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Topic : 07/13 Online Dating

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Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:06:48 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Meeting the love of your life in a bar is no longer the only option. Every month, 61 million people log on to try online dating. So why is Dr. Phil's first guest, Deb, having such a hard time? She says she's a dating disaster and can't figure out why she only gets losers in her inbox. Some online dating experts take a look at her profile to see what she's doing wrong. Then, Jeanne hasn't been on a date in over 20 years and says she's scared to death to try online dating. Dr. Phil goes over some cyber safety tips from his book, Love Smart. Plus, a unique first date that doesn’t include dinner and drinks ... but a metal bar and a harness! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

More July 2006 Show Boards.

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suzyblack

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July 8, 2006, 7:02 pm PDT

online dating and age

I was a member of an on-line dating site for 18 months. During that time, I was matched with many men - however, only actually "met" 4. I appear to be a little too old - the site I was on, as far as I could tell, matched women 17 years up and 5 years down, so, at 59, I could be matched with a man between 54 and 76. Men were matched 5 years up and 17 years down - so a 54 year old man could be matched with a woman anywhere from 37 to 59 - some how that seemed VERY sexest to me. Additionally, I found that most men my age wanted younger, much younger, women. I met one man who was 61. The entire time he kept saying that all sorts of women 30 or 35 wanted him - well, "then why aren't you WITH them?" Time after time, men turned off communication before it started because "of the age difference" or "no sparks" - I'm fairly sure that it had to do with my age. I finally quit on-line dating - it was WAY too hard on my ego. I don't intend to do that again.

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l_wmii

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July 8, 2006, 7:06 pm PDT

I so agree

I have been single for a long time. Divorced for 14 yrs. No significant other for 5 yrs. The married guys I know hit on me often. I tell them to go home to their wives. The single men I know are people I work with. Can't go there. I know none are my type. (Not sure what my type is, just know it isn't any of them) Besides I been there done that. Wont do that again.

I have tried online dating, once. I have decided I don't want to waste my money like that. I feel sleazy posting a pic of myself on line. I also don't want some "weirdo" contacting me. I get scared thinking of "freaks". First priority is the safety of my sons.

Forever to be alone I guess. That thought don't scare me, it is just a little sad.

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beaudette

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July 8, 2006, 7:30 pm PDT

I met my Love on the Internet

Not everyone that you find online is bad , married or lying. I met my husband on yahoo personals. We will celebrate our 4th anniversary this year. he is the most decent man i have ever met. he is a fantastic husband and a wonderful father not only to our daughter, but also to my daughter from a previous marriage. you can find that right person out there, just do it with caution, tact and patience. Good Luck Everyone!!!!!!!!

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pearlygirl

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July 8, 2006, 7:32 pm PDT

Trying on line dating now

I started the eharmony thing about a month ago. I have had alot of matches so far. You just have to be careful with the ones that want to much to fast. That is when I stop my communication, not saying they are bad by any means. Just gun shy being divorced for 12 years now and by youngest son graduated. Just checking it out to see what its all about. As always you have to be careful in what ever way you are trying to find someone. But always be 100 percent truthful.

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kodiak57

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July 8, 2006, 7:52 pm PDT

On line dating

I have also tried the internet dating sites and the mataches that I have been given are far from what I expected. I dropped Match.com, True.com and American Singles.com, because the matches were unbelievable. I am a 58 year old man and have been told I look like I am in my forties, but the women I have chatted with and met leave a lot to be desired. I read the comments from the women posted on this site and I can tell you it works both ways. Photos that are posted are either several years old or Glamore shots. I have been divorced for two years, my life was torn from me by my wife of 33 years. She told me that she just didn't want to be married any more. She had moved out of the house a year prior to our divorce. I was faithful all my married life and we managed to raise 5 great adults that are pretty well balanced. I am the type of man that likes campionship, I work hard and have accomplished many things in my life. I write poetry and have been working on writing a book, however I have not been published as of yet. I turned to the internet to see what it had to offer and what a joke that has been. The women I have met in person were totally different than their profiles and they didn't look like the pictures posted. Through this whole experience I found why several men do look for younger women and one of the reasons is the older women seem to think old. I'm sorry ladies if this offends any of you, but I'm not dead and I like a lot of men think sports car when you are thinking Buick Park Avenues. I have dated younger women and the ones I have are definately not interested in my money, I'm not rich, my divorce took care of that. But I think young and enjoy my life to the full. Three times I have been close to death, once when I was a toddler, once in a car wreck and the last one when I was divorced and managed to get a bleeding ulcer. Now I look at life a whole different way and use each minute and second to the limit. My children all love me and I can be satisfied with that if thats all there is left for me in my life, but if the right woman comes along and there is chemistry, electricity and maybe a little magic I may change my mind. By the way thinking young isn't the same as acting young, so I guess thats why the women I met on the internet don't quite do the trick.

