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Topic : 07/12 A Predator in the House?

Number of Replies: 476
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Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:05:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The FBI estimates that there is one child molester per square mile in the United States. Could that predator be in your home?  Could it be your husband, your father, or your trusted friend? Kitty considers reconciling with her ex-husband, James, but worries that he may have inappropriately touched his 15-year-old daughter. James says he’s just showing love and affection toward his child, but Kitty is making him look like a pervert. Is Kitty overreacting, or is James crossing the line? Then, Trista’s ex-boyfriend, Aaron, has been accused of molestation by her 5-year-old female cousin. Aaron says he is completely innocent and will do anything to prove it. Trista has trouble believing him, and refuses to reconcile until she knows the truth. Plus, Elizabeth says her husband of nearly 20 years destroyed a once normal life when he used their 8-year-old daughter, Emily, as bait to molest her young male friends. Now that he’s in prison, Elizabeth is faced with challenging questions from her daughter. Is your child being groomed by a pedophile? Join the discussion.

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July 9, 2006, 10:06 pm CDT

a blessing to society huh??!! UGH you need help

Quote From: cmolinger

There is a program RSA (Redirecting Sexual Agressiveness) that is offered to some cases that seem to have the potential for being productive, non-threatening citizens.  They are very strict and have a successful program.  I personally know a man who went to prison for exposing himself to children of both sexes and for fondling female children.  He is one of the most spiritual, kindest, intelligent, most sensitive people I have ever met.  He knows he has this addiction and follows strictly the principles he was taught in RSA.  He had determined never to have children or be around them and never allows himself to have destructive thoughts.  He's looking for a woman with whom he can share his life, and I think she'll be lucky to have him.   

  

I'd be curious to know if anyone else knows a former abuser who has become a blessing to society.  They're not all the same.  Every case is different, and we shouldn't be automatically afraid or disdainful of someone we discover in our neighborhood.  You really have to know exactly what the person has done. 

you need just as much help as any of them by the sounds of it...........serious mental help. really, do you hear what you are saying??? you are saying that a man who ruined several children's lives, a child molestor which is the lowest possible thing you could be, is now just the most sensitive man you have ever met and such a blessing to society?? are you serious!!!! unbelieveable...........  
 
July 9, 2006, 10:09 pm CDT

proud of you

Quote From: belle

I was molested by my father a year before he abandoned us and then after he left, my brother picked up where he left off for several years.  I tried on a few occassions to tell my mother, but she was so wrapped up with her own problems, she would just brush off what was told to her.  I DID NOTHING.  I managed to survive.  Although I suffered thru many years of depression and suicidal thoughts, I still managed to meet a wonderful man and we married and had a daughter.  When she was four, she described to me how her and my brother's (the one who molested me) son (14 yrs old) had oral sex.  She was very detailed in her story which left no room for doubt that she had truly experienced this.  I love my nephew, but I reported this to child protective services because I knew that nothing would be done by my brother.  The reason it was reported to child protective services was because it happened at my mother's home while she was babysitting.  From there, a DA referral was made.  When my brother was told that this happened, he told me that I was just trying to get him back for the past and that this was not true.  The family is now furious with me and my brother told me that me and my brat are dead to him.  Although my child on separate occassions told me, my husband, the social worker, and the DA the same story, because we would not put her on the stand to testify at 4yrs old, nothing was done about it.  I'm so angry at my family for beleiving that a four year old could make this up that there is no way forgiveness is even possible.  So please, do something if you are a victim to stop it from happening to the next generation.  Possibly even your children.
you are a great mom for listening and taking action
 
July 9, 2006, 10:16 pm CDT

So is it OK

Quote From: belle

I was molested by my father a year before he abandoned us and then after he left, my brother picked up where he left off for several years.  I tried on a few occassions to tell my mother, but she was so wrapped up with her own problems, she would just brush off what was told to her.  I DID NOTHING.  I managed to survive.  Although I suffered thru many years of depression and suicidal thoughts, I still managed to meet a wonderful man and we married and had a daughter.  When she was four, she described to me how her and my brother's (the one who molested me) son (14 yrs old) had oral sex.  She was very detailed in her story which left no room for doubt that she had truly experienced this.  I love my nephew, but I reported this to child protective services because I knew that nothing would be done by my brother.  The reason it was reported to child protective services was because it happened at my mother's home while she was babysitting.  From there, a DA referral was made.  When my brother was told that this happened, he told me that I was just trying to get him back for the past and that this was not true.  The family is now furious with me and my brother told me that me and my brat are dead to him.  Although my child on separate occassions told me, my husband, the social worker, and the DA the same story, because we would not put her on the stand to testify at 4yrs old, nothing was done about it.  I'm so angry at my family for beleiving that a four year old could make this up that there is no way forgiveness is even possible.  So please, do something if you are a victim to stop it from happening to the next generation.  Possibly even your children.

What is the difference 

between between porn or child porn.  I do not believe either, we have become so desensitized. It is OK.  Some  people do it like smoking a cigarette,regularly. Like it or not we must forgive or we end up angry, realy angry. 

