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Topic : 07/12 A Predator in the House?

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Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:05:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The FBI estimates that there is one child molester per square mile in the United States. Could that predator be in your home?  Could it be your husband, your father, or your trusted friend? Kitty considers reconciling with her ex-husband, James, but worries that he may have inappropriately touched his 15-year-old daughter. James says he’s just showing love and affection toward his child, but Kitty is making him look like a pervert. Is Kitty overreacting, or is James crossing the line? Then, Trista’s ex-boyfriend, Aaron, has been accused of molestation by her 5-year-old female cousin. Aaron says he is completely innocent and will do anything to prove it. Trista has trouble believing him, and refuses to reconcile until she knows the truth. Plus, Elizabeth says her husband of nearly 20 years destroyed a once normal life when he used their 8-year-old daughter, Emily, as bait to molest her young male friends. Now that he’s in prison, Elizabeth is faced with challenging questions from her daughter. Is your child being groomed by a pedophile? Join the discussion.

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July 18, 2006, 11:47 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: shynsmom94

ok did everyone watch the same show as I did? I do believe that Kitty said if her step daughter needed her dad to help her with her tampon that he said he would, I did not hear him say he did help her with it... I'm finding it hard to believe everyone is guilty until proven innocent, or at least that's the way the world is working now.     

My husband has just gone through this same kind of situation, and let me tell you it has turned all our worlds upside down! (and yes he was proven innocent by everyone but the accuser).  We have an 11 year old daughter whom my husband and I love and adore more than life itself, it took us 10 long years of heartbreak after heartbreak to get her. My husband it self employed and works long hours, I'm a stay at home mom. When my husband comes home my daughter runs and jumps into his arms because she has missed him so much.  She also sometimes can not fall asleep at night for several reasons (could be scared of somthing, could just be missing daddy, could be she had a rough day at school etc.), she will ask her dad to lay with her for a little while, until she falls asleep (and he does, and has since she was 8, before that she would lay with us until she feel asleep and then we would put her in her bed, but since 8 she's gotten to heavy to carry her to bed, so he lays in her bed). Alot of times he falls asleep with her (or even before her) because he's so tired, but before I go to bed I wake him up and he comes to bed with me.   

This accuser is my daughters natural father (our daughter is adopted) (we also became very good friends with him, so we thought). We let him take her once a month so he could be part of her life also. She hated going with him once a month, but we still sent her because it meant so much to him. Bottom line was he felt like somthing was going on because she showed my husband more love and attention than he got from her. He felt that my husband and daughters relationship was too much.  He actually played on our friendship to help him out with his case, he snuck into our home and put a tape recorder into my daughters room and retrieved it later.  Of course all there was on the tape was my husband and daughter doing prayers and then my husband snoring, but he still took this to the police. That's when our world got turned upside down along with my daughters.     

The police went to my daughters school and talked with her, when I picked her up from school she told me the police came and talked with her and she told me what they asked (she was confused, she didn't understand why they would ask these kinds of questions about her dad). I called my husband and then we called the police to find out what was going on. The police found him innocent right off by talking with our daughter.  But the natural father would not let it go, he believed something was up, so he hired a pollygrapher so my husband could take a pollygraph test, and my husband did, just to ease his mind (the natural father) and passed with flying colors.  Do you know this man still believes my husband is guilty and won't let it go. Needless to say our daughter won't have anything to do with her natural father anymore (she refuses to see him, and in my heart I now can not make her go), she has good reason to not want to see him, he tried to have her daddy in jail, she knows how that all works she's 11.    

So when I say your guilty until proven innocent, you are, you have to prove to everyone your not this horrible person your just a loving father.  My husband now is so nervous about showing our daughter affection at all. I feel this has changed their relationship a lot, he second guesses everything he does with her (and how is that fair to either one of them?) and he never did before.   

