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Topic : 07/12 A Predator in the House?

Number of Replies: 476
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Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:05:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The FBI estimates that there is one child molester per square mile in the United States. Could that predator be in your home?  Could it be your husband, your father, or your trusted friend? Kitty considers reconciling with her ex-husband, James, but worries that he may have inappropriately touched his 15-year-old daughter. James says he’s just showing love and affection toward his child, but Kitty is making him look like a pervert. Is Kitty overreacting, or is James crossing the line? Then, Trista’s ex-boyfriend, Aaron, has been accused of molestation by her 5-year-old female cousin. Aaron says he is completely innocent and will do anything to prove it. Trista has trouble believing him, and refuses to reconcile until she knows the truth. Plus, Elizabeth says her husband of nearly 20 years destroyed a once normal life when he used their 8-year-old daughter, Emily, as bait to molest her young male friends. Now that he’s in prison, Elizabeth is faced with challenging questions from her daughter. Is your child being groomed by a pedophile? Join the discussion.

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July 12, 2006, 12:33 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: hollyster3

no body would make somthing like that up. A child molester DOES in fact make them look good, its all in the game..if they are great citizens and wonderful people, then no one would ever think that they would do such a thing, so they would not be noticed. Get over it, and do not marry this you know what. he will only hurt you and your kids, if you have any. STAY AWAY..think clearly!  

try not to judge without knowing all the facts. this is how justice turns to witchhunt
 
July 12, 2006, 12:38 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: vance8528

FOR YEARS  I'VE SUSPECTED MY,  NOW X,  HUSBAND OF ABUSING BOTH HIS YOUNGEST DAUGHTER AND HIS PREVIOUS STEP DAUGHTER.    I'VE TRIED TO CONTACT THE LOCAL AUTHORITIES,   AND HAVE  EMAIL PERVERTED JUSTICE,  OPRAH,  DR PHIL,  DATELINE  NBC,   WITH NO RESPONSE.  I DON'T FINE  ONLINE PORNO OF YOUNG GIRLS AND INCEST  IN HIS FILES ANYMORE, BUT ONLY BECAUSE HE HAS MAMBERSHIP ACCOUNTS THAT I CAN'T TRACE.     HOW DO I GET SOMEONE TO INVESTIGATE???????????  JUST DOWNLOAD HIS HARD DRIVE AND  SEE.  I'D RATHER BE PROVEN WRONG THAN TO HAVE HIM RUIN A LITTLE GIRL'S LIFE.........VANCENATALIE@HOTMAIL.COM

try tracking his credit card bills? or put hidden cameras in the computer room? 

  

if you find anything, make sure you consult someone who knows legal matters first to make sure any evidence would be useable in a court of law. 

 
July 12, 2006, 12:44 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: marschiler

I was raped (that is the true name for it) by my father and so was my brother which I later found out.  We told our mother but she didn't believe us.  I feel that it is my fault that I didn't report it to the police because now I believe my nephew is being groomed.  My brother killed himself at 33 and I tried with alcohol and drugs to do the same but have managed to be sober for 1 1/2 years.  I can't explain why I am still dependent on my parents, much less why I can't figure out how to save my nephew.  I have thought to put cameras in my parents house and hire a private investigator.  I have thought to disquise my voice and report suspicion to the school but my father is so manipulative which is one reason why I have remained silent.  I have only just returned to my family and I believe he intentionally left my sister out but I did tell her about my dad and she saw the beatings that she also never received.  Denial is so destructive as all 3 of her children were allowed to be freely around my father.  My mom and her assign my father to restroom patrol!  I can only sit frozen in my trapped rage.  I also believe he has friends in on this thru our church.  It is so overwhelming and I am still alone and full of fear.  The abuse is as raw as it was when I was little.  My father is still inappropritate but since AA I believe in myself and feel hope that I can survive this for the first time in my life.  I wish I knew what to do.  I believe that I will lose all of them and he will win.  He has made us all sick.  I pray daily for guidance.   

you have the power to change their lives for the better. dont let history repeat itself. the sooner you do something, the less chance those kids' lives will be destroyed. 

