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Topic : 07/12 A Predator in the House?

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Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:05:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The FBI estimates that there is one child molester per square mile in the United States. Could that predator be in your home?  Could it be your husband, your father, or your trusted friend? Kitty considers reconciling with her ex-husband, James, but worries that he may have inappropriately touched his 15-year-old daughter. James says he’s just showing love and affection toward his child, but Kitty is making him look like a pervert. Is Kitty overreacting, or is James crossing the line? Then, Trista’s ex-boyfriend, Aaron, has been accused of molestation by her 5-year-old female cousin. Aaron says he is completely innocent and will do anything to prove it. Trista has trouble believing him, and refuses to reconcile until she knows the truth. Plus, Elizabeth says her husband of nearly 20 years destroyed a once normal life when he used their 8-year-old daughter, Emily, as bait to molest her young male friends. Now that he’s in prison, Elizabeth is faced with challenging questions from her daughter. Is your child being groomed by a pedophile? Join the discussion.

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July 12, 2006, 9:06 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: chantlerob

 Help! If there is any 1 out there that can, or really understands what i'm and my husband are going threw,  At the age of 9, I was raped and molested for 3 years nand my parents knew about it and chose to just hide it or just close there eyes to it, so i felt so alone n figgured if thats what they chose to do than why go somewhere or to some one else thinking they would do the same, so as soon as i turned 16 , i got married n moved out and had 2 sons within the 3 years i was married ,than got devorsed and got married 2 more times with in a 7 year span, and i lived with 1 for over 5 years , then my mother got ill and i moved back home and lost her 30 days latter, I've tried every thing in the world to get past this pain the gultyiness  the trusting any 1 and such so here i sit just thinking what else could go wrong , after my father gives me and my hubby an evection ,with are grand kids  and my sons, just because his daughter and her boyfriend where not married but it gets better (right) allong this whole time he was paying my azzhole of a bothers morgage n kicking us out , i call him that cause he the one who had rapped and molested me those long horrifing years , i have allot to to say about the way juvenale , child protecton aggency n other organation are allso,sence i was a victom of such a crime , i started to noticed red flags in my 15 year son at the time such as going on web sites of very young girls in different country threw the web n just the way he acted  so i contacted the approveate people and all they told me was that there was nothing they could do untill he broke the law , well at the age of 18 he did , with my husband's grand daughter ,with us alsleep right in the other room, him , i was so devastated, torn appart , and angry and every emotion that any one could go threw , this has really torn the familly appart. he now sits in prison and we no longer see our grand daughter , please any one out there i need some feed back , i've stoped going to therapy because i can not understand the forners as a doc n i feel if i can't communacate with them how the hell are they going to help me  torn appart and only way i see out is to leave this world .
Wow.. what a situation. I'm no doctor, but I would be happy to listen. I am sure I could offer some basic advice for you. Please write me twiggybumble@yahoo.com
 
July 12, 2006, 9:11 am CDT

You need more information!

Quote From: svrmom

I need some advice on how to handle this situation...I moved into a very rural area 1 year ago (moved from a large subdivision to the "country"  Only 1 family for 20 acres... I enrolled the girls in school, they met the next door neighbor, made many friends in school, all happy happy...
Back in May I found out that the next door neighbor has been CONVICTED of INDECENT LIBERTIES WITH A MINOR!  My 8 & 10 year old daughters are friends with his daughter (she's the only kid nearby)  Shock set in...  I confronted the neighbor with the information I had found out, and of course they gave me some story about how he was innocent etc etc etc...That his daughter did not know this and pleaded with me to not tell her...  Now, I cannot and will not take any chances with this man interacting with my daughters!!!  I have cut off all visits to their home and no longer allow ANY unsupervised play, but my daughters (and theirs) are very upset and don't  understand why this has happened.  I don't knw how to explain this situation to my girls (or if I shoul even go into details with them)  Any advice as to how I should handle this?

How old is this conviction?  Indecent liberties of a minor could mean anything, and innocent people do get convicted from time to time.  Please understand that I'm not taking up for your neighbor (I'm a molestation suvivor), and I share your concerns regarding your own daughters and the innocent child next door.  You definitely do not want to ignore this, and there are steps you can take to protect all the girls without actually coming out and saying anything bad about the neighbor. 

