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Topic : 07/10 Biggest Brats

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Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:03:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
They're rowdy, wild and uncontrollable. They have no respect for authority, demand what they want when they want it, and there's hell to pay when they don't get it. If bratty kids are ruining your world, Dr. Phil has advice on taking back parental control. His first guest, Tabitha, feels like she's living with an abusive man, but it's not her husband; it's her 6-year-old son, Justin. He says, 'I hate you' at least 40 times a day and threatens her with knives and lighters. Is Tabitha contributing to the chaos? Then, Shelley says that her defiant 18-year-old daughter, Mackenzie, is worse than a brat. She's a high school senior who stays out until 5:00 a.m., then cusses at her mom for waking her up to go to school. Is it too late for Mackenzie to change her ways? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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July 9, 2006, 3:20 am CDT

Out of control

After reading through the answers here, what I didn't hear said, was that NO ONE mentioned..NUTRITION! Too many childern are being diagnosed with ADD/ADHD these days. My son had been diagnosed with ADHD back in the 70's. I was told to NOT let him eat anything with sugar in it. Medication didn't work, only made him depressed, put weight on and lathargic. Finally, taking him for therapy and a bright young Psychiatrist told me this.....your son is very sensitive and is picking up on the negative feelings between you and your husband. He feels abandoned by his father. He asked for a meeting with his father and this is what the doctor told me........his father is totaly closed minded, he's a brick wall. So, you are going to have to raise your son as the only caretaker, give him loving support, guidance. He must go for therapy and I want a complete physical including an EEG, just to make sure there are no physical amnomalities. Ok, so take him to the hospital for a battery of tests, that lasted 4 hrs. The results..he was emotional immature, his age was 12 yrs but the tests came out that he was only emotional 8 yrs. AND his physical coordination was off. Now, what to do?  

First , when I found out that his fathers words were...stop spoiling him , he neeeds a good beating; I divorced my husband. There were other factors in leaving the marriage but my son became a TOP PRiORITY. My son calmed down was happier, laughed more was easier to deal with, as long as he wasn't around his father. Unfortunely, he wasn't doing well in school, he wasn't learning. I was told he needed glasses. Only several years later, when I finally got tired of the "school system" in NYC, did I ask for a meeting with the School Board , as my son was not learning. I plead my case in front of two Child Psychiatrists, two Social workers and two Board members. Whalla! I get my son into a private school, where there are only seven childern to a class. He wasn't learing...again! They test him only to find that he was Dyslexic. Then my question.....when the hospital gave him a batteery of tests how come they didn't find out he was Dyslexic? They changed the way he learned and finally he was learning and became a wizz at math. 

Once he finished school, his father had more influence with him and my son wanted to please his father. He talked my son into going into the service business instead of going to college. This was a disaster for my son, too much money to young, putting him in the fast lane, toward total destruction. I had it out with my former husband and asked him to talk with our son....his reply...he's just feeling his cheerios, leave him alone, he's mine now!  Those words, dam near killed my son. My son spiralled down, too much money, to much alcohol, too many women, just too much of every thing. Nothing of which he was prepared for and by 27 was near death. Broken hearted, I told his father, you are a bad influence and you have to STOP destroying this boy, YOU are not his BUDDY, you are his FATHER. He finally did something and found a Theraputic Community, where my son stayed, became better adjusted for two and a half years. 

What did my son learn..that his father was abusive, caustic and jealous of his own son. This turned my son around, he went off on his own, making his own way. He found a nice girl married, then his father died. 

WELL,once his father died, my son rose as Phoneix from the ashes became his own man , became happier, had a son, is a good father, husband and provider. He bame wealthy in spirit. 

The only problem I see is that he's driven to become wealthier...like I'll show my dad, that I'm not a LOSER. something his father told him all the time. 