Sherri   

This is the sad "flip-side" of the Child Abuse issue.  Having an innocent man accused of something that he did not do!  I am the Author of the message board on DR Phil's  entitled :"A Child's Voice Connection..".  And the mission there is to help prevent Child Abuse and Abductions.  The link is: 

  

http://www.drphil.com/messageboard/topic/999 

  

I'm sorry to see that you and your family was put through such an ordeal.  It is not surprising though.  We have so many high-profiled cases of child abuse in this country and other parts of the world, it's sad that someone would attempt to fabricate accusations against a good husband and father in order to attempt to destroy something good.   

  

Good families and parents seem to be becoming the exception instead of the rule.  And I agree with the topic statement that the FBI believes there is one sexual predator on every block.  I would say it's at least this, if not 2 or more.  The thing is, one can never tell when someone will become a sexual predator.  People who are pedophiles by nature come out of the wood works every day.  And the sad thing is that so many go undetected. 

  

Statistics show that 1 in 4 girls are molested by the age of 18.  But I think that it is closer to 50%, considering the smaller things, touching, etc. 

  

But thank God for good homes such as yours, and I am so glad you and your husband took the steps right off to prove his innocence.  Good for you. 

  

djmatt 

  

 
July 18, 2006, 12:22 pm CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: lizzywild

If you knew if was a molester then why let him back into your life....for money....you should have just went out and prosituted yourself instead of your boys, because as far as I'm concerned that's what you did...you sold your kids....you are sick....and don't mention God...you have no right after what you did...are just plain stupid? 

I would never let anyone around my kids who had been charged....I never let anyone babysit my kids..unless i really need to...and i would rather live in a box on the street than let any one of my kids get molelested.. you are to blame and that makes me angry.....some real mothers we have out there.... 

The more i read of your story the madder i got. What were you thinking? Letting a man like this not only once but at least 3 times into your home. Shame shame on you!! A mother should be willing to die for her children not use them for a roof over her head. 7 yrs. ago I gave birth to twins at the ripe old age of 36. Their father, a man whom i never married became abusive while i was pregnant with them. He was living with me and my 2 older boys. He never molested my kids or did anything abusive to them only me. I put up with this for 6 mo. because i thought i coukld never make it on my own being pregnant and all. When the twins were 2 mo. old i decided i wasn't going to take this anymore. After all if God thinks enough of me to give me 4 children to take care of then i should love myself just as much. He has entrusted me with his angels. I lived in a government housing authority for 2 yrs. I did not accept child support for my twins. I wanted no strings attached to this monster. The judge even let me waive child support because he knew of this mans history. I faced him in court without a lawyer and i won!!  He had an expensive lawyer and was seeking liberal visitation. I stood my ground anyway just me and God. i even later changed their last names to my maiden name. I lived on a very small budget working at a grocery store for the next 4 yrs. I finally quit that job for a better one in sales. I have only 8 mo ago purchased a very nice brick home in a nice residential area in my town. The twins are now a happy 7 yrs. old and my oldest boy just graduated with honors and a full scholarship. I am still single very happy and very independent. What i am saying a good parent never sells out when it comes to her children. Stand up and fight whether you are broke or not .
 
July 18, 2006, 1:03 pm CDT

Predator? or not? guilty or not?

OK here goes...a story....my husband managed the trailer park we live in part time while being a law enforcement officer of 18 years. I work nights from 6pm to 6am.....in security.....I got woke up one morning by some old man around 7:30am....after just getting to sleep....not in a great mood as it was, really. He asked me if we were park managers...I said my husband was yes.....he then said "Well I live right around the corner....I just picked some vegetables out of my garden (nothing was in his hands and no bag etc.) I was wanting to give them to my grand daughter....she is about 6 or 7 years old with blonde hair and she lives here in this park, somewhere" Could you tell me which lot she is in"? (it's his grand daughter and he doesn't know where she lives? at this time of morning?) 

 I said "No, I know none of who lives where in the park." He got mad and started yelling at me... 

"but your husband is manager, you should know who lives where and what their names are"  

I then informed him that EVEN if I knew I would absolutely NOT tell him anyway! His statement then was 'You mean to tell me that you don't know who I'm talking about & will not tell me?" I said "no I will not, if she is your grand daughter should should already have that information." That my husband nor I give out any information. It was then he kept ranting & raving about how it was his grand daughter....how he had the right to know where she lived....how he had picked the vegetables especially for her that morning....and how he thought I should tell him period! I finally had to just slam the door in his face and waited to see if he would leave or I would have to call the police, he was so irate! 

