Topic : Anorexia

hello, i was talking in the bulimic but i struggle with both and right now i am not throwing up so much as well yeah.  i mean i at least eat salad now but i don't want to eat at all.  there is no one in the other for me to talk to.  i went to another board in here to talk but i didn't reallyl know if i wanted to talk about this in there.  maybe i should just stop trying to talk and just move on.  i don'tknow but yeah.  sigh

I totally understand what you mean. I'll be 24 in a few months and I will have had an eating disorder for 13 years then. I've been hospitalized several times...once for 2 months. I've been through endless therapist, psychologist, classes, and group nothing seems to work. I wanted to try long term treatment but I can neither afford it or get it. I have had a seizure because of my eating disorder, I am no longer allowed to work, My doctors are having me apply for social security disability, I have heart liver kidney esophagus pancreas and ovarian damage, I have overdosed because of it, and became hypoglocemic, cut myself, and the list goes on...and yet I can't seem to beat this and it's starting to feel completely hopeless. I tried really hard to get the help I needed and to get better hell I had to gain 20lbs after my seizure...I'm 5'2" and I was 84lbs...now I'm at the point where I am just like I don't care...I may as well loose weight if I haven't been able to stop this..I'm just so tired of being sick all the time throwing up constantly starving myself I know you must be too....I just wanted to say I understand your situation. The work thing too. before I was put off work on disability I worked at a hospital...and everyone knew and all the talk and looks and bs got pretty old. I hope though you can find something that works. I'm just at a loss for what to do any more and feel like this is just what my life is going to be. jenna

*Hugs* I'm sorry if nothing has helped. I know where you are coming from. I've been in the hospital so many times, it's not funny. My doctor yesterday accused me of not eating. I told him I was, but he doesn't believe me. I feel he thinks I'm taking laxatives and purging. I haven't done either of those in awhile. The nurse put 98.2 as my weight when it was accually my temp. I didn't realize that till later, after I left the office. Anyways, Take care of yourself. You can email me if you'd like. I check my email as often as I can. It's jesus4every1@myway.com Anyways, I'll talk to you later. Just know that you aren't alone as far as how you feel. I feel like this ed is going to kill me as well. I just hope I prove myself wrong and live through this. Bye for now! *HUGS* 

~Olivia 

Hey everyone! I wanted to add onto two post, but have a hard time putting two names on here all at once, so I decided to address everyone on this. I know how some people feel as far as going through this eating disorder and not fully recovering from it. It does seem helpless as far as trying to get better. I too, don't have insurance and to get the help I need, is hard to get. I don't even have a steady job as well. I am engaged to a guy named Andy. He tries to help me get through this, but it seems pointless as well. I don't know what else to do. I want to get better, but in a way, I find myself slipping more into this ed. I don't know when this will end. It started when I was 14 or 13-years old, can't remember which. And now I'm 26-years old and still haven't been able to recover from this completely. I also feel like this thing is going to kill me. I also hope that I will prove myself wrong and fully recover. Andy feels that I shouldn't be on medication and believes with God's help, I'll fully recover. I also believe this as well. I keep praying over and over about it, but yet, I'm not getting any better. When will this end? I'm also in that cycle where I feel there is no end. Anyways, I'll talk to everyone later. Take care!! 

*HUGS* 

It's good that you cut back on throwing up. It would be better if you stopped all together. Yes, you do have a problem that does need to be addressed to a trusting adult. Talk to your guidance counselor and they will help you get the help you need. Posting on here also helps, but until you take that first step on telling someone where you live at, is when you will work on the recovery process. Don't give up. Don't be scared. Taking that step and telling someone, is the best step you can take. Please keep us informed. I know this is hard, but I know you can do this. *HUGS* Take care of yourself. If you ever need to talk feel free to email me at jesus4every1@myway.com Talk to you later.

Hi :) 

We just had company stay with us the last two days. Needless to say, I had to eat. I have gained weight and I HATE it!!! I did go to a womens group (at the local college) last night and talked about it. This morning I had a phone call from a counselor (still earning her degree) asking me to make an appointment with her. I see her next Thursday. This makes me very nervous but also a bit relieved. I will be able to talk about things more with someone who hopefully understands.  

Last night after group I was thinking about eating disorders. When I think of my eating disorder I think:  addiction, obsession, anxiety and depression thing. I don't know what causes it but I know I have all four of these. I don't know what do you guys think???? 

Please let me know. I am just trying to figure out why I do this to myself. 

Oh and also I know it's a "BATTLE" If only eating was easy!!! 

Hugs, 

Emily  

   Hi! my name is Jeana and I am 25 years old. I am 5'2" and I have been hospitalized over and over and I have been ill 13 years. When I read your post, i thought, WOW! We are SOOO similar! I had seizures too and and I feel the same as you. If you want to e-mail me, I'd love to talk. 

  

harold_vanooyen@hotmail.com. 

  

p.s. I understand! 

 Geez, I was just realizing that my Anorexia keeps me from living my life.  It runs my whole life.  Every single second.  It is sooooo frustrating, and   I just keep thinking that if I could get back down to 65 lbs that it would all be solved again.  My parents would take interest in me again.  Guys would take interest in me again.  But my Anorexia does keep me from living my life.  A friend at my work asked me to come with her and a bunch of other girls for pizza during our lunch break and I said "no" because I can't eat in front of people and because I won't eat pizza.  Then, just yesterday I went to a baby shower and sat there and stared as the bread was served, the first course of salad.... then ordered a salmon salad for dinner and only ate some of the lettuce out of it.  The waitress actually asked me why I wasn't eating it.  If I didn't like the salad.  I just said I wanted to save it for later.  Why does every event have to deal with food?

Ohh and an update on my seizures.. I've been feeling like one's about to come lately so I had an MRI today and I have an EEG on Friday.  The MRI was *scary*!  I've had them before, and I don't like them! Well, wish me luck about all that!

Bjork

Sorry Everyone, that I haven't been on lately. I've been battling my own Ed for a while now. I can't seem to break from this. It's like it's a lost puppy dog, that can't find a home so it follows you all over the place. It's been crazy. Lately, I don't even know what I've been doing. I can't even focus on things I need to get done. I wish I know what to do. I see a therapist, I see a doctor, I see a case manager, etc. Nothing seems to help. I know I need to get well on my own and want to get better, but a part of me doesn't want to. It's been crazy and Ed is all I think about. It's on my mind 24/7. *HUGS* Take care everyone!

Hey babes it has been a bit since I have been back on here. Not long I guess but longer than I wanted to wait inbtwn. It's cool (¬ if u get what I mean) that u have been there done that....I'm really really really bad at gettin' back at ppl but my y stuff is jellybean65416541@yahoo.com (my yahoo IM is obviously the first part, oh and I'm always hinding so IM me anyways) and my AIM is jellybean6541 so feel free..prob wouldn't get ahold of ya...not cuz not interested (extremely am) but just cuz 2 shy (btw my name is Jennifer just go by jenna preferably then jen then jennifer)....so plz I would appreciate if u felt free to IM me or email...just let me know first how u know 2 understand? I hope to ttyl... -Jenna-