Topic : Breaking Unhealthy Habits

Ok, my problem is buying the fat free or very lean meats is very expensive. I am the only one working in my household and all the bills are on me. I have to go to generic everything just to make sure I have enough food for the week. I know what I should be buying but I just can't afford it. How do I make what I have to buy into something low fat and tasty?

All- Ever since my daughter was born 7 years ago, my wife has been gradually gaining weight. What's most worrysome to me is that she has almost no interest in exercise, especially aerobic. I love my wife very much, and don't want to see her succumb prematurely to ailments like diabetes and heart disease, which her diet and sedentary habits can induce. I also want to see her be a healthy role model for our young daughter.

 

My wife does not share my concerns. She isn't upset or self-conscious about life style, and like many married adults, she doesn't suffer life style suggestions from her spouse very well. Does anyone know how I can approach this stressful situation, such as offer some methods of persuading her to take better care of herself?

 

Thanks SO MUCH in advance for your comments!

 

reluek in California

I am currently studying for my exams and the only way I can study is when I eat something. Is there something I can do to stop this bad habit because I cannot afford not to study or can I eat something which will not be bad to eat and still study at the same time. To tell the truth I would have preferred to stop the bad habit of wanting to eat something while I am studying. My biggest addict is coffee I have to have coffee to do something. I have now resorted to decaf.

 You've heard of self-defeating prophesies before right? Take it from me, I've been around long enough to realize that there is much truth in alot of those old sayings.

What you're doing is creating a limiting belief within yourself that "you cannot study without eating a drinking while doing it."  Your subconscience has a way of taking these things we say to ourselves as our personal truths, and making it so. Your willingness to go along with this addiction/habit/limiting belief seals your fate. 

This is a bad habit to start as eating while being sedentary becomes entrenched easily. "Couch potatoe" is an apt descriptive for this behavior. I'm not saying you are doomed to become one, I'm just pointing out how early the behavior starts, and how.

Ask yourself, where's the truth in your telling yourself that you can't study for exams without eating? Find examples within yourself when you didn't do this, or look at others that don't have this crutch. If others can study without eating, it's possible for you too. Then ask yourself whether believing that you can't study without something to eat is getting you where you want, or taking you farther away from what you want. Does it help you to keep this attitude/limiting belief?

This exercise makes your  "belief" a lie. I'm not saying it will be as easy as telling yourself somthing new and bingo, you're there. "Affirmations without discipline are the beginnings of delusion."- Anthony Robbins. You're going to have to actually stop the behavior after you've examined what you tell yourself that makes it OK to do it. When you change a bad habit, it's necessary to replace it with another habit, or you create a void. If there's a void, you're likely to just resort to the old behavior again. I suggest chewing gum, or taking a break and brushing your teeth or something. If you study with others who insist on eating while studying, see if they will refrain once in awhile, or find others to study with that are trying to kick the habit also. A large part of habit-change is programming of your actions and your environment. Avoid atmospheres where you have to rely on will-power, as you set yourself up for failure.

Good luck.

 I'm sure you're well aware of how touchy this subject can be. I'm glad that you list health reasons as the cause of your concern, and let's face it, most men are turned off by heavy women. As a former heavy-weight myself, I fully understood my husband's reaction to my post pregnancy weight gains. I was thankful to him that he was concerned about the health aspects though, and never resorted to some of the hurtful ways other husband's drew attention to their wive's weight problems.
Quite often for women, diet has to be addressed more so than exercise. We tend to have hunger swings at different times of the month that men have no experience with. For me, I never felt energetic until I got my eating under control and began to lose some weight. Help her by not bringing home goodies and snack foods. If you are tempted, eat it while out by yourself, not in front of her. Be open and encouraging about eating healthy meals.  When it comes to exercise, try to arrange for family outings that call for walking or biking, or throwing a frisbee around. Have your daughter ask her mother to join in the games. Keeping up with kids can be pretty energetic.

You walk a fine line, as a woman can be sensitive about her weight. You don't want to give the impression that you'd love her just the same if she were 400lbs, but you also don't want to make her feel that your love is conditional upon her weight.
Dr Phil's book,  ULTIMATE WEIGHT SOLUTION is very good, and may give you some ideas of how to inspire your wife. But be tactful, as you don't want to insult her either.

It's funny how often this excuse comes up, that healthy foods are too expensive.

What are you buying that takes the place of meat in your meals? What are you buying that takes the place of fresh fruits and vegetables in your meals?

Yes, a whole turkey might seem expensive, but how many meals can you make out of it? Frozen veggies may seem expensive, but you can measure out EXACTLY how much you're going to eat, with nothing left over to tempt you and/or throw out. They won't go bad and you can buy huge bags at wholesale stores.

Now consider the money you would save if you didn't buy ANY cookies, chips, pop, ice cream, cakes, pies, pretzels, candy, etc.  The money you spend on these types of foods is a down payment on the money you might spend later on insulin for Type II diabetes or blood thinners for heart conditions. Ask anybody suffering from these ailments what the cost of their medications are and you might reconsider how "expensive" healthy foods are.

