Topic : Obesity

I am an obese woman who has had stomach stapling four years ago, I am 51 mother of four, grandmother of eight. 280 pounds. My parents both died young, Mom 66, Dad 55, My brother last year 46. I come from a family all obese.I have five sisters four obese, one thin as a rail. I fear that if I cannot get it right in my head on what to do that I will die soon, I have MS, and this has limited me in many ways. I suffer from severe depression all the time and am taking all kinds of medications for depression and fro my MS. Including Rebif injection three times a week. Is there any help for me, I feel miserable , very lonely, I live isolated as I feel that I am unworthy of friends, or even a loving relationship with my husband. I have been married to him for 34 years, but he basically lives his own lie traveling the world as a missionary, leaving me to fend for myself for months at a time.He is very controlling women he is at home. I grew up in a very strict Christan home where i WAS TAUGHT THAT THE MAN IS THE HEAD OF THE HOUSE. and the woman is obedient to the man.So is there any hope for an obese woman who doesn't want to die young.

I am 37 yrs old now. I will be 38 next month. Every day that I get up, I feel how big I am and I really don’t like it. My son is now 12 yrs old. He will be a teenager in December. All these yrs that he has been growing up, I never once thought of the day where I would have to meet any of his friend’s, or his friend’s parent’s. But that day finally came.

Last Sunday on the 17th of July, the time came for all of us to meet David’s friend and his family.

The parent’s of his friend has two kids and they are both boys. I was fine with meeting the parent’s, but I was afraid to meet the two kids. Other Kids have always picked on David when he was at school, and there was a day that me and David were talking, and he told me that he was afraid for any he knew to see me with him, because then they would know that I was his mother. He was afraid that they would then start picking on him even more, and then start calling me names along with it…and he didn’t want that to happen.

I don’t blame him. Kid’s can be very cruel ! And it makes it even worse when your child has to wear glasses, and has trouble stuttering…which is not his fault in any way !   

Well, when we all met them at the bowling ally, I walked in wishing that I could make myself invisible, or smaller than what I really was. I reluctantly and slowly walked in and saw the mother standing there in front of the desk where they keep the shoes. I wanted to turn around and walk right back out that door, or get behind Grant so she couldn’t see me. In fact, I did keep looking back at him hoping and wanting him to walk up ahead of me, so he would be the first one they saw, and he did, but he never got in front of me. Instead he always stayed beside me, but just up ahead of me a little bit on the side.

She finally saw me and reached out to shake my hand, and I of course shook hers. Then after everyone met each other, we went to our lane where we were going to be bowling. She sat down at the table and all the kids started taking their shoes off and getting ready to bowl. I was just standing there next to the table and I looked at her and kinda smiled, but had tears in my eyes..and then I started crying. She asked me what was wrong, and I looked at her and said “Look at me” I was ashamed that they actually saw me the way that I was..I mean, big and all.

We had a long talk and she told me not to worry about that, and that she was raising their children better than that. She said “Your still a person that has feelings. I don’t care how big or how small or how short or tall or even what color you are! We’re still all human beings” I felt a little relieved after she said that, but I was still wondering what the kids themselves were really thinking about me. I mean, they all acted nice to me to my face, like they liked me, but what someone is to your face, is not necessarily how they feel about you when they are behind your back.

Do I have a low self esteem? Yes, of course I do, and I think that this letter proves it. Not only to myself, but to anyone else who reads it. I have always disliked myself, and I guess from the way things are going, that I always will. I don’t know.

I have pictured myself laying in my own casket many times now, and yes, its always been me laying there with me being this big. I don’t want to leave my family behind. I love Grant very much, and me and David not only love each other, but we have a very close mother son relationship. I don’t know what he would do without me, or what Grant would do. I want to stay with both of them for a long time, and yet I fear that I may be cutting my life short, or at least what’s left of it.

No. I am not depressed right now. I haven’t been that way for a long time now, and I am soo glad ! I wouldn’t want that to come back for nothing in the world. I am just sitting here writing down on paper how I really feel about myself, and the thoughts that go through my head from time to time.

