Topic : Bulimia

I want to post this in hopes of inspiring someone to not give up.  I began with Bulimia at age 14.  I have truly been in recovery for just over a year now.  I am 36, will be 37 on Monday.  I had the gastric bypass april 4, 2006.  I have been in and out of hospitals, recovery groups and therapy for 15 years.  I know that at the time it seemed as though it was a waste, but it wasn't.  I have gathered alot of tools over the years and put them into practice as needed.  I have bipolar and I have recently separated after a 16 year marriage to my high school sweetheart( aug 2006) because i am not codependant on him anymore.

I know what it is like to be on both ends of the weight spectrum, and sitting here now, I am a good person inside...knowing this makes all the difference in the world.  Weight did not determine who I was, same as the eating disorder and alcoholism.  God has taken people out of my life who suffered from the same illnesses, and as frustrating and sad as it was, I feel as though I am their legacy.  I am dedicating my life to helping people in the throes of eating disorders, bipolar, and alcoholism.  I am also adopted and have found my maternal family, and i have learned that genetics plays an enormous part in our illnesses.

I dont have a college degree or am i book smart.  I have life's experiences to offer, and those of you out there that can benefit, great! i don't have the answers for everyone, as we are all different and unique.  Take what you want and leave the rest. 

God bless all of you. Gretchen L Hewitt

When someone has Bulimia and a drug problem.  From what I have read it seems Bulimia in itself is very hard to overcome, top that with a bad drug problem, it seems like it is hopeless.  I am concerned about my girlfriend's daughter. 

She has had Bulimia for a number of years, is an alcoholic, and is doing sever drugs.  her potassium level is very low, around the 2 range.  She is in complete denial on having a problem with any of it.  As most of you know, she lies, does whatever it takes to get food, drugs, etc....

She is early 20's and I don't see much hope. 

Does anyone have any ideas?  her situation has become pretty dire.....

I realize now, looking back, I have always been a good person.  I was given messages to the contrary..ie: adoptive mom's abuse, dad's rejection, etc.  I was raised believing I would not make it in this world, the environment I lived in was toxic.  It was definately nature vs. nature.  At age 14, nothing seemed as though I had control in my life, the ED was the only out of control controlled coping skill I had.  Make sense?  I spent many years identifying my self as an bulimic.  It is a freeing feeling to put that mask aside, and be me, at times which can be very scary. What makes me feel like a bad person is the negative effects of an eating disorder.  Bulimia is a very secretive and deadly disease.  We live a perfect lie, and no one has a clue otherwise.  I am curious to know who deemed you a "horrible person"?  Who has such power to sit in judgement and tell you are are a horrible person?  Possibley someone who feels horrible about themselves?  Some one said to me years ago, " the angels danced the day you were born..."  I believe that in my heart, for myself and for everyone who has been given life.  I am a mother of 3 and holding such a pure innocent little being in my arms, gave me the evidence I needed to know we are all beautifully made and unique, wondrous and blessed.  When I was actively in my ED, I didnt believe any of this, I believed I was the worst human on earth, and I didnt deserve to live.  I allowed myself to become so beaten down by my neg tapes and the depression amplified it 100x, I never believed I could live true recovery.  Last nite, I had a moment of temptation to purge beyond the food that was stuck in my esophagus( gastric Bypass surgery causes this if I eat too much in a sitting)  , was so great, I had to self talk and say " hey , yo, chill out and stopped the neg tape in my head.  We are not cured from ED, we fight it everyday when it is time to eat for nourishment.  I want my legacy to be one of strength, survivorship, fighter, mother, daughter, human, vulnerable and NOT another statistic of one who quit and allowed the disease to take my only life away.  Please feel free to write back, I will check everyday and continue to write with you.  I believe in you, and know for a fact you are a good person and on the otherside of the ED wall, you will see this, in time.

Gretchen

I am 36yrs old and I can honestly tell you that I have been bulimic since I was 8yrs old.    My parents still do not know it today that I am in therapy for an eating disorder.   I have literally kept this eating disorder a secret from my family.  My husband knows I have strange eating habits, but he doesn't know the severity the eating disorder has on my life.   It literally controls my whole world.   The reason I decided to seek therapy is because I have a 10yr old daughter and I did not want her to develop and eating disorder as well.   So that is why I decided to step up to the plate and get some help.     What I do wish is that more doctors would  be more educated on eating disorders.    When I went to my doctor for a physical, I told him that I wanted to see a therapist, because I felt I had an eating disorder.  He looked at me and asked me why I felt I had an eating disorder and I proceded to tell him that I purge my food everytime I eat.  When I told him this, he looked at me funny, and I asked what was wrong and he said "Well, you don't look emanciated or real thin, are you sure you are purging?"  I was so ticked off that he would even make a comment like that after I had told him this!!!   I told him that I was purging.  I feel that the reason he felt that I did not have a serious eating disorder was because I did not project a true appearance of someone who has an eating disorder.   I have then decided to do some research of my own and I came to realize that the majority of people who suffer from an eating disorder have normal to above normal body weight and this is what doctors themselves need to realize, that a healthy young patient can walk into their office and not look emmanciated, but normal body weight, but can have a severe eating disorder.      I think the public really needs to open up their eyes and realize that eating disorders are on the rise and can be hidden very easily.  

So, if they can take a stomach and reduce it to the size of a walnut or whatever, can they take a bulimic's severely overexpanded stomach and reduce it to a normal size?  I don't want to overeat, but I don't want to undereat, either.  I just want to be normal.

Is this possible?  I know it sounds far-fetched, but could it possibly work?