Topic : Anorexia

Hope you ate your snack tonight :-) I just finished my Boost Plus but I totally get what your saying about forcing food down your throat Ugh did that tonight at dinner with my mash taters UGH.  

So glad you had a good time with your friend and who cares how long your posts are write 1000 pages if ya want we still read them :-)  

Where you talking to me about the email? I swear I might be losin my mind but I think all the messages I wrote you ended up here I dont think I sent one in email. I looked to see what you resent but theres nothing in my emails or bulk. (im feeling real stupid right about now) LOL  

Well time for bed in a few. Gotta go tuck in the kids. Take care all. 

                                                                        Sarah 

Hehe, well, someone (not mentioning any names :-)) didn't have her snack last night either. Honestly though, it's just because I didn't eat dinner till 11 at night because that's when I got home from work! really hope I don't get kicked out of the clinic because of that! Thanks for reading my posts. I know sometimes I like to write novels on here, but it means a lot to me to know that people don't mind reading them. Lastly, no I was not talking about you when I was talking about the email. Another lovely girl named Sarah sent me an email. Sorry for the confusion :-)! So how are you doing? Is the meal plan working out? Just fill  us all in,  haven't heard from how YOU are doing in a while now, my dear! 

Julie 

great to hear you drunk your boost!!  it is hard to stuff food down your throat sometimes it is easier to think it sure would be nice if i could live without food. but then again even though we think food as evil most of the time haaaa all of the time (although i am learning different) it can taste so good.  i can't count the times i have said food is decieving.  although now that i am eating healthy stuff and taking vitamins and all that i sure am starting to feel better physically.  i wonder how i made it through days i was so close to death man and i didn't see it annd i am sure if i were to slip back into the eating disorder i would deny that i ever was close to death because there is a part of me that wants to say whatever i was not atleast physically but mentally i was so sucicidle.... even though i didn't want to kill myself i kept thinking of things that could have killed me if i had done it.   

Rene' 

Yay! I'm glad we will have a topic to talk about next time we're both on messanger! Lol, like that's really ever a problem, hehe! I dont' have time to write now either. I have to go get ready for school. Lol, I am so good at giving myself very few minutes to get ready! Thanks for praying for my friend. She really needs all the prayers she can get. Her name is Andi, if that helps at all :-) Well, I probably won't be on messanger tonight. I am at school from 9am-8:30pm and then I have to drive an hour home! And guess what?? Thursday night I am going to see Il DIvo with my sister! Have you heard of them? They ROCK!!! Lol. I'll try to get on tonight though, being I won't be able to be on tomorrow night! Hugs right back atcha! 

Love, 

Julie 

Hello, I am 19 and have had anorexia for 6 years also. I also agree that you will never be "ready" to recover. Do you consider yourself to be recovered now? If so, how did you go about the journey? Right now, I am trying my hardest to stay in recovery and it gets harder every day, but I am still fighting. I always thought that there would come a time when I was ready to give up my ED. Like I would say "ok, I've had enough, I am ready to move on," I am finding that not to be the case. Oh, how I wish it were though. Recovery would be a lot easier if we felt completly ready. I wish you all the best in your journey down this recovery road..... 

Julie 

 Hey there girls,  

 am maryamkim. pleasure to meet yas all. im from over in the middle east, am british. am 23 and going through some rough time but thats ok i can handle them. Im having issues with food, i dont know if its anoexia or belimia * (srry my spelling skills are poor.)  

Some days i wanna eat junk food all day long, freis n burgers and sugar n chocolates etc etc and other days i jst cant be bothered to eat at all, i only eat when i crave something or force feed myself cos i cant stand up or my head is pounding so bad its hurting my ears. Do anyone know what i can do. I been like this since i was about 18.  

Stress levels dont help at all. When im stressed out or real sad i jst sit in my room alone and cry or i cry in my prayers. I find happiness in my faith, i reverted to Islam when i was 19 and i adore readin books bout my faith and reading stories about religious people and their travels around the world and cooking for others, i love nature n hanging out in the desert if my family go ona tripp to the desert.  

 I hope someone can be my freindhere atleast, i dont have freinds at all. my lil bro who is 15 is the closest i got to me but he has to have time to chill with his gf at weekends n hang out with his homeys, i cant be that uncool big sis n follow him round hehe. 

 love n peace to yas all. 

 xx 

Hello Maryamkim. It is lovely meeting you too. Thank you for posting on here, we all appreciate having new people come here to say hello. I am sorry you are going through rough times right now. We all have trials and tribulations in our lives. I wish I knew what to say to make it all better; you know to make the pain stop. I am sure you are in unbelievable amounts of pain with this food thing, but we have all been there and would love to offer you support. Do you think you are fat? Do you not eat on purpose or is it because you are really just not hungry? People with anorexia are hungry. We do feel hunger, we just deny the hunger to ourselves and everyone who asks. Do you make yourself vomit after you eat? Do you feel guilty after eating? These are questions that have to be answered to determine whether you are anorexic, bulimic, or a lovely combination of the two.  

I am really glad you have your religion to turn to in times like these. I know how much spirituality can help during tough times and I am really glad you have your religion.  

I would love to be your friend! Just keep posting on here and telling us how you are doing and everything! I love to hear about how everyone is doing! I really hope you have a lovely day! 

Julie 

what caused you to revert to islam may i ask?   and do you mind sharing with me a little about your faith in that?  I am very interested to know about peoples faith and why they have come to that particular choice of faith. 

