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Topic : 07/12 A Predator in the House?

Number of Replies: 476
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Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:05:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The FBI estimates that there is one child molester per square mile in the United States. Could that predator be in your home?  Could it be your husband, your father, or your trusted friend? Kitty considers reconciling with her ex-husband, James, but worries that he may have inappropriately touched his 15-year-old daughter. James says he’s just showing love and affection toward his child, but Kitty is making him look like a pervert. Is Kitty overreacting, or is James crossing the line? Then, Trista’s ex-boyfriend, Aaron, has been accused of molestation by her 5-year-old female cousin. Aaron says he is completely innocent and will do anything to prove it. Trista has trouble believing him, and refuses to reconcile until she knows the truth. Plus, Elizabeth says her husband of nearly 20 years destroyed a once normal life when he used their 8-year-old daughter, Emily, as bait to molest her young male friends. Now that he’s in prison, Elizabeth is faced with challenging questions from her daughter. Is your child being groomed by a pedophile? Join the discussion.

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July 10, 2006, 8:45 pm CDT

still trapped

I was raped (that is the true name for it) by my father and so was my brother which I later found out.  We told our mother but she didn't believe us.  I feel that it is my fault that I didn't report it to the police because now I believe my nephew is being groomed.  My brother killed himself at 33 and I tried with alcohol and drugs to do the same but have managed to be sober for 1 1/2 years.  I can't explain why I am still dependent on my parents, much less why I can't figure out how to save my nephew.  I have thought to put cameras in my parents house and hire a private investigator.  I have thought to disquise my voice and report suspicion to the school but my father is so manipulative which is one reason why I have remained silent.  I have only just returned to my family and I believe he intentionally left my sister out but I did tell her about my dad and she saw the beatings that she also never received.  Denial is so destructive as all 3 of her children were allowed to be freely around my father.  My mom and her assign my father to restroom patrol!  I can only sit frozen in my trapped rage.  I also believe he has friends in on this thru our church.  It is so overwhelming and I am still alone and full of fear.  The abuse is as raw as it was when I was little.  My father is still inappropritate but since AA I believe in myself and feel hope that I can survive this for the first time in my life.  I wish I knew what to do.  I believe that I will lose all of them and he will win.  He has made us all sick.  I pray daily for guidance.   

 
July 10, 2006, 9:48 pm CDT

to do nothing is to be responsible as well

Quote From: marschiler

I was raped (that is the true name for it) by my father and so was my brother which I later found out.  We told our mother but she didn't believe us.  I feel that it is my fault that I didn't report it to the police because now I believe my nephew is being groomed.  My brother killed himself at 33 and I tried with alcohol and drugs to do the same but have managed to be sober for 1 1/2 years.  I can't explain why I am still dependent on my parents, much less why I can't figure out how to save my nephew.  I have thought to put cameras in my parents house and hire a private investigator.  I have thought to disquise my voice and report suspicion to the school but my father is so manipulative which is one reason why I have remained silent.  I have only just returned to my family and I believe he intentionally left my sister out but I did tell her about my dad and she saw the beatings that she also never received.  Denial is so destructive as all 3 of her children were allowed to be freely around my father.  My mom and her assign my father to restroom patrol!  I can only sit frozen in my trapped rage.  I also believe he has friends in on this thru our church.  It is so overwhelming and I am still alone and full of fear.  The abuse is as raw as it was when I was little.  My father is still inappropritate but since AA I believe in myself and feel hope that I can survive this for the first time in my life.  I wish I knew what to do.  I believe that I will lose all of them and he will win.  He has made us all sick.  I pray daily for guidance.   

you must help the children who are now in the care of your father. child molestors do not change and do not only molest one or two kids. you have to do anything in your power to help these kids because you are a witness to what he has done in the past and you are possibly the only one who can save them. be their voice, the one that no-one gave you when you were little............
 
July 11, 2006, 4:55 am CDT

Be careful

Quote From: jensfun

Who brain washed you? Spiritual man? Kind and intelligent? He molested children. I don't care how reformed these men say they are anyone who hurts a child should be locked up for the rest of their lives. A woman is lucky to have a man who has sexually molested children? Give me a break. If I ever found out someone on my street molested kids I would get out of there so fast. My childrens lives are a hell of a lot more important then scum like that. 

I don't care what program they went into. You even wrote he is addicted and follows strict principles. To me that is not a person who would never hurt a child again. 