Right now I am on five different medications, obviously for different reasons. I am only allowed six meds per month, because I have Medicaid. The older I get, it seems like the more things are going wrong with me, but then I guess that’s just life. But I am still so young, and I would not doubt that some of it may be because I am so big. How ever, I do know of three or four things that do not have anything to do with my size, and those are , Acid Reflux, Trigeminal Neuralgia, Protein in urine & IBS.  I don’t know about my Depression, but I do not think that my size has anything to do with it, because I was having trouble with that even when I wasn’t as big as I am now!

Today July 21, 2005. My husband is off today, and I usually go out with him all the time. We all do. But I told him last night that I didn’t want to go out today, and I told him that it was because we had all been going out so much lately, that I just wanted to stay home today. Well, I really didn’t lie to him, I just didn’t tell him all of my reason for staying home. I didn’t want to go out because of the way I look. Ever since the other day when all of us met the other family to the bowling ally, I really haven’t been in the mood to go anywhere. I don’t know what it is, but ever since I have met the other family, knowing that one of their kids is David’s friend from school, I just haven’t felt right, because I honestly was never really expecting to meet anyone from his school, other than his teachers.

Down deep I knew the day was coming, but in another way I was also thinking that because so many kids made fun of David at school that none of us would ever meet any of them, which kinda made me relax to the point where I never thought about it. That is until Kym called me one night and started talking to me about our kids getting together and playing etc.. I never thought that I would even re-act the way I did, until it came right down to meeting them!  I told Grant on the way to the ally that I was afraid to meet the kids.

I don’t understand what my own husband sees in me. I never have. I have told him this many times and every time he has always told me that he did not fall in love with me for or because of my body, but that he fell in love with me because of who I am. Maybe love is blind.. I have had many of other people tell me that they like me, because of the way I am. I guess they are meaning my personality. I honestly don’t know. I do know that I am the type of person that is easy to get along with people. I always have been, and I’ve always cared about other people more than I have myself! That’s just the way I was raised, & that’s who I am.

Pretty? Your kidding, right?? I’m not pretty by a long shot!! Never claimed to be. I look at myself in the mirror and I disgust myself. I’m sorry, but I just can’t see how anyone can look at this body and tell me that I look nice! It makes me wonder if they need glasses, or new glasses.

I have talked to my Dr about having the gastric bypass surgery done, but he said that it wasn’t for me. My husband doesn’t even what me to  have it done, neither does my son. My husband said that its to dangerous and that I have had enough surgery and my son says that he is to afraid that something might happen to me while they are doing the surgery! My Dr also told me that with me having Medicaid that I had to be at least 250 pounds over weight before they would let me do it. I am not gaining all that weight just so I can have the surgery! That’s stupid!!

My Dr also will not prescribe any diet meds to me either. So I guess I am totally screwed no matter what way I turn! To be honest though, I can understand him not letting me go back on Phentermine, because I was on it once before and after I stopped taking it, the side affect of me coming off of it was an irregular heart beat, which finally went away. When I was on that med, I was also going to a different Dr at the time. I may have had side affects when I came off of it, but while I was on it I lost over 80 pounds in eleven months, and I was proud of myself!! Thing is, I became a bitch.

Back then, I was hanging around the wrong crowd and I did things that I didn’t need to be doing, and after I had lost a lot of weight, I not only felt better about myself, but I started liking myself, thing is, I also started thinking that I was to good for my own husband and I started thinking that I deserved better than him, and so because I felt so good about myself and felt like I deserved better, I also had my nose stuck up in the air, so really I had become a snot nosed Bitch!!

Because of all of that, I am kinda afraid to lose this weight, because I am afraid of what I will be like, or what I will become after all the weight is off of me. I’m afraid of becoming that bitch all over again! I don’t want to be the way I was back then all over again!  I would rather be big and miserable, then be small and stuck up and thinking about leaving my own Husband just because I think that since I am smaller that I deserve better. That’s Bull Shit! I would never be able to find someone that loved me as much as my husband does !!  I don’t care if the other man has a big boat and a big house or not! He’s not worth it!!

Grant told me that yes, he is kinda afraid that I will be like that again, but that also seeing how I have already been down that road, he also knows that I will have my eyes wide open and be aware of what’s going on around me, and because I will be on my guard, that he does not believe that anything like that will happen this time. Plus I’m not hanging around the same crowd I used to hang around with yrs ago, so that means no more witch craft or drugs, and without all of that put together, I won’t have to worry about being “Brain Washed” all over again, by people who said they were my friends, when they really were not!!

