Topic : Bulimia

Hi hisjewel,   It has been aprox 5 years since I purged, however, I have binged a few times, aprox 1 1/2 years ago ( when I was preg. with my 3rd child), but I was able to control that -- it very limited was limited, and brought on by extreme stress.  I can not say if I would have continued in a distressed eating pattern or not, if I had not had children.  I don't really deal in "what ifs".  I find it more helpful and healthful to deal with the hear and now -- it helps me to stay focused.  And, yes, there are many times I just want to disappear!  But I take each day as it comes and I get through.  I go to the gym every day with the kids, so it gives me a much needed break away and I can focus on just me for 2 hours.  It's wonderful and helps me to distress and get fit at the same time.

yeah i don't know why i even asked the what if question.........  i just keep getting worse it seems like and the past few days have been so hard.....  all though today i am very cheerful.....  i am going off to college and just found out i get to be on the volleyball team which really excites me!!!  I keep hoping that doing something for me that i enjoy (going to college, being in choir, and playing volleyball) will help me to beat this........  then i find myself sooo scared that i won't stop and well yeah.....  i try not to look at that but when i just seem to be getting worse at times then well yeah....  i haven't taken a laxitive since like the end of march or so maybe just before then but it has been a while haven't had money to get them......  although i have gone and just wanted to get them so bad and had to decide if i wanted gas in my car or if i wanted laxitives.....  gas would help drive me to counceling and laxitives well yeah.........  i still want them soooo bad but don't have money to get them so that helps i think with it being so long that i will be able to keep fighting not getting them..........  thanks for taking the time to write me.........  i was feeling so alone in this like there was on one to talk to and this is the main reason i started coming to the message board.......  well no one is in here to talk ever but i have found a nice place i love to talk to people...... sometimes i just wish i could come in here and have someone to talk to........  as much as i try to convence myselfi am not scared i know i really am.........  it just seems like i fight for keeping this more then i do letting go.......

 

there is something i saw the other day on here from one of the shows that made me realize sometihng that well really bothers me and makes me see so much

 Hey, I hope you are having a good friday. Gosh when are you online? Well hope to hear form you soon, have a good day/weekend.

                      ~Buffy~

ooooo i am on line a lot lol like right now i am here!!!!

 

actually i have been moodylike you wouldn't believe for days LOL and i got 8 hrs of sleep which i didn't think would ever happen........  i mean i didn't wake up once until the phone woke me up......  i never sleep like that and even if i stay in bed that long i don't sleep restful, have dreams that bother me and wake up a million times if i even really ever fall asleep LOL!!!!!

 lol i know how you feel i hardly ever sleep. lol.. i adjust after awhile. so how have you been? ~Buffy~

sorry there is this girl in a place i talk in who has an eating disorder and she got upset cause someone in there told her to get her head checked well i wasn't about to sit there and watch them talk to her llike that so i was stepping in.........  it isn't somewhere like this it hs the american idol forums............  i hope i didn't miss you......... yeah i hve lived off not much sleep for wow i coudn't even tell you how long LOL

hey yep i would have said someting to. well i dont know if i will be on again tonight. but good luck w/ sleeping tonight. have a good day. i look forward to hearing from you soon. i will be on tommrow 4 sure. ~Buffy~

things cooled down a lot.........  it is hard doing it without being like hey i do this to myself and well yeah youknow what i mean...  i've done good today i didn't throw up and i had plain tuna, 8 baby carrots and omg i can't believe it some vanilla waffers dipped in peanut butter

I'm here jewel.

 

I've been busy as of late, but I want you to know that you are NOT alone...there are others like you (me) out there. I'll talk more about it sometimes soon, and even more so when I appear on Dr. Phil--I'll give you the heads up.

Anyway, I can straight up say this... keep talking, perhaps opening up a journal if you haven't had one already--- write in it and say things you've been afraid to talk about. This is one of the most theraputic activities out there that DOES help somewhat. It helps relieve the burden of stress, helps us get our thoughts out...helps us think about what we're doing to ourselves and also it feels good to get it out.

 

Best place to get a journal and not worry about people getting into it (you have the option to lock it) is LIVEJOURNAL.COM.

 

I have one there under this sn-- only its moviestr_20

Feel free to email me if you wish to do so--- moviestr_20@msn.com

 

t'care

jen

thanks!!!!  I did feel so alone!!!

 

your going to be on dr.phil.........  you have already wrote and everything.........  i have thought about writing dr. phil before but i want to go to school now and well yeah i don't know if i would really write him anyway although i have thought about it sooooooo many times......  i am glad you did though!!!!  so you have msn messenger?

 

i hope to talk to you soon!!!