Topic : Bulimia

sorry, this is my seconf message. i don't know what to say or what to do to let people know how i feel inside. i could write a book on how i feel! i don;'t think people realize how mush you nee you're family and you need support until you have none.  i hardly even trust anyone anymore and i hardly trust that they care.i wish that someone would care for me and somewhere i could be needed. i feel so alone in this world. like, What's the point? i'm so scared i'm not going to be able to make it in the world. the only way i hold on is through dreaming and big hopes. i just don't think i'll be able to make it to college and produce a wonerful family or a wonderful life, the way i am going. i am so afriad that i am going to be that messed up girl that noone talks to. i'm so afraid tha i am going to die lonely and sad. i'm so sad that i even think about my death at this age. that i think death would be more satisfying then life. i've tried getting help from people but they all tell me to lean on my family. HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO DO THAT?! THEY DON"T REALLY CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT ME!! i wish you only knew the things i've done to get help. i used to go to a public school that i don't go to anymore, because i couldn't handle it. truth is, i have no friends. i have no friends because i am afraid of myself and my future. i fear i need someone. God sure has blessed the lives of those who Dr. Phil choses to help. he's such a wonderful guy. i desperatly need him in mine. i need someone so bad!! i just don't think i;m good enough. i don;t think he'll ever chose me. but i need this more than anyone! i really do!!! i've become a rock. i sit in my house an i never come out. i aviod phone calls and plan staying in my room all day and never coming out. i don;t do ANYTHING. i am becoming a complete failure. this isn't like me at all. i have so much i wanted to do with my life. i have so much i wanted to be. this is like my cry for help.. I WISH I COULD SPILL OUT ALL THS AN YOU CUOLD SEE HOW HELPLESS I AM> HOW MUCH I NEED SOMEONE IN MY LIFE. HOW MUCH I NEE MORE THAN A 'IT'S OKAY" I THINK IF I COULD GO ON DR PHIL, HE WOULS BE SAVING MY LIFE. LITERALLY. RIGHT NOW, I LIVE AS IF I WERE ALREADY DEAD> SOMEONE HELP ME! DON"T IGNORE ME> DON"T SAY I'm JUST IMAGINNG THINGS. I DON"T WANT TO BE ON T.V. I DON"T WANT TO LIVE THIS LIFE. I WISH SOMEONEWOULD JUST HELP. BE SELFLESS AND HELP ME. if life isn't about that, then i don;t know what life is for..  

if this message never gets read or if noone responds,  

sorry i wasted my time. 

i feel worthless already 

worried about you hisjewels. there is some rough stuff going on with you. Have you ever tried to journel your feelings when your feeling this way? that has been helping me  alot. using Dr. Phils diary section. try to put your positive thoughts down first then the negative. its taken me months to finally get where i am somewhat thinking positve and not negative.just a thought.Hope your day is better today and that you dont harm yourself. It really hurts you know.  

hisjewels,  

i know what your feeling as to the numb part i feel that way all the time. part of the disorder. i found if i wrote on word or sentence down that was positvie for the day or week and then did a negative the positiv finally came out. its hard not to want to do self harm when you are feelilng this way. Try hard not too.But i know thats alot to ask when those thoughts are racing in your head. its harder to not do it then to do it. take care.