When my son married, he asked me to dance with him . We went to the middle of the dance floor and the musicains started to play " Wind Beneath My Wings". My son said this to me....Mom, I dedicate this song to you because if it weren't for you, staying the course, loving me unconditionaly, I wouldn't be here now! Thank you mom for never giving up on me...I love you, more than I can express! I put my head down and cried. 

I tell this story, so, that all the parents can look at them selves, are your feeling, your emotions effecting your childern? Beside, the fact that there could be a chemical imbalance. did you take your child to a Holisistic professional. Does your child have allergies or Dyslexia? Leave NO stone unturned, YOU will find answers, all you have to do is "perservere" . 

  

Maggie 

 
July 9, 2006, 6:00 am CDT

Biggest Brats

 I THINK IT'S A BIT HARD TO COMMENT ON THIS ISSUE UNTIL YOU ACTUALLY SEE THE SHOW; I DO KNOW I HAVE 2 GRANDCHILDREN AND MY 5, ALMOST 6 YR OLD ACTS OUT TERRIBLY SOME OF THE TIME-AND OTHER TIMES SHE IS A PERFECT ANGEL.  WE HAVE TRIED SOMETHING NEW WITH HER.  mY DAUGHTER WAS WHAT WE ALL REFERED TO AS A "SCREAMER"; JUST LIKE MY OLDER SISTER, AND AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED, THAT GETS YOU KNOW WHERE!!
NOW, WE SET HER UP TO THE TABLE AND SHE WRITES-ONLY A FEW SENTENCES; USUALLY ABOUT 10 TIMES, "I WILL MIND WHEN I AM TOLD TO DO SOMETHING."  SHE DOESN'T LIKE TO DO IT, SO IT REALLY HAS HELPED HER BEHAVIOR; ALSO IT HAS HELPED HER PENMANSHIP QUITE A BIT!!  SHE GOES INTO KINDERGARTEN THIS YEAR, AND HER WRITING HAS IMPROVED GREATLY!  NOW, HER 4 YR OLD BROTHER IS PICKING UP ALOT OF HER BEHAVIOR AS HE SEES HER DOING IT; AND HE'S REALLY TO YOUNG TO DO THE WRITING.  HE HAS AUTISIC SPECTRUM DISORDER SO IT IS A BIT HARDER TO MAKE HIM REALIZE THAT HIS BEHAVIOR IS UNACCPTABLE-BUT WE ARE WORKING ON IT FOR HIM ALSO.  HE GETS PUT IN TIME OUTS WHEN HIS BEHAVIOR IS OUT OF LINE.  I AM WONDERING IF PART OF THIS BEHAVIOR IS THEIR AGE?  NOT THAT IT SHOULD BE LET GO; AND LET THEM RUN AMUKE-I AM JUST HOPING IT IS SOMETHING SHE WILL OUTGROW??  ANYONE WITH ANY ANSWERS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.  THANK YOU!
 
July 9, 2006, 6:23 am CDT

07/10 Biggest Brats

Quote From: swl3362

My seventeen year old is a very talented performer in both dance and acting.  He has performed most of his life and has always been popular and well liked.  Beginning last school year, his junior year, everything changed.  He quit dance class and acting in community productions.  His friends changed some,  his grades dropped dramatically (from A-B to D-F) I think there is drinking going on, however I have never caught him drinking.  The worst of all, this polite, helpful person became quite the opposed.  His language is gutter-talk and soooooo disrespectful, especially towards the family.  Needless to say, I am very concerned about the change, especially since, the performing arts has always been his dream and the disrespect of me and his dad is a emotional pain that is totally hurtful,
Those are very dramatic changes!  Don't ignore this.  Something has happened to him....could only be a new group of peers, but I think there's more to it when a kid's grades drop like that and they give up things they love.  Please don't ignore this. 
 
