Topic : Anorexia

My name is Gillian, i am 24 and have had anorexia for 13years. I live in the UK where treatment centres are few aand far between. Last year i was given 3 days to live my weight flling to 3 st 7lbs. I havent eaten for 3years i am fed only by naso gastric tube, i cannot put anything in my mouth not even my meds. I have been in and out of psychiatric wards most my life, being sectioned (put in hopspital against my will) restrained (held down by members of staff) force fed. The list is endless. Right now i am 65lbs i am suffering from low potassium, low BP, seizures. I cannot get funding for treeatment, and i have but given up on ever being better. I know i am going to die, but i cannot see a way out of this, i really have tried countless amounts of times but never been able to do it.

Its now only a waiting game to see how long anorexia will keep me here. I cant take much more and death seems like the only option. Im not even scared. I feel peace when i think of death,it will be my only freedom.

Ballerina_gil

Gillian,

I know things must seem hopeless at this point.  I have been in inpt. treatment for my anorexia five times, and there have been times that I wanted to give up.  I am doing much better, but still struggle with my mind.

I had a friend who was extremely ill with her anorexia.  She had a PEG tube that was surgically insterted in her stomach for a few years, and she was in a nursing home for over two years.  She seemed like a hopeless case and was expected to die, but she survived.  It took years to recover, but she is now living a fulfilling life. 

You can recover.  Right now you cannot do it on your own; however, nobody else can do all the work for you.  You have to make the decision for yourself that you are going to recover no matter what it takes.  No more fooling around, no more excuses; it is time to take this VERY SERIOUSLY.  I think you are taking this very seriously.  It sounds like you need to get to a long-term care facility, probably at least one or two years.  I would be writing and calling every place I can think of.  You MUST fight for your life, because you are the only one who can.  People can support you, but the work is your's to do.  YOU CAN DO IT, but only if you REALLY want to.  Recovery has to be your #1 desire; nothing else can come before it.

I hope that you hang on long enough to get the help you need.  Obviously, your life is at major risk, but it is not too late.  It is never too late until your last breath.  You must want to live.  If you see death as a good option at this point, you will not make it.  You are too sick.  I hope and pray that you can survive this.  Please keep us updated.  I seriously hope that you can make things turn around and get your life back.

Amanda

I was getting ready for March Madness to start actually I was looking for my daily dose of Guiding Light when I saw a tiny woman exercising on the screen... It brought back memories of how I use to be...

Thiry years ago yes wow that was along time ago, but I had just graduated from high school thinking I wanted to be a band director I loved music all my life and being in the midwest it seemed the best way to please that desire... I started college and as quick as I started couldn't take it...

I was adopted at 6 weeks old, my adopted parents divorced when I was 12, my adopted mother died of carbon minoxide poisoning at 16 so attending college was too much as I had been living in a daze for years... Anyway, I was a very heavy girl, and my father was a physician so I asked him about getting me diet pills, and I start dieting, his response was do you really think it will help???  Well that was ALL I NEEDED to start the road to destruction well got off course to that street... I started slowly dieting eating everyother day but still drinking my pop... duh the pop is why that weight is still hanging, I got down to about 116 on my 5'8 frame in time for my sisters wedding, I of course never noticed the bones that stuck out to me I saw the fat on the thighs and wanted to even more become smaller..  We had moved to Las Vegas that same week actually well my exercise routine was constantly moving running in place, doing dishes I was running in place, jumping jacks and sit ups were a daily must in front of the tv... well that year we moved back I was at 84 pounds when I arrived back in Michigan... My family was shocked they didn't know what to do, I didn't see it of course, I moved in with my brother, and I think my hephew who was 4 months old screaming when I would hold him was a good wake up call that and my dream of Las Vegas stardom was over... Once a man said to me you know you would be good looking if you gained some weight??? WHAT???  I thought I would be good looking if I lost some weight... So I decided well maybe I will eat eat eat and then stick my finger down my throat well that only puts the weight on when you can't get enough food to come back up... sorry that's gross but so true...

Anyway, it didn't take psychologist, and a hospital to change me, and while at times of troble in my life I do tend to ignore food and it was powerful to my soul to say no to food that was begging me to eat... and I get in my exercise spurts but I have two great children, look normal to me anyway my family still thinks I am too thin. but believe me I am not....

Anyway, I am a survivor of the controlling eating disorders, and I while have some residual effects and may be a basket case mentally have a wonderful life... You have to want to quit just like any addiction...

I know that show may have been a rerun, but I hope those women and all the women living this life make that choice to survive... Thanks  Debbie from Michigan