Topic : Bulimia

I am not an expert; I am a mother of two daughters who have battled bulimia.  Bulimia, pukin, is a defense system your daughter has adopted to cope with anything/everything - real or not.  There is no blame here.  I would suggest you join a support group for family support group to learn how to help your daughter. 

Bulimia has nothing to do with weight or height nor being athletic.  Living with her mother should not make you 'just the weekend warrior'  and you should be there for her all the time.  Have you taken her to counseling?  Parents blaming each other only worsen the problem for your daughter.  If you feel so strongly as to blame your ex as she "...seems to flake out...." then why does she have custody and not you?  Loving and respecting your ex, who is the mother of your daughter, is the best gift a parent can give a child; divorce is not permission to trash the other parent.  That behavior hurts; and children may not know how to cope.

I strongly suggest that your 11-yr-old daughter's bulimia is first priority.  You cannot change your ex; but you can change yourself.  Get involved, no excuses, no blame - only love and education of bulimia.

You are a good friend for being concerned.  I am not an expert; I am the mother of two daughters who have battled bulimia.  There is no blame here; I'm sure many children have had parents argue in front of them, and worse, and do not have bulimia. 

Bulimia is a quite secretive and shameful disease.  In my opinion, the more you speak to her about bulimia, the more shameful she will feel.  I strongly suggest that you love her and treat her as your friend. Period.  Let her know you are there for her no matter what time day or night and keep your word.  Accept her as a human being and treat her as such; do not treat her as a disease.  Just love her and pray for her and perhaps she will learn to love herself enough to fight this insidious behavior.  Perhaps suggest a support group you could attend with her; but as her friend, I think she needs you more as a friend than to monitor of her behavior.

Know the warning signs of suicide and if you ever are in doubt and believe she has a plan, call 911 immediately.  Do not wait or try and talk her out of it.  Let the professionals step in.  God bless you and I will keep both of you in my prayers.

You are a smart person to know giving in to the urges of purging will not make the feelings go away; and you are commended for reaching out for help.

Tell the enemy voice in your head he is a liar.  Seek spiritual guidance from your higher power with all your heart.  Do not judge yourself or feel shameful.  The hardest thing for any of us to do is have compassion for ourselves.  Take responsibility not the blame.  Love yourself because your higher power does not create mistakes.

On your spiritual journey, He will help and guide you while you face this painful human experience.  You are loved unconditionally by your Creator and you need to accept that.  Change your attitude and know that you are lovable.  Be willing to surrender to surrender those feelings, the lies of the enemy, and through trust and faith be conscious that you have the ability to experience peace and love; the victory is already won for us,

Purging does not bring relief or good feelings.  Purging just dictates how you react to life.  Reclaim your power and start learning how to be your own best friend instead of worst amen.  Start learning how to be loving to yourself instead of feeling like a victim of life.  Suit up and show up for life today for you have a choice.

I pray you seek your higher power and ask, expect, and believe for a miracle.  I will keep you in my prayers.  God bless you

. . . although I admit I do think that about myself.  I meant "bad" as in the severity of the bulimia.  I meant that I'd never really met someone who'd been in my shoes and had recovered all the way.  I discussed this topic once with an eating disorders support group I attended for awhile.  We just couldn't think of anyone.  The conversation went something like this:

"You know, it would be nice to hear a story from someone who's really recovered and who's not constantly struggling [with urges to restrict/purge, etc.]."

"Yeah . . ."

"Yeah . . ."

~lots of sad stares into nowhere~

I know it's pretty infeasible for someone not to struggle ever, but the key here is that they don't struggle constantly.  I just haven't met anyone.

As to spirituality . . . I do think that's key . . . I hate broad generalities, so instead of "higher power," I'm going to say God . . .

I believe in God; I'm a Christian.  I know that God's at the beginning, and He's at the end - the rest is all just filler, including this physical existence.  I really think I just don't know what to make of the physical existence.  I'm constantly having to remind myself that I exist.  I guess I'm confused about a lot of stuff.  Don't get me wrong - I know the basics backwards and forwards, and then some.  I have a degree in Bible, and I've never doubted the truth of Jesus Christ.  I'm one of those people who wants to know everything, though, and that can hold me back.  Aargh.  I don't know if I'm making sense at all.  I get so disconnected sometimes.  People confuse me.

I guess it's people that give me trouble, not God.  People are fickle and flighty and say things they don't mean - like "call anytime," then they act annoyed when you do.  I'm terribly oversensitive, so I try to avoid people and the disappointments that come along with relationships, but -

- you just can't avoid people.  And you get lonely when you try.  Thus, the food issues.  People say, "God is enough," then expect you to be able to live as a hermit when God made people to crave affection.  Some more than others.  Yes, some of us are "weaker."  It's biblical.  I'll admit to being a "weaker sister," but where the church is supposed to lift up this weaker sister, it's kinda let me down.

