Topic : Bulimia

I was just wondering if someone could offer me a word of advice.  I have a 19 year old daughter in college.  I have suspected for several months now that she is purging after eating.  She goes to the bathroom after eating most meals.  My question is this:  How do I approach her about this?  She is very smart with a level head on her shoulders, but also is very timid - has been her entire life.  Her father and I divorced three years ago.  She lives with me and my new husband.  She very rarely sees her father.  Her relationship with my husband is such a good one.  The feeling I get when they are talking is that she is closer to him than she is her own father.  Could the divorce, not having a good relationship w/her dad be a factor in this if she is, indeed, purging?  I just simply am at a loss here and need some advice.  Thanks!          

I just want to quit. I have tried and tried to overcome the Anorexia and Bulimia that has dominated practically every waking moment since I was eleven. I never knew my decision to lose weight would lead to eleven hospitalizations and cause so much misery to those who love me. What do I do, I need help again. i just want to be a good daughter, sister, nurse, and friend.

My name is Doreen and I have much to share with you and I will try to be brief.  First, I would like to mention that each child and situation is unique and I am no suggesting that I am an expert; but I strongly believe in what I will share with you now. Mine is a long story so feel free to email me if you so desire at dazzledor@aol.com and I will explain how I came to my conclusions involving treatment of bulimia.

I do believe that it is wonderful that your daughter has a good relationship with your husband; however, it might serve as a mirror to your daughter that causes her to feel shame in front of him as he obviously is also aware that her father is not in her life.  Also, the fact you remarried could suggest to your daughter that she wasn't enough to make you happy as I think she would have wanted not to have to share you.  There is no blame here at all.  I think it would be wonderful to speak of these things with your daughter and reassure her or offer a different perspective for her to think upon.

Your daughter's eating disorder needs to be top priority for the whole family.  And, brace yourself because it is a mind-boggling disease.  I strongly disagree that bulimia has much if anything to do with body image; most females are unhappy with their body in some way.  I strongly believe bulimia is truly a coping mechanism that one tries and quickly takes over the bulimic, like any addiction. 

It is extremely secretive and shameful to the bulimic; it is a reward and punishment disease.  It is heartbreaking to the family to watch; and as you learn more about bulimia, it is scary as well.

I implore you to love your daughter as your daughter and not let the bulimia be part of your relationship with her.  Encourage her in life and praise her; build up her self-esteem.  SAY NOTHING IN REGARDS TO THE BULIMIA.  Build on your mother/daughter relationship not mother/bulimic relationship.  Do not let the bulimia have a place.  Your daughter might be bulimic; but, she is many other brillant things as well and focus on them.

I suggest you be ready for the fight of your life:  to save your daughter's life and quality of life.  I think you should tell her you are concerned that she is purging and offer her your support whenever she is tired of living life that way.  She already knows all the dangers of bulimia as it is common and there are equal number of websites for treatment as there are for sharing secrets of eating disorders.  I would start with a physical exam and inform her doctor as well as dentist.  Perhaps there is couseling at her college or support groups.  Unfortuantely, there is little help for eating disorders and the very few places there are are expensive and do not even accept insurance and there is a long wait as well as a very high relapse.  There is no cure.  It cannot be 90 meetings in 90 days without food. 

Love conquers all and I will keep you in my prayers.  My 20-yr-old nursing, college student was three years into treatment and could not hold down food and didn't purge - the food just came up by itself.  Sharon committed suicide by jumping in front of the LIRR train.  Her younger sister also battles bulimia and takes many laxatives which results in her not having a social life as she needs to be near a toilet.  The disease just takes over and with the purging, medication does not help; it just increases the risk of an overdose - unless the person is faithfully working a plan  and desires in their heart to surrender this monster and is asking for help beating the depression that will come.  I've moved from Long Island to Florida and would be happy to talk with you anytime.  Good Luck and God Bless.

 

 I applaud you that you have come forward to seek help in beating this monster and know that you can and will.  Since you have tried to quit and been hospitalized and both were unsuccessful, may I strongly suggest that you turn your life over to your higher power.  As a Christian woman myself, and a sinner as well, I share with you:  "Not my will, but thine be done,"  Luke 22:42.  And, just as you you may be in a hurry while driving a car, you stop at the red light anyway or suffer the consequences.  Now it is time for you to surrender your will and be obedient to your higher power and STOP BELIEVING SATAN'S LIES THAT HE TELLS YOU.  You can access the bible right on your compurter at:  http://ebible.org/bible/kjv/.

Most important is that you must learn how to love yourself well and have integrity.  I am sharing a website that might be of interest to you:  http://www.joy2meu.com/Siteindex.htm.

