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Topic : 07/11 Domestic Dollar Disputes

Number of Replies: 229
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Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:04:19 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Do you and your spouse constantly fight over money? The battle over the buck is causing friction for Dr. Phil's guests. Chere says her husband, Clint, watches their finances so closely, he makes her account for every cent spent — down to a pack of chewing gum. Clint says he has to be tight with the wallet, or they would be broke. Is Clint justified or is he using money to dominate? Then, meet a wife who has already filed for divorce because she's tired of carrying her husband's financial baggage, including paying his child support payments. Should she go through with the divorce or will her husband learn to change his ways. Can these marriages be saved?


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August 2, 2006, 8:43 pm CDT

07/11 Domestic Dollar Disputes

Quote From: sexdolphin

we want to have a baby i want in two years so that alot of the debt will be gone and my husband wants next year.  but i think we should have a lot of bills out of the way first.  What would people do highest interset or lowest interest next year or two years i am going to be 30 this year in november 3 or wait untill next nov 3 to be pregrant please help

Please go online and find Dave Ramsey's website - some of the best financial advice you can get will be there.  Here is his advice for your situation:

 

Debt Snowball - The Truth About How to Get Out of Debt

Myth:  I should pay off the debt with the highest interest rate first to get out of debt quickly.
Truth:  You should pay off the smallest debt first to create the greatest momentum in your debt snowball.

The math seems to lean more toward paying the highest interest debts first, but what I have learned is that personal finance is 20 percent head knowledge and 80 percent behavior. You need some quick wins in order to stay pumped enough to get out of debt completely. When you start knocking off the easier debts, you will start to see results and you will start to win in debt reduction.

Debt Snowball Plan
The principle is to stop everything except minimum payments and focus on one thing at a time. Otherwise, nothing gets accomplished because all your effort is diluted.

First accumulate $1,000 cash as an emergency fund. Then begin intensely getting rid of all debt (except the house) using my debt snowball plan. List your debts in order with the smallest payoff or balance first. Do not be concerned with interest rates or terms unless two debts have similar payoffs, thenlist the higher interest rate debt first. Paying the little debts off first gives you quick feedback, and you are more likely to stay with the plan.

Build Momentum
Redo this sheet each time you pay off a debt, so you can see how close you are getting to freedom. Keep the old sheets to wallpaper the bathroom in your new debt free house. The “New Payment” is found by adding all the payments on the debts listed above that item to the payment you are working on, so you have compounding payments which will get you out of debt very quickly.

“Paymen ts Remaining” is the number of payments remaining when you get down the snowball to that item. “Cumulative Payments” is the total payments needed, including the snowball, to pay off that item. In other words, this is your running total for “Payments Remaining.”

Debt Free!
You attack the smallest debt first, still maintaining minimum payments on everything else. Do what is necessary to focus your attention. Keep stepping up to the next larger bill. After the credit debt is taken care of you are ready for the next baby step in your Total Money Makeover.

I have been broke. I know how scared I felt, and I know how fast I wanted to get out of debt. I know how you feel, and I have learned that what really works is unbelievably fierce, focused intensity.

 
August 4, 2006, 11:59 pm CDT

Question

Quote From: fsunole

Sorry I've been away for a while and am just responding. If you have a real pastor (s)he will not see it your husband's way. Yes, the bible says the man is the head of the household, but it also says that any man that does not provide for his family is less than an infidel. And the bible also say that a man should love his wife the way Christ loves the church.  

  

Give your pastor the opportunity to hear you, help you, and minister to you and your husband. Perhaps your pastor can say something in your husband's  presence that causes the Holy Spirit to convict your husband to change his ways. God cannot be very pleased with your husband's behavior right now. This may be the opportunity to bring both of you closer to Him. 

Thanks for the reply! Can you tell me where in the Bible I would find these passages? Husband will not go see the Pastor. I thought I might point it out to him. Thank you kindly and God Bless  

bpdwoman  

 
August 5, 2006, 12:02 am CDT

Found some help

Quote From: lssanders

Isn't there a "Life Crisis" center in your area?  They have councelors and safe housing.....they can direct you on how to get help and get on your feet.  Look in your local phone book.

I have found GREAT HELP through a woman's domestic abuse shelter. Thank you for your suggestion and help! God Bless 

bpdwoman 

 
August 7, 2006, 10:14 pm CDT

just my opinion

Quote From: sexdolphin

we want to have a baby i want in two years so that alot of the debt will be gone and my husband wants next year.  but i think we should have a lot of bills out of the way first.  What would people do highest interset or lowest interest next year or two years i am going to be 30 this year in november 3 or wait untill next nov 3 to be pregrant please help
I agree with you! Get the debt out of the way first. You may want to call the hospital where you would deliver the baby and just ask what it would cost for starters. Then think about all the things you and the baby will need. Little by little it all adds up. Good luck and God Bless.
 