Yes, it is very hard to struggle with an eating disorder.  It does get hard to deal with and causes everything else to be hard to deal with.  I think it is very good though that you allow yourself to cry!!  A good book that I read on eating disorders is "The Monster Within"  the book shows how the recovery was her choice and she did not do it because someone forced her to and how know one could help her change until she was ready.  The lady it is about is actually the lady who wrote the book so it is her story.  Most books I want to just throw or they make me so angry but this particular book just reached in and touched my heart.  It was part of what helped bring me to a point where i was ready to make the choice to recover.  i was not ready to recover but that book helped me realize a lot of things and one of those things is that I will never be ready to recover I just have to make the choice to step out and say i want to live.  I would love to be your friend!!  You matter!!  You deserve a friend, you deserve to be cared for and the feelings you are having are ok to feel.  if anyone is telling you things you feel aren't right or they do things that mmake you feel as though your feelings are not valid then they are wrong because how you feel does matter and it is ok to feel that way and express it however you need.  to hide those feelings from yourself however will keep you stuck in the never ending cycle that cause life to seem as though it is falling apart. 

oh yeah it is possible to have both anorexia and bulimia i struggle with both or i did but not i am walking into healing so yes it is still a struggle but it is something i have to choose not to give into.  i have to choose to live in reality not in illusion.  i have to choose to have life not to choose things that lead to distruction and death. 

Howdy all,  

 thanks for the loving n care u all given me. i didnt exspect such nice caring replies. bless ya all.ameen.  

 Ok ill start witht he eating topic... for me personnaly, i find eating alone boring and depressing, i rather eat with someone who is eating also than sit alone n feel sad. In arab culture, when someone is eating they share their plate with u, the whole family sits round a hugee plate and all eat with their hands form one huge plate.i got so used to eating with my freinds back in senior high school even though not all of us were arabs we got attached tothe culture alot as its so caring of eachother n making sure everyone has a little something, even if i only had a sandwhich in my lunch pack, id be sure to offer to all my home girls n make sure they got food too. Now that im alone n not in high school and coming from a western bacjground my family arent big on the family dinner thing.Very rarely there is a family meal in the home where we all sit n eat as a family, that annoys me the most, i miss eating with my family alot.  

 So when meal times come & its only me who is hungry at lunch hour i jst put lunch off untill i see someone else looking for lunch and then offer to make food for them n eat with them. I dont vomit after eating, i dont feel fat, i actually feel thin n weak, i dont feel i have the need to make myself vomit at all, bever have actually. I know my body needs what ever food i put in my mouth, being only 23 this yr n feeling my hips click out of place or my jaws aching and my hair falling out i know i need that food.  I JST WANT SOMEONE TO EAT WITH INSTEAD OF BEING ALONE. most of the time if im hungry n cant get over the pains of hunger then i make myself a snadwhich in french bread n eat at the pc whilst im logged into the islami chat room in yahoo.. hehe the homey girls their support me alot.  

 Ok down to faith. urm i wont bore ya'll. i know there is alot of confussion bout what islam is these days with so much crap going on under the name of Islam which really does bother me so much.  

Islam ( the actual word) translated from arabic to english means Peace and Submission. We as Muslims submit to Allah, He is our Lord. He has no son, no mother, no right hand helped man, no bro, no sis or uncle or aunts etc. And to Him direct we pray and ask for help, we dont go through anything or ask anyone like an idol or anything for help. We read Quran in out prayers and make certain movements with our body, standing up straight n tall to bowing and prostration. Our forheads touch the floor and in that time we ask of what we want help with or ask Allah to give health to the sick, to give wealth to the poor etc.  

I embraces Islam because i couldnt find peace in my heart being a christian and not understanding the different sects of churches and branches. When i was 12 yrs old my grandmother passed away and thats when my search for fiath started, i asked the priest why my granma had died, and why people wouldnt allow me to say my good byes to her.I was ignored, told to be silent and not ask such things, i couldnt accept this, my heart was sad and i NEEDED answers. By the time i was 15 i knew alot of muslims from school and i met their families who were so warm n loving, always telling me to stay for dinner n calling me their daughter. i loved the closeness and love n care they offered plus i was amazed by the way they prayed, men n women both together and when i saw their forheads on the floor i jst felt it was total submission. At 18 i started to ry pray as i saw the muslims pray, putting my head on the floor n saying Allah help me, Help me please Allah. On december 2002 at 10;20pm in my home then in united arab emirates, i took my declaration of faith and embraced life from a whole new angle. I stopped smoking over night, i had stopped drinking alchol some 2 yrs before. I was already wearing a head scarf a yr before i said my declaration of faith, i had been fasting in the holy month of Ramadthan since 1998 and i was and still am inlove with my faith, each day is a new page, each day i learn more, each day i rise with a smile and most of all i know WHY my grandmother deid and Who she returned to, TO THE CREATER OF THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH AND ALL THAT LIES WITHIN. 

  imma post a few links. i hope it can take away some bad thoughts u may have bout islam due to peoples actions who call themselfs muslims but act totally against the quran teachings.  

 www.islam-guide.com < simple english booklet u can read online. 

www.thenoblequran.com < translation of quran in english. 

www.spubs.com < other islamic materials, books, free downloads and guides to islam. 

 thanks again girls. am most grtfull.  

peace n love to u all.  

enjoy ur day.  

 maryamkim xx