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Topic : 07/11 Domestic Dollar Disputes

Number of Replies: 229
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Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:04:19 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Do you and your spouse constantly fight over money? The battle over the buck is causing friction for Dr. Phil's guests. Chere says her husband, Clint, watches their finances so closely, he makes her account for every cent spent — down to a pack of chewing gum. Clint says he has to be tight with the wallet, or they would be broke. Is Clint justified or is he using money to dominate? Then, meet a wife who has already filed for divorce because she's tired of carrying her husband's financial baggage, including paying his child support payments. Should she go through with the divorce or will her husband learn to change his ways. Can these marriages be saved?


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July 11, 2006, 4:28 am CDT

07/11 Domestic Dollar Disputes

Quote From: purplepain

This topic always baffles me. Always.  I don't get keeping money separate. It shouldn't be a matter of who pays child support, child support is part of the family bills and it must be paid.

I don't get couples who keep their finances separate. It boggles my mind. Why would someone do that?

My husband and I have separate accounts, and it works perfectly for us! We split the mortgage, and he pays the TV, electric, phone, pool, housekeeper, etc. Since I love to shop, I buy the groceries and clothes. He earns twice what I do so he pays all the extras (child support for his daughter, her school fees, property taxes that are $8000 a year, home and car insurance, HOA fees, travel, etc). We have joint retirement accounts, and contribute equal percentages of our income.   

   

This works so easily for us because we trust one another and have a super solid relationship. Whatever is left over from the bills we use for whatever we want...he's into motorcycles and computers, I'm into designer purses and shoes. Neither of us complains about what the other spends our extra $$ on, and the feeling of being able to buy whatever I want without having to discuss it first is an AWESOME feeling!   

 
July 11, 2006, 4:44 am CDT

07/11 Domestic Dollar Disputes

Quote From: xavierann

I just thought I would add this in.  Yes they DO have to pay ALL THE BILLS, it is their JOB AS A MAN.  If they are not MANLY enough to do their job, they need to "git".  YOu need to begin challenging their MANILINESS whenever they start to complain that they have to spend everything on you....that's right - I'M EXPENSIVE!  AND I KNOW YOU CAN AFFORD ME, SO BE A MAN AND DO YOUR JOB! 

Whoa. I think you just took women back 50 years.... 

  

If 2 people negotiate for a partner to pay the bills while the other stays home with the kids, that's one thing. But when a woman expects a man to fully "pay" for her without any contribution on her part she is robbing herself of her autonomy and self-respect.   

  

We pay for things, not people. 

 
July 11, 2006, 5:10 am CDT

You have to be joking!!!

Quote From: xavierann

I just thought I would add this in.  Yes they DO have to pay ALL THE BILLS, it is their JOB AS A MAN.  If they are not MANLY enough to do their job, they need to "git".  YOu need to begin challenging their MANILINESS whenever they start to complain that they have to spend everything on you....that's right - I'M EXPENSIVE!  AND I KNOW YOU CAN AFFORD ME, SO BE A MAN AND DO YOUR JOB! 

If this is truly your attitude, then I give my sympathy to anyone you might convince to marry you because they are in for a sad, sad life. 

  

  

 
July 11, 2006, 5:33 am CDT

07/11 Domestic Dollar Disputes

Quote From: purplepain

See, if my husband made a huge change like that I'd want him to get therapy. Any huge personality change should be addressed.
Yes, he needs something.  But He is Mr. Right and everyone else is wrong and women are out to get what they want out of a man!
 
July 11, 2006, 6:40 am CDT

$$$$$ just a symptom

Clint and Chere's problems have LITTLE to do with money! Dr. Phil is right, money is merely one symptom of lots of other problems. Lack of communication would be #1 on that long list!  

  

As someone who has been married just shy of 17 years, I can tell you that couples argue over "stuff" and avoid the real issues. Money is just "stuff" in Clint and Chere's case.  

  

Hopefully they will get couseling so they will honor their marriage vows and do what's best for their children. They owe it to God and their children to do EVERYTHING within their power to make the marriage work. And it can:) I wish them well.  

 
July 11, 2006, 6:42 am CDT

Lying is always a No No

Quote From: basicme

I get myself in trouble because if i forget to tell my husband certain bills i paid he questions me on the money.   So i end up in the hole having to cover myself through lies.  Even though i have not foolishly spent the money.    This is caused me so much depression. 

Lying is NEVER good. It always hurts people and it will come back and bite you in the butt. 

  

Read DAVE RAMSEY'S "Financial Peace" and "Financial Peace Revisited" (there's also a 3rd book/tape). Since we have been on this budget (that includes giving back to society as a good Christian), our lives are so much easier and more honest. 

  

When we respect our spouses and our marital union, we invest in HONESTLY. Come clean and have faith in your spouse that he loves you and will work WITH you to get your family on the straight and narrow when it comes to finances.  

  

God bless. You can do it! 

 
July 11, 2006, 6:48 am CDT

"We teach people how to treat us"

Quote From: takchances

I am a single 46 year old whom for the last 2 years has lived with a Man whom controls not only his money but what I do with mine.  We used to have a joint account for household expenses but in all honesty I am the one having to pay everything. 