You can do this and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

 You are a special and wonderful person to be such a kind friend.  The best adivice I can give is to implore you to treat you friend as your friend and not treat her as a bulimic; she may have bulimia but she also has may other qualities.  Bulimics become expert at what they do and she needs to be reminded that her life is more than just a disease.  She has value and worth and just love her.  Try to keep the bulimia out of your relationship; bulimia doesn't need any more attention in her life than she already gives it.

Long term treatment has a high relapse rate and is a pleasant environment where she will be taught tools to use instead of purging, etc.  She will also become expert at ways around being monitored and even pick up new ideas of others.  If she is going on/off her meds, perhaps you might consider suggesting to her family that now is not the time for meds for her as between purging and not taking them, they aren't helping anyway and just present an opportunity for an overdose.

I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way. 

How do you fight the urges of purging? I've been dealing with this for almost a month. It's so strong, I don't know how much more of this I can take. I feel like giving in sometimes, just for the feeling and urge to go away. I know it won't, so how do I stop this? I haven't made myself sick since 2002! I don't want to start back up again. HELP! Thanks!

i have an 11 yr old daughter that i have recently learned has been pukin after meals for a couple years now.  We have talked about it and it seems that she has stopped.  She is not over weight but her mother is.  She also knows that her mother used to do it when she was younger.  We thought she just had acid reflux.  Wasnt pukin all the time.  Mostly just lil bits.  But with the talks we have had i am concerned for her health and her future.  She is 5 ft 1 and weighs 115, very athletic, into sports.  Her concerns are bein bigger than the rest of the girls in her grade.   She is taller than the other girls and it bothers her.  She is a very beautiful youg lady! Not fat in any way.   Growin up she has had tonsil problems, sore throat, etc.  Im concerned now with recent developments that she has hurt herself from the pukin because she has a sore throat al the time lately.  She says its been a few days since since has puked and i beleive her, but i am affraid that it will start again.  She lives with her mother and im just the weekend warrior so im not able to be there for her like i need and want to be.  Her mom told me about the prob a couple weeks ago and said that she was goin tocounciling for help.  When i was able to talk to her this weekend i found out that its not true.  No council, no nothin.  She was still pukin up until she came to me.  My ex seems to flake out of everything concerning our daughters.  I am so worried about her im not sure what to do. 

Just wondering -

 

I'm way beyond sick of bingeing and purging, but I've never found a way to quit since my first relapse in 2005.  I was wondering if anyone's found a way to "kill the beast," or if bulimia's just one of those things that you can't shake unless maybe you do it the first time.  I seemed to be doing pretty good for those few months, but relapsing turned my bulimia up quite a few notches.  I'm one of those bulimics who binges, purges, then starts eating again right after I throw up.  I've been known to go for ten or twelve hours straight on a bad day.

 

I guess I'm just wondering if someone who's as "bad" as me can ever really get back to normal.  I've got so many things that I want to do with my life, but I'm stuck in this pit of . . . I dunno . . . loneliness?  Despair?  I've gotta move on.  I just can't imagine anything outside of eating and throwing up.  Well, I can imagine things in theory, but once they start to get real . . .  I've gotten so isolated that I can't maintain friendships.  I can't ask anything of anyone.  I can't imagine a career other than my minimum wage part-time job that I've had for the past year.  (Before that I was unemployed.)  I'm a college grad.  I'm an aspiring songwriter.  I'm the most creative person I've ever met, and I'm working on songs, novels, screenplays, and even academic research, but I can't see anything ever coming of any of it.  Because of bulimia.

 

So is it possible?  Somebody tell me you've been where I've been and gotten out and followed your dreams.  Because I want so much more out of life.

I applaud you for reaching out as I know it is a shameful and secretive disease that controls you.  I am a mother with daughters who have struggled such as yourself.  I am not an expert; I am aware bulimia is a matter of life and death:  in more than the physical sense.

You are not "bad" and you are normal;   Bulimia is your defense system that protects you from feeling unlovable or unworthy.  In between relapses,  did you 'pretend' everything was alright?

You need to own that you have the power to choose where to focus your mind.  It is vitally important to stop listening and giving power to that voice inside you that tells you you are shameful, wrong, or bad.  Now you will learn about unconditional love; you will learn to love yourself.  You can change the way you think; you can change the way you respond to your emotions so you are not constantly at war with yourself.

If you seek your higher power with all your heart, your spiritual self will guide you.  The healing is a long, gradual process:  the goal is progress, not perfection.  And, along your journey, follow your dream knowing that you will have victory over this and I will pray for you.  Do not make it harder than it is; it is simple to surrender, tell the enemy in your head he is a liar, and reclaim the beautiful you.