Message Boards

Topic : 07/12 A Predator in the House?

Number of Replies: 476
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:05:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The FBI estimates that there is one child molester per square mile in the United States. Could that predator be in your home?  Could it be your husband, your father, or your trusted friend? Kitty considers reconciling with her ex-husband, James, but worries that he may have inappropriately touched his 15-year-old daughter. James says he’s just showing love and affection toward his child, but Kitty is making him look like a pervert. Is Kitty overreacting, or is James crossing the line? Then, Trista’s ex-boyfriend, Aaron, has been accused of molestation by her 5-year-old female cousin. Aaron says he is completely innocent and will do anything to prove it. Trista has trouble believing him, and refuses to reconcile until she knows the truth. Plus, Elizabeth says her husband of nearly 20 years destroyed a once normal life when he used their 8-year-old daughter, Emily, as bait to molest her young male friends. Now that he’s in prison, Elizabeth is faced with challenging questions from her daughter. Is your child being groomed by a pedophile? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

More July 2006 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

July 19, 2006, 12:20 pm CDT

Young Children

Quote From: michelle_5

I just got off the phone with my cousin, who told me she wants to shoot her daughters ex-boyfriend for having sexually abused her 3 year old grand-daughter. Her words were "I have done everything right, I contacted the NY city police, child care protective services, I've written to my local politician and no one wants to help. They claim that because there was no penetration there is no evidence of abuse and that she is too little to be a reliable witness."   

   

There is no justice in our "justice system".
  

Has her grand-daughter been taken to a doctor? A doctor can tell if there has been penetration. How did the accusation of sexual abuse come about?  

  

Children of that age can be brought to a therapist who specializes in "play therapy". Since the child is so young, if she has been sexually abused she may actually act out that abuse while playing with a male and female dolls, etc. to see how she has them interact with each other. A therapist is a mandated reporter and must report any possible signs of abuse sexual or otherwise. 

  

If she has already been taken to a doctor then I would suggest taking her to someone who specializes in play therapy and that professional may be the key to determining if in fact the child has been molested. Molested children of that age may exhibit a variety of signs such as bed wetting, nightmares, fear of the accused or some may in fact show physical signs of abuse such as sores around the mouth or genital area, etc. 

  

Again I do not know how the accusation came about, however if your daughter fully believes that sexual abuse has occured, she should not give up. There is help out there. 

 
July 19, 2006, 12:38 pm CDT

Understand

Quote From: michelle_5

I just got off the phone with my cousin, who told me she wants to shoot her daughters ex-boyfriend for having sexually abused her 3 year old grand-daughter. Her words were "I have done everything right, I contacted the NY city police, child care protective services, I've written to my local politician and no one wants to help. They claim that because there was no penetration there is no evidence of abuse and that she is too little to be a reliable witness."   

   

There is no justice in our "justice system".
  

Please remind your cousin that the thought of shooting someone for what they have done is not worth it! To me that is an easy way out for them....understanding on how it feels to find out something like this is so aweful and you want them to pay for it somehow..... some way.....because she will live & pay for it the rest of her life.  

But stop & think here....for the child's sake in whatever you do!  

As it has been said before EDUCATE yourself on the subject! Get a journal (as crazy as it sounds) write everything down as it happens....what is said etc. mainly dates times......whatever you feel that is just not right on day to day living.  

Educate the child in certain ways as not to upset or make them scared of everything.  

Main thing is stay away from the ex boyfriend! If you (or your cousin) are up to it ....keep track of the ex and build a case journal on his actions....to help cope with it.....also to maybe one day be able to turn it all over to CPS or anyone that will listen......never know it may help nab him before he does it again to some other innocent child. 

At 3 hopefully the child if helped as soon as possible will be able to live without the effects of a life time.  

  

 
July 19, 2006, 1:35 pm CDT

have you considered

Quote From: shynsmom94

ok did everyone watch the same show as I did? I do believe that Kitty said if her step daughter needed her dad to help her with her tampon that he said he would, I did not hear him say he did help her with it... I'm finding it hard to believe everyone is guilty until proven innocent, or at least that's the way the world is working now.     

My husband has just gone through this same kind of situation, and let me tell you it has turned all our worlds upside down! (and yes he was proven innocent by everyone but the accuser).  We have an 11 year old daughter whom my husband and I love and adore more than life itself, it took us 10 long years of heartbreak after heartbreak to get her. My husband it self employed and works long hours, I'm a stay at home mom. When my husband comes home my daughter runs and jumps into his arms because she has missed him so much.  She also sometimes can not fall asleep at night for several reasons (could be scared of somthing, could just be missing daddy, could be she had a rough day at school etc.), she will ask her dad to lay with her for a little while, until she falls asleep (and he does, and has since she was 8, before that she would lay with us until she feel asleep and then we would put her in her bed, but since 8 she's gotten to heavy to carry her to bed, so he lays in her bed). Alot of times he falls asleep with her (or even before her) because he's so tired, but before I go to bed I wake him up and he comes to bed with me.   

