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Topic : 07/12 A Predator in the House?

Number of Replies: 476
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Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:05:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The FBI estimates that there is one child molester per square mile in the United States. Could that predator be in your home?  Could it be your husband, your father, or your trusted friend? Kitty considers reconciling with her ex-husband, James, but worries that he may have inappropriately touched his 15-year-old daughter. James says he’s just showing love and affection toward his child, but Kitty is making him look like a pervert. Is Kitty overreacting, or is James crossing the line? Then, Trista’s ex-boyfriend, Aaron, has been accused of molestation by her 5-year-old female cousin. Aaron says he is completely innocent and will do anything to prove it. Trista has trouble believing him, and refuses to reconcile until she knows the truth. Plus, Elizabeth says her husband of nearly 20 years destroyed a once normal life when he used their 8-year-old daughter, Emily, as bait to molest her young male friends. Now that he’s in prison, Elizabeth is faced with challenging questions from her daughter. Is your child being groomed by a pedophile? Join the discussion.

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July 25, 2006, 9:09 pm CDT

SINFULYD, YOU GO GIRL!

Quote From: marriedugh

AMEN!  I could not have said it better myself.... 

Wow!  I admire your strength and courage.  I wish I would have been as strong as you and put a stop to my situation as you did.  My story is almost identical to yours, except I got the idea in my head that even though my son's father was a monster to me, it wasn't my son's fault and he deserved to know some kind of  a father.  Boy have I been wrong.  I'm proud of you! 

 
July 26, 2006, 12:12 pm CDT

Remember to document everything

Quote From: michelle_5

First go to Social Services and tell them about the incident. They may, or may not, do something about it. Each state has its own laws. But at least you have proof you did not let it go unreported. 

If happened to me...I would not let him take the child on weekends...and if he takes me to court I would say why I refuse to allow him to do so. The bottom line is: IT's INAPPRORIATE FOR A CHILD TO WITNESS A SEXUAL ACT BETWEEN ADULTS. 

I agree here 199.99 percent! 

Always remember to document, document, document everything....dates, times, what is said & by whom, when  & what happened etc. be precise on each little thing. Seems that when you do this CPS...... etc. take more of interest in believing it, than just hearing it. Plus it will help you keep everything straight in your mind so as not to mix anything up & that you are in fact telling the truth! 

That is what they had told me in court as to why they gave my father custody of my sisters....I SHOULD have wrote everything down as to what he did to me through the years from when it started, I was 8. Yeah sure I should have known that! 

Plus I could not give the exact times & dates he would do such & such it really did get all mixed up through the years. Even now I have a tough time remembering when certain things happened back when, because I did not write it down! 

Please do report it to whomever you can & write down who you talked to, dates, times, etc. Plus one other note....yes children get curious etc. BUT an adult can tell when it's something else like you are describing!  

"If happened to me...I would not let him take the child on weekends...and if he takes me to court ... 

I would say why I refuse to allow him to do so."  is right on the money here! 

  

 
July 26, 2006, 12:39 pm CDT

krisena

Quote From: krisena

Wow!  I admire your strength and courage.  I wish I would have been as strong as you and put a stop to my situation as you did.  My story is almost identical to yours, except I got the idea in my head that even though my son's father was a monster to me, it wasn't my son's fault and he deserved to know some kind of  a father.  Boy have I been wrong.  I'm proud of you! 

Thank you & all is not what it seems.....YOU also have it in you hon!  

Most JUST do not understand a thing until they live it period & I have to live it each & every day until I die. I've been on 2 sides here as a victim....first my father .....then I was married to one for over 17 years. 

 No, I have NO kids.....because of certain things I would never speak of, that has happened through my life....so it really is a bit easier than with an innocent child around. So I guess it was meant to be or should I say a good thing I didn't have a child. 

Plus I have to say this no matter IF some think it is wrong: You did what you THOUGHT & felt you had to do at the time! We all live by making mistakes & learning from them each & every day. 

Also one other thing be proud of yourself & your son! Remember the old saying? One day at a time works wonders. 

  

 
July 27, 2006, 3:07 pm CDT

Destiny Norton

It appears that there are more predators in the neighborhood. 

  

This is such a tragedy!  We have to stop this insanity.  Our constitution needs to be amended when it comes to searching for missing children!  I have the plan, I need to get it congress! 

  

Tuesday evening, before I had any knowledge about the discovery of her body, I had a horrifying image of this little girl.  I shared this with my wife prior to my knowledge of the discovery of her body on Tuesday as well. 

  

What I envisioned was the child under a concrete structure, a bridge and she was either tied up, or in a cramped position with her legs folded, her head back, and she had been suffocated.  I knew she had been sexually assaulted and that she was dead. 