July 9, 2006, 6:27 am CDT

07/10 Biggest Brats

Quote From: jimalan

   When I was a child (eldest), I seemed to get more than my share of corporal lesson plans.  The result was that I showed respect toward my elders; I didn't swear (cuss) in public or at other family members (one never gets use to the taste of a bar of soap); I was not permitted to run through supermarkets or department stores with reckless abandon and I wasn't allowed to get dirty.  With the exception of getting dirty, my three daughters were taught the same.  The result; I have three respectable daughters, three sons-in-law, and seven grandchildren; none of which have ever been in jail.  Laws were  implemented to protect kids from child abuse, but somewhere along the way, the bleeding heart permissive liberals reconstructed the spirit of the law to include ALL forms of corporal punishment.  The result is what one sees today; young kids doing virtually what they damn well want with ZERO ACCOUNTABILITY.  The use of corporal punishment DOES NOT A CHILD ABUSER MAKE.  I believe it was Mr/Dr Bill Cosby that once said: "the only thing you don't have to teach a child, is how to misbehave."     

   The line needs to be redrawn or things will get worse than they are now.   

Respectfully,  

jimalan  

I agree with you 100%!
 
July 9, 2006, 6:31 am CDT

07/10 Biggest Brats

Quote From: swl3362

My seventeen year old is a very talented performer in both dance and acting.  He has performed most of his life and has always been popular and well liked.  Beginning last school year, his junior year, everything changed.  He quit dance class and acting in community productions.  His friends changed some,  his grades dropped dramatically (from A-B to D-F) I think there is drinking going on, however I have never caught him drinking.  The worst of all, this polite, helpful person became quite the opposed.  His language is gutter-talk and soooooo disrespectful, especially towards the family.  Needless to say, I am very concerned about the change, especially since, the performing arts has always been his dream and the disrespect of me and his dad is a emotional pain that is totally hurtful,

A very similar situation occured when my now 20-year-old son was your child's age.  

  

I was so confused as to what was going on, and in the dark. 

  

I finally found out...my son had gotten involved with drugs and alcohol at 16 and was abusing them by the time I noticed his behavior changes.  He was the LAST person I would have expected that from. 

  

Since you mentioned the grades, a change in attitude, dropping activities that once gave him joy (dance and acting), a change in a few friends, etc...I suggest the following: take your son to the doctor (you can tell him why OR you can tell him it's time for his annual checkup - that's up to you) and ask the doctor to perform a drug test (drug profile that's performed from urine collected from your son at that visit).  A Monday would be a good appointment time since he may still have substances in his urine (like alcohol).   

  

My son denied any substance use.  I bought a home breathilizer...but it never showed any alcohol usage when I tested him.  That just led to him screaming that I didn't trust him and he couldn't live with me if I wasn't going to trust him - which made me feel horrible...but he just kept behaving more and more like someone I didn't know and he seemed to be getting more and more out of control. 

  

I told my son we were going for a drug test and he blew up.  He raged.  He pulled the trust card again.  BUT I held my ground and we went.  A day later I was called with the results.  He had SEVERAL drugs in his body, prescription and illegal.  No alcohol at that time. 

  

I immediately entered him in an outpatient adolescent drug treatment center in town - and took him (kicking and screaming).   This facility had mandatory family counseling (with the child present and without the child present), and in the counseling  without the child present I learned how to spot, handle, and deal with a child who is using drugs...some things I learned I hadn't had to deal with...but as predicted, those situations surfaced later and I knew how to defuse it because I had been educated to the possibility.  And we learned that these drugs have changed our child's brain...we aren't dealing with the same person...we are dealing with the drugs...we aren't talking to the same person...we are talking to the drugs...and even if the child concurs the addiction, there may not be a complete "return" of the former child because of the permanent effect of the substances on the brain. 

  

My son straightened out and his grades improved and he made great progress...he was back on the honor roll in his senior year...paired back up with former friends...smiled and actually seemed to feel joy again. 

  

I wish I could say he is over the hump...he's in college...but he has periods of regression - where he turns to drugs again...and those situations break my heart and my spirit - but, it's not an easy road for the family to walk.  And now that he's of legal age, there are limitations to how I can "step in" when he regresses...so take positive action while you still have legal control over your son's affairs. 

