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Topic : 07/10 Biggest Brats

Number of Replies: 254
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Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:03:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
They're rowdy, wild and uncontrollable. They have no respect for authority, demand what they want when they want it, and there's hell to pay when they don't get it. If bratty kids are ruining your world, Dr. Phil has advice on taking back parental control. His first guest, Tabitha, feels like she's living with an abusive man, but it's not her husband; it's her 6-year-old son, Justin. He says, 'I hate you' at least 40 times a day and threatens her with knives and lighters. Is Tabitha contributing to the chaos? Then, Shelley says that her defiant 18-year-old daughter, Mackenzie, is worse than a brat. She's a high school senior who stays out until 5:00 a.m., then cusses at her mom for waking her up to go to school. Is it too late for Mackenzie to change her ways? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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July 25, 2006, 1:11 pm CDT

Now That's Misbehavin'

Quote From: starlett

Back in 1994, I had a very short-lived babysitting job, caring for these two little boys ages 5 and 3.   They came from a broken home (lived with daddy) and their behaviour was absolutely horrid.   They didn't like to listen to me and after about two and a half months of babysitting these brats I ended up quitting.    This is after I tried to talk to the father about his kids' behaviour.   As i say I did try to work things out and stay with this family.    From what I remember,  this father had gone thru at least 5 or 6 babysitters before me and then decided to hire a live in nanny.     (my sympathies to that nanny as I wouldn't want to live in that household - a single father with two little boys and no door on the bathroom) (they were in the middle of renos - but that's another story) 

  

Babysitting these kids who obviously had serious behaviour problems caused me to use the term "brat" when describing them.   Prior to that i had never used the term brat because I had been taught that it is not a child it's a child's behavour that is an issue.   I almost turned me off ever wanting to get into childcare which had been my dream career.    

  

I've worked in a variety of daycares and private households and never in my career had I ever came across any children that were as disrespectful and bratty than those two kids.    

True a partial cause could be that they don't have a stable home life - with their parents divorced and not having a 'normal'  family unit,  but that is no excuse for the father not teaching them to listen to their babysitter and behaving properly. 

  

That's all for now. 

Sounds as though you had a very discouraging experience.  I hope you continue to follow your dreams!   

   

I think this is a perfect illustration of parents' culpability in their children's behavior problems.  These kids weren't born to misbehave.  When they were very young their world was torn apart.  They learned that they would have to disrupt their surroundings in order to get what they needed.  That's how they've learned to communicate, it sounds.  And it's up to both parents to guide them towards a more acceptable form of communication.  The parents are supposed to be the guides, the role models, the teachers.  I don't think there's anything else you could have done.   

   

I hope my interpretation is a fair one.  Thanks so much for sharing!   

 
July 27, 2006, 5:40 pm CDT

07/10 Biggest Brats

Quote From: winkel

I have a daughter that will be 18 on July 14th, as I watched the show on July 10th and listened to how the mom talked about her daughter and how she was I felt as I was listenint to my own life.  Since the age of 15 my daughter had gradually become a monster.  She uses the same kind of language with me and her father and we are not quite sure as to why.  She refuses to do anything, get a job, help around the house but insist that we owe her everything, phone, car, insurance, and everything else you can think of.  We have tried all kind of incentives and thay have not worked.  School, she graduated this past May but I guess you could say she really finished her Junior yr. because she failed everything her senior yr. except for the one class she had to pass to graduate.  I asked her why and she said I just wanted out.  She was a four yr. cheerleader and her last semester she just up and quit the team for no good reason.  She is involved with a boy who moved here about two yrs. ago and since that time all has changed.  When she is around him he puts her down, he curses her, but she idealizes him.  The harder we try to get her to see what he is doing the more she pulls his way.  I am scared.  She got a cheer scholarship to a local jr. college and she can stay at a home with all of the other kids.  We thought that this would be good for her, close enought to home but still on her own.  We said we would pay for the housing if she got a job this summer and helped out around the house with everything.  She did neither so we refuse to pay, she can commute.  She keeps on making plans to move in, finally I said don't they require a down payment, I got called everything under the sun and was told that I wasn't paying for her college that we should pay for that.  I said we are paying for your college, all the scholarship pays for is your books and if there is more you will not get it till the semester is over.  Of course all ---- broke loose.  We are at our witts end.  Birthdays have always been a big thing around our home, we always celebrate in some way.  At this point and time I just feel dead inside and do not feel like doing anything.  Am I wrong, do I celebrate it as usual or do I get up in the A.M. just as she did on all of days and not even day a word to her and go on as usual?  She did not even wish me a happy birthday or even be around on mine, her brothers, sister mom's day or fathers's day.  It hurts sooooo much!  It would be different if she came from a family of cursing, arguing, fighting, but we have never done any of that, at least not until the last yr. when she brings upon us, you can only take so much.  Her siblings almost hate her and they use to be so close.  I do not know what to do anymore, I really need some one elses advice or help, even you Dr Phil or Robin.  Winkel

I don't know if you'll see this because I just read your post today - but it's time to start a new birthday tradition.  On the morning of her birthday wake her up give her a hearty breakfast - an envelope with some cash and a packed suitcase - Happy Birthday darling you are now and adult and you are on your own!. You are welcome to return here when you are enrolled in school getting passing grades and have gainful employment! - You will also respect all house rules whenever you are in this house whether you live here or not! Kiss her on the cheek and tell her you love her then drop her off and the nearest employment office.  