What is NOT right about this picture? Right off the bat was the "red flags".....it is true, I would not have given him ANY information what so ever....and I really did not know the little girl....I sleep days after 12 hours of working nights.  

Sorry folks this story has all the "common sense" ear marks of a predator...pedophile....etc.  

#1 Grand daughter but doesn't know where she lives 

#2 Vegetables but has nothing 

#3 Getting so mad because of not getting the information he wanted 

#4 Old man that lived around the corner but no name etc. 

#5 Even the time of morning 

#6 Just a little blonde girl around 6 or 7....no other information like her name...her mothers name etc. 

  

  

 
July 18, 2006, 1:11 pm CDT

Predator

Quote From: perlberg

I am the mother of two boys and both my sons were sexually abused, assaulted and threatened by the same persons.  It was all of my fault.  I knew that my ex-husband had sexually molested and assaulted 2 boys in up state New York, yet when I needed money I did contact him to find out if he had been paying the court ordered child support.  He had been and then we started talking.  It worked he worked himself into our lives.  He is the biological father of my eldest son.  I still constantly questioned what he had said.  "Why did you plead guilty to lesser charges and spend over a year in the county jail"?  Again another lie was given to me and it sounded truthful.  You see predators are very good at lying and convincing you that they hadn't done what they were accused of.  It took almost 4 years before my older son told me what was happening.  I knew before he even told me, only because I knew what he had done in the past.  I went for my gun.  At first I didn't hear my son asking me questions.  I had my hand on the gun and I guess to be honest God stepped in and made me hear my son.  He was asking me what we were going to do?  I took my hand off the gun and told him to quietly get dressed we were going to my best friends house and then to the police department.  We did just that and the police came to the house and arrested him.  I allowed him into my home even though I knew what he had done in New York, all because I wanted to keep a roof over our heads.  That was the first biggest mistake I had ever make.  I really didn't think that he would ever touch his own sons but that is no excuse for putting my son into danger the way I did.  He plead not guilty of course.  The very next day I put my son into therapy.  Because I was allowing my ex to help me pay the bills even though he was out of the house and was not seeing my son, the State of California make him a ward of the court.  My ex was court ordered to go to therapy and he did at first.  He was also not to call the house for fear that my son would answer the phone.  On July fourth he did call and thank God I was in the house and my son was outside playing.  He asked if I would allow my son, myself and any friends including my sons thearptist to go to Disneyland, and he would pay for everything.  I told him that I would have to call the thearptist and would let him know later.  After hanging up I immediatley called his thearptist and told him what he had said.  He wanted to talk to my son.  I told my son to come in the house and he then talked to his thearptist.  I remember hearing him say "Hell no." and he gave me back the phone.  I asked to theraptist to please call my ex and tell him, which he did.  That started the ball rolling and my ex was arrested and plead guilty and got 8 years in a state prison in California.  Years later I had met another man.  At the time I had no idea that he was a drug user and an alcoholaic.  I really didn't love him but we had a son togerther.  My boys are 15 years apart.  Because of him we had been in a car accident and I had suffered a severe brain injury.  I am now totally disabled.  I had put in for Social Security.  I knew that I had to get him out of our lives and I prayed to God to help me to get him out of our house.  it worked and he broke my nose and ran home to mommy.  When my social security came in I bought a car and my sons and I moved to Montana.  I was able to buy a home but I didn't know that it wasn't a fixed mortgage and it kept going up every 6 months.  I had been getting child support through the state but they did tell my ex-husband who had gotten out of prison after 4 years and was living in Mass. the state I was in.  I had called the prison in California and talked to numerous people and they told me that he was just fine and was cured of ever wanting to touch another child.  Not knowing I believed them and so did my older son.  I had called my ex where he was working and told him that I needed more money than he was sending, he had put in for hardship because he didn't make enough money.  That started the ball rolling for my young son to be molested by my ex-husband.  After talking to him, he had asked if he could come for a 2 week visit during his vacation.  I talked with my older son and he agreed.  He would tell him that he had better not touch his brother.  He did come and he did not touch my youngest son.  About a month later he had called and asked if he could move in and help me to pay the bills so that I wouldn't loose the house?  I talked with my older son and he said yes, only because he was also taken in by him.  Within 7 to 10 days he was molesting, assautling, threatening my young son.  It took him 3 years to tell me what was going on. 