  

I told my wife that there had been sightings of the little girl, and I hoped that my vision was wrong.  I didn't tell her all of the details because they were too horrifying and graphic.  One thing I did envision was that the bottom of the area she was located was concrete as well.  It was like a slope of some kind made of concrete. 

  

I saw people going right by her, and I was saying to myself, why the hell can they not see her, she's right there almost in plain sight, but just barely out of sight.  Also, what I saw was that she was basically hog-tied, and had something in her mouth, or covering her mouth.  Maybe this was the indication of the suffocation.  At this point, I knew she had been dead for some time, and that it was a local individual in her neighborhood who was the perpetrator. 

  

I reiterate from previous posts that I do not claim to have psychic abilities, but lately I have had at least four visions, or five that were dead on the money.  If God has given me a gift, maybe it can be used in this campaign.  Unfortunately, I do not keep track of all missing children cases.  I think that if I start, then maybe I can help authorities locate these missing children before they are killed. 

  

I know that Destiny was killed soon after he abduction.  Another part of the vision, and I did not catch this on television before, was that she was abducted from her home soon after walking out her door.  All I saw was her leaving her house, not knowing if it was the front or back door, and then she vanished.  Then I saw the vision of her body, and I told my wife that she was dead.  Again, I told her that I hoped that I was wrong, and the sightings made me doubt myself, until I heard the news, and read the articles on the Internet.  I still have seen only minimal television coverage of her death. 

  

This is so disturbing to me.  And I have had other visions, but only five in the past few months that I discovered evidence that I was right.  This isn't about me and this supposed gift.  I still don't know if this is all coincidental, but this case has me more convinced than ever. 

  

The events behind the vision were as follows.  I had seen on television about her disappearance.  On Tuesday, my wife and I were sitting on the couch watching television and all of the sudden I had this vision and it was like my mind went blank, and I saw the events surrounding her death as I mentioned.   When this happened, without thinking, I changed the channel to Nancy Grace, I didn't even know that she was on until I turned the channel, and there I caught the tail end of the story, only that Destiny had been found dead.   

  

We need to pray for her family, and we all need to get involved.   

  

more to come. 

  

djmatt 

  •  
 
July 31, 2006, 7:38 am CDT

It's all around you, too

Quote From: lizzywild

i'm not judging...i'm simply reacting to what she wrote...and yeah i dont live on the streets, never have and no..i've never been molested or even know anyone who has...but...i would know what to do if that was my situation, but..of course being me, i would never let it happened...it's sick..i stand by what i wrote..if you knew someone was a convicted child molester...then why would you let him into your life?  And now your the one judging me....sorry if i have morals and put my kids first...and want then protected...too many parents dont parent...too many parents should not be...makes me sick...i guess since i live in canada we dont see the nasty things you guys do....sorry if i sound mean, but...i'm a parent of 4 kids...6, 5, 3, and 4 months....and i'm there for them no matter what..and i never leave my kids alone with anyone...more moms  should cut their budgets and stay home with their kids.  Love is what all kids need, i guess that why mine are soo happy!
You say you've never been molested (which I believe), but I'm sure that it's not true that you don't even know anyone who has [been molested]....Most likely you know more than one person who has been molested, but  people are unlikely to discuss this fact unless there is a good reason.  Also, clearly you haven't knowingly been exposed to anyone who is/has been a molester.  You are so sure that you would know what to do....most often there is little clear-cut evidence unless a child complains to someone.  Many children are in a state of "frozen fear" and feel unable to tell anyone while the abuse is occurring.  Most successful child molesters (i.e. those who have not been caught) are charming and have a smooth answer for everything....They look and act just like "normal people" in public.  The best that we can do as parents is to teach our children to talk with us about anything that makes them feel uncomfortable.  Don't be so disdainful of other parents.  2 children I know were abused had loving, stay-at-home moms who were extremely careful about who their children could play with/be with.  Will you allow your children to play sports if they want to?  If they go to church, will they be allowed to go to youth group?  Will they be allowed to sleep over friends houses, presuming, of course, that you know the family well?  All of these situations provide potential predators with access to your children.  The alternative, of course, is to build a bubble around them and never let them out of your sight.  I'm not trying to make you paranoid.  I just think you need to be realistic that child molesters are not as easily recognized as you seem to think...
 
August 4, 2006, 1:24 am CDT

stay at home moms..