And not a very likeable person 

 
July 10, 2006, 12:56 am CDT

Living in torement

 Help! If there is any 1 out there that can, or really understands what i'm and my husband are going threw,  At the age of 9, I was raped and molested for 3 years nand my parents knew about it and chose to just hide it or just close there eyes to it, so i felt so alone n figgured if thats what they chose to do than why go somewhere or to some one else thinking they would do the same, so as soon as i turned 16 , i got married n moved out and had 2 sons within the 3 years i was married ,than got devorsed and got married 2 more times with in a 7 year span, and i lived with 1 for over 5 years , then my mother got ill and i moved back home and lost her 30 days latter, I've tried every thing in the world to get past this pain the gultyiness  the trusting any 1 and such so here i sit just thinking what else could go wrong , after my father gives me and my hubby an evection ,with are grand kids  and my sons, just because his daughter and her boyfriend where not married but it gets better (right) allong this whole time he was paying my azzhole of a bothers morgage n kicking us out , i call him that cause he the one who had rapped and molested me those long horrifing years , i have allot to to say about the way juvenale , child protecton aggency n other organation are allso,sence i was a victom of such a crime , i started to noticed red flags in my 15 year son at the time such as going on web sites of very young girls in different country threw the web n just the way he acted  so i contacted the approveate people and all they told me was that there was nothing they could do untill he broke the law , well at the age of 18 he did , with my husband's grand daughter ,with us alsleep right in the other room, him , i was so devastated, torn appart , and angry and every emotion that any one could go threw , this has really torn the familly appart. he now sits in prison and we no longer see our grand daughter , please any one out there i need some feed back , i've stoped going to therapy because i can not understand the forners as a doc n i feel if i can't communacate with them how the hell are they going to help me  torn appart and only way i see out is to leave this world .
 
July 10, 2006, 5:06 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

In response to Erin M. 

  

You are not alone in your fight to keep your children out of the hands of a  pedophile.  The fight of "protective parents" is going on all over this nation and even worldwide.  There is a book called "Rocking the Cradle of Sexual Politics, What Happened When Women Said Incest" by Louise Armstrong.  The courts do not want to deal with the issue, and many lawyers will tell a client not to bring up sexual abuse during a divorce/custody trial because the judge will rule against them and give the custody of the child to the abuser.  Most judges and attorneys are not knowledgeable in this area.  How can we stop this?  I believe one way is to change the law.  Incest is treated differently than pedophilia.  This is wrong.  A person sexual abusing their child or a child in the family is a phetophile that does not have to go out of the house to molest or rape a stranger.  Incest (sexual abuse) does not get investigated in the same manner as does pedophilia because it happens in the family and is not decided in criminal court, but in Family Court where the topic is still taboo .  This must change and I challenge Dr. Phil to work with me and a panel of others (Ophra, Terry Hatcher, other famous people who have been abused, etc.) to get a Federal law passed to make any sexual abuse (incest) follow the same criminal investigative guidelines as phetophilia in a criminal court with a jury and not a Family Court. 

Raetta 

 
July 10, 2006, 6:19 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: cmolinger

There is a program RSA (Redirecting Sexual Agressiveness) that is offered to some cases that seem to have the potential for being productive, non-threatening citizens.  They are very strict and have a successful program.  I personally know a man who went to prison for exposing himself to children of both sexes and for fondling female children.  He is one of the most spiritual, kindest, intelligent, most sensitive people I have ever met.  He knows he has this addiction and follows strictly the principles he was taught in RSA.  He had determined never to have children or be around them and never allows himself to have destructive thoughts.  He's looking for a woman with whom he can share his life, and I think she'll be lucky to have him.   

  

I'd be curious to know if anyone else knows a former abuser who has become a blessing to society.  They're not all the same.  Every case is different, and we shouldn't be automatically afraid or disdainful of someone we discover in our neighborhood.  You really have to know exactly what the person has done. 

Who brain washed you? Spiritual man? Kind and intelligent? He molested children. I don't care how reformed these men say they are anyone who hurts a child should be locked up for the rest of their lives. A woman is lucky to have a man who has sexually molested children? Give me a break. If I ever found out someone on my street molested kids I would get out of there so fast. My childrens lives are a hell of a lot more important then scum like that. 

I don't care what program they went into. You even wrote he is addicted and follows strict principles. To me that is not a person who would never hurt a child again. 

 
July 10, 2006, 10:32 am CDT

She never asked to be born

Quote From: bartlettb

My 14 year old daughter is in a very strange custody battle one month with me and one month with dad.  She found her father masterbating to a porn movie, it made her sick.  But before that ,she came to me and told me he touched her and it made her feel weird.  I have taken this subject in front of a judge and they don't believe me.  I really need to know the signs of a child that has been touch inappropriately.  