  

The gutter-talk language is a whole other matter...but do not permit him to be disrespectful...deal with that immediately and swiftly. 

  

One action the counselors recommended was to clear their room of everything but a bed (I've heard Dr. Phil recommened this as well).  No electronics.  No phone.  Nothing.  PLUS (and I haven't heard Dr. Phil recommed this but it's effective) remove their bedroom door (put it in an attic or garage or basement, preferably where they cannot find it).  Removing the door rids them of privacy - which teens cherish.  They can dress and undress in a bathroom, so they don't need a door on their bedroom.   

  

Of course, no negotiating on getting the stuff back for the first month, but later it can all be negotiated and earned back - the door being the very last thing to return.  Since my child (and the teens of those at the treatment center) used drugs, earning stuff back was also conditional on urine tests.  And even after they were released, parents were told to continue urine tests (and being unpredictable on WHEN the kids were going to be tested - kids clue into patterns and might not use drugs if they expect to be tested...and most kids use drugs heavily right after urine testing). 

  

My son complained about losing stuff - but when the door disappeared he was LIVID.  Then he RAGED.  Then he BEGGED and cried to get the door back. 

  

You have to stand strong.  You have to be firm.   It's extremely exhausting and sad and you wonder why, but there's never concrete answer to that. 

  

As much as you want to trust that this is temporary, it probably isn't. 

  

As much as you want this to go away on it's own, it probably won't. 

  

As much as you hate to take action, you have to.  That's why I suggested a urine test.  Line it up before you speak to your child and do not let him talk you out of it.  If it comes back "clean", great - you know what you're NOT dealing with...but if it doesn't, you have a starting point for corrective action. 

  

  

 
July 9, 2006, 6:33 am CDT

BIGGEST BRATS TO JEKOLENDA

Quote From: jekolenda

I cannot imagine allowing a child to act this way!!  

WHAT ARE THESE PARENTS THINKING??  

I can remember being tired...tired of carrying out consequences, tired of doing the right things, simply tired.  But in 25 years of parenting, no one had to wonder who was in charge.  

I think my kids would have been terrified to have disrespected either parent like this.   

I know kids are different, but it just didn't seem like such a big deal to have established authority in our home.  What's up with this craziness?    

