Quote From: kmohlerHi ,
My daughter has been suffering with anorexia for ten years. She is 22 and lives at home while attending college. We are so frustrated because we do not know how to help her. She is struggles daily, is so very thin, eats very little, but constantly wants us to confirm that she has not gained any weight or that she doesn't look fat. She stresses out regularly and then we stress out , because we don't know what to do. What is the right thing, are we saying or doing the wrong thing. As a parent we want only the best for her, and feel helpless. How do you watch your child ( no matter their age) struggle. The thought that we may loose her terrifies us. At this age she has to make the choice for treatment. We know that, but it isn't easy. We are open to any suggestions to help her and to help us cope.
Hi, I'm really sorry to hear about your daughter - it's an unimaginable strain for parents, and one that I don't feel should be endured alone. For what it's worth, I believe the best thing you can do for your daughter right now is to make sure that you and your husband are taking the very best possible care of yourselves, and your relationship with each other.
I hope this will not sound offensive, but a counselor would be very helpful at this point for you talk about how this illness affects both you and your husband, and will allow you to "vent" your frustrations to someone who can give you constructive feedback. Speaking as someone who probably drove her parents off the deep end more than a few times, I wish they would have thought of seeing a counselor at the time. A trite, but useful analogy we use in counseling class is that a mother flying with her child shouldn't fix her child's breathing apparatus until she has fixed her own, no matter how strong the desire is to get that mask over her child's face first.
Ten years is an extremely long time... you must be exhausted. I don't know how you are managing to keep coping, seeking support the way you are. There are some legal options you may look into to keep your child safe despite her being over legal age. Depending on the laws in your state, you may be able to file a petition to take over her medical rights until she is in a more medically safe position to make her own decisions. My parents actually have medical power of attorney over me, and I didn't fight them on it.
Also, in the meantime (and people can argue any which way on this), I would say it's okay to keep up the broken record of "you're not fat, you're not fat" because they always interpret silence to mean "I must be ENORMOUS!" I truly believe that she can't see beyond the "I'm so fat" thing until her nutrition has recovered and the attendant depression lifts enough to allow her to see life as more meaningful. Like, oh... maybe I'm not feeling fat, but like just unhappy in general... lonely, scared... etc.. It's much easier to just "feel fat." Though this is not her fault in any way, I realize how hard that is on the both of you as well. Best wishes in your search for help.
