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Topic : 07/13 Online Dating

Number of Replies: 365
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 06, 2006, 07:06:48 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Meeting the love of your life in a bar is no longer the only option. Every month, 61 million people log on to try online dating. So why is Dr. Phil's first guest, Deb, having such a hard time? She says she's a dating disaster and can't figure out why she only gets losers in her inbox. Some online dating experts take a look at her profile to see what she's doing wrong. Then, Jeanne hasn't been on a date in over 20 years and says she's scared to death to try online dating. Dr. Phil goes over some cyber safety tips from his book, Love Smart. Plus, a unique first date that doesn’t include dinner and drinks ... but a metal bar and a harness! Join the discussion.

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July 12, 2006, 9:13 am CDT

friendship/love for the disabled?

I have lived with MS for 35 years. It has not stopped me in all my 54 years.  I was widowed at 52, never thinking I would have to 'look for' a man.   Married for 26 years, a fulltime mom I raised 2 daughters (23 & 20), practiced dentistry part-time (20 yrs before having to 'retire' due to lack of dexterity), involved in community and church affairs....I use a walker, so I am not as physically attractive as I once was...but, I AM the same person underneath this facade of 4 extra legs! . My attempt at eHarmony ended with their response of 'they were unable to assist me' (I was honest).   

I have written to Dr. Phil asking him if he has any ideas.   

I am positive and proactive, am pleasantly assertive, kind, caring, loving and wonder if I am to spend the latter (better) half of my life alone?!  Having many interests I love going places, experiencing and doing many things. I enjoy conversation, volunteering and being a positive role model for those in similar situations.  

 
July 12, 2006, 11:17 am CDT

Online dating / mates

After a 23 year turbulant marriage and four children and divorce I ultimately filled the void with online chatting, I guess you are looking for what was missing in the past relationship.  I did not take the time to heal before getting into another relationship and the only advice I have is to take the time to figure out who you are and what you are about prior to getting into another relationship for I found that had I done so I would not have found myself in another disastrous situation in many respects and yes it had been an internet relationship originally, after six months we met and I relocated, then two years we married, but talk about thinking you know someone and how long they can decieve who they really are has made me totally skeptical!!!!!!!!!!  It has been hard on me, my children, and my immediate family.  It took over 2 years and 2 months to get a divorce, 27 court hearings and ultimately that did not turn out successful either.  It is easier to say I DO than I DO NOT after the fact.  Most of the advice I have read here are very good suggestions especially the background check!  It takes longer to heal and to get ones life back together than being careful in the first place!  DIVORCE IS EXPENSIVE! 

 
July 12, 2006, 12:18 pm CDT

I so agree with you

Quote From: wintterose

I tried BBW and I m 57 but the men on there aren't much from what I've seen.  I am a little overweight and men seem to think we are weak or desperate for a man and will do whatever it takes to keep one.  They are Mr. Wrong!  Maybe we don't have a good metabolism but we aren't desperate.  The BBW's in this world want love and respect just like our counter parts, petite miss..we have respect for ourselves and want respect in a relationship.  As far as the guys looking for financial help I hope you reported them to the site management.  They can be removed and even possibly the authorities.    Good Luck in your search..Don't give up, I'm not going to...

I totally agree with you.. it seems that most if not all men that see an overweight woman think they are weak and /or desperate.  I know so men who are on the heavy side and not many people think of them as weak or that overly desperate.  I find it so hard to love and respect myself when I feel constantly judged from everyone.  

As for the gentlemen they both unregistered with BBW personal Plus and True.com so there was no way to report them. 

Sending a prayer up for all us BBW's and BBM's. 

 
July 12, 2006, 1:33 pm CDT

Can I get a male perspective?

I have been semi-actively looking for that special someone for about 2 years now. And I can admit to have met a few good ones, the feeling seem to not be mutual. What are guys looking for out here? 

  

I'm in my mid 30's, college educated, I own my own home, etc. I'm thinkning it has something to do with the fact that I'm not a size 2, but who is these days?  

  

Any ideas men? 

 
July 12, 2006, 2:16 pm CDT

online dateing!!!!!!!!!!!

well the only good men  are christian  men that puts Jesus first in there life!
 
July 12, 2006, 6:08 pm CDT

Online dating.

   

I am living proof that you can find good people.  I dated a man online for 1 1/2 years, we met face to face after the first year of chatting back and forth, emailing, snail mail, talking on the phone etc... we have now been married for 5 years and 2 months.  Yes you have to be careful, yes you have to chose your battles. but don't you have to do that no matter how you met someone?  

 
July 12, 2006, 11:15 pm CDT

07/13 Online Dating

Quote From: loveboduke

well the only good men  are christian  men that puts Jesus first in there life!
I met a man on line and married him 7 years ago..he's an atheist...he's also an amazing caring husband who puts his family first in life.
 
