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Topic : 07/12 A Predator in the House?

Number of Replies: 476
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Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:05:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The FBI estimates that there is one child molester per square mile in the United States. Could that predator be in your home?  Could it be your husband, your father, or your trusted friend? Kitty considers reconciling with her ex-husband, James, but worries that he may have inappropriately touched his 15-year-old daughter. James says he’s just showing love and affection toward his child, but Kitty is making him look like a pervert. Is Kitty overreacting, or is James crossing the line? Then, Trista’s ex-boyfriend, Aaron, has been accused of molestation by her 5-year-old female cousin. Aaron says he is completely innocent and will do anything to prove it. Trista has trouble believing him, and refuses to reconcile until she knows the truth. Plus, Elizabeth says her husband of nearly 20 years destroyed a once normal life when he used their 8-year-old daughter, Emily, as bait to molest her young male friends. Now that he’s in prison, Elizabeth is faced with challenging questions from her daughter. Is your child being groomed by a pedophile? Join the discussion.

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July 8, 2006, 5:25 pm CDT

been there

  I was molested by my grandma when I was 14 I thought it was my fault so I suppressed in my memory one day it all came back to me rock hard before I remembered I used to take care of my grandma then I stopped taking care of her 6 months later she died my mom knew what she did to me and on the night grandma died mom had the audacity to ask me why I stopped taking care of her I was oon the phone with a friend telling her that grandma died and I was crying I heard mom saying listen to her pretend she's crying then a few months after that mom came with me to a therapy session she told him that I was lying there was no molestation I was so furious over it when we got home I heard her telling my sister I told him it never happened this all happened in 98 why can't I get past it?
 
July 8, 2006, 5:26 pm CDT

Profile concern

I am testing this to see if my profile is public or private. I can't seem to find a way to make my name & e-mail "hidden." I do not feel free to discuss anything unless my profile is private. Sorry for the interruption on the topic. I'd love to post but don't know if I can.
 
July 8, 2006, 5:34 pm CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

 I constantly check the website for sexual predators living in your neighborhood.  A few months ago I was very disturbed to find that an apartment complex that my daughter moved in with my 3 year old granddaughter had 2 convicted sex offenders living within the complex and what got to me the most was that the apartment manager (knowing this) moved my daughter and my 3 year old granddaughter right next door...less than 10 feet way.  Words cannot explain what went through me that morning.  I contacted the leasing office and the girls response was  "yes we know but we cannot disclose this information and anyway he has been here for over a year and he's done nothing"  I asked her if she would have made this "stupid" decision if it were a family member or friend? My question to her was out of all of the apartment in this large complex werent there other vacant apartments and  why in the HE@# would she move my daughter next to him with a 3 year old little girl????
Well, she could not tell anyone but no one said that I could not tell anyone.  I immeditaley moved my daughter and made 100 copies of his mug shoot and distributed them throughout the complex.  I felt I had a moral commitment to all of the other children in that complex.
I suggest that everyone puts this website on their desktop and check it frequently. 
PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR KIDS FOR THESE MONSTERS
 
July 8, 2006, 5:36 pm CDT

Not everyone accused is a child moleste

Everyone needs to realize that there is another side to this story. Not everyone who is accused is a child molester. You need to get the facts before you go and start assuming that your husband or boyfriend did this. If they have no criminal history and are good up standing citizens and are over the age of 30, they are probably innocent. The world we live in today encourages people to accuse some one of this unspeakable. Please don't misunderstand. Real GUILTY child molesters, need to be locked away for life! But get all the facts. My  fiancee sits in prison, innocent, sentenced for life and convicted of molestation. It takes no proof. If you have a child who wants to get back at a family member, this is the way to do it.  please, take heart and be sure you have all the facts before you condemn the accused 

 
July 8, 2006, 7:02 pm CDT

Unexplained

My husband and I have been separated for 3 years.  I am still trying to get a divorce from him.  About 5 years ago, I caught my husband in the bed with our 5 year old daughter wearing nothing but his underwear(briefs).  I confronted him and told him to never do that again.  He really showed no emotion what so ever about the situation.  About 2 weeks later, I caught him again in her bed with nothing again but his underwear and this time my daughter's door was almost shut.  Keep in mind that he got out of the marital bed to go to her bed, both times, in the early morning hours (5-6 am).  Since then there have been several "red flags" that could indicate something's not just right.  Most recently, I had to take my daughter 2 different times to the doctor for irritations in private areas after visitation with her father.  My daughter cries when it's time to go to my husband's for visitation.  She really doesn't want to go.  Also, my daughter has lied about sleeping in her father's bed.  My son told me the truth. She has only lied about that one time.  My worry is I don't know if it is still happening or not.  My son really doesn't comment that much anymore.  There are just so many different things that have happened that has created serious concerns about my husband and daughter.  I just wish I knew the truth.   
 
