Topic : Bulimia

yeah it can be hard to be in front of people sometimes like that...... the thing that stinks is while i am thinking omg i am so fat and disqusting don't look at me they are like you are thin and beautiful but i think they are crazy......  so now since i don't see my weight loss i think omg are they going to give me a hard time and say you lost more weight or are they going to say you look good or better another way of saying you gained weight.......  then i freak out thinking i knew it i knew i gained weight.... so no matter which one it is just can't seem to win.....  i don't know what i would be thinking in front of people i don't know i would probabley be thinking really you don't want to look at me.......  i would wonder if they see what the others say they see or what do they see not that i care what any of them see when i know i see fat!!!  if i see fat that is what i see and well yeah.......  i don't know that i really care what others think about me it is what i see if i think i am fat then i am going to lose weight although when they say you look better i think omg i need to lose weight a lot of weight........ haaaa yeah........ hmmmmmm 

i am in choir at school and when we have concerts almost all i can think is you look disqusting what are you doing up here infront of all these people, everytime you breath for singing they can see how fat you really are....... all kinds of things go through my head.........   

i am going to get in a hot shower so i will be back in about 15 min or so.......  i love to get in hot showers!!

i am back already.......  much better for a bit!!

I had a rough nite last nite. i purged. stupid thing to do. I was anxious and just did it. Cant seem to stop doing it. Has anyone on this board over come it completly. and how?

i think it really really stinks that it takes something different for us all to over come.......  i get frustrated when someone is like well blah blah blah is how you do it that's all you have to do ..... it's like first of all i am not you and second haaaaaa that's all...... yeah that would be nice if it was a that's all........  along with all this i think my sleep is getting worse and worse.......  also i just keep feeling the need to take a shower so yesterday between like 5:30 pm and 11 pm I took 3 hot showers then i got up this morning and took my shower..........  i do self harm even after giving all those things away so i couldn't do it i found something that was hid that i even forgot about then i was like well there are other ways to do it there has to be.....  i keep thinking and thinking well yeah thoughts that aren't good that i will not do........  hmmm lets see what else am i addicted to...........  i really just errrrrrrggggggg...........  everything is getting worse and not better.........  i thought things were going to get better but hmmm well yeah.........  i need to get read and head to church  

hisjewel 

Hi...
I have to agree with HISJEWEL.
Everyone has a diffferent way of dealing with Bulimia.
Mine was realising that I had a problem and understood that I wasn't only hurting myself but my family, my friends, and the worst was God... To just sence that He was hurting... just imagining the look on his face...when he saw me...his preciouse daugther... His jewel ;) hurting myself....
I am not better.... I think about purging EVERYDAY.... but I am SLOWLY gaining the strength that I need to overcome this. I have the hope and faith that this is NOT THE END...
People never thought that I was bulimic... unlike most bulimics I'm overweight  

By the time I was purging 4-6 times a day I went from 170 to 130 (I should be about 120)
NOW... I have had "episodes" since I stopped...but for the most of it... well....I hurt my metabolism..... I am 150lbs.... and it hurts.... I still HATE how I look... and I HATE trying to shop for clothing....
BUT the point is.... I am on the road to recovery....I got a lot of prayerand got one of my best friends as an accountability partner...She was GREAT... she would come over and just flat out ask me if I threw up today... I didn't want to lie.....
Please don't give up...
I will say this too.....
It doesn't matter if you are only 80lbs or 250lbs (or more) God thinks you are preciouse and loves you with all his Heart...just release your hopes and dreams unto Him....HE WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN... 

Having people around that know what I am going through ( THIS BOARD) has been a real bright spot in my life... I no longer feel like a freak (ie...the "Bulimic Christian") I don't know how... but God has used this to give me some strength....
I am praying for everyone... WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS :D

Ok... well....
I better go... I live at home with my parents :s and my brother is here from Fort MacMurry (he doesn't know that I am struggleing as much as I am)
Good luck to everyone... I will check out the board tomorrow...

to bad i missed you.......  yeah it is nice to know there are other "bulimic christians" out there and they well yea it is just nice.  i mean i hate that someone else goes through the same thing but hmmmmm yeah.....  sigh..........  geeee i don't really know what to say....... been having a hard time lately wanting to escape and stuff but what is strange is i can think i am fine at the time and suddenly i will notice i am likek can't i just get away.... no matter if i seem fine or not i always feel invisable in my own invisable world........  yep.......  hey but I can say one thing Jesus is invisable and He is a great friend heheeh!!!  sorry i just had to say that someone got me a shirt that said my best friend is invisable but God's invisable is much different then mine......

i am so sick of this i can't stand it.......  errrrrrrrrrggggggggg ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!  can't i just curl up somewhere................  heeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllpppppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!