Quote From: lizzywild

i'm not judging...i'm simply reacting to what she wrote...and yeah i dont live on the streets, never have and no..i've never been molested or even know anyone who has...but...i would know what to do if that was my situation, but..of course being me, i would never let it happened...it's sick..i stand by what i wrote..if you knew someone was a convicted child molester...then why would you let him into your life?  And now your the one judging me....sorry if i have morals and put my kids first...and want then protected...too many parents dont parent...too many parents should not be...makes me sick...i guess since i live in canada we dont see the nasty things you guys do....sorry if i sound mean, but...i'm a parent of 4 kids...6, 5, 3, and 4 months....and i'm there for them no matter what..and i never leave my kids alone with anyone...more moms  should cut their budgets and stay home with their kids.  Love is what all kids need, i guess that why mine are soo happy!
why be so harsh about working moms. I am a working mom(well uaually, I will be again soon) some of us have to work to afford to buy our kids clothing and food. It is great if you can stay hme but why make mean comments like that. This is about pedophiles.  My kids were molested by their dad for over 5 years. Now he has a wife and they have kids. All because he got a plea deal. He got a level one sex offender charge, which was given as he tryed to get a 5 year old to give him oral sex. He has no restrictions now except having to register. Most guys dont tell anyone they are pedophiles as they hide it to get near kids. I do judge the woman who has his new kids harshly as she leaves the kids with him while she works(of course she thinks he isnt guilty) She had a sitter who made a complaint with cps and said the older kid was hving nightmares and peeing his pants. Nothing was done of course. I do think she should lose her kids temporarily. After he is locked away and she goes through some kind of therapy and gets help, maybe get her kids back. She was 19 when he met her, he got her pregnant right away. I dont think everyone realizes how cunning pedophiles are. Most seem nice and normal on the outside.  It does make me mad this girl knew his charge..I really dont know what to think about her. I guess there are a lot of cases like this as I have heard many cases where a pedophile had more kids later..
 
August 4, 2006, 7:31 am CDT

Abuse

Quote From: krisena

I allow my 4 year old son to see his father every other weekend.  I have primary custody of my child, but desire to allow him to know his father, even though his father is not consistent in taking him even every other weekend.  I could go on and on about the last four years, but what has transpired recently is my biggest concern.   

A couple of nights ago, I decided to let my son sleep in my bed (he does occassionally).  He asked me to take off my shirt, underwear, and shorts and kiss (my boyfriend's name).  I asked him, "What?  Who does that?"  He replied, "Daddy and (his girlfriend's name) do.  They take off their shirts, their underwear, and their pants and they hug and they kiss and go like this (thrust his hips a few times).  I then gently and CALMLY asked him where this happened and he said "daddy's house".  I asked where and he said "on the couch" and that he was also on the couch and his girlfriend told my son to "shut up".     

I confronted his father about this and of course he adamently denies it and goes on and on that I'm just making this up so I can take him away from him and have "control" .  I've dealt with a lot of crap from him over the past 8 years and I don't trust him anyway.  I'm so afraid that I'm not going to be strong enough to protect my son.....I can't hardly believe that they would have sex in front of my child.  I  have always been leery of my son's father, as he told me years ago that he was molested by a family member of his, but never said who.  He also has a history of heavy drug use, though has cleaned up in the past 1-2 years.   

I need to know I'm doing the right thing.  I need support and strength.  Any advice out there would be greatly appreciated.   

There is no doubt in my mind that your son has seen something he shouldn't.  An 4 year old does not have that kind of sexual knowledge without being a witness to it somehow. It sounds to me that your ex-husband did in fact have sex in front of his son.

 

It would be a good idea to take your son to see a counselor. Someone who specializes in play therapy. Children will often act out things they've seen or things that have happened to them while playing with their toys. The counselor can make a professional opinion on the matter.

 

If this is in fact going on, then it is very abusive and it is therefor an unfit environment for your son. I can appreciate you not wanting to rock the boat or make a false accusation, however try and put those feelings aside because as I said, a 4 year-old does not have that kind of sexual knowledge without being exposed to it by someone.

 

I am a Licesned Clinical Therapist and it's important that you take your son to see a professional. That professional will provide you with information as to what steps need to be taken in order to protect your son. You are doing the right thing by questioning. Your 4 year-old son cannot make this up, it's not within is cognitive capabilities.

 

Please seek help for your son's sake.

 

 

 

 

 

 
August 26, 2006, 10:40 pm CDT

Over and done

I'm not sure I fit in here but I'll tell you the story anyway because I need it out of my head tonight.

 

I was married for 12 years. My husband was as many say, respected and well liked, outgoing, fun and a good provider but also an alcoholic.

Behind closed doors, he was controling, verbally abusive at times and had at least one affair that I know of during our marriage. Most of this behavior was cyclic. He wasn't always like this but I'd say at least 50% of the time and was also very bossy and bullied me a lot about things. I loved him and he was, ashamed as I am to say it now, the love of my life.

