Topic : Anorexia

                                   Sisters, Nieces, Daughters and Friends

 A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass  thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.   "Don't forget your Sisters," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass." They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them. And remember that 'Sisters' also means your girlfriends, your daughters, and other women relatives too.

You'll need other  women. Women always do."
 "What a funny piece of advice!" the young woman thought. "Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grown-up. Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!"   But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact with her Sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life. After almost 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:
Times passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Love waxes and wanes.
Hearts break.
Careers end.
Jobs come and go.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Men don't call when they say they will.
 BUT Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.  A Sister is never farther away than needing her can reach.  When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it for yourself, your Sisters will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out.  My mother, sister, daughter, sister-in-laws, and "girlfriends", bless my life! The world wouldn't be the same without them, and neither would I.
 When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still

Something to think about for the weekend

As we all know anger, fear, resentment, frustration, control and rage are just a few of the driving forces behind eating disorders.  This weekend make a list of the top 10 emotions behind your

anorexia/bulimia.  You don't have to go into any detail,  just grab a piece of paper and jot them

down.  Later go back and look at the list - these 10 things are trying to control your life.

Now its time to take control back. 

For each items on your list get a piece of toilet tissue and write the item on it

Then look in the bathroom and say  "Anger is NOT going to control my life ever again"

FLUSH IT AWAY

Then go to the next item and do the same thing.  Keep going until you've flushed the entire list,

item by item. 

Its time to reclaim YOUR life

 YOU deserve the very best in life - YOU deserve to be happy   YOU deserve to be successful.  YOU DESERVE TO LIVE A LIFE FREE FROM THE BONDS OF ANOREXIA AND BULIMIA

 Every day (at least 3 times a day) look in the mirror and tell yourself -

I LOVE YOU, I TRUST YOU AND I AM MY BEST FRIEND.

Sure this will feel goofy - I would not advise telling anyone you are in the bathroom talking to

yourself in the mirror.  But you have to face yourself, acknowledge the good and the bad

accept the good and the bad and love yourself through all the good and the bad

Remember you can't be a friend to someone else until you are a friend to yourself.

Finally write yourself a note promising yourself that you will give YOU an opportunity to be

appreciated and validated if by no one else by YOURSELF.  Its one thing if friends don't pay

attention or listen, or if your family doesn't listen, BUT when you don't take the time to listen

to what your heart is feeling or you don't hear the pain in your spirit THAT IS YOUR FAULT

and no one elses.  You can't expect others to do something you won't do yourself.

Just try this for 1 day  Come on 1 itty bitty day - I'll do it if you will  OK

Brenda

The only one that is going to be thinking you are fat is YOU.  Everyone else is going to be so

focused on themselves (probably thinking they are fat too) they are not going to notice if you

eat or not.  The more you obsess the worse it makes everything, right. 

We have faced bigger obstacles than this and did just fine.  I am not a holiday person either

So I focus on those less fortunate - I do my baking for hospice patients and thier families.

So you could just as easily volunteer to help serve Thanksgiving DInner at a homeless

shelter or spend some time with children that are stuck in the hospital.

When you start getting those panic feelings try to acknowledge them (you can't pre tend they

are not their...that just makes them worse) then tell yourself YOU are in charge of YOUR life

Decide for yourself Thanksgiving Day is about being THANKFUL not crawling under the table

and trying to blend in with the carpet.    What are you scared of,  Dead turkeys don't bite,

surely your relatives are not that scary (trust me only my ex-mother-in-law is THAT scary)

You may think people are staring at you thinking OMG LOOK AT HER...and they may very well be thinking OMG I wish I was her age, OMG I wish I looked that pretty, OMG I remember when

I was that age blah blah blah .   Son't ASSUME people are thinking bad things.  When you look

at someone what are you thinking ??  I am sure you do think perfectly nice things about people

why can't they think nice things about you too

Show everyone how strong you are.  No panic attacks, NO hiding or trying to be invisible. 