Right now the way things are, I do not like my Husband looking at my body during the day, why?  Because I am ashamed of my body. I don’t want him to look at me. Night time doesn’t bother me, cause all the lights are out and I feel more comfortable that way, unless He turns on a light, and then I ask Him to turn it off.

Whenever it is time for us to get ready to go some where, I always rush to get my clothes on so He won’t walk in on me without any clothes on. I don’t mind if He sees my top part, as long as I already have my pants on, because then I know that He can not see most of my stomach or anything else from the waist down. I guess what it really is, is that I don’t want Him seeing my stomach, because it is so big! You know, other people will say, “If you don’t love yourself you can’t love others” That’s Bull Shit, because there are a lot of people that I love and no one can tell me any different!!

Any ways, this is the way I feel about myself. I always have and I guess I always will. I just wanted to share it.

Dr Phil, if you can help me, or if anyone out there would like to write me, please send your e-mail to audry@ec.rr.com  Please make sure tht when you write me that you include your name and e-mail address in the letter itself, so I can add you to my address book, so I will not lose it.

Sincerely,

Sunshyn

Hello there,

 

I'm new and so excited to be here. 

 

I have lost 30lbs, but the method I was using is not good for me.  I have multiple sclerosis and was on Atkins of all things.  Not to knock Atkins way of eating, but I recently found out that I should be basically eating at 'maintenance' levels *if* I'm to stay on Atkins. 

 

So how will I lose if I eat maintenance level?  I won't is the answer so I'm revamping my food consumption, portions, exercising mildly due to the disability that has seemed to plauge me but my spirits are high and I am looking forward to checking in often so that we can lift each other upwards and to our goals.

 

Best wishes to all,

Lyndamazed!

I'm 41 year old, Married I have 1 child a 6 year old daughter, I weigh over 300 lbs. And my daughter weighs over 100 lbs. I used to have an night mares when she was a infant that she would be crying wanting a Hershey bar I had in my hand and I would say no, no, no, baby I cant give it to you I don't want you to be fat like mommy, I would not give her cakes, cookies, nothing sweet or fattening then she went in for her 2 yr check up the Dr told me she was under weight I thought to my self "OH MY GOSH I AM DEPRIVING MY DAUGHTER BE CAUSE OF MY FEARS" I had mixed emotions so I started letting her have the cookies and cakes then she started sneaking in the refrigerator and I caught her sticking her hand in the butter and eating it plain, then the mayo, and peanut butter she had learned how to disable the alarm on the refrigerator I'm so worried about her I don't know if she is still sneaking in the refrigerator but I do know she claims she is hungry all the time I wish there was a way I could get her to understand but how can I do that when I don't understand and I do the same thing well, I don't stick my hand in the butter ha but I do over eat, I thought I did not have a problem till now. I have tried and it is just to hard I try walking my feet hurt so bad I cant stand it  I know some of it is the heal spur I am getting so stressed there are other things in my life and with it all it makes me crazy my mind don't work rite no more it has got to the point I am wondering if I am getting Alzheimer  I just cant function I know I should go to the DR but I cant afford it when I wake up in the morning I cant hardly move my bones and muscles hurt so bad I am the biggest I have ever been I have known energy I cant even clean my house I am in pain all the time I don't want my daughter to go threw this I am so scared and afraid it is to late for me but how can I help my daughter? Well, that is were I am now.

Hello,

 

You didn't tell the age of your daughter. I think it is very important that you start to work on yourself. Did you buy Dr. Phil's weight book? Diets don't work, this method really does!!! I'll introduce myself a bit to you: I"m a 40-year old man from the Netherlands and recently became a certfied stresscounsellor (I tell you this to let you know that you can reach goals if you're committed to it). I'm wheelchair bound but I don't let that stop me from reaching my goals. Like you, I struggle with weight. I'm about 200 pounds.

A little while ago I started working with the Ultimate Weight Solution. I have room again in my clothes now, however I still have a long way to go. Maybe we can be each other's buddies in this. You know what Dr. Phil says: get real about fat or you get real fat. That's a great phrase that is absolutely true.

The Dr. Phil method is NOT about will power, so don't let that stop you from working on your weight. What is your reason for over-eating? Think strongly about that and let's talk about it.