The point of this story is that no child molester can ever be changed.  They don't care who they hurt and what it takes for them to get what they want.  Both of my sons had changed and I didn't realize what was going on.  My oldest son for some reason wouldn't stay at home.  As much as he hated going grocery shopping all of a sudden he wanted to go with me.  He had gained weight and his grades in school went down.  I should have realized that something was wrong.  My ex would buy him anything he wanted, no matter what it cost.  Because of the part of my brain had died because of the accident I had forgotten so much from the past and that is why I didn't realize the same thing was happening to my youngest son.  That is no excuse.  All of this is my fault.  Please watch your children and any changes and the most important thing is to get them into therapy right away.  And please believe what they are telling you and get to the police, don't let what I did happen to your children.  God Bless to all and remember the most important thing in our lives is our children. 

I've seen how folks have responded to you and I'm going to express it to you in a different way.  I'll use mother's as an example simply because you are a mother and it's easier that way. 

  

Women often are in a co-dependent role, which means that they feel that are not worthy of love and will do anything to keep a man in their life. They attach their self worth to whomever it is they are with and become completely dependent on this person. This is a major self-esteem and worth issue and can be absolutely devastating to you and your family. 

  

Empowering yourself is the most difficult thing to do. It's a lot of hard work and it's much easier to keep a man around regarldess of how he treats you and/or your children because you don't feel you can do it on your own. 

  

When all the coping mechanisms fail we wind up making unhealthy choices that not only affect us, but those whom we care about...for example your own children. 

  

Many women put their needs first because they are so overwhelmed that they cannot see beyond what their current issue is...for example the need to have a man in their lives. Co-dependency is a set-up for abuse because the abuser is the one that is in need to be control, and the co-dependent person is the one who is desperate whether it be financial, emotional, or a multitude of things. 

  

I'm not going to beat you up because you have plenty of that from yourself amongst others. What you need to do is seriously take a look at why you are making these kinds of choices and if you are continuing to make unwise choices...look at why that might be. Get yourself some help. That will help you and your children. Empower yourself...your perception of the world around you will change and it's an amazing world if you allow it to be. You owe it to yourself and your children. 

 
July 18, 2006, 4:01 pm CDT

WHY REPORT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE in 72 HOURS

If the sexual assault has occurred within 72 hours of a physical examination, forensic evidence collection should be conducted. Rape evidence collection kits are available in the emergency department of most hospitals.   

  

Medical problems include anogenital trauma, bleeding, irritation or discharge, dysuria, frequent urinary tract infections, encopresis, enuresis (especially after continence has been achieved), pregnancy, diagnosis of a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and oral trauma.   

  

Children may present with somatic complaints such as recurrent abdominal pain or frequent headaches resulting from the psychologic stress.  Sexual acting-out behavior is the most specific indicator of possible sexual abuse.  

  

Hope it helps!   

   

 
July 18, 2006, 8:03 pm CDT

I may have finally stopped my ex..