I can understand your belief in this man as you sound like a very religious person, but please be very careful. It is true that there are very successful programs out there that are considered recovery programs. BUT as a sexual assault counselor and a parent of two young girls who were molested by my sons friend, I know these programs have a high fail rate, especially if the perpetrator is older and more experienced in his/ her addiction. My daughters molester was 15 and very skilled already, and although I knew the signs he did nothing blatant enough to alert me. He was tried and convicted, because I knew the proper response. He was sent to counseling (no jail time). This was seven years ago, two weeks ago my now adult son calls me to inform me that this converted child molester has done it again and there is a warrant for his arrest! I believe proper counseling can work but the success rate is extremely low and usually the best candidates are young youthful offenders, but the courts don't mandate the offenders to be in the more proven counseling programs. SO PLEASE BE VERY CAREFUL! 

 
July 11, 2006, 7:28 am CDT

SUSPECTED PREDATOR

FOR YEARS  I'VE SUSPECTED MY,  NOW X,  HUSBAND OF ABUSING BOTH HIS YOUNGEST DAUGHTER AND HIS PREVIOUS STEP DAUGHTER.    I'VE TRIED TO CONTACT THE LOCAL AUTHORITIES,   AND HAVE  EMAIL PERVERTED JUSTICE,  OPRAH,  DR PHIL,  DATELINE  NBC,   WITH NO RESPONSE.  I DON'T FINE  ONLINE PORNO OF YOUNG GIRLS AND INCEST  IN HIS FILES ANYMORE, BUT ONLY BECAUSE HE HAS MAMBERSHIP ACCOUNTS THAT I CAN'T TRACE.     HOW DO I GET SOMEONE TO INVESTIGATE???????????  JUST DOWNLOAD HIS HARD DRIVE AND  SEE.  I'D RATHER BE PROVEN WRONG THAN TO HAVE HIM RUIN A LITTLE GIRL'S LIFE.........VANCENATALIE@HOTMAIL.COM
 
July 11, 2006, 7:34 am CDT

my experience and my mission

well i love dr phil and oprah, they are heroes to me because they have helped so many people and i would love to do the same. i am normally not that big into message boards but this issue is something important to me so i wanted to get on and see what others were saying. i left a few messages and now will tell a little about my experience and my goals with this issue. i am 22 now, i was molested by two different men, once around ages 2-4 and again at ages 11-14. the first incedents are pretty blurry but i remember bits and pieces and situations, and knowing things i shouldnt have, i never told anyone what was happening and the man left my life so the molesting stopped, when i was 11 my mom dated a man, aged 36 from a prominent family well known in the community, looked great on the outside, their family was wealthy, veterinarians, doctors, teachers and professors, well the whole family was screwed up, and he molested me. i was afraid to tell because i didnt want him to be mad, i didnt want to hurt my mom, she was in love, and he also had two girls and a boy from a previous mairrage, at age 14 i finally told a teacher, who called CPS, we were interviewed and he was arrested. the other children were also interviewed, the son told his mom things but would not tell the workers, the youngest daughter would not talk at all, and he oldest daughter did tell. because of the law, our trials had to be seperate and neither jury knew that he was being tried for two seperate cases, he had a great defense attourney, and with his family's pull in a small town, he won, he was found responsible for his daughter's case and lost rights to children in michigan, so he moved to another state and he now has two more children. the justice system failed us, and his new children who are now being molested. well i now have a young daughter whom i am very protective over. this world today and our society is ridiculous when it comes to this subject. look at these bratz doll toys, they are for children and they are dressed like sexual objects. our society covers up this behavior and sweeps it under the rug. we need to stand up as a community and a nation and save our children from loosing their innocence, we need to be their voice....... neighbors, judges, police officers, social workers, everyone needs to realize this is happening more than we would like to believe and we need to have stronger punishments for those who do this and we need to stand up for our children. my goal is to make everyone more aware of this problem and to help as many children as possible. anyone have ideas on how to help or would like to, contact me. i believe also that neighbors should be aware when there is a predator living next door, (and i am not talking about those who were convicted for teenagers being with tenagers that situation, i am talking about men who are pedophiles and prey on children)  i think it is their right to know........thank you for reading........kristy
 
July 11, 2006, 1:25 pm CDT

God Bless You

Quote From: pgiovingo

Don't ever think that just because it is a child's father, that he would never molest his own flesh and blood.  My mother died when I was 16 (I am 47) and my sister and I had to move in with my dad and stepmother.  My parents had divorced when I was 5 years old.  My dad was a policeman and well respected in the community that we lived in.  He was even on a child abuse task force!!  What a joke!  He was expected to uphold the law and protect. Instead, he molested me and my sister on a regular basis.  He said it was his "right" as our dad and that he was just showing us that he loved us.  What a joke!  Imagine riding down the road with your own father and him pulling you close to him so that he could feel your breast.  Or, your dad trying to teach you to drive and every time you made a mistake, he pinched your breast.   We never told because no one would have believed us; after all, he was a cop.  My stepmother would have accused us of trying to break them up.  She didn't like us, anyway, and that would have made things worse.  We had nowhere else to go and no one to turn to.  I will carry the scars for what he did to me for the rest of my life.  So, if you have the least bit suspicion, GET OUT!  Do everything that you can to protect your precious children.  Don't let some pervert do to your child what my dad did to me and my sister. 

