Quote From: blueeyes65 I met this guy on line about 7 months ago. We clicked right away, we use to chat all the time and now I am lucky if its once a month. He claims it due to his job or Business. We told each other a little bit about each others past and what we wanted in our lives today. But I have to wonder what he truly wants on line. Here is part of a long story.....he says he is divorce and raised his son on his own, he is a business owner over by the east coast. I know what he says is his full name. He has called me a couple of times but has his number blocked. He has my name and phone numbers to call whenever he would like. He keeps telling me he wants to meet me and will fly me out soon. But that never happens. He comes on line once every month now to chat with me and of coarse he think we should share intimate things on line. But I ask is that all you want, he replies no, there is way more to it then that. But if you care and love someone you will want to share the intimate things on line. My question is... Is he hiding something from me or lying about who he truly is? He gives me a name that if you look it up, you will find hundreds of them, he wont give me a phone number to call him. He told me the cities in which he lives and has his business. But I have to wonder if that is correct too now. He says he is confused but wont tell me on what. He says we will go by his way and then once we meet I will now everything about him and we will go by my ways. He tells me things like, we will be together soon, he sees me in his future, that he wants to take this to another level, etc I want this to be a two way street and feel comfortable with this whole on line dating. I don't want to give up on him cause for what I do know he is or seems to be what I am looking for. I think he is a very private person and being cautious on line. But how do I know that ? The thing is I gave him a lot of information about me, my past, present and future , and I really don't know a lot about him. Granted we are like 1500 miles apart. How do I get this guys to be more open with me or know that he is being honest and truthful with me? I just have this feeling he is lying to me or hiding something. I have asked many of times over about issues in his life and he will tell me a little bit but tries to get me on another topic. I email him all the time don't get responses back , Offline IM's, etc. Am I trying to hard to keep him? I just don't want to give up on some if he is telling me the truth and just is nervous or confused with the on line dating stuff. Help me please understand what might be happening here.
Wondering Why
First of all, stop beating yourself up and try to put things into perspective. You *communicated* with this guy - and that is it. Many people, especially those who are new to online dating, start filling in emotional blank spaces with what they want the relationship to be, rather than what the relationship really is. During the seven months, there was never the urgency or immediate desire for him meet you face to face - that is a big old red flag. I know there is a distance involved, but if the distance is too great to warrant a real meeting, what is the point? If meeting is so challenging and his time such a premium, how could you possibly spend enough time together to establish a real relationship?
I am not saying that long-distance can't work - BUT - you have to meet - real life - to see if things connect.
You say your communication has now dissolved into a once a month chat - and he wants it to be "intimate" - which I'm guessing is your way of saying he wants cyber sex - sex chat. You really have answered your own question on if that is all he want - because - that is all he is giving you.
Please don't take this personally, or as an insult, but by not wanting to get together with you, not providing any firm information, blocking his phone numbers and such limited contact - he *IS* saying that is all he wants. You aren't getting anything except frustrated, discouraged and disappointed. Remember, actions DO speak louder than words and if all you are getting is down-the-road promises - that isn't enough.
To me - what you are doing IS NOT online dating. Online dates go through steps, phases. First, is the email connection, which can very quickly move to chatting on the phone. Phone contact should move with ease into a casual meeting, which if the circumstances are right, can progress into real dating - or not. My point is you cannot hope and wish for the situation to be what you want, without having a real connection.
I know you may want to believe that "he is or seems to be what I am looking for" but you simply do not have enough information to make that call. My thoughs are you have wasted enough time priming this fellows ego and you should move on. And you certainly shouldn't be there for the once monthly jolly-talk on the phone or pc. More than likely, he has a full life - whether he is involved, married or just being a single guy - you deserve someone who wants to have a real life connection and not waste anymore time providing free wacking material.
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