July 8, 2006, 7:18 pm CDT

Profile Info

Quote From: nancy59864

I am testing this to see if my profile is public or private. I can't seem to find a way to make my name & e-mail "hidden." I do not feel free to discuss anything unless my profile is private. Sorry for the interruption on the topic. I'd love to post but don't know if I can.
Only your username is public, not your real name or email address. To see what others are able to view, just click on your username on any of your posted messages.
 
July 8, 2006, 7:20 pm CDT

predator

 Dr. Phil,
   I had always felt something was wrong with my daughter, but could never prove anything was wrong.  I was married briefly to her father and was divorced when she was just three.  I felt I needed to protect her but could never prove anything, and at the same time felt that she should have a relationship with her father.  When she was 14 he remarried and had a son.  When she was just 21 he was accused of molesting his son.  It was at that time that I learned that he did indeed molest her.  My whole world caved in at that time.  I had failed to protect her.  I had myself been molested by my grandfather, and have never told anyone.  I couldn't believe that i could allow this to happen to my daughter.   I KNEW something was wrong. 
We talked and cried a very long time. 
   Her father and his family went into overdrive trying to convince her that she was wrong about what had happened.  He even showed up at the house when he knew I wasn't home to try to convince her that her memory was wrong, he was just playing.  I did come home and told him to NEVER come to the house again. 
   We went to the police station so she could make a statement.  She did not want to press charges, but wanted to be sure that he did go to jail, which he did.  We both made statements to the court to try to assure he got the stiffest sentance he could. 
   She is now 25 and is an amazing young woman.  She has graduated college and is doing very well, and is to be married next July.  She feels guilty at times about not having any contact with her grandparents, but I have told her that there are times in life when it's o.k. to be selfish.  This is one of those times, because they still insist he never did anything wrong.
   I also feel an incredible amount of guilt.  I failed to protect the most precious thing to me.  I don't know that I will ever get over that.  I can only tell those who suspect- go with your feelings, trust your instincts, protect them at all cost.
 
July 8, 2006, 7:27 pm CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

My sister was 9 years older than I. She married a guy with a great personality who looked like Elvis Presley and everybody loved him.  My sister would come and have me over to spend the night . Well one night it was her husband who picked me up instead of her. I was 11 years old. On the way to her house he pulled over on a country road and scooted over to the passenger seat and put his arm around me and began trying to kiss me and touch me. I had no idea what was going on only that it was wrong  I pushed him  away and told him to stop and said my sister will be wondering where we are. He didn't say a word just scooted back over and we went to his house. When we walked in my sister made a joke about where have you to been and I felt the guilt flush my face and was sure she could tell something was wrong. I have no idea why I felt guilty. I didn't know what to do and cannot remember what went through my mind but I know I somehow felt it was my fault and told no one. A few month later my Mom went into the hospital and I had to stay at my sisters. One night I fell asleep on the couch and was awakened by my sisters husband running his hand up and down the inside of my thigh and telling me if I was good to him he would take me the next day to the hospital to see my Mother. My sister was asleep in the bedroom next to the front room. I kept telling him to stop and pushing his hands away.  When he wouldn't I jumped up and ran to the room I was sleeping in  scared he would follow but he did not.  A few days later my sister had to take their baby to the doctor . It was a Saturday and her husband was home. I begged her to let me go to but she told me no. I was alone in the house with her husband. Almost immediately after she left he came into the front room and said  you told your sister what I did to you didn't you. When I told him no he began trying the same thing again. I ran from him and thus began a chase through the whole house. He finally pinned me down but by now he was panting  and out of breath.  I scratched him good on his nose and fought my way from under him and flew out the front door. He followed and yelled to me if I took off or told anyone I would not see my Mother again and that he was going to the garage to come back in the house. I walked back and sat on the front porch till my sister returned. He told her he cut his nose on the garage. Thankfully we were not  left alone again and my Mother got out of the hospital. Then about a month later an Elvis Presley movie was playing at the drive in. My brother-in-law had talked my sister into visiting with Mom and he offered to take me to the drive in. Mom said it was ok. When she agreed I could go I  began giving all the excuses I could think of why I couldn't.  Finally getting more upset about it and making up sillier excuses my brother-in-law told my sisiter let's just go home. When they left my Mother ask me what in the world was wrong with me. I began crying and finally told her all that had happened still feeling guilty about it. Well Mom and Dad called my other 2 married sisters who were 12 & 10 years older than me and they all decided to keep it  quiet and to make sure I was never alone with him again. About a year later my sister came to the house all upset because her husbands sister who was 13 had said her own brother had made a pass at her. He told everyone she had misunderstood. That she was sitting at the kitchen table doing her home work and that he had put his arm around the back of her chair to see what she was doing and she had misunderstood. His family and my sister all believed him. I had now turned 12 and couldn't believe my own family was still going to keep quiet about it. I so wanted to run to her and tell her I believed her and knew how it felt because he had done things to me too.  Years went by and I married. My sister now had 3 boys and finally the 4th was a girl. As she grew I would see the way he looked at her and  how he loved to have her dance for him and watch her. It made me sick and I prayed that I was wrong. I convinced myself that nobody would try anything with their own daughter. She became a rebelious child always angry and in trouble and tried suicide at 15 years old. I so wanted to ask her if her Father ever tried anything with her but was afraid if I was wrong I would lose my sisters love. I too was now hiding who he really was from the world. She grew and married and found out she could not have children. I felt more guilty wondering if that could have been caused by the sexual abuse. When she was 26 he died of a stroke.  It was awhile after that my sister came over to visit all upset . It seems her daughter had accused her brother my sister and this man's son of raping her when she was young. I completely froze inside as my sister sat their talking about how bad her daughter was for the lie she was telling. I cried myself to sleep that night realizing what I and my family had done and how many people had been hurt by hiding what an evil person this man really was. I honestly do not think it was her brother that raped her when she was young but that her Father entered her room when it was dark and that he is the one who raped her. I honestly think it happened when she was so young she thought it was her brother. And being Daddy's girl would not eeven imagine it was him or that she was blocking out who really had done this to her. To this day at the age of 53 I have kept quiet about this and only have told my husband about it. The guilt of keeping quiet is at times unbearable. I don't see my niece much but she has had a rough life. I ran into her at a store one day and she was telling me of all her health problems and how her brothers don't speak to her. Then she made a statement that their was a lot in herl life at home that a lot of people didn't know about. I so wanted to talk with her about it but just can't work up the courage. The damage is done. the man is dead and I did nothing. I now have to live with making the same decision my family made about me. I feel I helped ruin this poor girls life. Please if you have any doubt at all do not take the chance. It is better to be wrong than see a childs life ruined. And talk with your children be aware of their reactions around certain people. We must protect the children. Don't live a life of guilt  and regrets as I have.
 