August 7, 2006, 10:34 pm CDT

Put your daughters and yourself FIRST!

Quote From: munceydee

I am a 32 year old married mother of two girls.  My husband and I were married and then divorced a year later.  Both of our children came during the period of time we were divorced. We were remarried a little over a year ago.  My husband promised me he had "changed" and that he would be more responsible than before. After all, over 10 years had passed since our first marriage.   

I purchased a house before our first marriage and when I left, my husband stayed in the house for a short time. After a while, he left the state and allowed his sister and brother-in-law to live there and "pay rent". They, of course, did not, and he also chose to stop paying the mortgage. I only found out about this after we had reconciled and were engaged to be married again. I was served with papers, the mortgage company was suing, as he had not paid a mortgage payment in over a year. He had been living with his sister because he was "remodeling" the house. Basically, he had gutted the entire thing and it was sitting empty. Knowing this, I still remarried him. I still thought we could work things out.   

Long story longer, a year after being remarried, he's working full time at a minimum wage job and his checks are garnished to pay for the house that is still sitting empty. I am working a full time job that I hate and paying ALL the bills, including rent....because our home is unliveable. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and he continues to tell me that he has no money to help with. He does, however, come home every few days with new movies and video games that he has purchased, and, of course, he is never without cigarettes.   

I am amazed at the number of women out there with similar stories to mine. When I was growing up, the man of the house provided, no questions. I realize that this is all largely my fault.  

 Things are never as clear as when they are in black and white, and as I re-read what I have just written, I am sick to my stomach. If this were my best friend, even an acquaintance, I would tell her to leave (or, better yet, make him leave). Yet I'm still here. I guess in a way I feel like I've "made my bed", and now I need to lie in it.   

Don't know what to do, where to turn, where to start....I don't want my girls seeing their mother in and out of a relationship with their father. HELP!!!!!   

I too am in the same situation accept no kids. Married the same JERK twice. I was able to get help from a woman's shelter, maybe you can do the same. You may be able to get help from your church, social services or a community action program. I have received a lot of help and ideas from all the wonderful people on these boards. I am thankful for their help and you will be to. I know you probably feel stuck, I did to. Now I have hope, a plan and will be leaving my JERK in November. He does not know it yet but what the heck. I figure I owe him a nice big kick in his a** and an unpleasant surprise. DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR GIRLS AND YOU! Leave the JERK in the dust!

Good luck & God Bless 

 
August 11, 2006, 6:05 am CDT

Biblical References

Quote From: bpdwoman

Thanks for the reply! Can you tell me where in the Bible I would find these passages? Husband will not go see the Pastor. I thought I might point it out to him. Thank you kindly and God Bless  

bpdwoman  

I've been off this board for a while. Perhaps you've found the passages on your own. I hope this helps.

 

1. Ephesians 5:25-26. But read the entire chapter to get the right context.

2. 1 Timothy 5:8 (the KJV uses the word infidel, but the NIV uses the word unbeliever). Read the whole chapter

 
August 11, 2006, 6:10 am CDT

Biblical Passages

Quote From: bpdwoman

Thanks for the reply! Can you tell me where in the Bible I would find these passages? Husband will not go see the Pastor. I thought I might point it out to him. Thank you kindly and God Bless  

bpdwoman  

As a follow-up to Ephesians 5:25-26, and First Timothy 5:8 you might visit the following link:

 

http://grace-for-today.com/268.htm

 
August 27, 2006, 11:12 pm CDT

Sorry I took so long to respond

Quote From: sexdolphin

which bills did you pay off first highest interest or lowest interset?  Or biggest amount or smallest amount?  I love to heard how you did it besides cuting out luxuries which we have most of them my husband really wants a baby.  Can you e-mail me some times SQuinn1976@yahoo.ca

We paid off our lowest credit card bills first because honestly it really makes a difference as to how successful you feel when you pay a bill off. The big ones will come in time, but take away the smaller ones when you can.

 

Frankly if you aren't willing to sacrifice some of the luxuries, then you're going to have a problem managing your money and children cost money. It's great that you want children, but you're not doing them or yourselves any favors by continuing to put yourselves in such debt that you're forced to go into bankrupcy, etc.

 

Seriously think about your priorities.

 
September 16, 2006, 11:33 pm CDT

best advice ever!

Quote From: salatino

He  is controlling,period. i agree you have to watch your money, but she has 2 daughters, and I think he regrets having to use any of his money on her daughters, and his wife. She could and has done it alone before him. She needs him like a hole in the head. He is leaving, she should get a job, and take care of business. make believe he died, what would she do, she will survive. Get a grip and do it.
     this is the best advice i have read regarding this jerk!  yes, make believe he's dead lol.  i hope you have left the bum.  please let us know how things are going for you.  best wishes to you. 
 
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