I posted twice on here days ago. My ex is a pedophile. Level 1 and is living with his fiancee who knew full well his charge when she met him and she had to wait for him to get off probation to move in with him...I fell for his lies once but realized he was guillty..I decided I was going to play his buddy, in IM's and E-mails..I talked to him for over a year. Sunday night he sent me the email I had been waiting for. I had to lie to him for the past few months..working up to the point where I told him I was into certain very disgusting things. He fel for it, he didnt trust me right off, but eventually he started to open up. He still would never admit to touching our 3 daughters, however he did admit to thinking about it, He lied for the past 3 yrs about this new woman, he was hiding it from everyone in their small town. Even the detectives didnt know. His brother finally told me about her..and the 2 sons..my ex just kept saying he wasnt with her and that blood tests showed neither kid was his. All lies. Pedophiles are great liars they plan things out, so they can keep doing what they want to do. They have no feelings, no real love. They only think about how they can get sex with a child. It is a sickness that doesnt stop. Anyway my ex wrote me and email he detailed having sex with his 6 month old son! I asked him 50 questions..acing like his pal. I had called cps before but they said since I didnt have his address they couldnt do anything. Not this time. I called cps I told them I had the emails...that he admitted penetration, that he said it was when they went camping and he had sent his fiancee to get water which was 45 mins away. I asked him also what if his fiancee finds out, he said he would have to deal with her before she could tell anyone. This morning a detective called me, I emailed him the emails..also cps called me back, I sent that worker the emails. He lied about not having to register(I knew he had to register for life) he still had his moms address listed. He admitted in the emails to living with his fiancee and kids. I dont know exactly what happens next, I also told the detective that my ex had said he watched people have sex with kids over yahoo IM. The detective said they were getting a warrant for his computer right then. I dont know if they found where he is living..I know it is probably where the girl was living before he moved in. I dont want her to lose her kids, however she is an adult she knew his charge and she chose to believe him. I dont know if there will be proof there was penetration..I dont think he would have lied about that as he seems to get off talking about it. He is sick and has no right being around those 2 boys. His family backs him fully and they all told this girl he was set up before(on his first charge) and that he  plead guilty to avoid prison. It hurts me though that she has left these boy with this predator while she works all day. I know what a liar he can be...he said things when I asked him wuetions some thing rang true for me..I asked him if he changed the baby all the time, I remember when we had our kids..he wanted to be the one to change them, he wanted to be the one to tuck them in. he wanted to always be the boss. the king of the castle. He was also a control freak. he cut me off from my family then no one liked him in my family. I guess they saw what I didnt. He has done the same to this girl her family has pretty much disowned her. He wa even planning on moving her out of state. I was crying reading his emails after each question I asked as I realized had I walked in on him molesting one of my kids. He would have killed me. I cannot believe it but it is true, He is a pedophile, it is all about molesting. Men who are deviant like my ex are not totally stupid. It took me a long time to get his trust. as I said he kept his fiancee and the babies hidden form anyone in the town they live in...his P.O's anyone. I really dont know if I have helped anyone..well I have helped these little boys I hope, that is to be seen. These men will say they didnt do it...of course. Pedophiles cannot be rehabilitated...even if they go through treatment they can never be near kids again. It doesnt magically go away it isnt the flu. These men have a sexual attraction to our kids! I feel that if you know a man has molested a child and you pick that man, your picking that man over the safety of your kids, and maybe even yourself and your kids should be taken. I am taking criminal justice soon. Even though I am going to be 34 soon, I dont know what I want to do after that, mabe be a probation officer and try to watch some of these pedophiles better. I do know thre are so many pedophiles it is almost impossible to watch them totally. My ex is definately a sociopath, I dont know if I will be called into court about the emails, I dont know if I will ever find out what happens to him or the case. They took his comp today, I really hope they removed the boys from the house. My x also used to make comments about the kids. Inapropriate comments about how hard they would suck on the bottle and how they would make their husbands happy one day. I think we as woman/mothers do have a sixth sense about things...but a lot of times esp. if we have been abused we dont want to see the signs that are sometimes right there in our faces. It isnt men who ove their kids we need to watch out for...I know some men have been accused because an ex is mad. It is the men, husbands,boyfriends,family members..anyone that makes inappropriate comments trys spend an unreasonable amount of alone time with kids. My ex would try to be near any kids, as if he was rescuing them..he always acted as if he was everyones savior and put all blame on me about his past. His fiancee believes I am the psycho ex. It amazes me this woman knows his charge yet doesnt notice he always wants to be the one changing the baby.  I would hope if any gets an odd feeling about anything going on with their kids they would listen to that. It is better to find out if something is going on than to ignore the signs and feelings and then find out later on that it was happening, for everyone involved.  I am rambling now..Thanks.   :)
 