July 8, 2006, 7:34 pm CDT

07/12 A Predator in the House?

Quote From: willhelp

Everyone needs to realize that there is another side to this story. Not everyone who is accused is a child molester. You need to get the facts before you go and start assuming that your husband or boyfriend did this. If they have no criminal history and are good up standing citizens and are over the age of 30, they are probably innocent. The world we live in today encourages people to accuse some one of this unspeakable. Please don't misunderstand. Real GUILTY child molesters, need to be locked away for life! But get all the facts. My  fiancee sits in prison, innocent, sentenced for life and convicted of molestation. It takes no proof. If you have a child who wants to get back at a family member, this is the way to do it.  please, take heart and be sure you have all the facts before you condemn the accused 

You are wrong on the part that if they have no criminal history and are a good upstanding citizen they are probably innocent. My brother-in-law was all of these yet he molested me, his own sisiter and I am sure his own daughter. Yet everyone protected him because he was all of the above. He died in his 40's of a stroke. I think God took care of the problem in the end.
 
July 8, 2006, 8:35 pm CDT

It's happening to me too!

Quote From: bartlettb

My 14 year old daughter is in a very strange custody battle one month with me and one month with dad.  She found her father masterbating to a porn movie, it made her sick.  But before that ,she came to me and told me he touched her and it made her feel weird.  I have taken this subject in front of a judge and they don't believe me.  I really need to know the signs of a child that has been touch inappropriately.  

  

Thank you,  

  

Donna  

I have written several messages trying to get this problem out in the open. I have been fighting with the courts for two and a half years about my children. My ex-husband began to "groom" my daughter and was laying naked next to her. All the therapist agreed that he was trying to molest her. I had all the evidence presented to the court. They would not re-open a case he had in the late eighties for molesting what I found out to be a two year old! They told me it was inadmissible. He admitted to everything and the court still let him have visitation rights with his Mother as the supervisor! What is wrong with our court system? They are letting our children get hurt when all we want to do is protect them! Why are they allowed more rights than our children. Where does it say it is in the best interest of the child to get molested, because that is what the courts are telling me. It is in their best interest to visit their father. They even had us do a psychological test that proved he had tendencies to be a pedophile and/or a serial killer. AND THEY WANT MY KIDS TO GO BACK THERE? The bailiff rolled her eyes at me when I stated what he did. Where is the justice. I have written DR. Phil a message about this. I really would like to see what he has to say, and maybe give us mothers some advice on how, emotionally, we are to handle this? I have spent over $15,000 trying to keep my kids away from him, but it has not worked yet, and I will never stop trying. 

If anyone has any advise, please let me know too. I am running out of options and my kids are running out of time. 

Erin M. 

 
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