Topic : 07/12 A Predator in the House?

I just got off the phone with my cousin, who told me she wants to shoot her daughters ex-boyfriend for having sexually abused her 3 year old grand-daughter. Her words were "I have done everything right, I contacted the NY city police, child care protective services, I've written to my local politician and no one wants to help. They claim that because there was no penetration there is no evidence of abuse and that she is too little to be a reliable witness."   

There is no justice in our "justice system".
  

I just got off the phone with my cousin, who told me she wants to shoot her daughters ex-boyfriend for having sexually abused her 3 year old grand-daughter. Her words were "I have done everything right, I contacted the NY city police, child care protective services, I've written to my local politician and no one wants to help. They claim that because there was no penetration there is no evidence of abuse and that she is too little to be a reliable witness."   

There is no justice in our "justice system".
  

ok did everyone watch the same show as I did? I do believe that Kitty said if her step daughter needed her dad to help her with her tampon that he said he would, I did not hear him say he did help her with it... I'm finding it hard to believe everyone is guilty until proven innocent, or at least that's the way the world is working now.     

My husband has just gone through this same kind of situation, and let me tell you it has turned all our worlds upside down! (and yes he was proven innocent by everyone but the accuser).  We have an 11 year old daughter whom my husband and I love and adore more than life itself, it took us 10 long years of heartbreak after heartbreak to get her. My husband it self employed and works long hours, I'm a stay at home mom. When my husband comes home my daughter runs and jumps into his arms because she has missed him so much.  She also sometimes can not fall asleep at night for several reasons (could be scared of somthing, could just be missing daddy, could be she had a rough day at school etc.), she will ask her dad to lay with her for a little while, until she falls asleep (and he does, and has since she was 8, before that she would lay with us until she feel asleep and then we would put her in her bed, but since 8 she's gotten to heavy to carry her to bed, so he lays in her bed). Alot of times he falls asleep with her (or even before her) because he's so tired, but before I go to bed I wake him up and he comes to bed with me.   

This accuser is my daughters natural father (our daughter is adopted) (we also became very good friends with him, so we thought). We let him take her once a month so he could be part of her life also. She hated going with him once a month, but we still sent her because it meant so much to him. Bottom line was he felt like somthing was going on because she showed my husband more love and attention than he got from her. He felt that my husband and daughters relationship was too much.  He actually played on our friendship to help him out with his case, he snuck into our home and put a tape recorder into my daughters room and retrieved it later.  Of course all there was on the tape was my husband and daughter doing prayers and then my husband snoring, but he still took this to the police. That's when our world got turned upside down along with my daughters.     

The police went to my daughters school and talked with her, when I picked her up from school she told me the police came and talked with her and she told me what they asked (she was confused, she didn't understand why they would ask these kinds of questions about her dad). I called my husband and then we called the police to find out what was going on. The police found him innocent right off by talking with our daughter.  But the natural father would not let it go, he believed something was up, so he hired a pollygrapher so my husband could take a pollygraph test, and my husband did, just to ease his mind (the natural father) and passed with flying colors.  Do you know this man still believes my husband is guilty and won't let it go. Needless to say our daughter won't have anything to do with her natural father anymore (she refuses to see him, and in my heart I now can not make her go), she has good reason to not want to see him, he tried to have her daddy in jail, she knows how that all works she's 11.    

So when I say your guilty until proven innocent, you are, you have to prove to everyone your not this horrible person your just a loving father.  My husband now is so nervous about showing our daughter affection at all. I feel this has changed their relationship a lot, he second guesses everything he does with her (and how is that fair to either one of them?) and he never did before.   

Sherri   

Has her grand-daughter been taken to a doctor? A doctor can tell if there has been penetration. How did the accusation of sexual abuse come about?  

Children of that age can be brought to a therapist who specializes in "play therapy". Since the child is so young, if she has been sexually abused she may actually act out that abuse while playing with a male and female dolls, etc. to see how she has them interact with each other. A therapist is a mandated reporter and must report any possible signs of abuse sexual or otherwise. 

If she has already been taken to a doctor then I would suggest taking her to someone who specializes in play therapy and that professional may be the key to determining if in fact the child has been molested. Molested children of that age may exhibit a variety of signs such as bed wetting, nightmares, fear of the accused or some may in fact show physical signs of abuse such as sores around the mouth or genital area, etc. 

Again I do not know how the accusation came about, however if your daughter fully believes that sexual abuse has occured, she should not give up. There is help out there. 

Please remind your cousin that the thought of shooting someone for what they have done is not worth it! To me that is an easy way out for them....understanding on how it feels to find out something like this is so aweful and you want them to pay for it somehow..... some way.....because she will live & pay for it the rest of her life.  

But stop & think here....for the child's sake in whatever you do!  

As it has been said before EDUCATE yourself on the subject! Get a journal (as crazy as it sounds) write everything down as it happens....what is said etc. mainly dates times......whatever you feel that is just not right on day to day living.  

Educate the child in certain ways as not to upset or make them scared of everything.  

Main thing is stay away from the ex boyfriend! If you (or your cousin) are up to it ....keep track of the ex and build a case journal on his actions....to help cope with it.....also to maybe one day be able to turn it all over to CPS or anyone that will listen......never know it may help nab him before he does it again to some other innocent child. 

At 3 hopefully the child if helped as soon as possible will be able to live without the effects of a life time.  

Everyone needs to realize that there is another side to this story. Not everyone who is accused is a child molester. You need to get the facts before you go and start assuming that your husband or boyfriend did this. If they have no criminal history and are good up standing citizens and are over the age of 30, they are probably innocent. The world we live in today encourages people to accuse some one of this unspeakable. Please don't misunderstand. Real GUILTY child molesters, need to be locked away for life! But get all the facts. My  fiancee sits in prison, innocent, sentenced for life and convicted of molestation. It takes no proof. If you have a child who wants to get back at a family member, this is the way to do it.  please, take heart and be sure you have all the facts before you condemn the accused