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kathylunn

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July 8, 2006, 8:47 pm PDT

Still a Little Unsure Myself

Well, I am really scared of the whole online dating thing! I have talked to three men over the computer and felt that they were all three genuine in the way they presented themselves to me. I have been the one to let two of the three fall out of touch due to my insecurity about dating on line. However, the third man I have not been able to let my fear take away. He lives on the other side of the United States from me and I really doubt that we will ever have the opportunity to meet in person. We are just getting to know each other as friends but I already see how much we have in common and wished he lived closer so we could see if things would work out for a long term committment. But the fear is still there and these messages don't really help that fear lessen at all!!!! lol I don't know the answer to how to meet the right mate but if someone finds it please post it on here because I sure do need to know!!!!

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reneeb43

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July 8, 2006, 8:57 pm PDT

Don't give up on love

Hi there - I have done MY share of online dating over the years. I met my boyfriend three years ago, when I had just about given up. When we first met, and things looked like they might be going good, I ran a couple of background checks on him, just to be safe. (I have 2 children living at home, and have been lied to before) When things turned out fine, he met my children. We are now living together, and although we have our moments, as all couples do, I finally feel that I have met my match. For one thing, don't be too picky and think that you are going to meet mr. perfect. We all have our faults, and better to be honest with them up front, then to lead someone on and get hurt feelings later. And remember, ANY relationship, whether you met on the street, in a bar, a blind date, or online, takes a lot of work, and a lot of effort. You get back from a relationship what you put into it! Best of luck to you all in your search!

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cricket93

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July 8, 2006, 10:40 pm PDT

online dating ~ being wise

I am by no means an expert, and I have even been mislead by the "divorcee" man who was said to be healthy and moving forward-- to truly find out that he was newly divorced and started blaming me for his ex-wife cheating on him... All I have to say is that with online dating and being a woman.. we must be cautious, but hopeful. Live in the truth of what you know, do not romanticize the men that email you/text you, and be cautious... I believe that if someone is true -- it will come out in time -- take the time, meet and get to know the person vs. being online and imagining what someone is like... and, trust your instincts... I am single and 35, and once again attempting the online thing.. I have my masters degree and just did not have the time to invest in dating (amongst other things).. I just pray that I will meet one of the normal people.. or at least have fun and keeping hope while i am on the journey.. good luck to all of you..

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tafox45

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July 8, 2006, 11:22 pm PDT

Online Dating can be Successful. It takes time !

I'm not politically correct so bare with me. I have been on the dating sites for 6 years or so. I learned along the way to do the interview process. While just chatting I was able to get my questions answered without even asking a questions a lot of the time. This helped enhance in finding the now love of my life. She is in New Jersey and I'm in Ohio. The distance was a big deal in the beginning. However through chatting by email and on the phone we got to know the inner personality. We took our time at it. Folks if you're going to use the online dating services. Be careful no matter if it's either sex you could be going down the wrong road! Take the time to get to know someone from the inside out. Always be honest in your profile and tell about yourself. The real self. It may not be popular with many however you're just looking for one. Never show interest in someone who won't post their picture and be honest in your profile. Tell it like it is. It will be worth the wait. Ladies don't be looking for a Tom Cruise, Keanu Reeves. Don't be looking for a man in the fast lane either (in my humble opinion). These guys are the ones always looking for the fast Hit & Run. Men don't be looking for that young sweet skinny lady. Like a Julia Roberts or Demi Moore type. Look for a real woman. Yea she might have the great body but nothing upstairs. Take your time. I did try the E Harmony thing and found it to be to expensive for my taste and all the ladies they sent me were involved. That's not the fault of the dating service. There are a lot of scam artist out there. if you come across one then let the service know about it. There can be great success. This is not an instant fix to finding the right one for you. Take your time it will be worth it. I have to say that Dr. Phil is a very lucky man in finding Robin a lady that put family and her Husband First. In return Robin has her knight in shining armor because she just loves him and that appreciation runs deep for a man. If he feels like your hero then you'll never have a bad minute.

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ingwt2006

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July 8, 2006, 11:33 pm PDT

Even E-harmony Can't help me!

Quote From: cricket93

I am by no means an expert, and I have even been mislead by the "divorcee" man who was said to be healthy and moving forward-- to truly find out that he was newly divorced and started blaming me for his ex-wife cheating on him... All I have to say is that with online dating and being a woman.. we must be cautious, but hopeful. Live in the truth of what you know, do not romanticize the men that email you/text you, and be cautious... I believe that if someone is true -- it will come out in time -- take the time, meet and get to know the person vs. being online and imagining what someone is like... and, trust your instincts... I am single and 35, and once again attempting the online thing.. I have my masters degree and just did not have the time to invest in dating (amongst other things).. I just pray that I will meet one of the normal people.. or at least have fun and keeping hope while i am on the journey.. good luck to all of you..

I married my last husband from a meeting on the internet. We were married almost 3 years and he left me 2 weeks before a major surgery. I've recently tried filling out a profile on E-Harmony and I only get denied as "there are no matches" that fit my desires or the area I want. So...I believe online is only for the lonely and for people that really want a long lasting relationship I still believe in the meeting of the minds in person. (My sister is recently married and she met her man on E-Harmony)! I'm waiting to see how that works out. I'm still waiting to be at the right place at the right time. Do you think that is dumb? I sympathize with your delima. I don't know that there is an easy answer.