July 13, 2006, 12:46 am CDT

About to take the plunge..

I've been online dating someone for almost a year. This does not include the friendship that we've had for months before we decided to try and be a "couple."  

  

Well, now we're about to take the plunge! I'm moving myself, and two kids, down to be with him! And he has 3 kids of his own.  

  

We'll be on our way to Texas in a month, or two. Wish us luck! 

  

... something I should mention.. we've never met face to face. 

  

~CG~  

 
July 13, 2006, 6:22 am CDT

Excellent work!

Quote From: jalajelly

I can agree also, I've tried the online dating thing. Match.com, E-harmony and some others. I was shocked to find out how many men on there are either in a relationship or MARRIED! If they are single then they are usually looking for one thing, a one nighter!  

I'll admit that I was very naieve at first so that's my fault, but after I wised up things didn't get much better.  

There ought to be a way to weed out the "true" singles. Even on E-Harmony,  I decided to call one of my "matches" (I looked his # up because he was planning to come to the city I live in). Well, I got his answering machine and left a message, much to my surprise....HIS LIVE-IN GIRLFRIEND called me later that day! She didn't blame me but needless to say, we didn't communicate any further. So, E-Harmony is quite expensive (on my budget). Just goes to show how far a guy will go to seek "extra" affairs!  

   

My advice is this,  

   

RED FLAGS:  

   

1) If the prospective "date" only communicates late at night and on weekends- (wife/girlfriend is sleeping?)  

2) They tell you that they screed ALL calls (hiding from what?)  

3) Cannot have a conversation without talking about their EX!  

4) They are vague about their home, (they'll come to your house but don't want you to visit theirs)  

5) Don't include a photo with their profile (again, hiding something?)  

   

There are many, many more but these are just a few I'd thought that I'd mention.   

   

So IF I ever do the online dating thing again, I'll go ahead and pay one of those services that does a background check on them. I KNOW they cost about $40 but I KNOW I'M WORTH IT and so is every one else.  

   

   

I also follow the guidelines for first dates,   

   

I only meet them in a public place that YOU are familiar with-  

That means driving my own vehicle  

   

Let a friend know where your going and call them at some point before, during, and after your date(this is not only a good idea for safety reasons, but you can have a code word that lets them know to call you back in 10 minutes or so if you need an excuse to "leave")  

   

ALWAYS  bring your charged up cell phone (if you don't have one, borrow one)   

   

Never bring them home after the first date, Or go to "his" place (the REAL predators will be so smooth that it won't be obvious to you-HEY anyone can behave for a few hours)  

   

Don't wear extremely revealing clothing-it sends the wrong message, look nice but decent  

   

Don't tell them your exact address, get to know them better-if they're the real deal they'll still be around  

   

Have plenty of gas in your vehicle and a flashlight  

   

Carry extra cash with you, just in case  

   

Most of all be aware of your surroundings without looking nervous.  

   

Try and avoid talking about your past relationships and your personal problems, remember you're trying to make a good first impression.  

   

AND MOST OF ALL......  

   

Try and have fun, be genuinely interested in them-then they're more likely to be interested in you!  

(Good idea to talk about hobbies, etc.)  

   

I'm not trying to sound "preachy" but just hoping that this can come in handy for someone.  

   

Can you believe it? I followed the "guidelines" and still came up with the "duds"!  

   

Good luck everyone!  

Wow! Not only do you speak of your experiences, but yours is the first message I've read that actually gives online hopefuls some very sobering advice.  Your red flags and safety tips are a must-read for anyone considering online dating.  I bet even Dr. Phil can't come up with up with a better list!  I guess we'll soon find out, won't we?
 
July 13, 2006, 6:38 am CDT

Also with Chat Rooms

You join a chat room looking for a good conversation and not for a date. Within days, you get a message from someone who claims to be be from a city in the US and is on temporary assignment in Africa, probably Nigeria.
Very quickly, this person professes a deep, abiding love for you, sight unseen except for the photo in your profile. Several cordial messages flow back and forth.Out of the blue, this person has some type of financial problem. They might need to have you loan them some money or to cash some money orders that they cannot cash where they are. They seem like that they are the person of your dreams and almost too good to be true.
If you accept their checks, deposit them into your bank account, and forward the proceeds to them via Western Union, you discover that the checks are bogus and you have to repay the bank.
If you send them money to help them return to the US, they find reasons why they could not return as promised.
Soon after this, this sudden new lover becomes a sudden lost lover. Probably this person is a male teenager in Nigeria living a nice lifestyle off of money "earned" by scamming honest, trusting people in the US.
You can find true love on the internet. You have to be very careful in your search.
Doug
 
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