  

look for evidence on his computer, journal, and other personal stuff. when you find something through legal means, you'll be able to make a case in court. 

 
July 12, 2006, 2:56 am CDT

Sexual Abuse

Quote From: richelle06

 

Do the police and courts treat crimes occurring within the family the same as if they occurred with strangers?  (NO).  Why not???  Do the police, courts, etc. make more efforts to prevent an admitted jewelry thief from working in a jewelry store than they try to protect children in these situations?     

   

  

My husband was always extremely secretive; hiding so many things that I started pleading with him to tell me what in the world was going on.  I had become surprised and shocked to say the least when he made sexually perverted comments about our 9 year old daughter.  I really wanted to think that I did not hear him right but he had made the comments twice and I had to force myself into dealing with the reality.  When I began to plead with him to tell me what was going on, he trusted me enough to open up and tell me some very shocking things.  He said that he had been developing into a sexual predator, and was now able to walk in a room and find the weakest 3 people within minutes.  He said that he had thoughts about and attempted to sexually perpetrate on both mine and his underage cousins, and he'd had many past thoughts about doing things to and with his 14 year old Sunday School students.  A former church leader said he should not work with the youth.  When my husband was telling me these things, he was acting as if he were telling me something very minor in comparison like he was simply having trouble with affairs!  I started to try and think of ways I could both protect the children and get him into counseling so other innocent people would be protected from his problems.  I told him he needed help and said I was leaving if he did not get it immediately. Upon threat of my leaving he finally went to see counselors and a church leader, but I later found he'd greatly reduced the admissions he'd made to me while talking with them.  I finally told him I definitely had to leave unless he would start to tell people who were trying to help him all the things he had told me.  Instead of finally opening up like I'd hoped, he went completely over the edge with the lying he'd already finely developed over the years and tried to do me in (so to speak) in the process.  I find it strange how one of his bosses found out all kinds of things, fired him, and expressed concerns about our young daughter.     

   

I've tried everything I can to get prevention support and it doesn't seem there's much protection/prevention for children in these types of situations.  Can no one protect their children from being molested, since a crime has to occur before anything will be done about it?  I've since been horrified to meet children who have been molested by their abusive father, and find out how he was able to take the children away from their mother after she told him she knew about the molesting and she was going to turn him in for it.  Some of these predators seem to be so secret-savvy and intelligent that they've gained the ability to manipulate police, DCFS, courts, etc in order to further hide. The 14 year old girl who was molested by her father starting around 3 years old STILL lives with him, even though she's giving herself deep eraser burns all over, is failing school, and wants to run away, etc.  The molester/abuser has also been very successful in abusing her mother through the courts as she has sought protection for her daughter.  I completely support Dr. Phil in openly and strongly speaking out about these things because I believe that secrecy really helps perpetuate predator or similar behaviors.  Sometimes I wonder if Dr. Phil would even be doing some predators a great service by openly listing and showing photos with many of their names on national TV.  This might go one step beyond listing them on the internet.  However, I also believe there are many people who are truly painfully remorseful and don't deserve to relive their terrible offenses for the rest of their lives.  I wish I had more answers.     

  

 

   

 

   

Knowing what you know now, and knowing that his boss fired him; obviously there must be more than you were told by your husband; are you still willing to be with him? In all my time, I have never seen a molester quit. It doesn't sound like yours will either. The key word is "daughter". Has she been touched? If so has she been interviewed by professionals, like the Victims Assistance? There wouldn't be any questions in my mind that if my spouse admitted to doing something like this, he would be out before he had an option!!! You owe it to your daughter to get rid of him. And to yourself! There are agency's that can help. My town is not that big and it has help for victims. I should know I am one of them. But I survived it over 20 years ago. It took over 4 years to deal with it and I still have some days that get to me indirectly. Abuse is one thing that will stop me dead in my tracts! I'm interested in hearing more of your story if you care to share. My email is jbfam@sbcglobal.net
 