July 19, 2006, 4:35 am CDT

Courage

Quote From: cncarter

I posted twice on here days ago. My ex is a pedophile. Level 1 and is living with his fiancee who knew full well his charge when she met him and she had to wait for him to get off probation to move in with him...I fell for his lies once but realized he was guillty..I decided I was going to play his buddy, in IM's and E-mails..I talked to him for over a year. Sunday night he sent me the email I had been waiting for. I had to lie to him for the past few months..working up to the point where I told him I was into certain very disgusting things. He fel for it, he didnt trust me right off, but eventually he started to open up. He still would never admit to touching our 3 daughters, however he did admit to thinking about it, He lied for the past 3 yrs about this new woman, he was hiding it from everyone in their small town. Even the detectives didnt know. His brother finally told me about her..and the 2 sons..my ex just kept saying he wasnt with her and that blood tests showed neither kid was his. All lies. Pedophiles are great liars they plan things out, so they can keep doing what they want to do. They have no feelings, no real love. They only think about how they can get sex with a child. It is a sickness that doesnt stop. Anyway my ex wrote me and email he detailed having sex with his 6 month old son! I asked him 50 questions..acing like his pal. I had called cps before but they said since I didnt have his address they couldnt do anything. Not this time. I called cps I told them I had the emails...that he admitted penetration, that he said it was when they went camping and he had sent his fiancee to get water which was 45 mins away. I asked him also what if his fiancee finds out, he said he would have to deal with her before she could tell anyone. This morning a detective called me, I emailed him the emails..also cps called me back, I sent that worker the emails. He lied about not having to register(I knew he had to register for life) he still had his moms address listed. He admitted in the emails to living with his fiancee and kids. I dont know exactly what happens next, I also told the detective that my ex had said he watched people have sex with kids over yahoo IM. The detective said they were getting a warrant for his computer right then. I dont know if they found where he is living..I know it is probably where the girl was living before he moved in. I dont want her to lose her kids, however she is an adult she knew his charge and she chose to believe him. I dont know if there will be proof there was penetration..I dont think he would have lied about that as he seems to get off talking about it. He is sick and has no right being around those 2 boys. His family backs him fully and they all told this girl he was set up before(on his first charge) and that he  plead guilty to avoid prison. It hurts me though that she has left these boy with this predator while she works all day. I know what a liar he can be...he said things when I asked him wuetions some thing rang true for me..I asked him if he changed the baby all the time, I remember when we had our kids..he wanted to be the one to change them, he wanted to be the one to tuck them in. he wanted to always be the boss. the king of the castle. He was also a control freak. he cut me off from my family then no one liked him in my family. I guess they saw what I didnt. He has done the same to this girl her family has pretty much disowned her. He wa even planning on moving her out of state. I was crying reading his emails after each question I asked as I realized had I walked in on him molesting one of my kids. He would have killed me. I cannot believe it but it is true, He is a pedophile, it is all about molesting. Men who are deviant like my ex are not totally stupid. It took me a long time to get his trust. as I said he kept his fiancee and the babies hidden form anyone in the town they live in...his P.O's anyone. I really dont know if I have helped anyone..well I have helped these little boys I hope, that is to be seen. These men will say they didnt do it...of course. Pedophiles cannot be rehabilitated...even if they go through treatment they can never be near kids again. It doesnt magically go away it isnt the flu. These men have a sexual attraction to our kids! I feel that if you know a man has molested a child and you pick that man, your picking that man over the safety of your kids, and maybe even yourself and your kids should be taken. I am taking criminal justice soon. Even though I am going to be 34 soon, I dont know what I want to do after that, mabe be a probation officer and try to watch some of these pedophiles better. I do know thre are so many pedophiles it is almost impossible to watch them totally. My ex is definately a sociopath, I dont know if I will be called into court about the emails, I dont know if I will ever find out what happens to him or the case. They took his comp today, I really hope they removed the boys from the house. My x also used to make comments about the kids. Inapropriate comments about how hard they would suck on the bottle and how they would make their husbands happy one day. I think we as woman/mothers do have a sixth sense about things...but a lot of times esp. if we have been abused we dont want to see the signs that are sometimes right there in our faces. It isnt men who ove their kids we need to watch out for...I know some men have been accused because an ex is mad. It is the men, husbands,boyfriends,family members..anyone that makes inappropriate comments trys spend an unreasonable amount of alone time with kids. My ex would try to be near any kids, as if he was rescuing them..he always acted as if he was everyones savior and put all blame on me about his past. His fiancee believes I am the psycho ex. It amazes me this woman knows his charge yet doesnt notice he always wants to be the one changing the baby.  I would hope if any gets an odd feeling about anything going on with their kids they would listen to that. It is better to find out if something is going on than to ignore the signs and feelings and then find out later on that it was happening, for everyone involved.  I am rambling now..Thanks.   :)

