Topic : Anorexia

I see things are a bit quiet here......unusual for you guys!!! Hope you are all doing ok. I spoke to someone about what to do about the feelings and "freak out`s" in my head (although I`m eating, ect.), and for the most part they seem to be clueless. (Great help hey, lol!) Still trying to figure out whether it`s just because of sheer incompetence, or if it`s because unless you have an ED yourself it must be difficult to understand. Quite frankly, I`m sick of all the weird looks I get when I touch the subject. (It`s eather that, or people tend to change the topic very quickly......) At least people aren`t staring at my body anymore, but that also sorta freaks me out, because in some weird way I guess I like to look half dead. I feel it`s a perfect reflection of how I feel inside most of the time. Maybe it`s going to take some getting used to, I don`t know.

Now thank Thanksgiving is almost upon us, I want to thank everyone on the boards for

being so kind, supportive and patient with me.  I know I am one of the "older" of the group

and may not be as cool as others, but I sincerely want to thank everyone for treating me

with respect and taking the time to actually read and understand what I have to say.

Its sad when a group of strangers treats each other with more compassion and respect

than members of their own families.  But thats why we're here isn't it - to take the place

where family and friends have come short.

Please enjoy your holiday.  Try to find some good every situation. Its only 1 day out of 365

anyone can survive that....even me.   If you need anything I'll be right here.  But I think

you will do just fine.  Don't sit and anticipate what others are thinking or sayng across

the room  They might just be paying you a compliment.

I'm here if you need me

Big Holiday Hugs

Brenda

Brfends

Ag, girl, were always patient with you, lol!

Ja, it`s very sad that this has become a safe place, the safe place should be EVERYWHERE out there.....

Maxi

If I knew the answer to to your question I would scream it from the highest mountain - LOL

I've been anorexic most of my life (I'm 47 now) and I have been in recovery for quite some time

BUT I still am very sensative about negative comments or disparaging looks.  I really try to

keep the attitude that tis THEIR problem and not my problem, but it sure is hard some times.

You are right it is the hardest when it comes from someone you love and trust - you start to

feel that maybe you are not worthy of their love etc... I have been through this A LOT through

the years.  My husband Steve is not one to EVER give compliments - thats how he was raised.

Generally any comment is a negative comment or at least very ambiguous. So its up to me

to fill in the blanks - I tell myself I look nice, or cute hair day.  Its either that or slip back into

the hole of anorexia.  It has to come from YOU

Good Luck

Brenda

SO how did everyone do today ?  I assume there were no casualties from family food fights ?

Maybe you even had a good time even if it was just for a minute.  I truly hope all of you had

a day of contentment and inner peace.  It has to come from within you - you are the only one

that can make you happy.  Let me know how it went

Brenda

omg, my Thanksgiving was absolutly TERRIBLE. It was horrible. People DID notice that I didnt eat very much. Then my aunt came up behind me and started rubbing my back and she said "your nothing but bones girl. Your hollow. You need to eat." Everybody was standing right there and then everyone just started agreeing with her and saying "We know. Shes right." It was a NIGHTMARE. The only thing that was fun was playing with my neice. I never want to see any of them again.

-Amber Brooke

I am so sorry it was such a catastrophe...but its over now.  Just remember these people really

do care about you.  Their comments may have been rude and insensative but all they know is

someone they care about has a problem.  Depending on how old your relatives are - their

comments can be really almost funny.  Believe I have heard them all before myself.  When I

was young I would end up running off to my bedroom in tears and not come out until everyone

had left.  Then I went through a phase of I am not coming out of my room PERIOD - I would not

sit down to dinner, wouldn't talk to anyone (except my 2 neices)  I thought by my not being there

everything would be OK - believe it was not attention seeking behavior.  I wanted to be invisible.

As an anorexic adult I used to feel the same way - I would not eat in public, no family dinners.

Once I got to the root of my eating disorder I took whole new stand on things   (and I know

you are tired of my saying this but)..... ITS THEIR PROBLEM NOT MINE

And to pour a little salt on a few wounds my relatives would tell me as I sit there in a wheelchair

YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF...YOU'RE TO BLAME"  see what not eating did to you, you damn

near killed yourself, now you will be in a wheelchair the rest of your life...blah blah blah

That is when you decide you will do whatever it takes to prove people wrong.  You work your

butt off to regain your strength, rebuild muscles and take that first step.  Now I am wheelchair

free, my anorexia is under control & my family can kiss my rear.  Yes they know I feel this way. 

But I am A LOT older than you are, I can say that !

Amber Brooke, its time you dig down deep and find a way to get control of yourself.  You have to

prove to YOURSELF and to everyone else that you are a strong, vibrant young woman, full of

compassion, and motivation.   You can do this.  Be strong - you don't have to be nasty to anyone

You are worth being heard and listened to, your opinions count.  Keep yourself open to the

opinions and comments of others - good advice is out there. But don't let anyone bully you.

Your parents love you - you may not like what they have to say especially where anorexia is

concerned.  But please respect their views - they don't want their daughter to die.  None of us

want anything but happiness and success for you - but you have to want that too.  And its totally

up to you to find a way to achieve self respect, success and happiness - they are choices that

only YOU can make.  You know I will help you all I can, we all will.  But it has to come from you

way down deep inside.

Big Hugs

Brenda

I read your posting,  And I was going to let you know that if you do decide to get the help,  you will be much more free than you are now.  The difference being,  instead of being concerned w/food,  you will have to be prepared to deal w/emotions.  I was hospitalized about 10years ago as an inpatient in a local facility that was remarkable.  I do recovery speaking there now for the current in-patients.

I do understand your illness,  and I did almost die from it.  I was thin,  but the main problems is I had many heart problems,  and at one point-I was given a week to live.

The support didn't come from my family,  but my college physician,  English professor-people who instilled confidence in me.

I surround myself with things I enjoy participating in-mostly church activities,  and I'm really not that spiritual-but I appreciate being helpful to others.

No;  I'm not really happy w/my body,  but have accepted the fact that it's a normal ageing process.

Here's the other thing;  the people you are listening to at work that are complaining are being shallow.  Talking like that is just filler because there isn't anything else to discuss.

Let me know if this helps you!

People used to be scared or gasp at me when I was ill w/the eating disorder.  That's what used to make me feel bad about what I was doing. 

The people that were close to me did the same.

I'm pretty much past it now that I don't practice the eating disorder anymore.

What I didn't like was the fact that people were actually afraid of my frame.  They new I was hurting.