  

Your own girls are old enough to get enough of the basics regarding molestation - even toddlers are being schooled in "good touch/bad touch" these days.  And now would be a good time to have a long heart-to-heart with your girls about how there are bad people in the world who do horrible things to children.  NEVER mention the neighbor during this talk - just point out that it's smart to keep one's guard up, and that they can always come to you with questions and concerns.  And keep talking - every week or so ask them if anyone has ever said or done anything that made them feel uncomfortable or asked them to keep secrets from you. 

  

Invite the neighbor girl to come over as often as possible, and frequent overnight visits would be good as well.  First, if the neighbor is molesting his daughter, he won't want her spending the night at your place  (red flag!), second, the girls will talk among themselves.  I would encourage being something of a "second mom" to this girl, because with time and patience she will tell you if she's having a problem. 

  

As to why you've cut off visits to the home, you could say that you sometimes get funny feelings when you can't actually see them, it's a "mom" thing, and someday when they have their own kids they'll understand.  Good luck. 

 
July 12, 2006, 9:34 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: linda9801

I'm watching the current show now and do not have the results of the 1st guest's polygraph test; but I was alittle shocked at Dr. Phil's opinion of this guy.  Now I'm not sure if he said what he said to get this father to be comfortable to open up to telling the truth; but he said he thinks he's just "a guy"; and that he has "no evidence" that this guy's daughter is being molested.  Speaking for myself without any experience with this thankfully, I see this man's face and it seems to be written all over his face that he's doing something wrong.  His answers and explanations do not make sense and seem, for lack of a better word: "lame". 

 

I guess I will wait for the polygraphic results. However, I'm not sure even then that I will be totally convinced of his innocence. Intuition can speak volumes. 

I completely agree with you and felt sick that Dr. Phil did not do more .  Are the going through with the polygraph or did Dr. Phil just accept  that he had nothing to hide.  My showing was preempted by a news report and I missed the last half hour.  The teen daughter was seen with her hand up her father's shorts and caught giving her father a lap dance .  Something is definitly wrong .   

  

 
July 12, 2006, 10:05 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: holtsgirl

I completely agree with you and felt sick that Dr. Phil did not do more .  Are the going through with the polygraph or did Dr. Phil just accept  that he had nothing to hide.  My showing was preempted by a news report and I missed the last half hour.  The teen daughter was seen with her hand up her father's shorts and caught giving her father a lap dance .  Something is definitly wrong .   

  

Well, I was a little confused with the ending of my show too.  I didn't see any results to the polygraph tests shown.  I rewinded over & over again & I'm pretty sure I didn't miss anything.  Not sure what's going on...It's all just so awful.
 
July 12, 2006, 10:07 am CDT

Have more details~~

Quote From: gamma22

How old is this conviction?  Indecent liberties of a minor could mean anything, and innocent people do get convicted from time to time.  Please understand that I'm not taking up for your neighbor (I'm a molestation suvivor), and I share your concerns regarding your own daughters and the innocent child next door.  You definitely do not want to ignore this, and there are steps you can take to protect all the girls without actually coming out and saying anything bad about the neighbor. 

  

Your own girls are old enough to get enough of the basics regarding molestation - even toddlers are being schooled in "good touch/bad touch" these days.  And now would be a good time to have a long heart-to-heart with your girls about how there are bad people in the world who do horrible things to children.  NEVER mention the neighbor during this talk - just point out that it's smart to keep one's guard up, and that they can always come to you with questions and concerns.  And keep talking - every week or so ask them if anyone has ever said or done anything that made them feel uncomfortable or asked them to keep secrets from you. 

  

Invite the neighbor girl to come over as often as possible, and frequent overnight visits would be good as well.  First, if the neighbor is molesting his daughter, he won't want her spending the night at your place  (red flag!), second, the girls will talk among themselves.  I would encourage being something of a "second mom" to this girl, because with time and patience she will tell you if she's having a problem. 

  

As to why you've cut off visits to the home, you could say that you sometimes get funny feelings when you can't actually see them, it's a "mom" thing, and someday when they have their own kids they'll understand.  Good luck. 

