preganant. my husband has no idea that this is still a problem for me, and i am not sure how to tell him that he is a huge part of the problem.i still look @ my self in the mirror and see a fat person. just as i did when i was in high school and i barely weighed in @ 100lbs. it helps to know that i am not alone in this, and that maybe i can get past it all someday. Thanks again.

You have three beautiful kids who will want a mother to play and enjoy life with.  Trust in someone and share your thoughts...because a problem shared is a problem halved.  It will be a hard battle but each day lets you live a little more and laugh a little more because you don't have your annorexia dragging your thoughts here and there.  It is hard to accept that people are really genuine and could even slightly understand the pain you are in when you look in the mirrror...anything anyone says goes in to your head and is suddenly spun into to a negative..I swear sometimes annorexics create a severly negatively geared mind.  So battle hard and stay strong... 

Sarah! 
 
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bjork12
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October 14, 2005, 7:59 pm PDT

Anorexia

Quote From: kitti26

There are people out there who cares. Don't think no one cares, because there are people who do. I am proud of you for taking the step and getting the help you need. I saw my therapist today. We didn't get into my eating disorder, but we will next week, this week was basically talking about getting my priorities in order and getting things done. She also wants me to keep a journal and putting down atleast one positive thing about me. 

  

I know it's hard to just give this thing up and get better, but I know there is a time where everything will get better. I need to know this myself. Email me if you can. I'll like to talk to you some more about this. Maybe we can help each other recover. I know it will be hard, but it's all we need right now, is some support and encouragement. jesus4every1@myway.com 

  

I have to go home now. Take care of yourself and I will try to reply again soon. *HUGS* Take care of yourself 

 But I've gotten so much "help" and nothing seems to work:(  I've gone through treatment facilities 13 times and hospitals countlessly.   I get the feeling that I am going to kill myself with this disease, that I will starve myself to death or my organs will just give out on me.  If I could just get skinny again, everyone would be happier, including myself.  I just know that is true.  No one would look at me and laugh and make comments like they do.  It was never like that when I was thin.  When I was skinny, all I ever heard was "How did you get so thin"?  None of the giggles and harrassment that make me so depressed now.I dread going to work each day because of this.

Bjork
 
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sam_88
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October 17, 2005, 8:31 am PDT

help!

i am 16 and for about the bast 3 years i have had an eating disorder i think. It started about 3 semmers ago and i just go sick of the way that i looked. so i started throwing up and i have been like this off and on i did it for about 2 years straight but in the past year i only do it when i feel disgusting that i ate too mch i am getting those thoughts again and i dint now what to do do i even have a problem?? sa,
 
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