Topic : Bulimia

You really might want to see a doctor.  Acid reflux can be really dangerous and of course

we all know how serious anorexia and bulemia can be.  You have 1 life and 1 chance

to live it, don't take unnecessary chances.  Somethings happen in life that you cannot undo.

At the absolute minimal go to a free clinic, emergency room whatever it takes to find

out what you are dealing with.  Not knowing can be really scary.  So find out then you

can find constructive ways to deal with the problem.

No matter hwat you find out, I'm here anytime you need to talk, ask questions or just scream

Let me know what you find out OK

Brenda

I have been bulimic for over 20 years........I have panic attacks all the time, and am very scared of dying....I can't stop, and don't know how to even try.....nobody would even know, as I don't look underweight or the way that people like us are profiled

I wish I could get help, but if I went to a Doctor, I am afraid that I would be classified as a person that is a drug-addict...no drugs here, but I can't even take time off work to get help....can somebody in here relate to this??

I can totally relate.  I was a nurse for 20+ yrs before I had to give it up.  Trust me only a drug addict is diagnosed as a drug addict,.  You my dear have an Eating DIsorder and you have

panic attacks...2 totally different things.  They may interact with one another, they may be

dependent on one another but they would be diagnosied seperately.  Regardless of

how the would be diagnosed you have to seek medical attention to find some way of

getting a handle on things.  You have to get to the root of the problem - the base issue

It could be anything form quilty, rage, abuse, low self-esteem, self hatred, or a poor body image

No matter in my opinion, pick up Dr Phils books Self Matters, grab a pen and paper and

start reading - the book has lots of exercises to help you get to the root of your problem

It isn'tt going to be easy, but you have already made a HUGE monumental step by coming here

I know first hand trouple Anorexia/Bulemia and Eating Disorders can develop into.

I was anorexic since I was 3 or 4 and continued through my young adult years.  I was a nurse

had a son and all was fine well and good.  Then Velentines Day 1992 I had a heart attack

I was 32 did NOT smoke,  obviously not over weight.  Things went down hill so fast from there

I have had another heart attacks 3 strokes and the list goies on & on.  My anorexia had triggered

a genetic disorder called Mitochondrial Myopathy.  I ended up in a wheelchair for 10+ yrs

I have had to work my butt off to regain the use of my legs and get my life back. But I did it.

I tell you this not to scare you but to educate you pn what CAN and WILL happen if your eating disorder stays out of control.  Please get the help you need.  If nothing else get Dr Phils book

its a great place to strart.   I will do absolutely all I can to help you.  I know how busy people

can get. ...A book you take to bed with you.  Let me know if you need anything

And one more thing,  I will not judge you, ridicule you or ignore you. 

 II will no matter be your friend

Brenda

Just wanted to pop in and ck on everyone.  I really appreciate everyone helping with my

experiment.  I am truly amazed at how uneducated most people are about eating disorders.

As soon as you mention eating disorder they say "oh you're not fat" or "how much have

you lost"  At least people down here assume eating disorder = over eating.

Years ago I had a woman tell  me "well just eat and you won't be that way"  oh if things were

just that simple.  There are those times when you don't even waste your breath explaining

the truth of the situation.  Some people just don't want to hear it.

Which I guess is why we are all here.  To laugh, scream, cry and help each other find answers

and a little light at the end of the tunnel. I'm here if you need me & even if you don't !

Have a nice weekend

Brenda

So what happend with out wknd experiment.  Personally I am so amazed at how stupid

some people can be.  They just saw a show on TV about it, but thought it wasn't real ...huh??

You ask them what kind of show, "well one of them talk shows like Oprah and Tyra"

I swear some people are as dumb as a sack of rocks.  But I shouldn't insult rocks like that !

Hopefully someday people will understand the basics of eating disorders and the warning signs.  Then people can more easily get the help they need and live long productive lives.

Until then I'm here if you need me.  You can do anythng you put your mind to, it might be

one of the hardest things yo have ever undertaken but it is oh so worth it in the long run.

Brenda

brenda,

I gave it a try, I got all kinds of responses... some were along the lines of  "poeple who do that are stupid." thanksssss... or "I think its horrible, I wish I could help them.." and others really had no clue, so I felt I could educate them a little and that made me feel good about myself. I think it was an amazing thing to do, thanks for the tips! hehe

As for me, I'm trying, but not succeeding, when things go bad around me, I tend to do worst, kind of like now. I'm just sick of all of it, and Im not sure when I'm heading... my grades are going down, I'm losing interest in the only thing I ever loved, I don't know. I'm just blah........ anyways! enough about that, it just feels good to be able to talk about it.

I'll stop here, nd I'm here for anyone that needs it!

Chelsea

Chelsea

You are WONDERFUL, you don't know whose life you might have touched.  People go their

merry way but late at night they get to thinking then its a light bulb moment.  They may have

a relative or a friend of a friend that could have an eating disorder and doesn't even know it.

Or maybe they start thinking "Wow she was really brave to just start talking to me out of

the blue,  maybe I can do that too."  You just never kno who might have been listening.

More importantly though was how it made YOU feel inside when you did it.  You stepped

out of your comfort zone to help educate total strangers.  That takes a lot of nerve.

Of course we run into the narrow minded idiots of life everyday, but once in a while you

make a real difference in someones life, the its all worth while.

If you ever get the idea to do it again (and you should) try talking to girls in jr high & high school

Thats where you will really make a difference.  They will see you so much differently than

you see yourself.  It might give you an objective look at yourself - from the eyes of someone

that doesn't know you, neer met you and may never meet you again.  And they might ask

goofy questions but its important to them.  I promise you do it just 1 time and you will want

to do it again. 