July 12, 2006, 3:07 am CDT

Sexual ABuse

It takes all of us to put our foot down and take a stand against sexual abuse. There seems to be a lack of funds to fight for our rights and to get help for those victims. But we can lock the predator up and spend over 40-60 thousand to keep their sorry bootie locked up. We need to contact those people we voted in to get the funds to hire more and better trained case workers that can do a better job. They are over worked, some are under trained, and the system is behind! But it will take us to fight for those rights. We that have survived need to jump in and help those that are just coming out of the line of threats from the abusers and start helping. God gave us a brain, we need to start using it. And we need to start living by his word. I refuse to get off my soap box until this is resolved......I have gone up in front of a room of molesters before, I am not afraid to do it again!  

I am a survivor of sexual abuse and proud of it!  

 
July 12, 2006, 4:50 am CDT

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE - DEFINED

Child sexual abuse (1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys) occurs among all groups of the population. It happens to children in both rural and urban areas and in all socioeconomic and educational levels, and across all racial and cultural groups.

There is no rule governing the age range between a victim and a perpetrator. Generally, children are sexually abused by adults who are related to them or known by them or their families.

Sexual abuse is forced, tricked, or coerced sexual behavior between a young person and an older person.

Child sexual abuse may consist of any one of the following acts:

1. Nudity 2. Disrobing 3. Genital exposure 4. Inappropriate kissing or fondling 6. Masturbation 7. Oral-genital contact 8. Child pornography 9. Digital penetration 10. Vaginal or anal intercourse

Acquaintance perpetrators are the most common abusers, constituting approximately 70-90% of all reported perpetrators. In sexual abuse cases committed against females, approximately one third to one-half of all perpetrators were related to the victim. Only about one-tenth of the abusers were related to their male victims.    

   

 
July 12, 2006, 5:19 am CDT

This is WAY too prevalent

This is one show that I would love to watch but I have I can't be home tonight for the 7 pm viewing.  

  

It was 20 years ago but I'm still disgusted.  I was living with a man, renting until we bought a house together.  He worked as a manager of a convenience store and was around kids a lot.  We lived near by there so the kids spent a lot of time at our house.  Sometimes, there could be 10-15 boys a night spending the night with us.  Most of the boys were from single parent households so I thought that it was kind of nice that they had Chuck as an older male figure.  He treated them well, buying them things, taking them places.    

  

I thought that this was kind of strange and I had a few nagging suspicions but I loved him so pushed any thoughts out of my mind.  After we bought the house and he lost his job (I think that he was caught stealing), he got really weird.  We started fighting, which is something that we had never done before.  To add more stress, his 2 cousins moved in with us.  They were also unemployed but always seeem to have money for pot.  He complained that I couldn't contribute enough to the household  

  

He was right, I couldn't afford it so I decided that I would find a place and move out.  In the meantime, I was getting strange prank calls in the middle of the night.  To be frank, it was a young teen saying "I want to f*** you up the a**."  If I had only listened to them I would have figured it out!!!!  Even with  therapy, I still feel some guilt around this.  

  

Three weeks after I moved out, Chuck was arrested for raping his 3 male cousins (11, 7, & 4).  I was sick and feeling so guilty because it went on while we were still living together.  The phone calls were from the 11 year old.  I know how sexual abuse affected my life and I'm sure that these boys are still living the same nightmare.  

  

What I hate is that Chuck only got 18 months in jail. While in jail, he earned a college degree on our tax money.  He is not registered in any predator listing.  He did this before any registers existed.  I went back home for a funeral a few months ago and he was there.  We didn't speak but it brought up all kinds of anger for me.  Even though it's been 20 years,  to me it was just yesterday.  I was so angry because he was laughing and having a good time and hanging around the teens.  I was sick.  In my mind, he should still be ashamed and repentative of what he did and not hanging around kids and having fun.  