 This conviction is only 2 years old...And he did "explain it away" with his being the innocent victim in all this...Now that I know "this" information, I'm picking up on little things that other parents say to me...Apparentelly a LOT of people in town know about his past and I'm just now picking up on the meaning of their vague comments.
 I to have survived childhood abuse, and likely explains why I'm so protective (not overly protective as to let the girls miss out on life).  I've had the "basic conversation" regarding good/bad people, and revist it often...  As for having her play at our home~Before I confronted him with all this the girls played back and forth a lot~Now that the "rules have changed"  it seems that every time I offer 1 of 3 things occurs: 1.) The dad says he will come too (he says that he needs to supervise because of our inground pool)??? or 2.) They say maybe another day... or 3.) Says today's not good for them to come to our home but we are welcome to go theres... A sleepover has been offered and NEVER been accepted!  I'm not sure if it's because he wants to make sure we dont say anything to his child (which I would never do) or if there's other reasons.  I hate that their friendship seems to have drifted, but at this age aand perhaps with the school year starting soon some different friend will be made and everyone will move on.  It just worries me ~All the What if's
 
July 12, 2006, 10:11 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Does anyone know the results of the first guys polygraph test?  No matter what it shows, this behavior is totally inappropriate and not normal.   

  

Dr. Phil surprised me with his decision.  

  

I missed the last half hour due to a news conference. 

  

Does anyone know? 

 
July 12, 2006, 10:39 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: willhelp

Everyone needs to realize that there is another side to this story. Not everyone who is accused is a child molester. You need to get the facts before you go and start assuming that your husband or boyfriend did this. If they have no criminal history and are good up standing citizens and are over the age of 30, they are probably innocent. The world we live in today encourages people to accuse some one of this unspeakable. Please don't misunderstand. Real GUILTY child molesters, need to be locked away for life! But get all the facts. My  fiancee sits in prison, innocent, sentenced for life and convicted of molestation. It takes no proof. If you have a child who wants to get back at a family member, this is the way to do it.  please, take heart and be sure you have all the facts before you condemn the accused 

When a five-year-old tells their parents in explicit detail sexual acts that another person has performed, they are not "making it up." I don't know the exact statistics, but I heard in a human sexuality lecture once that it's around 2% of people who accuse are making false accusations.

This is simply denial. You can't tell me that with NO PROOF AT ALL he sits in prison for life. There must have been a witness (which takes a lot of courage to do, you have no idea) and there must have been something that led them to believe he was guilty. In this country we don't just throw someone in prison for the rest of their life because there was no proof and no witness and no accusation.

You need to wake up and realize that if someone is in prison for life for child molestation, it is not because some seven-year-old decided that they didn't like their uncle because he didn't play action figures with them because they were busy, so they thought they would tell how he made them give him oral sex (even though it wasn't true) just to send that mean uncle away.
 
July 12, 2006, 10:44 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: gamma22

In the list describing potential pedophiles, Dr. Phil's list kept mentioning "adult males" - please trust me, it's not always men!  My fraternal grandmother molested me when I was young, but I obviously blocked it because I allowed my daughter to spend every other weekend with her for over a year, starting just after her sixth birthday .  My daughter told me nothing, but when she spent a weekend with my brother and his wife my grandmother became very angry that I allowed this during "her weekend".  I wondered if there was more going on than just missing a weekend visit, and I had a sudden flash of my own molestation.  I asked my daughter non-leading questions (i.e.:  "Does she help you take a bath?  What does she help you wash?) and got the answers I dreaded. 

  

Nobody in my family would believe that this woman was molesting my daughter (my own mother went so far as to detail questionable behavior she witnessed throughout my own childhood but refused to believe it was molestation) but I knew it was true because of my own memories.  My daughter was given the option of taking this woman to court.  She decided against it because she felt that nobody else would believe her, and she was satisfied that I did.  I took steps to ensure that this monster was never again alone with my daughter, I made sure that we never attended family functions where she would be present, and as soon as it was possible we went into hiding ourselves.  Only my sister and my mother were allowed to have our address and telephone number, with the instructions that if that woman ever found us that we would know one of them had told and we would disappear again, this time with no contact.  Neither of us ever saw this woman again until her funeral, and we showed up only to be sure she was did and close the door on a very painful and traumatic episode in our lives. 