  

I know this sounds harsh but since she thinks she's grown then it's time to grow up! Let her see just how hard life out there is!  

  

Good luck   

  

 
July 28, 2006, 12:49 pm CDT

07/10 Biggest Brats

Quote From: navygirl99

After watching the show, I am convinced of two things-- the first is that this child has an overwhelmed mother. the second is that what ever issues the mother or father had were passed on to this kid. My brother, the fourth child, was a lot like this boy when he was younger. It was a real struggle for my family. But I see now looking back, that my mother probably handled the situation like this woman. She was overwhelmed for sure but if she had more patience and more control, my brother's life might have been less painful. He is a really great young man now, but it took years of patience to work out what could have been dealt with in childhood. He never ended up a criminal either but it took a lot of love from all of his siblings and my parents when he was a teenager to help. I hope this boy's mother is able to figure out how to be the mother he needs instead of molding this boy to be the child she pictures so he doesnt have to go through that pain. lastly, I really believe that some of ht eanger and rage my own brother had was passed on through the womb from my parents own angers, insecurities and issues. And because they hadnt resolved these issues in themselves, they were only manifested ten fold in my brother's behavior. Since I am the oldest and now a mother myself, I learned this through observation. And while it may sound strange-- sometimes to me there isnt a more clear answer. The woman on the show wondered where this boy had gotten it all from and Dr. Phil kept trying to remind her to look to herself. Maybe when she was pregnant she or the father had some issues that left this anger in her that passed on to her son and part of his frustation is because he doesnt know why and part of her frustration is that she hasn't acknowledged it. My mother now looks back and feels an enormous guilt over how she parented us. That has struck me deeply because as a mother I want to enjoy my kids and their gifts and not regret or wish I could go back and be a better mother. I hope this woman and her son can face the issues they have and grow to like each other. I dont fear for her physically and I think that was a bit of melodrama, but I do hope that she or her son will never have to feel that pain, remorse or guilt. That is much heavier, difficult and longer lasting than any terrible temper tantrum's effects.

I listen to Dr. Phil on my radio at work everynight  and when I heard this particular episode I quickly went to my friends desk and told her "Jack (my four year old) and I are on Dr. Phil. " Her story mirrored my own in many ways.  Several months back I would have also told Dr. Phil that the problem has to be neurological.  Never mind that his father( we are divorced) and grandparents do not have the same experiences with him that I do-my son is out of control and I need somewhere to place the blame.  Sure, I was easier in the disipline department  than they were) but how could that produce such extreme behavoir as he was exhibiting? It is hard to be objective when you are involved in something you deal with every day. I had another baby, seperated from her father and moved into a new place all in one year yet I still wondered how could he be acting out this badly?  It sounds obvious right? Well, for whatever reason I wanted some answers as to why my child was so extreme.  We went to a counselour and I  plead my case - he is mean to animals , to his baby sister, does the opposite of whatever I tell him to do, on and on and on. The doctor was blunt-what do you want me to say he is a future phsycopath? Put him in time out he told me and not every other time but every time whether the baby needs changing or dinner is burning on the stove. Oh, geez doc have you ever been a single mom? I fought this method for a while because he would not sit in time out, he would cuss and strike at me do I would end up spanking him which would escalate the turmoil between us. Ironicaly, the method I thought was not working ended up saving us and only because I began to view it the way the counselour suggested, come what may each and every time he would go to time out for bad behavoir. He cussed and hit and tried to do whatever he could to get a reaction from me but I began to not only be more consistent but listen to another gem of advice-stay calm. Amazing if used the right way it works!!!   We still struggle with behavoir for sure but I have a tool  (thank God) to use. I think the fact that time out was helping gave me a little needed confidence which you must have when parenting. Self esteem affects every area of your life, including parenting. The mom on the show feels like nothing she does or says affects her son so of course with this mindset  it will be hard for her to regain control.  I wanted to respond to this quote  because of the hopeful message. When you have never has to deal with a child like her son or mine it is easy to say they are just a bad apple or step up to the plate mom but there is hope. I wish I could swap stories with this mom and let her know she can do it ( take control) once she realizes it is within her power to do so. 

 
September 7, 2007, 10:43 am CDT

abusive children

I have a 10 year old son who is very abusive to his sisters myself he has no respect for athourity My mom is very sick and she cannot handle his behavior and  neither can I.I don't know how much more we can stand.He is bad and he has been this way  for years I am scared to death for him and us I am the end of my rope with him,what do i do?
 
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