Now, I'm not gonna let my disappointment in people cause me to give up on God.  I guess you could say I should be the strong one and build myself up so that I don't have this weakness.  I do try.  I just fail, over and over again.  I can't give up this one crutch, this blessed, cursed binge-and-purge.

And it's not about being beautiful.  I'm not entirely dissatisfied with my appearance.  Most of the time I forget that I have an appearance at all.  Like I said, I lose track of the physical.  I think it's about connection with what really matters - people - and a passion for creating (I'm an artist/songwriter).

So I have a weakness for loneliness and an extreme sensitivity to rejection.  Tell me, how can I make these disappear?  'Cause that's what would really help me more than anything else.

That, or a friend.  But I ask too much.

P.S. - Of course I act like everything's okay.  People will nail you to the wall if you don't.  They just love to confront, but they won't swallow an accusation in favor of compassion.

Yes, I know 'how' you meant 'bad' but truthfully, I know.  And as far as you are referring to 'bad' now, well, one of my daughters was unable to hold any food down.  It just purged itself.  And, I am reminding you that I am not an expert; I am a loving, caring person who has seen the hidden inside of bulimia.  Another daughter chose 50 laxatives a day; one cannot possibly have a social life apart from a toilet.

Yes, I also am a Christian and I have learned that it is important to know Jesus, not just about Jesus.  It is the attitude of our heart that God cares about.  What is our motive for doing what we do?  God is not enough; that why He sent His son Jesus Christ to die for our sins, and gave us the Holy Spirit inside us to guide us.  There is no magic and the power you seek from your church is inside of you already.  We are all sinners; we are all human beings.  The enemy lurks about and do not believe his lies to you. 

Pick yourself up each time you stumble, forgive yourself, ask God for the courage and strength to fight the enemy.  Shield yourself by reading the word of God, mediate on it throughout your day.  When negative thoughts enter your mind, tell Satan he is a liar and know that you have the ability to think your own thoughts. 

We will sin over and over and God is ready and willing to forgive us.  Change your attitude; don't allow other people to cause you to sin by using harsh words and slander.  Read Ephesians 4:31-32. 

A book that has helped me is Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. 

And, I will be your friend.  You can email me at dazzledor@aol.com and I will answer you.  Remember, I will be your friend so I am here to listen to you and comfort you.  I have no other advice to give except that when you 'act' like everything is okay, you prevent people around you from ministering to you.  I think the book would be a great start for you and you can beat this; I am here for you as your friend, Doreen.

"Something Fishy is determined to remind each and every sufferer of anorexia, bulimia, compulsive overeating and binge eating disorder that they are not alone, and that complete recovery is possible,"

quoted from:  http://www.something-fishy.org/  that I found under: 
Eating Disorder Resources of:  http://drphil.com/messageboard/topic/156.

Complete recovery is possible and all you need do is educate yourself; you can recover.  You are not alone for you have at least one friend.  You are so much more than a bulimic; you are a Christian, you are a human being, you are my friend and you deserve to live in the victory that Christ has won.  I love you just because you and I share the same planet; I love you as a friend.  Doreen

On July 28 I was enjoying the calm after a whirlwind weekend celebrating my son's wedding.  My sister hadn't attended but she was breaking up with a boyfriend, dealing with a lot of stress and her & I were estranged so I wouldn't be the first to be told why she hadn't shown up. 

It was 9:00 a.m. when I got the call, our Dad barely could speak - "Vicky is deceased"  Without a whisper she left this world all alone late the night before.

Sure I knew she took laxatives from time to time, in fact when she was pregnant she almost was hospitalized for not being able to go to the bathroom - she wouldn't use laxatives while pregnant she said and made it seem like a non-issue.

Hindsight is 20/20.  She was a 37 yr old, functioning, deputy sheriff, single mom, skydiver, scuba diver - loved to travel, loved life, loved her son with all her heart.  Two autopsies never found a trace of cause of death except non-prescription meds in her body and hidden all over her house.  A heart arrithymia is hard to trace  if it leads to death.  I know she had a lot of living to do.  I know despite her struggles she was trying her best in a now what I know was a very bad situation.

This isn't posted because we were estranged and I have guilt issues.  This is posted to plead with anyone struggling - you gotta tell someone and you gotta get help.  To tell you, you can die.  It doesn't happen to everyone, it's rare - but you can die.  This world needs you to fullfill your purpose and be all that you are.  Try very hard to love yourself, even if you have to start by just loving the shape of your toes - work your way up to loving you.