Message Boards

Topic : 07/11 Domestic Dollar Disputes

Number of Replies: 229
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:04:19 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Do you and your spouse constantly fight over money? The battle over the buck is causing friction for Dr. Phil's guests. Chere says her husband, Clint, watches their finances so closely, he makes her account for every cent spent — down to a pack of chewing gum. Clint says he has to be tight with the wallet, or they would be broke. Is Clint justified or is he using money to dominate? Then, meet a wife who has already filed for divorce because she's tired of carrying her husband's financial baggage, including paying his child support payments. Should she go through with the divorce or will her husband learn to change his ways. Can these marriages be saved?


Find out what happened on the show.


More July 2006 Show Boards.


As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

July 10, 2006, 6:48 pm CDT

07/11 Domestic Dollar Disputes

This topic always baffles me. Always.  I don't get keeping money separate. It shouldn't be a matter of who pays child support, child support is part of the family bills and it must be paid.

I don't get couples who keep their finances separate. It boggles my mind. Why would someone do that?
 
July 10, 2006, 7:32 pm CDT

Abuse

Quote From: Pleasance

you are a beautiful and intelligent woman--and you do have options....you have so much more power than you realize.  

   

What do you mean when you said...everyone told me half of this and half of that.....oh, I can guess...you are entitled to 1/2 of everything.....well.....let me see......from your profile.....your state is an equitable distribution state.  

   

Actually EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION MEANS FAIR AND EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION DETERMINED BY THE COURTS....THAT MEANS YOU COULD ACTUALLY END UP WITH MORE THAN 1/2 IF IT IS DETERMINED SO.  

   

You are entitled to your share of all property, assets and pensions, etc.....the length of your marriage is in your favor......there are many factors that can work in your favor.  

   

Even if things weren't titled or jointly held in your name also....they are your assets, too.  

   

I'm not so sure you OWED on everything...some of that explanation comes from him, doesn't it?  

   

You can look like you owe on paper for write offs....and still own plenty !!!!  

   

Accounting, laws, and taxes.  

   

You are protected with the law-----you are the spouse.    If he were to sell the house and hide the funds....that can be uncovered....the real estate transfers give that info....it s public information and recorded.   He has to be honest as the taxes will be due......and profits must show....difference between mortgages and what it sells for.....the rest is equity or profit.  

   

Funds that he invests in have paper trails....or trails and account info.....that are traceable with social security number....etc.         

   

If he would take it out lickety split and put it in someone else's name.....its traceable....as deductions are traceable....transfers are traceable and even if someone else's name is "dumb enough" to be used.....that is traceable....as $$ amounts over a certain amount have to be reported when accounts are invested and or banked.  

   

He is bound by laws to provide all accurate and truthful accounts when and if he is deposed.  

   

You can build your own credit history.  

   

You do have assets now....whether or not you believe that now.  

   

This abuse of his is not going to stop....he is temporarily in the "honeymoon stage" or the peaceful stage.....of the abuse cycle.....but it will end.....he will choose to end the phase and it will go into the tension building stage again.......then you know what comes next......the "blow up."  

   

Then we go round and round again.  

   

This is a long long time to have been abused.....you seem to be accepting it....not thinking that you have any options.  

   

Please seek counseling for yourself.  

   

Please call a Domestic Abuse hot-line for some resources and information.....a "support group"  

   

I care.  

   

Posting further on the abuse board to you.  

   

Please continue to post there.  

   

   

Thanks for caring!!!!  Finally someone that understands.  My kids don't.  The oldest does say she will NEVER marry....that men are horrilbe.  She is 31 now.  Sad huh? 

  

He did take one of OUR joint CDs when we separated 5 years ago and put it in our Grandsons name....so no one can "touch" it.  He has other CDs in HIS NAME. Checking account, and a Savings Acct.  He did have the Credit Union Account (HIS only)....then took it and put it in and Funds thing.  Where you are penalized if you take it out too soon......Ha...It is for "retirement".....silly....he has a retirement plan....at his job....401k or something.  Now he has Invested HIS Credit Union Account......so I suppose if i went after it the man would call him.......haahahhahah.   If "I" wanted it, I would let a lawyer go after it and the man couldnt do a darn thing.......... 

  

I dont like playing games.  I am not lookin for a divorce.  I just want to be TREATED right.  And The next time he comes up with "I dont treat him fairly becuse he makes the living"  I want to know how to handle it.  I want to have some "intelligence" on WHAT to say. 

  

Thanks again! 

  

 
July 10, 2006, 7:36 pm CDT

Money diputes

Quote From: purplepain

This topic always baffles me. Always.  I don't get keeping money separate. It shouldn't be a matter of who pays child support, child support is part of the family bills and it must be paid.

I don't get couples who keep their finances separate. It boggles my mind. Why would someone do that?
I am with YOU.  I dont understand it either.  but my husband insists that this is the way it is.  We have been married for 32 years almost.....and  5 years ago it all changed.   NOW, things have to be in HIS name only.  Because he is the bread winner I guess.
 