I am so sorry you are having a rough time right now.  Everyone gets distracted and pulled off

course once in awhile, its normal so try not to let it get to you too much.  And I know when

mid terms or finals start approaching everyone gets nervous and  extra critical of themselves.

Give yourself a much needed break.  Do something extra nice for yourself..oh I know EAT  - LOL

OK I will tell you something that happened to me this weekend...guaranteed true

As you know we've recently put in a lovely "water feature" complete with waterfall, brook and koi pond.  Now the down side of this is that it is located right next to our Maple tree and everyone know how Maple trees love to drop their leaves in the fall..it almost as if its their sole purpose in life especially if a water feature is involved. Steve is out of town playing paramedic so that leave me here to tend to the house, the cats and of course the water feature and the leaves.  So I usually step out every morning  feed the fish scoop out a few leaves , ain't no thing.  But today I go out and find every leaf from every tree in the state in the water backing up the water and more importantly clogging up the filter and screen. 

I don my Playtex Rubber Gloves (they are orange..so classy you know) and go out to scoop

leaves and debris.  All goes well up by the water fall.  I can easily balance on the rocks

and small boulders until we get to the middle of the brook then things start getting tricky.

No matter I forge ahead.  Then I get to the koi pond where the underwater screen is all plugged

up with stuff.  So I ever so carefully get on my hands and knees, brace myself against the

rocks and start to clean.  Then one of the fish comes up to watch me....did I mention I am

scared to death of fish..ghastly little creatures...anyway I am not sure who scares who first

But the fish freezes then darts away, I was so scared and was trying to see where "JAWS" went

that SPLASH in I fell.  I trust me it was a sight to be hold by one and all. I truly hope none of

the neighbors witnessed this, although the gentleman across the street is a minister and could

have baptized me (again) or prayed over me what ever fits the out come. 

So I sloshed my way out of the water and into the house dripping water as I went. Stepped on

the cats tail (not sure which cat...all 3 scattered) and proceeded to wash up and dry off.

I have asked Steve for 2 weeks to buy the netting to put over the stupid thingr to catch the leaves.

Maybe he'll do it now. ..... yeah right !

Brenda

Thanks for the giggle Brenda.  I really needed to laugh.  I could picture your feet kicking up when you tumbled in the water while those very viscious fish screamed at the top of their gills.  I'm very stressed out right now and know that means I need to be on high alert for a relapse.  Reason I'm stressed is I am finally accepting that my relationship with my parents is ending.  I have been hanging on to the hope that they will become different people but that isn't reality.  My whole problem is that I obsess about non-reality (my body, food) and avoid thinking about the reality (that I have a serious disagreement with my parents). 

To give background-my parents have the best of intentions but have a superiority complex.  I don't blame them at all for my eating disorder but I do know that their expectations really played into my perfectionist tendencies.  One reason I got an eating disorder because my source of power (being the skinny daughter) was threatened when I became a woman and I was willing to do anything to maintain that image. 

My disagreement with my parents is that they want me to get married to a stable (i.e. wealthy) man and get rid of the man I love.  They've decided that not allowing him in their home will encourage me to do the right thing.  What century are they living in?  My boyfriend may not be loaded but he has more money than me and even if he didn't-he's loving, patient, supportive, hilarious....he's the man for me and I could really see us getting married when we're both ready. 

Every time I get the "you're breaking your mother's heart" email or suffer through a conversation with her where she completely ignores any comment about my boyfriend-the man I live with and love!- I want to eat an entire pizza, a birthday cake, a gallon of ice cream.  Anything to drown out this nonsense.

Okay, that was a rant.  I feel a little better.  Yeah me, all this crap going on and I still have purged!  Wow, I would never have made it through the last few days when I was in my binge/purge mania. My heart is reallly broken over this and I'm on an emotional roller coaster.  I'm scared for the first time in a while that I could relapse.  But these insincere people aren't worth it.  I want to pretend it away but I discovered that that is exactly why bulimia is my disorder of choice and I now realize that I learned that "ignore reality" behavior from my mother.  I will not do it.  I will not give in.  Even a broken heart is better than the hell of bulimia. 

Sammie

You can pick you friends, you can your nose but you cannot pick your family !

Trust me sincy my mom died 10 yrs ago my relaitonsip with my dad has pretty

much ended.  He remarried within a year (my parents were married 50 yrs)

The person he married is extremely disrespectful to the memory of my mother

and equally disrespectful to myself and one of my brothers.  I don't do the kiss ass

routine very well.....my bad !  This last year things got really intense and I had another

stroke in December (too much stress not enough food)  SO I had to decide who was

I going to put first ME or them  For once in my life I put ME first.  It was hard over the holidays

but for the most part the stress is gone.  If I speak to them I remain polite and respectful

but I keep conversations on my terms - no mowing me down or degrading me.

I hate you are going through this, but I think if you create some boundaries in the relationship

after people learn you are serious, you are an adult and you are not changing your mind

thngs will change.  Follow your gut instinct.  Have you read Dr Phils Relationship Rescue?

Its more about how you handle ALL relationships in your life as opposed to just romantic

relationships.  Sit down read it and of course do the exercises it will help you understand

so much about why you do what you do  AND why you are drawn to certain types of people

It might even help with the anorexia/bulemia...you never know.  But get rid of the stress and

give yourself a chance to heal from all the hurts.  In 6 months you will see life so differently

I AM SO MAJOR PROUD OF YOU.  You have really taken a big step.  You can do it.

And of course in the meantime you know I am here anytime you need anything.

Brenda

bmitchell@centurytel.net