You are obviously a VERY STRONG WOMAN!!  I hope your sister is the same.  I admire you.   Stay strong! 

               Love and prayers,      Someone who knows how you feel. 

 
July 11, 2006, 3:37 pm CDT

prayers for her freedom

Quote From: kilahsmom

keep your little girl away, your gut feeling is always right, and those things are not normal

i wish it were that simple as to just keep her away or report suspicious behaviors but predators are cunning and methadolical about their methods of getting what they want just as a drug addict is.  i am in the same situation and know that if i don't have this videotaped my father will win.  is it illegal to put some hidden cameras on these rapest?!!! that's the only way to know for sure.  i'll pray for you and your children. 

 
July 11, 2006, 4:13 pm CDT

scared 2

Quote From: nancy59864

I am testing this to see if my profile is public or private. I can't seem to find a way to make my name & e-mail "hidden." I do not feel free to discuss anything unless my profile is private. Sorry for the interruption on the topic. I'd love to post but don't know if I can.
i posted mine yesterday, (marschiler), and was scared all night and day.  i realized i had finally spoke out!  we all have to learn to use our voice...we have to talk...we have to stop the silence...i know it almost killed me...don't let them keep winning...
 
July 11, 2006, 8:19 pm CDT

How can people find more prevention /protection?

 

Do the police and courts treat crimes occurring within the family the same as if they occurred with strangers?  (NO).  Why not???  Do the police, courts, etc. make more efforts to prevent an admitted jewelry thief from working in a jewelry store than they try to protect children in these situations?     

   

  

My husband was always extremely secretive; hiding so many things that I started pleading with him to tell me what in the world was going on.  I had become surprised and shocked to say the least when he made sexually perverted comments about our 9 year old daughter.  I really wanted to think that I did not hear him right but he had made the comments twice and I had to force myself into dealing with the reality.  When I began to plead with him to tell me what was going on, he trusted me enough to open up and tell me some very shocking things.  He said that he had been developing into a sexual predator, and was now able to walk in a room and find the weakest 3 people within minutes.  He said that he had thoughts about and attempted to sexually perpetrate on both mine and his underage cousins, and he'd had many past thoughts about doing things to and with his 14 year old Sunday School students.  A former church leader said he should not work with the youth.  When my husband was telling me these things, he was acting as if he were telling me something very minor in comparison like he was simply having trouble with affairs!  I started to try and think of ways I could both protect the children and get him into counseling so other innocent people would be protected from his problems.  I told him he needed help and said I was leaving if he did not get it immediately. Upon threat of my leaving he finally went to see counselors and a church leader, but I later found he'd greatly reduced the admissions he'd made to me while talking with them.  I finally told him I definitely had to leave unless he would start to tell people who were trying to help him all the things he had told me.  Instead of finally opening up like I'd hoped, he went completely over the edge with the lying he'd already finely developed over the years and tried to do me in (so to speak) in the process.  I find it strange how one of his bosses found out all kinds of things, fired him, and expressed concerns about our young daughter.     

   

I've tried everything I can to get prevention support and it doesn't seem there's much protection/prevention for children in these types of situations.  Can no one protect their children from being molested, since a crime has to occur before anything will be done about it?  I've since been horrified to meet children who have been molested by their abusive father, and find out how he was able to take the children away from their mother after she told him she knew about the molesting and she was going to turn him in for it.  Some of these predators seem to be so secret-savvy and intelligent that they've gained the ability to manipulate police, DCFS, courts, etc in order to further hide. The 14 year old girl who was molested by her father starting around 3 years old STILL lives with him, even though she's giving herself deep eraser burns all over, is failing school, and wants to run away, etc.  The molester/abuser has also been very successful in abusing her mother through the courts as she has sought protection for her daughter.  I completely support Dr. Phil in openly and strongly speaking out about these things because I believe that secrecy really helps perpetuate predator or similar behaviors.  Sometimes I wonder if Dr. Phil would even be doing some predators a great service by openly listing and showing photos with many of their names on national TV.  This might go one step beyond listing them on the internet.  However, I also believe there are many people who are truly painfully remorseful and don't deserve to relive their terrible offenses for the rest of their lives.  I wish I had more answers.     

  

 

   

 

   

 
July 12, 2006, 12:15 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: kilahsmom

you need just as much help as any of them by the sounds of it...........serious mental help. really, do you hear what you are saying??? you are saying that a man who ruined several children's lives, a child molestor which is the lowest possible thing you could be, is now just the most sensitive man you have ever met and such a blessing to society?? are you serious!!!! unbelieveable...........  
wow what a forgiving society we all live in
 
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