JK  

 I AM BY NO MEANS BEING DISRESPECTFUL TO JK; BUT I KNOW OF WHAT YOU ARE SPEAKING-BUT IF YOU HAVE NOT TRIED TO RAISE A CHILD IN THIS DAY & AGE; YOU DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT THEY ARE LIKE ANYMORE!  I AM 50 YRS OLD, AND THESE KIDS NOW ADAYS ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT THAN THEY WERE EVEN 10-15 YRS AGO!!!!  HALF OF THEM SOMEHOW SEEM TO GET THEIR HANDS ON KNIVES, GUNS, YOU NAME IT!!  IT'S NOT A MATTER OF A PARENT LAYING DOWN THE LAW-ITS A MATTER OF SURVIVAL!  WITH ALL THE DRUGS AND ALCOHOL OUT THERE THAT IS SO INCREDIBLEY (SORRY FOR SPELLING) EASY FOR THEM TO GET AHOLD OF, ITS THAT YOU CAN NOT DO MUCH WITH THEM.  AND IF YOU TRY THE OLD SAYING, "SPARE THE ROD; SPOIL THE CHILD" THEY ARE EXPLOITED EVERYWHERE THAT THEY CAN CALL CHILD SERVICES ON THERE PARENTS IF THEY EVEN TRY TO SPANK THEM!!!!  I'M NOT SURE HOW OLD YOU ARE, BUT WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER; IF YOU SKREWED UP, YOU WERE ALLOWED TO BE "TAKEN TO THE WOODSHED"; CERTAINLEY NOT NOWADAYS!!  I DO NOT MEAN ABUSE THEM, BUT GIVE THEM A GOOD OLD FASHION BUTT WHOPPIN!
BUT, ON THE FLIP SIDE, WHEN MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER BEGAN ACTING OUT AT 10 YRS OLD, I THOUGHT I'D GO CRAZY-HER OLDER SISTER NEVER ACTED THAT WAY.  FINALLY, AT THE AGE OF 13, SHE WAS A MESS!  SHE CAME TO ME SAYING SHE WAS HEARING VOICES-AND HAD BEEN FOR A COUPLE YEARS, BUT WAS AFRAID TO SAY ANYTHING AND THEY WERE DRIVING HER NUTS.  I IMMEDIATELY TOOK HER TO OUR LOCAL HOSPITAL; SHE WAS ADMITTED RIGHT ON THE SPOT AND WAS THERE FOR 5 DAYS.  WHEN SHE CAME OUT SHE WAS DIAGNOSED AS DEPRESSED WITH BORDERLINE SCHIZOPHRENIA.  PUT ON MEDS, SHE SEEMED TO DO BETTER FOR ABOUT 6 MONTHS; THEN "BOTTOMED" OUT AGAIN.  BACK INTO THE HOSPITAL SHE WENT; THIS TIME SHE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH COMPLETE DEPRESSION, WITH AN ANXIETY DISORDER ALONG WITH IT-SO A CHANGE IN HER MEDS, AND AGAIN THINGS WENT SMOOTH FOR A WHILE.  THEN, ONE DAY SHE HAD A COMPLETE TOTAL BREAKDOWN WHEN WE WERE IN KMART SHOPPING FOR HER; SHE RAN FROM THE STORE AND WEDGED HERSELF BETWEEN 2 POP MACHINES!  WHEN I FINALLY GOT HER OUT & IN THE CAR; SHE WAS EXHAUSTED & DID NOT RECALL A THING SHE HAD DONE!!!!!!  I TOOK HER BACK TO THE HOSPITAL IMMEDIATELY; AND THERE WAS A NEW, WONDERFUL DR. THERE FROM HARLEM THAT HAD JUST BEEN TRANSFERED TO THIS HOSPITAL; AND I THANK GOD FOR HER EVERY DAY!!!!  SHE FINALLY GOT THE DIAGNOSESE CORRECT-MY DAUGHTER WAS BIPOLAR 1 WITH EXTREME ANXIETY DISORDER AND ADD.  WE GOT HER ON THE CORRECT MEDS; AND AFTER THAT SHE DID FINE!  MY POINT IN THIS LONG STORY IS; NOT ALWAYS ARE THESE DR.S WRONG, AND YOU HAVE TO TRY AND HELP THESE KIDS WITH THE MENTAL HELL THEY ARE LIVING WITH!!!  AND IF YOU DON'T, I HAVE LEARNED MANY MANY TIMES THEY WILL TURN TO DRUGS AND ALCOHOL TO SELF MEDICATE THEMSELVES TO FEEL NORMAL-EVEN AT A YOUNG AGE!!!!!!
HC
 
July 9, 2006, 6:36 am CDT

07/10 Biggest Brats

Quote From: mkonu1

  I firmly believe that allowing a child to think that he can disrespect his parents and others is a form of  child abuse.     

   

  It is more abusive than the spankings that are not in fashion at this time. He will go on through life wondering why he is not liked, invited, married, hired and otherwise welcomed into society.  Being permissive is not kind to a child at all.  You have to teach a child to be respectful from the beginning;  in the crib. The first lesson is sleeping through the night.  That is teaching basic respect for parents.  I'm sure you have never heard it referred to in that manner. You cannot wait until some magic age - 3? 4? 6? to begin socializing a child. You would train a dog better than that.    

