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Topic : 07/13 Online Dating

Number of Replies: 365
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Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:06:48 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Meeting the love of your life in a bar is no longer the only option. Every month, 61 million people log on to try online dating. So why is Dr. Phil's first guest, Deb, having such a hard time? She says she's a dating disaster and can't figure out why she only gets losers in her inbox. Some online dating experts take a look at her profile to see what she's doing wrong. Then, Jeanne hasn't been on a date in over 20 years and says she's scared to death to try online dating. Dr. Phil goes over some cyber safety tips from his book, Love Smart. Plus, a unique first date that doesn’t include dinner and drinks ... but a metal bar and a harness! Join the discussion.

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July 14, 2006, 5:53 pm CDT

07/13 Online Dating

Quote From: cruikie

I am not looking for sympathy - I was just adding my two cents regarding problems we gals have when guys keep discussing their X's.  

   

I made mistakes.  I overlooked his problems and focused on the fun and good times we were having.  I was hoping to ride out the problem.  Turned out there were more problems than good times and fortunately, I only wasted four months.  I could have done much worse - and I didn't waste anytime getting over this chump.   

   

Finally - here goes:  I will NEVER fall for that again!     

Good girl!  It's always best when we learn from our mistakes. 
 
July 14, 2006, 6:58 pm CDT

Rebound Guys

Quote From: cruikie

Oh brother, did I learn this deal last summer.  Met this great guy, right after he went thru a real tough break-up.  We started as friends and I was there to hear what a b*tch she was, how much he did for her, and how little she appreciated him.  At one point, he even attempted a reconnect with her, and that's when he found out that she had not only moved in with someone else, but was seeing this fellow during the last 6 months of *their* relationship.  

   

Even though I did get sick of hearing it, I was the shoulder to try on, the one to boost his ego and in 4 months, he moved on and told me he loved me.  I was a trusting gal, and giving too.  So when this fellow asked to borrow the cash to pay his cell phone bill one month, I said fine.  I was smart enough to tell him I'd pay the bill online for him, and got his celly account info.  Immediately after making the payment, I checked his usage - and guess what - he was in contact with the X the entire time he was seeing me!  Yep - blabbing on the phone, him calling her right after spending our nights together.  

   

Understandably, I flipped out and you can bet your bottom dollar I got the money back STAT  and read him the riot act.  Shortly after, we broke up - and - here's the best part:  The reason he gave me for breaking up - was:  I didn't give him enough time to mourn the loss of his relationship.  Oh brother, give me a bucket!    

   

This sap was dead serious about it too.  He acted like he had lost someone in a sudden, tragic accident, like he had watched the life drain out of her like a wilted flower.   I wanted to clobber him and vowed I would NEVER be the shoulder to cry on again.   

Yep, it's hard to date people on the rebound.  They want to bounce right back into the other person's arms.    

   

>The reason he gave me for breaking up - was:  I didn't give him enough time to mourn the loss of his relationship.   

  

How lame.  If he wanted time off between relationships then it was up to HIM to take a break before dating someone else.  At least you only spent 4 months with him.  

   

My rebound ex loved to engineer situations where we would just happen to bump into his ex.  I think he was using me to make her jealous & to show her he could easily find another partner.  We were bumping into her too many times for all of them to be accidents.  

 
July 14, 2006, 7:04 pm CDT

07/13 Online Dating

Hello Everyone   

   

  This show was interesting. On one hand its good to see people having that alternative way to meet people and/or possibly CHAT.   You can do this without leaving the house.......   

   

  Its also good to see the other side of this issue and that is that it is scary putting your personal info out there for people to see. Whether its about you, your state, or whatever. You just dont know who is out there and what they can do with what they can get a hold of, so you do have to be very careful.   

   

  Keep in mind you can also have some fun with this. Be a  50yr old posing as a 30 year old, or vise versa. Try lying through the skin of your teeth and see what kind of responses you get. Put on a show to entertain people instead of sharing who you really are. Tell people your on Drugs and an addict and you smoke pot and weed, when maybe you really dont .   

   

  Lastly this is a process that can work if your honest and happend to meet a local guy or gal, or your willing to travel. It may be worth it...   

   

SEE YA   

  from Maryland   

 
July 14, 2006, 7:50 pm CDT

LADIES BEWARE

I just thought I would share a tidbit.  The only online dating experiences I've had have been bad ones.  The first time I met someone he looked nothing like his picture and he had also lied about his age, a ten year lie by the way.  So years passed and I thought I would give it another shot.  The worst  was just last year.  I met this guy and he did seem normal, but as time went on I knew I had to get out, and no I did nothing to him except let him know I did not want to see him anymore.  Before I knew it my life was turned upside down.  Let's just say I had to go through the legal system to get rid of this jerk, that is how bad it got.  He broke into my home on two separate occassions stealing various items including two computers and my hand gun. He cut all the cords to my televisions and VCR'S as well as my phone line in my bedroom which I discovered at a later date.  He spray painted my SUV with a few expletives, called my cell so many times I had to have the number changed and he called my home over 100 times in one day after I had the cell changed.  Not to mention he assaulted me and tried to lock me out of my own home.  I did not even live in my own home for a while as my friends and family thought he may try to kill me.  I met this guy on Match.com, yes ladies, on Match.  I had his profile removed from Match, but that did not stop him and he may still be out there ladies, so beware.  I only dated him for three months!
 
July 14, 2006, 7:58 pm CDT

sorry to hear

Quote From: groovy

Yep, it's hard to date people on the rebound.  They want to bounce right back into the other person's arms.    