  

Never assume that only men are pedophiles!   

  

Debbie 

Thank you for bringing up this point! My ex-boyfriend was molested by his aunt, and it really opened my eyes that it could be anyone. I think people just assume that most are men (because most that are caught, indeed, are men) but there is another side to the story. I just hope that someone doesn't hear something like that about "adult males" and ignore red flags and warning signs because they are coming from a woman instead.
 
July 12, 2006, 10:45 am CDT

Unfounded charges

   When my son was 15, he found his half-sister who had a boyfriend and two kids and not so pleasant a life, never seeming to have enough of anything.  They started to get to know each other and after picking him up occasionally I noticed that she really had some other agenda, although I never could figure out what that was.  About six to eight months later, after he turned 16, she got even cozier with him, asking him to babysit at times.  Sometimes when he got mad at me he would go over to her house and stay for a couple of days.  I didn't think much of him being at his sisters' house until one day when I hear he's been arrested for sexual misconduct with a child.  My brain exploded.  I knew it was not true.  I cannot recall all the details, as it has been so many years ago, but right now my son sits in jail awaiting release and will be carrying a label he never deserved given to him by a jealous sister who just wanted more attention from their father.  I don't mean to say in any way that true proven pedophiles should not be hung by their goods and left to let the blood run right to their eyeballs.  But my son has been the victim of a really lame justice system that kept him in jail for two years before his day in court, whose court-appointed lawyer did not investigate or require any evidence had him plead to the Alferd Doctrine so he could get out of jail on probation and labeled as a child molester.   

   My sons' greatest dificulty is that he is Bi-polar.  When he was very small he would bite himself until he bled so he would have something to draw with.  A few years later he would run into doorways and telephone poles, not watching where he was going, and yell at the offending obstacle for being in his way.  By fourth grade I had to take him to the doctor because he refused to go to the bathroom and had become impacted.  The doctor scared him a little, gave him some medicine and told him that of he didn't go home and poop his brains out that the doctor would have to cut him open and scoop it out.  He exibited outragious behaviour throughout his life.  I had constantly tried to get his pediatrition to see what I saw; the distructive behavior,etc., but to no avail.  Hell, I couldn't get myself diagnosed until I was 45 because I didn't have support.  I tried to give my son the support he needed, but when you're living with a disease that goes unchecked, I can see why my son trusted his sister to his demise.   

  Christopher is not what label has been given.  His life has been shattered by his sisters' lies and insinuations.  I ache as a mother that I could do nothing for him as he got over the age of 18.  He has missed out on his brothers' life and all that could have been shared with him.  I'm surprised that a woman on the message board thought someone had to be over thirty before they could have propensities in this regard, but it is also true that a troubled boy could never imagine to behave in that manner.  One must not decide right away that previous misbehavior in ones' childhood does not automatically imply perverted behavior.  Chris never hurt anyone.  If anything he brought every hurt kid, animal or whatever home so he could help fix it.  He still behaves the same way to this day.  He is still very creative, and even though he's in jail, because I taught him all the requirements of living alone, including sewing, He has managed to make himself a much needed commodity.  He also has a creative hand when it comes to drawing, he makes handmade cards and drawings for his fellow inmates.  So if anything, he is also trying to deal with a hand that slapped him stupid.   

  If there is anyone out there who thinks they can offer some assistance to my son to help him get the help he will need upon release, please reply. 

 

thanks, Mary Ann 

 
July 12, 2006, 10:59 am CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

I was surprised that Dr Phil thinks sleeping with your children when they are frightened or lonely is 'inappropriate.  I have a son who is 8 and a daghter who is 13 and I have no problem with either of them climbing into bed with me for comfort-and I was raised by parents who also allowed that.   I'm female so I don't get suspicious looks, but I don't see anything wrong with parent child physical affection and comfort-male or female. 

  

When the child abuse paranoia is so pervasive that a parent can't touch his or her child for fear of being accused, then let me tell you-kids are going to be screwed up. Not from being abused but from not feeling loved. 

 
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