  We owe children respect, too.  I definitely do not mean giving them everything 'I didn't have' and allowing them to dictate when, where, what and how life goes on around him.  We owe them the social skills to develop into useful, happy people.  'Tough love'  needs to happen from the start.  It's very hard when a 6 year old is laying in the floor at the grocery store kicking and screaming  or a teenager who's unsocialized behavior has landed him in jail or worse.     

   

  And, Dr. Phil, a spanking never hurts unless it is never given.  I spanked each of my very active sons very seldom and all they needed for the most part  was a firm reminder and/or time out. They never said, 'I hate you'  or thru  tantrums after they passed the terrible 2's.  Bottom line they have to know that you mean what you say the first time you say it.   My boys are grown now and I have asked each one if there is something that happened in the past that we need to talk about and maybe I need to apologize for. (Did I get that from your show or Oprah?  :) )  They never mentioned spanking only curfews and onions in my cooking.  They are good men of whom I am very proud..   

You are so correct.  My father worked in a prison and some of the inmates told him that they wished their parents had care enough to disapline.  Several said that if they had been spanked, they might not be in prison.   

  

If parents would stop feeling like they need to be their child's best friend things would improve too.  Why are some parents afraid to say "no?"   

  

My biggest pet peeve is the lack of manners in this world today.  When did this become obsolete?   

 
July 9, 2006, 6:40 am CDT

WALK IN OUR SHOES BEFORE YOU JUDGE

Quote From: allidc

I don't completely understand the differences between kids who can help it and kids who can't.  I don't doubt that many parents can do better.  However, before you dismiss mental illness take a minute to live with it.  It doesn't take long to realize that when a two year old can get angry enough to flip a full size bed, something is wrong.  When that child doesn't respond to normal discipline and only escalates, there is something wrong.  Don't be sure that we aren't  "saying what we mean, and meaning what we say."  My husband and I are so much more structured and consistent with our son than the average parent, that our lives are actually completely disrupted by the structure that must be in place for him to even function.  My nine year old son has been diagnosed with ADHD, bi-polar, etc.  and No.  These aren't just tags that have been hung on him for excuses.  We have actually switched drs. several times to try to get more help, and the expense is incredible.  The community needs to figure out how to support those of us trying to save these children from prison, rather than blame us.  His drs. and counselors tell us that we have hung on more than other parents that they have seen.  I understand why parents give up, partly because people like you, point there fingers at us and say we should be able to do better.  For the record, we have three other children who are on the honor roll at school, don't move clips or cards etc., and respond to discipline like children should.  I could brag and say that "I trained them to be so perfect."  But I'll say it like it is.  I am blessed with three mentally healthy children and one who needs help every day just to face the world.  Parenting 3 compliant children does not come close in difficulty to parenting one with problems.  You can not love their pain away, spank it away, discipline it away.... I'm still trying to pray it away.  These are God's children, and I just wish you wouldn't be so quick to assume that the parenting must be bad.  I love my children, and will do everything I can for them, but I do not know that my son will ever be able to function properly in society.  He has been "trained" to "act" properly.  I get compliments all the time on his wonderful behavior.  He is a Super kid, until something triggers a rage.  Then, watch out.  I'm especially sensitive today because he has had three rages in the last two days that have lasted for more than an hour each.  I'm tired, stressed, and disappointed.  You havn't felt helpless until you see that nothing you do is working, the medicines help, but not enough.  And in the mean time, you're missing out on your other children. 
 I DO NOT KNOW WHAT STATE YOU LIVE IN, BUT A WOMAN HERE IN OURS GAVE HER CHILD A SPANKING RIGHT HERE IN OUR CITY IN NEW YORK STATE WHEN SHE WAS IN THE SOCIAL SERVICES OFFICE WAITING-AND SHE WAS ARRESTED RIGHT THERE ON THE SPOT!!!!!!!  YES, IT IS AGAINST THE LAW-AND THEY MAKE SURE THE KIDS REALIZE IT-IF MOMMY & DADDY SPANK  YOU CALL US!!!!  SO DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER BRILLIANT IDEAS?????
 