It takes a lot of courage for you to do what you did. You should be commended for it. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for you to pretend to be his friend. What you did was invaluable and it is likely that you have saved those children from years of trauma. 

  

I wish there were more people out there who would step up to the plate as you have. 

  

The best of luck to you and your family. I'm glad you saw him for what he was. 

 
July 19, 2006, 8:48 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

 

Stop Child Abuse and Abductions. 

  

A program designed to go further and in more depth, more participation, more action, and more education than our Neighborhood Watch Programs. This is not to say that the Neighborhood Watch Programs are not an effective and well thought out program to protect our neighborhoods and our children, but this program is intended to put more fuel on the fire of the defense of our children, and to solicit greater numbers of participants and hopefully to spread throughout our local communities, and throughout the world.  

  

The unique structure of this program is defined in summary format in the following paragraphs.  

   

1. Get involved in the local Neighborhood Watch Programs and learn the ins and outs, goals and strategies as well as number of participants, areas participating and also those not participating in the Neighborhood Watch programs. Campaign in neighborhoods without an established Neighborhood Watch Program first to get our entire city and county involved.   

Introduce this program to the Neighborhood Watch committee for review and approval. If not approved, then operate as a separate program, but continue to try to merge the two programs, and of course this program will not interfere or try to take the place of the Neighborhood Watch Programs.  

   

2. Bring Churches of all denominations together in this effort to protect our children, and our elderly, disabled or any individual who cannot protect themselves. I believe that the Church should be the center of the community, and the foundation on which we base our lives.  

   

3. This is one of the most critical aspects of the program; PREVENTION. How can we prevent perpetrators from doing that first act of violence, child abuse, etc.? According to the King James Version of the bible when a man commits a crime for the first time, he (or she) has accepted in his or her own mind that this act is justified for what ever reason, and then the next act becomes easier, until the individual becomes reprobate in his or her mind. This means basically that he or she has developed a sense of numbness that prevents them from feeling any remorse or guilt in their hearts or minds and so at this point, the perpetrator has no conscience, nothing telling them that what they are doing is wrong. They basically have not guilt or shame for their sins or crimes.  How many times do we see this? 

  

I would like to compare this to cigarette smoking, or drinking alcohol. Once you smoke that first cigarette, or drink that first beer, many people become hooked for life. And there are those with the propensity of becoming hooked on cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs for that matter. And there are those as well who have the propensity to become pedophiles, rapists, murderers, and so on.   

   

I have asked myself many times, what can we do to prevent potential candidates to become perpetrators of violent crimes from taking that first step? ; from committing that first act of sexual assault, or from using physical force to cause harm to others who are weaker than they are? 

  

I don’t know all the answers, but my first guess would be educating kids at a young age not only to report to and adult if they have been violated in any way, but also the seriousness of committing sexual assaults or any crimes, especially crimes of violence.  

  

Drill into their heads the seriousness of touching someone else inappropriately and how it will affect the victim adversely for the rest of their lives. Let me tell you, I strongly disagree with our judicial system’s view, along with the view of Psychiatric society and society in general as to the understanding a younger person has in relation to an adult regarding the seriousness and permanence of violent acts. I strongly believe that a child who is has just entered puberty, a 12 to 13 year old, would not understand the seriousness of rape as an example. I sincerely believe that in most cases they would not view this as a crime, or something that would affect the victim for life.   

