Topic : 07/11 Domestic Dollar Disputes

Quote From: bobnwa

Do you think having a child will make you happier?  Ma'am, you are only going to make matters worse by bringing a child into this world when you are already struggling with money. Period. 

  

If this is your first child, expect to spend between $2,000 and $5,000 in costs for the first year.  Sure the memories are priceless, but memories can't buy milk, diapers and clothes. 

  

If you have a girl, expect to pay three times as much as a boy for EVERYTHING! 

  

If you are having debt problems now, just wait till you and your spouse are getting 1/3 the sleep you are getting now, have three times the amount of stuff you have now, and are spending 2/3 less time together over the next two years. 

  

Yes, bringing a child into this world is a blessing, but if you are not ready financially, DON'T DO IT! 

Quote From: azuil1

 I don't know what kind of debt you're in and frankly it sounds like you both know what the problem is. Fighting about the same problem doesn't solve it...you have to talk about ways to take care of the problem. Talk about what you both think the problems are...write it down if you have to...then once you've truly determined what the problems are...start brainstorming about way to solve it instead of arguing about it, otherwise you'll just go in circles. 

  

My husband and I were having some money problems but we didn't fight about it, we just decided to work long and hard to pay off our credit card bills. We decided not to buy new clothes, go out to eat as much, and we used our tax refund to pay off as much of our debt as we could and eventually...we were credit card debt free. You have to sacrifice some of the luxuries...such as smoking for instance, or drinking, going out to eat all the time, ordering in for pizza, and yes martial arts weapons would be considered a luxury. Talk about what you guys "need" to cut out in order to save money to pay of your bills. If neither of you are willing to sacrifice...then you had best think twice about having children because children are not only expensive, but you have to do a lot of sacrificing on many levels. 

Quote From: bpdwoman

Issanders thank you too for responding to my post! As I told judyblue22 I found a phone # for legal aid. I called today but was caller 11 and they only take the first 8 callers...why I don't know. I will hang in there and I WILL BE CALLER #1 next time. I did apply for food stamps and got them. They also helped me get counseling for $29 a month which he b****ed about paying. Now (his) company is making more money so no more food stamps. I can't go to counseling because of the $. Any money that comes in goes right back out for him to buy more gear (which he really does not need). I am lucky enough to have my therapist call me once in awhile...thank God!...she helps some. My mom has offered to help but she is barely making ends meet. I applied for SSI but was turned down because the Dr. claims I can work 4 hours a day. I live in the country and any money I make would all go for fuel. I will also talk to social services again and see if there is anything they can do for me. Thanks again...for giving me hope.

Quote From: lssanders

I can really sympathize with you on this subject.  My husband complains that he pays ALL the household bills, etc.  and that I am "using him".  I have worked for 20 years in a "joint" business that we had for no pay at all!!!  That was untile we sold it 3 years ago.  He horded the profits and "hid" money from the sale of the business.  I found some cash that he had hidden in his glove box at one time.  It had come from his parents safe where they had "hidden" part of the "cash" for him.  I never had the guts to confront him of this.  As he would deny it anyway!!!  He would buy things and I would ask him where he got "that" kind of money and he said one time "I worked it out"!   Well, where was MY "working out" cash for all them years.    

When he got bent out two weeks ago about him paying for all the bills, etc. I reminded him of how I have always worked, but never got paid for doing it.  I iron, wash, cook good meals, keep the house clean, etc.  His answer was, "then stop, I can take care of myself!" 

I just am not sure what to do at this point.  I cannot get over this situation.  It eats at me night and day!  I wish I had the means to go to college and take some classes.  I tried that one time and took ONE course, and was told to stop.  That I had had enough of that!   

We have been married almost 32 years, and since I stayed at home with the kids when they were little, and then worked in our business for 20 years, I have not had much education.  I am just not sure what to do or how to handle this craziness. 

Quote From: tina1953

they will get a forensic accountant to go over his "books," "receipts," records," etc. and he will have produce these items to comply with subpoenas served on his abusive jerk self.  a court of law will determine what amount of money you should be compensated for working for 20 years and not being paid, plus alimony and child support.  there is no way mommy can "hide" away proceeds earned and that you deserve in a 32 year marriage.  retain an attorney and make this jerk pay the attorneys' fees.  that's the way family law complaints are written.  they ask for spousal, child support plus attorneys' fees.  good luck to you and get rid of this bum and get on with your life.  there is someone nice out there for you and I guarantee, no judge is going to let you walk away from a 32 year marriage penniless.  you are already penniless.  quit cleaning up after the slob!

Quote From: bpdwoman

fsunole thank you also for your response to my post. I am sorry for your sister and your nephew.  You said she was in this situation and I hope everything is better for her and your nephew now. You don't know how correct you are when you say I helped him build his net worth, made his house a home (his words), and gave him the best years of my life. I never thought of getting help from my church. Thanks for the suggestion I will see what they can do. I must admit that I am worried about backlash from my husband if he finds out I went to the church. Being Lutheran my husband strongly believes he has the last word in all decision making. I hope the pastor doesn't see it that way. My husband has him believing he is the worlds greatest husband. I know the pastor would be shocked if he knew what went on behind closed doors. Will he believe me? Will he call my husband? Wow...now I'm not sure what to do. Maybe a different church would help?  

   

Quote From: pariah

My husband will not pay his child support, or any other bills for that matter.  I've tried just letting it go, but his ex bad-mouths him to their son when she doesn't get money, and it really upsets him.  The kid is 15 years old, and knows what's going on.  I just can't stand to see him hurting, so I make the payments for his sake.  (I pay all the other bills to protect my credit.) 

Quote From: munceydee

I am a 32 year old married mother of two girls.  My husband and I were married and then divorced a year later.  Both of our children came during the period of time we were divorced. We were remarried a little over a year ago.  My husband promised me he had "changed" and that he would be more responsible than before. After all, over 10 years had passed since our first marriage.   

I purchased a house before our first marriage and when I left, my husband stayed in the house for a short time. After a while, he left the state and allowed his sister and brother-in-law to live there and "pay rent". They, of course, did not, and he also chose to stop paying the mortgage. I only found out about this after we had reconciled and were engaged to be married again. I was served with papers, the mortgage company was suing, as he had not paid a mortgage payment in over a year. He had been living with his sister because he was "remodeling" the house. Basically, he had gutted the entire thing and it was sitting empty. Knowing this, I still remarried him. I still thought we could work things out.   

Long story longer, a year after being remarried, he's working full time at a minimum wage job and his checks are garnished to pay for the house that is still sitting empty. I am working a full time job that I hate and paying ALL the bills, including rent....because our home is unliveable. I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and he continues to tell me that he has no money to help with. He does, however, come home every few days with new movies and video games that he has purchased, and, of course, he is never without cigarettes.   

I am amazed at the number of women out there with similar stories to mine. When I was growing up, the man of the house provided, no questions. I realize that this is all largely my fault.  

 Things are never as clear as when they are in black and white, and as I re-read what I have just written, I am sick to my stomach. If this were my best friend, even an acquaintance, I would tell her to leave (or, better yet, make him leave). Yet I'm still here. I guess in a way I feel like I've "made my bed", and now I need to lie in it.   

Don't know what to do, where to turn, where to start....I don't want my girls seeing their mother in and out of a relationship with their father. HELP!!!!!