I'm 41 and have never had a weight problem.  I know, I know,  why am I complaining??  Well I noticed I had been gaining aome weight so a friend of mine & I started working out at the gym after work.  Great idea right??  Not, I've gained 12 lbs!!!  No its not all muscle, nothing is smaller, infact my waist is 1/2 inch larger.  I've been jogging 3 miles 4 times a week & weight lifting 2-3 times a week.  I switched to high protein/fiber, low fat foods.  I'm eating approx 1200 cal/day.  I work 12-13 hours a night and sleep days so my meals are mixed up a bit.  I'm getting very frustrated. I had my labs checked,  TSH was ok, T3 & T4 were on the low end of range, testosterone level on low end of range.  Any help would be read with an open mind.  I'm 5'3" 130 lbs.

Dear Dr Phil

 

I am writing from Western Australia, I have enjoyed your show for many years, I hope that we will get the current serious

My question to you is about my weight, how does one get past the mind set, for me I believe it is all about that, I know that I should loose weight for my health and even perhaps to be happier.

I am thinking of buying your book on weight loss can you tell me how does one get around the problem of the mindset.

 

Kind regards

 

Debra

 

Two years ago, I lost 60 pounds doing weight watchers. guess what......It's all back now. My husband will see pretty women and say "when I think of you losing weight, I think you'll look like that" Probably going to hate to disappoint him. I see the look in his eyes. I feel like that is too much to live up too. I was never a supermodel, and let's face it, I never will be. I honestly just need someone in my corner. Sometimes he'll tell me"do you really need that? even if he doesn't know how "good" i've been for the day, and guess what? I usually eat double. I try to encourage him to exercise with me, but, he says he doesn't really need to lose weight.(although I think he could tone up a bit). He does do mechanic work, and he has alot of back problems, I try to encourage him to strengthen his back muscles. no help.Right now I weigh about 248 pounds, and am 5'6". My bmi is 40, I usually am pretty active, but never get time to myself. by the time i get home i cook dinner, make sure homework is done, then clean up and go to bed. I try courageously to get up at 5 a.m. but am usually too exhausted. so, here i sit again day 5 of my new 1200 calorie diet, and nothing to show for it......help

 

 I know that was days ago, but I've been gone.
Consider how long it took to gain the weight? Since you have lost weight before you know that it not only takes behavioral changes, but mental ones as well. 5 days is not very long.
I'm guessing something happened that sent you back to old habits and there you go! You now reflect the consequences of your everyday behavior. I'm right there with you, my size and shape is the consequences of the way I've been eating and drinking lately. How can I expect to look any different? I'm not a failure, I'm exactly what I've been working towards, the results of my eating and sedentary ways.
I'm going to relate some things that help me: 
1. reframing comments or actions from your spouse and events around you.
2. putting yourself first when it comes to your goals
3. pinpointing what it was that sent you back to your old shape and size

When your husband says something like "do you really need that?" I'm guessing you feel judgment, then resentment for that judgment, and then you tell yourself something like "I can do whatever I want, I'm not a child!" or something to that affect.

I challenge you to look at the comment differently. Where is the truth that your husband is judging you? He knows how you struggled to lose the weight once before, he knows you are disappointed with yourself for gaining it back. He listens to your concerns about your weight and walks a tightrope of not knowing the correct thing to say to make you feel encouraged. So, maybe he didn't mean it as judgment, maybe he's not out to rub your face in your backsliding.  Maybe this is his way of being "in your corner" only you don't recognize it because it's not your perception of that.
What you need to do is "reframe" the comment in your mind, so that you no longer perceive it as judgment but a loving "nudge" to get you to think about what you are about to do. (Which is to eat something that you will regret and beat yourself up for later.) He's trying to keep you from bad feelings about yourself.
By putting yourself first in regards to your goals, I mean stop trying to enlist your husband to exercise with you and then making him the excuse why you don't exercise--as in "I don't do it because I don't want to exercise alone!" If he doesn't want to, you will only make him frustrated with you. Find somebody else who is ready, willing, and able to get out there with you. Being an example is always a better way to inspire others to join. In the end, it's your body and your goal, you can get encouragement and advice from others, but you know that its YOUR actions that create the results. Same goes with your faulty thinking when it comes to "no time for yourself." Make the time. If you won't, who will? Once you commit to the concept that you CAN make time, you will stop focusing on "poor me" thoughts and find solutions to finding the time.

Pinpointing what put you in a tailspin is protection against having it occur again. So evidently you did everything right but there was something you neglected to learn. Maybe it was the fact that you had not truly accepted the fact that to stay slim is a lifelong habit. There is no going back to old habits once you have reached your goal because your old habits are what made you overweight to begin with. This is a lesson that many many people fail to accept, as statistics show. Don't be one of the ones that "doesn't get it." Or maybe you are an emotional eater and something happened that you were not ready to cope with, so reverted to old eating habits.
Whatever the reason, you  have to find it and forgive yourself for it, and prepare yourself to deal with it, (because it WILL pop up again!) so you can resume progress.
Hope this helps.