This accuser is my daughters natural father (our daughter is adopted) (we also became very good friends with him, so we thought). We let him take her once a month so he could be part of her life also. She hated going with him once a month, but we still sent her because it meant so much to him. Bottom line was he felt like somthing was going on because she showed my husband more love and attention than he got from her. He felt that my husband and daughters relationship was too much.  He actually played on our friendship to help him out with his case, he snuck into our home and put a tape recorder into my daughters room and retrieved it later.  Of course all there was on the tape was my husband and daughter doing prayers and then my husband snoring, but he still took this to the police. That's when our world got turned upside down along with my daughters.     

The police went to my daughters school and talked with her, when I picked her up from school she told me the police came and talked with her and she told me what they asked (she was confused, she didn't understand why they would ask these kinds of questions about her dad). I called my husband and then we called the police to find out what was going on. The police found him innocent right off by talking with our daughter.  But the natural father would not let it go, he believed something was up, so he hired a pollygrapher so my husband could take a pollygraph test, and my husband did, just to ease his mind (the natural father) and passed with flying colors.  Do you know this man still believes my husband is guilty and won't let it go. Needless to say our daughter won't have anything to do with her natural father anymore (she refuses to see him, and in my heart I now can not make her go), she has good reason to not want to see him, he tried to have her daddy in jail, she knows how that all works she's 11.    

So when I say your guilty until proven innocent, you are, you have to prove to everyone your not this horrible person your just a loving father.  My husband now is so nervous about showing our daughter affection at all. I feel this has changed their relationship a lot, he second guesses everything he does with her (and how is that fair to either one of them?) and he never did before.   

Sherri   

sorry to hear about your ideal, I think it is tragic that your husbands relationship has changed forever.  Have you ever considered the fact that the biological father may be abusing her.  May be he wanted her full time for that reason.  As sick as that sounds, I have seen it happen before.  I have a very suspicious mind but it has served me well so far.  good luck
 
July 19, 2006, 11:42 pm CDT

you have to be kidding me! 15 year olds do not crawl into bed with their dads!

Unbelievable! 

Un-f'ing-believable! 

We are talking 15! 

Oh, daddy, rub my tummy! 

Normal 15 year old girls, ones that have not been subjected to inappropriate behaviour, do NOT want their fathers to rub bare tummys. In fact, they become quite modest at that age. 

Telling the Dad to taky a polygraph?! Oh please, he would pass it in a second because he believes he has done nothing wrong. 

Grabbing Kitty's daughters butt in a restuarant by accident?  

Where are we Dr. Phil, in LA LA Land? 

And through out the entire show you harped on the women that didn't call child protective services, saying, "if you really believed this". Hello? Do you know how many women and children never report anything?  

I was severly beaten, right in front of my three young daughters, when I took my husband to court, even my girls testified, the judge gave him a light slap on the hand, Dont' do that for a year, and all will be forgiven. 

The only one yopu supported was the last one, who had put her husband in jail. 

Gosh, that was safe! 

  

  

 
July 20, 2006, 4:52 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: azuil1

Has her grand-daughter been taken to a doctor? A doctor can tell if there has been penetration. How did the accusation of sexual abuse come about?  

  

Children of that age can be brought to a therapist who specializes in "play therapy". Since the child is so young, if she has been sexually abused she may actually act out that abuse while playing with a male and female dolls, etc. to see how she has them interact with each other. A therapist is a mandated reporter and must report any possible signs of abuse sexual or otherwise. 

  

If she has already been taken to a doctor then I would suggest taking her to someone who specializes in play therapy and that professional may be the key to determining if in fact the child has been molested. Molested children of that age may exhibit a variety of signs such as bed wetting, nightmares, fear of the accused or some may in fact show physical signs of abuse such as sores around the mouth or genital area, etc. 

  

Again I do not know how the accusation came about, however if your daughter fully believes that sexual abuse has occured, she should not give up. There is help out there. 

This is how my cousin found out that her grand-daughter had been sexually abused: She went to take a bath and her 3 year old grand-daughter came into the bathroom. She told her grandmother "you have boobies and I have boobies, you have toto and I have toto, "Demetrios" (not his real name) has boobies but also a tail". When she questioned the 3 year old about the tail she immediately said what he had her do with it with great detail. The toddler did have frecuent nightmares but my cousin thought that he had hit her because she always cried out  "Demetrios" please don't hurt me!".  My cousin knew that her daughter would leave the baby with him when she went to work and warned her saying that she thought "Demetrios" spanked the baby, not to leave her again with him, that she would start taking care of her. Thank the Lord that she saved her from more abuse. At that time she did not have a clue that it was sexual abuse until the day of the incident in the bathroom. 

 
July 20, 2006, 5:06 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: sinfulyd

Please remind your cousin that the thought of shooting someone for what they have done is not worth it! To me that is an easy way out for them....understanding on how it feels to find out something like this is so aweful and you want them to pay for it somehow..... some way.....because she will live & pay for it the rest of her life.  

But stop & think here....for the child's sake in whatever you do!  

As it has been said before EDUCATE yourself on the subject! Get a journal (as crazy as it sounds) write everything down as it happens....what is said etc. mainly dates times......whatever you feel that is just not right on day to day living.  