  

He does contribute somewhat but usually whatever money I get from him I use to pay bills mine as I have been out of work for 2 years and went back to school. I recently had to withdraw from my classes as I became ill. He does not help me or support me in anyway, yet I do everything around the house from running his errands, my errands, clean, cook. He has it made. He has a great job owns alot of rental property's but yet we never have the money to go anywhere or take me out, but yet he plenty of money to take his ex-wife out and spend weekends away with her. 

Money is NOT your problem. It's merely a symptom. 

  

The fact that you are not #1 in his life (along with his children, of course) speaks volumes. And the fact that he chooses his ex over you is unacceptable (even once is too much). Remember what the good doctor says,"We teach people how to treat us." You are ASKING for the treatment you are getting by your inability or non desire to stand up for yourself. 

  

You've allowed your treatment for too long. If your relationship was built on love, he wouldn't disrespect you the way he does. What you have is a sexual relationship with housework added in. That's not love and you should be asking yourself why you would allow anyone to treat you that way. 

  

You CAN do better for yourself, but you have to believe in yourself first. He wont' change so you have to. And why o' why would you live with a man anyway? Be strong and independent and wait until you find the man who will treat you with dignity and respect...and marry you. At least marriage laws will protect  you some. You're getting nothing (but disrespect) in your current relationship.  

  

God bless you. You need to stand up for you. I know you can do it!  

 
July 11, 2006, 6:52 am CDT

Partners not Adversaries!

Quote From: breez36

I have been married for 11 years and for the most I paid 1/2 mortgage,all car truck,boats or any type of insurance that is  all house,health also,the food,I paid all credit cards (mostly my husband things) I f I buy anything mostly for the house or yard. gas bill for the house,he pays 1/2 mortgage,lights,phone and cable but yet he thinks he pays the most and he take the rst of his money and do what ever he likes mostly on him. He tells people that I am selfness,controling and he really talks crap about me and I do love him but I know that he is not really happy it is just the material things and I hate it but feel like I am the one at blame for all the trouble I just want us ( me & him ) to be happy and do things together  as a couple not wiht his family all the times. Please help. 

  

Marriage is a partnership. YOu should like adversaries. Money is not your problem; it's just a symptom of your problem.  

  

If you truly love eachother, find a way to sit down and hold hands. Speak quietly telling him how you are feeling (don't condemn him by telling him he's not doing this or saying that, etc). Ask him how he feels about your relationship/situation. If you can't do it without professional help, than SEEK professional couseling for both of you (or for at least you). 

  

I have been married almost 17 years. I stay home. My husband works (outside the home:). His money is my money is our money. We are a team. We do our best to have a happy home, which is always best for children involved. There's no MINE or YOURS...it's all OURS. That's the type of marriage God intended and it's the only type of marriage that works well (God is no dummy:). 

  

Talk with him now or keep waiting and being unhappy. It's your choice. Good luck. I have faith in you! 

 
July 11, 2006, 6:58 am CDT

Bad attitude

Quote From: xavierann

I just thought I would add this in.  Yes they DO have to pay ALL THE BILLS, it is their JOB AS A MAN.  If they are not MANLY enough to do their job, they need to "git".  YOu need to begin challenging their MANILINESS whenever they start to complain that they have to spend everything on you....that's right - I'M EXPENSIVE!  AND I KNOW YOU CAN AFFORD ME, SO BE A MAN AND DO YOUR JOB! 

Watch it! When you say "I'm expensive and I know you can afford me" you seriously should like a prostitute. That attitude is exactly why women are getting such a bad rap these days. 

  

Men and women should be individuals who can support themselves. That's why kids should finish school and either go to trade school or some type of college. Once they are self-supportive, THAN they are able to make it in this world should they desire to stay single, should they marry and then divorce or should their spouses die.  

  

I stay home while my husband works outside the home. We made a deal (a partnership) to do what's best for our children. I gladly left my profession to spend time w/ (and raise) OUR children. However, I don't feel it's my husand's job to support me nor is it my job to support him....it's BOTH our jobs to love and honor eachother and that means RESPECTING eachother. That word seemed to be left out of your post. My spouse respects me by earning a living so I can stay home with the children. I respect ALL that he does for me (and our family) and I make sure he hears it often (I also show him I respect what he does by my actions...taking care of the bills, running errands, being involved in our children's schooling, cooking a family meal, etc). 

  

If you don't show respect, you're likely not to receive it either. I'd rethink your post. You should silly and cheap. 

 
July 11, 2006, 7:03 am CDT

Partners working together

Quote From: roni247

This is the main reason why the divorce rate is so high. Everyone is looking for the other to provide for them. Whatever happen to 50/50. The wife haveing to pay his child support payment is really too much.  We all want to have relationships that we are willing to pay at any cost. My favorite saying " If you like it then I love it.  

The divorce rate is so high NOT because of any 50/50 equation. The divorce rate is so high because people are selfish and hedonistic. They want to marry in a church yet they don't honor anything God teaches. They treat marriage as something that should always be fun and happy and they ditch it when it becomes routine or troublesome. They are selfish, selfish, selfish (along with being very immature) 

  

Nothing is ever 50/50. That's a dream. However, everyone should be contributing and couples should view their marriages as partnerships, not adversarial relationships. When we treat our spouses with respect and honor our vows, the rest falls into place.  

  

Smart saying you quoted.....as my husband always says, when your new wife asks what makes you happy, always respond, "Whatever makes you happy, Dear." I just love smart men:) 

 
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