July 10, 2006, 7:58 pm CDT

stepmother

i have a  brother that is married to a woman and they have one child together and my brother has two boys from a previous marriage. One of the boys has come to live with them here in B.C..  This wife of my brother is not very nice or opened armed to either of these boys.  Never has been!  In consequence of this the one boy that is living here is starting to steal money.  Not lots of money but that doesn't matter he is still in the wrong.  Now the stepmother (which is my sister-in-law) wants him to move somewhere else or else she's leaving.  My brother is listening to her to keep the peace.  I just want to here your advice or opinions on this issue.  I have lots of other stories to tell about how unfair I feel she is to these boys and how their daughter is treated so much better but I could go on forever.
 
July 10, 2006, 8:59 pm CDT

07/11 Domestic Dollar Disputes

Quote From: lssanders

I am with YOU.  I dont understand it either.  but my husband insists that this is the way it is.  We have been married for 32 years almost.....and  5 years ago it all changed.   NOW, things have to be in HIS name only.  Because he is the bread winner I guess.
See, if my husband made a huge change like that I'd want him to get therapy. Any huge personality change should be addressed.
 
July 10, 2006, 10:41 pm CDT

It will be interesting to see if DR PHIL figured them out

I'm sure glad they don't use last names on talk shows...how embarassing. 

 

Chere' and Clint are someones relative...OMG...how embarassing.  Their mine...gee wiz 

 

What is wrong with these people. How can you speak to each other this way? Whateva happened to the good 'ol spankin from their parents...oh gosh...thats right. The parents act the same way. Figures. Apples arn't falling far from the tree are they? 

 

 

What is the real reason Clint is so angry and controling money with Chere'?  

 Let's see if DR PHIL can figure it out...which I'm sure he will. 

'I'm sure Chere' won't like the answers either.  

 

Be Nice To Each Other for CRYING OUT LOUD! 

 

I will respond after I watch the show. 

 

BB 

 

 

 

 

 
July 10, 2006, 11:42 pm CDT

money

I get myself in trouble because if i forget to tell my husband certain bills i paid he questions me on the money.   So i end up in the hole having to cover myself through lies.  Even though i have not foolishly spent the money.    This is caused me so much depression. 
 
July 11, 2006, 2:14 am CDT

Husbands Hoarding Money / Secret Accounts

While he's at work, I'd try to find bank statements for the secret accounts and keep a list of the account numbers and banks in my secret safe deposit box.  His paystubs and tax returns, too. Any man who hides money from his wife is up to no good (unless it's a surprise present for her).  He could be planning to leave, have an affair, or whatever - so be prepared just in case.  Maybe you should start hoarding, too - from your grocery money, hair money, Christmas money, whatever.  I heard of a woman who spent money, then wrote the grocery store name in her checkbook register when it was really cash. And when she went to the grocery store, she always wrote the check for a little more than the groceries.  Anyway, if you are in a community property state, you should have some protection.  You might consider keeping a secret diary of money coming and going from your house if you can track anything.  If may come in handy if he does leave you and you have to go to court. 

  

To the lady who found cash in the car glove compartment, I'd have been tempted to keep it in a case like that. 

 
July 11, 2006, 2:21 am CDT

I had a mean step-mother, too.

Quote From: baseball14

i have a  brother that is married to a woman and they have one child together and my brother has two boys from a previous marriage. One of the boys has come to live with them here in B.C..  This wife of my brother is not very nice or opened armed to either of these boys.  Never has been!  In consequence of this the one boy that is living here is starting to steal money.  Not lots of money but that doesn't matter he is still in the wrong.  Now the stepmother (which is my sister-in-law) wants him to move somewhere else or else she's leaving.  My brother is listening to her to keep the peace.  I just want to here your advice or opinions on this issue.  I have lots of other stories to tell about how unfair I feel she is to these boys and how their daughter is treated so much better but I could go on forever.
I had a step-mom like that!  Maybe the boy could stay with you or his mother because his life will surely be miserable with a woman like that.  It's a shame your brother doesn't stand up to her or let her leave.
 
July 11, 2006, 2:32 am CDT

07/11 Domestic Dollar Disputes

Quote From: Pleasance

It is and you are.  

   

He is abusing you.  

   

You NEED TO HELP YOU, AND YOUR LITTLE GIRLS.  

   

HE IS NOT WILLING TO STOP THIS BEHAVIOR AND IT WILL CONTINUE.  

   

I don't like hearing that he is buying GUNS and carrying them around with him.....and  HE IS WITHOUT THE PROPER PERMITS.  

   

THIS ALL SOUNDS DANGEROUS.  

   

AND OBVIOUSLY AGAINST THE LAW, TOO.  right.  

   

IS HE A VIOLENT MAN??  

   

has he battered or abused you or the girls ?  

   

I am concerned.  

   

Take care.  

   

   

I agree.  The gun thing sounds scary, especially carrying them around and his very uncaring attitude. Guns don't belong around children.  You may be in an unsafe situation and may need professional help to decide how to best deal with it. 

  

Men often change after you marry them vs. how they were before you married them, evn when you know them a long time. 

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Next | Last