Educate the child in certain ways as not to upset or make them scared of everything.  

Main thing is stay away from the ex boyfriend! If you (or your cousin) are up to it ....keep track of the ex and build a case journal on his actions....to help cope with it.....also to maybe one day be able to turn it all over to CPS or anyone that will listen......never know it may help nab him before he does it again to some other innocent child. 

At 3 hopefully the child if helped as soon as possible will be able to live without the effects of a life time.  

  

That is why I wrote to Dr. Phil about this situation (I'm still waiting for a reply) because I fear my cousin will act on her threat. She is so totally fed up with the justice system. The bathroom incident was in May of 2005. It has been a year and she has tried to speak with anyone who will listen: the police, child care protective services, politicians. They say that because the perpetrator is no longer in the house there is no threat to the child any more. In New York a child younger than 4 is not a reliable witness. How can that be! This monster knows that and he will continue to prey on toddlers. The law needs to be changed. Is anyone out there that can help? 

 
July 20, 2006, 6:35 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: mamadothis

The more i read of your story the madder i got. What were you thinking? Letting a man like this not only once but at least 3 times into your home. Shame shame on you!! A mother should be willing to die for her children not use them for a roof over her head. 7 yrs. ago I gave birth to twins at the ripe old age of 36. Their father, a man whom i never married became abusive while i was pregnant with them. He was living with me and my 2 older boys. He never molested my kids or did anything abusive to them only me. I put up with this for 6 mo. because i thought i coukld never make it on my own being pregnant and all. When the twins were 2 mo. old i decided i wasn't going to take this anymore. After all if God thinks enough of me to give me 4 children to take care of then i should love myself just as much. He has entrusted me with his angels. I lived in a government housing authority for 2 yrs. I did not accept child support for my twins. I wanted no strings attached to this monster. The judge even let me waive child support because he knew of this mans history. I faced him in court without a lawyer and i won!!  He had an expensive lawyer and was seeking liberal visitation. I stood my ground anyway just me and God. i even later changed their last names to my maiden name. I lived on a very small budget working at a grocery store for the next 4 yrs. I finally quit that job for a better one in sales. I have only 8 mo ago purchased a very nice brick home in a nice residential area in my town. The twins are now a happy 7 yrs. old and my oldest boy just graduated with honors and a full scholarship. I am still single very happy and very independent. What i am saying a good parent never sells out when it comes to her children. Stand up and fight whether you are broke or not .

AMEN.....Lizzywild 

 
July 20, 2006, 6:36 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: mamadothis

The more i read of your story the madder i got. What were you thinking? Letting a man like this not only once but at least 3 times into your home. Shame shame on you!! A mother should be willing to die for her children not use them for a roof over her head. 7 yrs. ago I gave birth to twins at the ripe old age of 36. Their father, a man whom i never married became abusive while i was pregnant with them. He was living with me and my 2 older boys. He never molested my kids or did anything abusive to them only me. I put up with this for 6 mo. because i thought i coukld never make it on my own being pregnant and all. When the twins were 2 mo. old i decided i wasn't going to take this anymore. After all if God thinks enough of me to give me 4 children to take care of then i should love myself just as much. He has entrusted me with his angels. I lived in a government housing authority for 2 yrs. I did not accept child support for my twins. I wanted no strings attached to this monster. The judge even let me waive child support because he knew of this mans history. I faced him in court without a lawyer and i won!!  He had an expensive lawyer and was seeking liberal visitation. I stood my ground anyway just me and God. i even later changed their last names to my maiden name. I lived on a very small budget working at a grocery store for the next 4 yrs. I finally quit that job for a better one in sales. I have only 8 mo ago purchased a very nice brick home in a nice residential area in my town. The twins are now a happy 7 yrs. old and my oldest boy just graduated with honors and a full scholarship. I am still single very happy and very independent. What i am saying a good parent never sells out when it comes to her children. Stand up and fight whether you are broke or not .

AMEN!  I could not have said it better myself.... 

 
July 20, 2006, 6:55 am CDT

everyone is prison is INNOCENT

Quote From: willhelp

Everyone needs to realize that there is another side to this story. Not everyone who is accused is a child molester. You need to get the facts before you go and start assuming that your husband or boyfriend did this. If they have no criminal history and are good up standing citizens and are over the age of 30, they are probably innocent. The world we live in today encourages people to accuse some one of this unspeakable. Please don't misunderstand. Real GUILTY child molesters, need to be locked away for life! But get all the facts. My  fiancee sits in prison, innocent, sentenced for life and convicted of molestation. It takes no proof. If you have a child who wants to get back at a family member, this is the way to do it.  please, take heart and be sure you have all the facts before you condemn the accused 

If your fiance' is in prison for LIFE then he is where he belongs..If you ask the prisoners they are all INNOCENT..they must think we all think like you......Not so naive in La
 
July 20, 2006, 8:18 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

When will we know the results of the polygraph tests (from the dad of the 15 yr old and the boyfriend of the cousin)???   I am curious to find out who passed the test; and who didn't.......  

 
First | Prev | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | Next | Last