It won't be long until the holidays will be over and we'll all find another reason to irked with the world.   There will always be something to be upset about.....if YOU chose to let it upset you

I have vowed not to let other peoples problems with me or my illness become my problem

And if people really are trying to irritate you that tactic will drive them nuts !  Trust me

I have survived a lot more holidays than you have...and I have the battle scars to prove it -

I'm here for you OK

Brenda

Hi guys!! Hope you are all ok today!!

Have to tell all of you that I`m actually doing very well at the moment. Strange but true. I decided to tackle my ED in exactly the same way that I did when I stopped taking drugs. I refuse to live if I`m not going to be happy (I`d much rather kill myself then), so, to be able to achieve that I obviously can`t be a prisoner to anyone or any thing. I`m still experimenting here, so don`t laugh if I fall flat on my face now, lol! I`ve started eating healthy again. Ja, it`s true! I`m eating enough to keep my body running well, but obviously I`m staying away from fatty foods, processed stuff & any sugars that`s not completely natural. (This way I still get a feeling of control, so in that regard it`s ok) I still have nagative feelings all of the time, and believe me, I "FREAK OUT" at least 5 times a day.but then I just calm myself down & start over again! It feels very awkward, I must say, but I look healthy, I`m fit (can actually train propperly now!), and believe it or not, I`VE GAINED WEIGHT, BUT I`M STILL THIN!!

I am so proud of you.  I know you are not one to trust ANYBODY ANY WHERE ANY TIME

but I am so glad you decided to trust me.  Would I let you down...... HA !     Can't wait to

hear about the results of the big bout...no pics I don't want to see you bruised and bloody - LOL

Just keep up all the good work and kick some butt

Lots Hugs

Brenda

Any one that is a survivor of an eating disorder PLEASE start reaching out to kids in elementary

school, junior high and high school.  Too many kids think they HAVE to be thin to be in.

A lot of parents are not aware of the warning signs and symptoms of eating disorders.

A few weeks back I had asked everyone on the mssg board to bring up anorexia/bulimia

to complete strangers - just to see how many people knew what it was.  The misinformation

that is out there is catastrophic.  Once you have made it through this Hell we owe it to those

still suffering with these disorders to help them find their way to the light. 

Apathy is not the answer.  You cannot turn a blind eye to this.  People are dying.  Of course

eating disorders are not pretty,  death isn't pretty, people weighing 60 lbs is not pretty.

SO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.  Reach out in your communities.  Talk to PTA's, school groups

church groups.  You don't know whose life you might touch. 

 And its all worth while if we can save 1 life. 

Brenda

I see things are a bit quiet here......unusual for you guys!!! Hope you are all doing ok. I spoke to someone about what to do about the feelings and "freak out`s" in my head (although I`m eating, ect.), and for the most part they seem to be clueless. (Great help hey, lol!) Still trying to figure out whether it`s just because of sheer incompetence, or if it`s because unless you have an ED yourself it must be difficult to understand. Quite frankly, I`m sick of all the weird looks I get when I touch the subject. (It`s eather that, or people tend to change the topic very quickly......) At least people aren`t staring at my body anymore, but that also sorta freaks me out, because in some weird way I guess I like to look half dead. I feel it`s a perfect reflection of how I feel inside most of the time. Maybe it`s going to take some getting used to, I don`t know.

Now thank Thanksgiving is almost upon us, I want to thank everyone on the boards for

being so kind, supportive and patient with me.  I know I am one of the "older" of the group

and may not be as cool as others, but I sincerely want to thank everyone for treating me

with respect and taking the time to actually read and understand what I have to say.

Its sad when a group of strangers treats each other with more compassion and respect

than members of their own families.  But thats why we're here isn't it - to take the place

where family and friends have come short.

Please enjoy your holiday.  Try to find some good every situation. Its only 1 day out of 365

anyone can survive that....even me.   If you need anything I'll be right here.  But I think

you will do just fine.  Don't sit and anticipate what others are thinking or sayng across

the room  They might just be paying you a compliment.

I'm here if you need me

Big Holiday Hugs

Brenda