Topic : Bulimia

I'm 37 and was diagnosed with bulimia nervosa last year.  I didn't know that I had a problem.  I knew that I ate a lot but didn't think there was anything unusual in it.  I thought that most people did it.  I'd been doing the same thing since I was a teen.  Hiding food, binging etc.  In recent years, I added in excessive exercise in an attempt to lose weight.  Part of the reason I didn't think I had an eating disorder is that I'm also morbidly obese.  You can see when somebody has a problem with anorexia, but never thought that I could have a problem.  I'd never heard of somebody with obesity having an eating disorder.

I found out about my problem when I half jokingly asked a friend in the US if she thought I had a problem.  She had an eating disorder years ago and now works with people who have eating disorders.  Initially I felt shock and denial.  After looking online, I found that I could relate to the symptoms.  It was after that that I realised that I couldn't hide it any more.  Friends I live with knew something wasn't right, but I didn't see it.

I was the only one who didn't see my problem.  About 2 years ago, I had gastric banding done to help me lose weight.  The psychiatrist also didn't see the problem.  I've felt a lot of guilt over having the procedure done and then wrecking all the work.  I've put on some of the weight I'd lost before surgery and am struggling to lose it again.  The gastric banding can sometimes make me sick as my stomach can't handle a lot of foods.  Things like breads, red meat and other 'normal' foods.  Strangely enough, things like some cakes and chocolate etc it can handle.  (I know, I shouldn't be eating cake, chocolate etc).  I've started capitalising on when my body gets sick.  Not good.

I'm on a waiting list to go to an eating disorders clinic as I don't have insurance.  Originally I was supposed to have been to a clinic by now, but they have decided that those with anorexia have more life threatening problems.  I'm ok with that as I know that if they don't receive help, they can die.

I think that people need to be educated that those who are overweight can also have eating disorders.

Is there anybody else out there who is in the same position as me?  Having bulimia nervosa AND having had gastric surgery?  Even just having bulimia nervosa?  I don't know where to start to begin getting well.

Hi everyone, just a little message from Denmark. This is my first message and the first time I`m telling someone that I´m bulimic. I thought was doing better. Thought that I finally had figured out what to do with my life. But lately everything has gone wrong and I don´t know what to do. Everything seems hopeless and I feel like I´m in this dark place where no one can see or hear me. Most of the time I just feel like giving up. 

I am sincerely sorry that if I hurt / offended you because your progress is nothing to do with other's progress.  I made a mistake and I am sorry.  I honestly wanted to you to stop giving up by saying "no cure for me".  I hope you know that I sincerely care  your progress - that is why I replied to your all the posts and I hope my comments touched you a little bit in some ways (if not, that is alright, too).  

Now, I do not have any control over you staying the forum or not, so I hope you think about it and stay. 

Once again, I am very sorry if I hurt you, but I honestly hope that you will stop giving up yourself and you will make changes in you.  I hope you will believe in yourself and say "I will make it thru and there will be cure. I will make it thru."