July 9, 2006, 7:49 am CDT

get her out

I am sending a letter in regards to the lady coming on your show with the boy and his sister for starters i would wait till the girl finally goes to school and pack all her stuff and send her away let her see what it is like to be on her own and for the son telling her that he hates her i mean come on were is this kid getting from i think it is the sister she more than likely talks to her mother like that and he figures so can i so put your foot down take his stuff  away from him lte him have a room with just a bed and a place to store his clothing let him see how it feels to have nothing are send his little butt to brat camp along with his sister and see what they think and i mean brat camp not cupcake camp and were in the heck is the dad get him involved with this it takes to to tangle i mean come on if he is around give him some of the  burden.
 
July 9, 2006, 8:15 am CDT

07/10 Biggest Brats

Quote From: tinytimm4

 YOUR CHILDREN ARE OUT OF CONTROL AND SPANKING THEM IS NOT THE ANSWER. THIS ONLY TEACHES THEM VIOLENT IS ALRIGHT TO DO . IT ALSO TEACHES THEM THAT I"M BIGGER THAN YOU SO THEREFORE I CAN HURT YOU. WHAT THESE PARENTS NEED TO DO IS FIND A TIMEOUT AREA FOR THE UNRULY CHILD AND LET THEM PITCH THEIR FITS OF RAGE IN A PLACE WERE THEY CANNOT HURT THEMSELVES OR ANYONE ELSE.. GIVE THEM WHEN THE CALM DOWN COTTON BALLS AND A SMALL BASKETBALL HOOP THAT YOU MAKE OUT OF CARD BOARD TO TAKE OUT THAT RAGE ON.DEPENDING ON THE AGE OF THE CHILD OF COURSE.HITTING, SPANKING,ONLY ADDS FUEL ON THE FIRE THAT IS IN THEM.YOU THE PARENT MUST ALWAYS STAY IN CONTROL. WHEN YOU GIVE UP CONTROL ON ANY CHILD YOU REAP THE RESULTS. TIMEOUT AREA MUST HAVE SOFT PILLOWS, A MAT OR CARPET NO TOYS. OR YOU CAN EVEN HAVE A MATTRESS ON THE FLOOR. FOR THE CHILD OR CHILDREN MUST BE ON.
 First let me say that I do not believe in beating children but I do believe that is a majority rule to let them know who is boss. I have six children and I believe there is more than just time out, everyone says give them time out sometimes it just don't work . You don't give time out in public and if they are little they have forgotten what they have done when you bring them home. Be forcefull with the rules at home and don't let them ever think they have your goat. My children are 9,8,7,6,4,& 1. I have been told by plenty of people they are well behaved but that does not mean they are perfect and never will be. When I was younger a spanking or a slapping was always the best option. I did not turn out to be an evil person. I don't parent the same way but I do things like get in the corner and hold a penny with your nose and don't let it drop or you have extra time there. They fight they write, a hundred sentences, Can't do what your told then suffer the consequence of work wether it be doing the dishes or helping with laundry or even mopping  a floor with soap and water. I have a check system and it works well. I just don't believe in giving the same punishment over and over again eventually the will keep testing the boundaries of those punishments till either you give up or stick a new rule with it. You know children have rage and giving them a pillow to hit is good but sometimes I wonder if that just teaches them that hitting is okay as long as they are mad.  I believe if you get mad do something constuctive walk ,run, something that takes their mind off of what they are mad about.  I make my kids walk the ten which is walking ten times from the kitchen to the front room and if the attitude is not gone by the time they are done, they do ten more. The whole time they are walking I tell them that getting angry is okay but controlling it is better than violence and then I try to make them laugh by doing something goofy. It may not be an experts idea but my kids don't lash out as much as I have seen others. Oh and quit trying to be their friends your out for their future not wether they are going to like you or not they may not like you all the time but they will respect you for making boundaries as they grow.
 
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