   

>The reason he gave me for breaking up - was:  I didn't give him enough time to mourn the loss of his relationship.   

  

How lame.  If he wanted time off between relationships then it was up to HIM to take a break before dating someone else.  At least you only spent 4 months with him.  

   

My rebound ex loved to engineer situations where we would just happen to bump into his ex.  I think he was using me to make her jealous & to show her he could easily find another partner.  We were bumping into her too many times for all of them to be accidents.  

i just posted a message tonight and i think you should check it out. you made out way better than i did
 
July 14, 2006, 8:52 pm CDT

Yikes you did have it bad!

Quote From: chapsgirl

i just posted a message tonight and i think you should check it out. you made out way better than i did

As far as dating/relationship horror stories go, Laci Peterson had it worse than any of us & she met Scott Peterson off-line in a restaurant where he worked.  I also have a cousin who met an ex-girlfriend off-line & woke one night to find her standing over him with a knife at his throat.  Fortunately he's a kung-fu expert & a big guy, & was able to defend himself w/o anyone getting hurt.  And Kansas' BTK killer was a church official.    

   

My point is, there are sociopaths, criminals & weirdos on- & off-line.  Interact with people & you run a chance of bumping into them.  Hopefully by following safe dating rules, common sense, intuition & paying attention to red flags, we can avoid these folks or get them out of our lives before they hurt us.  And sometimes they're so slick as to pass for a high quality person.  I'm sure every dating site has some sociopaths, as well as many bars, bowling alleys & churches.  Caveat Emptor.  

 
July 14, 2006, 10:43 pm CDT

Oh No! Not this topic again!

I can't believe that Dr. Phil is doing another topic on online dating.  I said it before and I will say it again....THEY DO NOT WORK!!  I didn't even bother to watch the rest of the show due to the fact that I 've went through crap in a handbasket when I was on 6 different online dating services...they all bombed.  Heck, you couldn't find Jimmy Hoffa online if your life depended on it.  My 2 cents on this....if you think that you can make a mountain out of a mole hill, use a bulldozer and not the little shovel that campers use.  To all the ladies (and guys) out there, I wish you the very best.....just leave me out of the loop.  

   

Andrea A. (Memphis, TN)  

   

 
July 14, 2006, 11:15 pm CDT

hey chapsgirl

Quote From: groovy

As far as dating/relationship horror stories go, Laci Peterson had it worse than any of us & she met Scott Peterson off-line in a restaurant where he worked.  I also have a cousin who met an ex-girlfriend off-line & woke one night to find her standing over him with a knife at his throat.  Fortunately he's a kung-fu expert & a big guy, & was able to defend himself w/o anyone getting hurt.  And Kansas' BTK killer was a church official.    

   

My point is, there are sociopaths, criminals & weirdos on- & off-line.  Interact with people & you run a chance of bumping into them.  Hopefully by following safe dating rules, common sense, intuition & paying attention to red flags, we can avoid these folks or get them out of our lives before they hurt us.  And sometimes they're so slick as to pass for a high quality person.  I'm sure every dating site has some sociopaths, as well as many bars, bowling alleys & churches.  Caveat Emptor.  

I agree.  You can meet up with losers any where.  I think the best thing when looking for a date is that you do not allow yourself to be desparate.  Best to have a fall back activity if you can't find a suitable date for a while.
 
July 15, 2006, 7:55 am CDT

Online Dating

Hi Everyone!   

I was asked to tune in to Dr. Phil's show on 7/13/06.  I'm not sure if it was a new episode but found the male guest Terry quite interesting!  You know how sometimes you mentally script what guest's response should be?  He hit the mark with language and self-observation because his information is similar to my experiences and hopes.  How would gain a conversation with him?   

 
July 15, 2006, 10:23 am CDT

That's a big tidbit!

Quote From: chapsgirl

I just thought I would share a tidbit.  The only online dating experiences I've had have been bad ones.  The first time I met someone he looked nothing like his picture and he had also lied about his age, a ten year lie by the way.  So years passed and I thought I would give it another shot.  The worst  was just last year.  I met this guy and he did seem normal, but as time went on I knew I had to get out, and no I did nothing to him except let him know I did not want to see him anymore.  Before I knew it my life was turned upside down.  Let's just say I had to go through the legal system to get rid of this jerk, that is how bad it got.  He broke into my home on two separate occassions stealing various items including two computers and my hand gun. He cut all the cords to my televisions and VCR'S as well as my phone line in my bedroom which I discovered at a later date.  He spray painted my SUV with a few expletives, called my cell so many times I had to have the number changed and he called my home over 100 times in one day after I had the cell changed.  Not to mention he assaulted me and tried to lock me out of my own home.  I did not even live in my own home for a while as my friends and family thought he may try to kill me.  I met this guy on Match.com, yes ladies, on Match.  I had his profile removed from Match, but that did not stop him and he may still be out there ladies, so beware.  I only dated him for three months!

You are right - I did get off easy.  I guess there is no way to predict if and someone goes haywire.  It sounds like he became completely obsessed with you.  You are very lucky that you were able to extract yourself from that situation and that he did not cause you permanent harm.  It certainly sounds like he was capable of hurting you or more. 

  

In a situation like this - what is a girl to do?  Do you file a protection from abuse?  How do you get control over the situation and keep yourself safe?  I hope I never need advise like that - but I think it would be helpful to have an idea of what to do just incase. 

  

Have you done the online thing since?  If not, I can certainly understand.  

  

I wish you good luck going forward.  You certainly had your hands full on that deal. 

  

 
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