  

Thank you,  

  

Donna  

Your 14 year old daughter must come first whether there is something wrong or not.  Most of these men try to discredit children and survivors in many ways.  A 14 year old child is worth protecting over a big man.  The defiling process is destructive; I know.  Young girls will become depressed, anxious and a failure; emotional ties with any family will eventually become non-existent.  These things were not normal for the first 14 years.  There will be a little future if you both make a new start, otherwise there will be nothing to look forward to on earth.  Your husband will feel lonely and angry, but he needs to get it together on his own.    

  

Sandy  

 
July 10, 2006, 2:05 pm CDT

to: bartlettb

Quote From: pomeroy6

Your 14 year old daughter must come first whether there is something wrong or not.  Most of these men try to discredit children and survivors in many ways.  A 14 year old child is worth protecting over a big man.  The defiling process is destructive; I know.  Young girls will become depressed, anxious and a failure; emotional ties with any family will eventually become non-existent.  These things were not normal for the first 14 years.  There will be a little future if you both make a new start, otherwise there will be nothing to look forward to on earth.  Your husband will feel lonely and angry, but he needs to get it together on his own.    

  

Sandy  

You can get  Department of Human services involved, tell her doctor and see what they all think, Local health department can help you and talk with your daughter, don't wait!
 
July 10, 2006, 2:58 pm CDT

A predator in the house?

My mother was molested by an uncle she lived with form the time she was 2 until she was 12. At the age of 12, she told him if he touched her again, she would kill him. Later she nearly did. She had her hands around his neck. Her cousins had to pull her off of him. When I was 5 and under, this is the same home she sent me to spend summers in. When I got old enough to ask her how she could send me to the home of her abuser, she responded that if anything had happened, she would have killed him. Never mind me, the abuse I would have suffered, all that mattered was that she would have killed him. It took me some years to realize that she used me as bait. All she wanted was an excuse to kill him. It didn't matter what the price was. Fortunately, to the best of my recollection, he never touched me.   

   

When I was between 3 and 5, my father exposed himself to me and told me to touch his penis. I remember telling my mother about this. She said she would take care of it and it was never discussed.   

   

Years later, we learrned my mother's brother was molesting his daughter. Her friend was spending the night at her house. He made a move on her and she told someone. He had been fondling my sister and I for years. Of course, no one asked us if anything had happened to us. When this came out, no one doubted that it had occurred. The entire family rallied around and supported him. They treated his daughter like the one who had committed a crime. (She was only 13) When his family broke up, my parents invited him to move into our home. Can you believe it?   

   

I'm now 42. My parents are both deceased. I have strong feelings of having been more seriously molested by my father. It's difficult to describe. I feel like more happened than I can remember. I can only remember the incident I described when I was very young, but I have a very strong gut feeling that there was more to it. I don't know if it happened around the same age as the other incident or if it happened later. I don't even know for sure what happened, but I know something did. What I find really strange( it shouldn't be strange, considering) my family completely discounts my feelings. They try to talk me out of my feeling. Even my sister who was molested doesn't want to believe that our father did something to me.  I'm left with this feeling that I don't know what to do with. I trust myself. I wouldn't have this feeling for no reason. I just don't know what to do with it. I've heard negative things about repressed momory recovery.Anyone with any thoughts or ideas???  

   

   

   

   

   

   

 
July 10, 2006, 6:15 pm CDT

AMEN

Quote From: rain33

Thank you for the post--I agree whole heartedly. So, all of a sudden he has the will and mind to change because he has found a book he lives by--and oh, of course let's not forget God--after all -in all honesty it would take an act from God for him not to think thoughts or have urges and not follow them through.....this is a sick and twisted individual that is hiding behind religion and will not go through the rest of his life without abusing another child. I could say I will never eat a doughnut again..profess that I hate them....read a self help book on the 100 ways to avoid doughnuts...tell everyone how i will not even get in the vicinity of the smell of one----and no one would know that I have a secret stash---my point is once you have this need inside you it's hard to just turn that off. He is living in a world that bombards us with sex.....he can't escape commercials, movies,or just going to wal-mart, he has to get groceries, and he will see something he likes and he will think his evil,sick thoughts--make no mistake about that--he can't hide from himself. He knows--he knows!!!! I feel sorry for that person he has conned. This is what they do, this is their game, and they love it. I feel sick thinking of this man out there convincing people into his trust-------------I wonder if she would leave her daughter or son or niece and nephew with him ,after all, he has his book and now he has God in his heart isn't that precious???
 All I can say is "AMEN"  If you get a chance take a look at the response I got to a message I posted about 2 convicted predators living in my daughters complex (with my 4 year old granddaughter)and the office moved her less than 10 feet away from one of them. 
Someone posted a quote to my message asking me why I would invade their "privacy" after I made copies of them from the sex offenders website and distributed them in the complex. 
TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT THEY INVADED THE PRIVACY OF THESE KIDS UNDER THE AGE OF 6 SO I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO PROTECT MY GRANDDAUGHTER AND A MORAL OBLIGATION TO PROTECT ALL OF THE OTHER INNOCENT KIDS IN THAT COMPLEX
 
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