   

  

I also believe that a teenager 12 to 17 or 18 years of age is still in a developmental stage in their brains that would convince them of the same. What I mean by this, when a 13 to 18 year old looks at the world, they see themselves as invincible, they don’t see the danger that a 25 year old would see.  And what happens in many cases, a younger teenager, depending on their level of mental aptitude and maturity may or may not have a true understanding that if they commit a sexual crime, that it will be with them forever.   

   

Being vulnerable, naïve and just plain ignorant can be the triggering mechanism of one’s first act of violence. Once this occurs, they learn real quick the seriousness of what they have done and they are pleading in their minds with God, for instance, to let them understand that which they didn’t know, and that they will never do this again if they would just let them go. But it’s too late.   

   

Depending on the circumstances, they are punished in one way or the other, and now they have a tarnished, permanent record with the police.  And if they go to jail, anger builds out of frustrations and once they are released, depending on the individual and/or the circumstances, they may commit more crimes of the same type just for spite.  Just to get revenge in some kind of warped sense of thinking.  They were misunderstood!  Then the cycle has really begun.  

   

  • Prevention Starts at the Root of the Problem!
  • No child ever deserves to me harmed in any way.
  • AWARENESS is the key to prevention! And has been the focus of this campaign from the start.
  • We have to have the frame of mind that child abuse can and will be stopped!
  • Get Involved!
  • GIVE OUR CHILDREN A VOICE!

I am the creator of the following Message Board on DR Phil's Sight: 

  

 "A Child's Voice Connection, Prevent Child Abuse; Abductions" 

  

http://www.drphil.com/messageboard/topic/999 

  

djmatt  

   

   

   

 

 
July 19, 2006, 9:14 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

One thing I noticed about my previous post was the drive and determination I had once I started this campaign.  I have been very ill, thus I have lost focus to a degree and need to step it up.    

   

Please be advised that I am not a professional.  

   

Some more thoughts on this discussion:  

   

  • BE AWARE of what's going on with your child, and other children.  They all belong to someone, someone loves them like you love your own.
  • Don't be afraid to ruffle some feathers, to be assertive and aggressive.  From what I see, there are so many victims out there who wish someone had been aggressive on their behalves.
  • CHILD ABUSE totally destroys lives, families, and worse of all, our children.
  • CHILD ABUSE has an impact on our society that is far more destructive and degrading than we can imagine.  It not only inhibits the livelihood of thousands, if not millions of adults, but has a major impact on our social integrity, our finances, and our ability to function wholly as a society.  This means that it impacts millions.
  • CHILD ABUSE not only affects our children, but parents, teachers, friends, neighbors, siblings, etc.  It's a vicious cycle that has a strangle hold on our society, and corrupts many people and aspects of our society.  This is a bigger problem than we could ever imagine.
  • A society without CHILD ABUSE would be one of domestic tranquility.  This means :Free from agitation of mind or spirit <a tranquil self-assurance> b : free from disturbance or turmoil.
  • Changes in behavior, science and mind-sets can lead to a society and life free of CHILD ABUSE.
  • It's an attitude issue.  As long as we believe that this issue will never be resolved, it never will be!  If we take it upon ourselves to put ourselves in the shoes of an abused child, and yield to our convictions to make a difference, we can make a difference.
  • CHILDREN NEED OUR VOICE, OUR CONCERN, OUR DEVOTION TO THIS CAUSE, AND OUR ACTIONS.
  • WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO PREVENT CHILD ABUSE?

djmatt  

 
July 19, 2006, 11:07 am CDT

She wants to take justice into her own hands

I just got off the phone with my cousin, who told me she wants to shoot her daughters ex-boyfriend for having sexually abused her 3 year old grand-daughter. Her words were "I have done everything right, I contacted the NY city police, child care protective services, I've written to my local politician and no one wants to help. They claim that because there was no penetration there is no evidence of abuse and that she is too little to be a reliable witness."   

   

There is no justice in our "justice system".
  

 
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