 

Jo

Thanks Jo,

 

A buddy is what I need, I can't talk to my family I find it makes it worse. My daughter is only 6 and she is losing some weight and we are working on her I believe she will be fine she is young but I do worried about me, I want to live to see her grow up and I am getting a little desperate I guess, I feel my body has taken it's toll. I have tried a lot of different things but like everything in my life, in the beginning I do good and them it just stops, for what reason? I don't know. I am realizing I have a problem and I don't know what else to do. My Aunt has Dr Phil's book she said she would lone it to me so I am going to get it and I hope I can finish reading it I am not much of a book reader I wish I was I would love to set down and read a good book and finish it. I have heard people that are Obese there is a reason I guess I have a lot of reason but I thought I have over come them and thought I concord a lot and I was proud of myself, see, My child life was not the best and if there is something eating at me I would like to find it and get rid of it "I AM SICK OF OVER EATING"  I feel terrible, lazy, and my self esteem has took a down words nose dive.  

 I just turned 50 on July 12 & I weigh 225.I use to weight 255 but lost 20 pound exercising & watching what I ate.But that was 2 years ago when I lost that.I've been maintaining since.
I've been under alot of stress the past 2 years.From Nov.,2002 to Nov.2003 my husband had several surgeries to repair a herniated disc , which didn't help,it left him with permanent nerve damage & left him in constant pain.He's in so much pain he can't work.So he has been on disability for about a year now.
I find myself eatting due to stress & sometimes when I'm bored. I'm trying to get out of that cycle but find it hard. I do exercise about an hour aday 5-6 days aweek. I have a hard time getting my eatting under control.There are days when I find myself feeling  so depressed that I don't feel like working out.
I plan to force myself to workout no matter how I feel emotionlly
Hope it works.

hiya hun. I like you eat when depressed/stressed and bored. Back in 2001 I weighed 215. My son was dx'd with cancer in August 2001 and was then put on anti depressants and gained ALOT of weight. I don't even dare step on a scale but I'm guessing I weigh 270. When my son was in the hospital each month I found that I could/would eat 3 times a day. Hey I liked the hospital food, lol! I'm still on anti depressants and trying to wean myself off of them. I've cut back on food intake the last couple weeks and I can tell I've lost a few pounds. Little things are easier to do after shedding a few pounds. I'm glad to hear that you force yourself to workout. I've been forcing myself to clean. That right now is about all I can handle. Like your husband I have back problems. I sweap my floors sitting in my chair that rolls. Pathetic I know.

well anyway, just wanted to say hi and i read your message. i've been a member here for some time but have never posted.

Take care,

From what you are telling me i strongly get the idea that you are ready to do the Dr. Phil program. But you have to take time for yourself to read it. Since the best gift you can give your daughter, is a healthy mother, you should do what is necessary to lose the weight. Reading the book is the first step you have to take. Remember, failing is not an option if you want to see your child grow up. Keep that in mind whenever you have the feeling that you put down the book forgood.

 I just read some of the posts on this board and I feel the pain you are in. I started the WLC at 360 lb. and found a wonderful support group right here on the Dr. Phil website. It's under "Message Boards" and then under "Weight Loss Challenge Discussions" with the WEIGHT topics you'll find if you scroll down on the Message Board page. We're the 9th board listed (as new boards get added, we may change to 10th, 11th, etc. as the boards are arranged alphabetically). I'm talking about the board called "200 pounds or more to lose".

We have people in our group in the 400s and 500s and most in the 300s when they started, but we also have some (a few) who did not have quite 200 to lose when they joined us but also had a very large amount to lose so they share those special challenges with us, especially facing a long-term program of weight loss (I'm talking 2, 3, 4 or more years to get to our goal). We would be so happy to have you come and join our group. We'll give you the loving support you need along the way, tips and hints to help you over the rough spots and an occasional kick in the pants if you need that too (gently, of course).

We, like many of the boards online, are mostly women, but there are a few guys who have joined us too and ALL are welcome. About the only restriction we have on our board is we request that members not use profanity and to not be critical of one another--we're all doing the best we can and we're there to HELP one another, not heap more criticism and judgment upon one another.

I hope to see you over on that board if you fit the criteria. You'll be so glad you came to join us.

Cherie