 

About a month ago, he went out with the guys early in the afternoon to a bar and that was that. I took my son and my niece to the grocery store with me and left my 17 year old daughter at home with my Mom who is a disabled senior.

 

3 days later, after my daughter had abruptly requested spending some time at a relatives house, the relative brought her home and took me outside and told me that my husband had come home totally drunk the saturday before and went in my daughter's bedroom and began groping her and asking to see her breasts. Not only that, I ended up finding out that he basically kept her in her room for nearly 15 minutes, teasing her and badgering her into letting him see her body.

 

In our entire marriage, he had never touched her. Suddenly, with little warning, he had dome this. However, she did tell me that he had been making lude comments to her for a couple weeks prior to this and when I asked her why she didn't tell me right away, she said she thought he was just teasing her and didn't think it a big deal. She is obviously not a child lthough she is 17 and not of legal age. She faught him. She smacked him, punched him and kicked him. She said all the while he just laughed and acted as if he were just being playful.

 

NOT IN MY HOUSE AND NOT WITH MY DAUGHTER. Do I think he's a pedaphile or a predator NO I don't but what was I supposed to do....wait to find out if it would happen again?

NO WAY.

The second I confronted her...which was about 30 second after this family member told me what had happened, I threw his A$$ OUT of my home! 12 years or not. I didn't care about bills, love or if the world blew up. You do NOT touch MY CHILDREN!!!!

 

She did not want this out in public. She did not want him in jail as she felt he was drunk and probably thought he was just being funny but sorry...not funny at all. She just wanted him out of her life. Unfortunately, he claims he barely remembers being in her room, let alone groping her and bullying her for 15 minutes. I don't believ it. I think he plotted this. I think he had been thinking about for weeks, ever since he first started making inappropriate comments to her. Any love I had for him seemed to immediately leave my body and my protective instinct took over.

 

I have a protective order against him. I have filed for divorce and he is only allowed to see his son, as long as he stays sober and attneds counseling for whatever demons caused him to do this. If he comes near the house or my daughter, he goes to jail. It's as simple as that.

 

The worst thing of all? My daughter's father died when she was 4. This father died now when she really needs a Daddy.

 

Father's do not (step fathers or biological) touch thier children's bodies inappropriately...and c'mon now, we all KNOW what that means. My soon to be EX will NEVER have an opportunity to be in the same house as my daughter ever again, let alone live here.

 

I just thank GOD that he didn't hurt her worse or go beyond his groping and bullying. She is doing very well already because of me...so she says. She said she felt empowered by MY STANDING UP AND THROWING HIM OUT THE DOOR, THE MOMENT I FOUND OUT THIS HAD HAPPENED AND FOR REPORTING HIM TO DSS AND GETTING THE PROTECTIVE ORDER and most of all, FOR BELIEVING HER AND NOT HIM.

 

People please wake up. If your child tells you or a family member that something like this happened to them...Believe the child! Forget the bills, the love you think you have and see this person for the crime they have committed! Do NOT let your children be victims in their own homes! You're number one priority as a parent is the safety and security of your children.

 

God Bless.

 
August 29, 2006, 2:43 pm CDT

The Mission

The Mission
  • To raise AWARENESS of the magnitude of Child Abuse.
  • To educate the public as to the destructive force and relentless erosion of Child Abuse and domestic violence.
  • To empower our communities with clear and definitive strategies to identify, prevent and cope with Child Abuse and it's gravitational affects on families and communities.
  • To encourage, commission and solidify the communities to the necessity of their involvement in this campaign.
  • To define and identify the destructive forces of our social behaviors that may very well encourage child abuse.
  • To define a clear delineation of boundaries that are considered inappropriate, and provocative.
  • To demonstrate that concerted efforts among our communities can and will drastically reduce the dangers that lurk among us, and bring all the possible angles, prospectives and perpetrators to light.
  • A common goal, among common people to establish an unprecedented all out attack on the age old problem of child abuse.

djmatt

http://www.drphil.com/messageboard/topic/999

 

 
November 6, 2006, 4:27 pm CST

at least they found him guilty in family

Quote From: lisaknight

 I am going thru this and having to fight in family court hands up to anyone who can change this and make a law also to give a restraining order from any molester to come with in so many feet of a child that they have commited a crime on them do rape victims have to sit in a room with thier rapist nooooooo!!!!!!! so why does a child have to.when did the rights of a pedophile come more important than the rights of a young and innocent child this world need to wake up and smell the coffe cause as long as the cycle keeps going thet are gonna be more pedophiles born
  they found my kids father guilty in family court of moletation finally one for the books in family court now if they can find him guilty in a criminal ct he is a pedohile and he should be listed as a pedhophile just because he's a father it is o.k. not to go to trial he should be listed just like anyone else who has committed a crime
 
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