  

I lost track of the other boys who would hang around us.  There was one family of 3 boys that we had taken under our wings because their mother could get crazy at times.  I don't know if Chuck ever touched them.  I do know that the 2 younger ones ended up heavily into drugs and the oldest committed suicide.  

 
July 12, 2006, 6:44 am CDT

preditor in the house???????????

Ohh my god! these people are crazy! They have kids and there kids tell them this is happening and and they don't do anything! my god! what is this world coming to? If you r child is telling you mommy dad has touched me or uncle this has touched me then believe your child! I was molested for 6 years by my uncle......I brought him to court and tried to do everything in my power to get him punished but he only got 18 months probation! Can you believe that??? the system is not there for the kids and when it comes time to come clean nothing happens to them. It just doesn't make sense to me at all.  I have a son now that is 11 years old and let me tell ya if he were to come home and tell me this ohh believe me I would do something about it! I carry this with me everyday, and sometimes it cause problems in my relationship with my fiance. But he is very patient and I'm happy to have him love me for who I am.  I always told my child right form the beginning that your privates are your own, there privates are there privates and you don't touch them and they don't touch yours. Everybody should say this to there child right from the start. I tell my son that every once in a while, do you remember about private parts? and he will say yes mom its theirs and not mine!   Doctor Phil I don't get it! some of these people should not have children.....and the ones that want children,,,can't have none! 

From a concerned parent! 

 
July 12, 2006, 7:09 am CDT

Come On People..THINK!

As a past investigator with the Department of Children and Familes, I can tell you that the men on the show are showing all the classic signs of being guilty! Think about this people. If your young child comes to you with SPECIFIC type statements regarding explicit things that go on between two adutls, you HAVE TO BE CONCERNED AND DO SOMETHING!!!! Young children are not aware, and have no concept of what sexual things go on between a man and a woman unless they have seen it or someone has approached them and attempted to involve them in one way or another! That is concern enough. Watching the show today made me very fustrated that these men did not believe that they had done anything wrong. It brought many memmories back of doing interviews with suspected child molesters by the way they were reacting to the questions being asked. The gentelman who sleeps in the same bed as his 15 year old daughter.....good lord.....I DON'T BUY IT that he does not know that it is a problem. He knows that it is a problem and that is why he is acting oblivious to the situation and ACTING like he HAS TO BE TOLD "DONT SLEEP IN THE SAME BED AS YOUR 15 Year OLD DAUGHTER!" If he has to be told not to do this, then it only makes me wonder what else he feels is appropriate that really is not! GEEZ PEOPLE! Get with it. If a child comes to you and says that someone is touching them, they have CHOOSEN YOU for some reason to tell this to. DONT just decice that it is not your responsibility to DO SOMETHING, because if you don't and something happens to this child after they have told you, YOU WILL BE JUST AS GUILTY for not protecting this child and believe me as a past investigator with the Department of Children and Families, I would not allow you to be around this child as well because you have not proven yourself that you are going to protect this child. You should be picking this child up and RUNNING FOR HELP! Not just sitting on your but! PEOPLE THINK!!!!!!!
 
July 12, 2006, 7:09 am CDT

IF YOU THINK OR FEEL HE IS GO WITH IT

    

   I HAVE GREW UP AS A CHILD OF A STEP FATHER WHO STARTED ABUSING ME AT TWO. IT WENT ON FOR YEARS. I HAD PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT SOMETHING WAS UP, BUT AFRAID TO STEP OUT AND HELP.  

  I PRAY THIS WOMAN WILL LEAVE THIS MAN AND PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE WERE HE NEEDS TO BE, UNDER THE JAIL HOUSE. I PRAY FOR HEALING FOR BOTH MOTHER AND GIRL. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR KITTY STEPPING UP TO THE PLATE!!!!  

 
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