Quote From: alyssa_Wow... ive never met anyone who had such a similar story as mine, u are so lucky you got passed it all and have your own family. I want my own fsamily but then sometimes i dont.Ill be soo happy for my future one minute and say ill do nomore drugs and then 5 minutes later my friends will be over or call. Lifes just so much easier doing it and not being left out. Ive never been over weight though, ive always been really really skinny. My parents are not people i talk to ever. I love them to death but they always think money is everything, they always work late and early im always home alone. Then they get home and watch tv then go to bed. We dont even eat dinner at the table anymore.I try to talk to them but they say shh or be quite. My parents arent very understanding and just accpect everyhting to be perfect. My older brother used to do a lot of drugs and deal drugs and was in a lot of trouble so they really worrie about me. My brother is lucky and has now just graduated highschool at 23 years old.I dont want to spend 7 or 8 years in high school, but friends just seem so important. I was not aloud to have a boyfriend and did anyway in grade 8 and then danced with him, then to hugging,kissing, and then even sex. After haveing sex i went into a big depression and just ate and ate even though i only gained maybe 5 pounds. But always thought i was so fat. Then my boyfriend broke up with me and i had noone to tlk to i could not tell my parents. So i kept thinking about suiside but couldnt do it untill i learned about cutting. I didnt know it was bad, i thought i was only going to do it once. But i began doing it everyday. My parents found out 4 times that i had still been cutting and always made me feel so guilty and bad for them because they would make it such a shock when they found out i still cut myself, even though i would never get help. And then i learn cutting is an addiction, it got worse i then made websites saying bye to all my family and then took pills and ended up in the hospital and finally asked for help, and i got ONE counceling sesion that even ended early. I couldnt believe it all i wanted was some help. I could not stop. Then i met some new friends and weighed 110 at the time in grade 9 (thinking i was fat) and started smoking, then smoking wed everyd day. So i stopped cutting and realixed why would i hurt myself iull jsut do drugs , loose weight and have fun all at the same time. But then they finally satarted sharing coke and extacy with me. I didnt do it the first time they asked but then i did later on. I then was doing it for weeks streaight and didnt eat anything. I had no money left at all so i stole my moms whole purse. Stupid as i was and very high took her whol purse, and my dad came down to my friends and said someones stolle mommys purse and i admited it wa sme. I always said my dd would never hit me, he loves me, he would never. And he did he through me in the car and started smashing my head off the window and we almost drove into a treee. I didnt even feel it untill the next day. I never thought i could make my dad so angry. So i ran that night before the police got to my house. The police were looking for me all that night, and my freidns how nice they were wouldnt let me get anymore coke with the money they just let me buy weed.So i was like ok w.e and i still havent eatn for days after that but came home the next day, i got a warning from the police and had to write a two page essay saying why i shouldnt steel. That really gave me a wake up call. Im still grounded. I ahve been grouned since november, but i am getting ungrounded in 4 days. My dad yesterday just looked at me and jsut started crying and said u know ur ungrounded in 4 days, and just said please dont mess up please he always blames himself, but since ive been a teenager i dont gett any attention so my friends give me so much attention with bringing drugs and sharng wth them and then them sharing with me. I did coke juyst yesterday night, ive never done so much then i did that night, and i dont regret it. How am i suposed to not do it anymore when im ungrounded? im afraid because my friends are a bigger influence on my life then my parents are right now. I was wonmdring if u would like to chat on msn if u have it. adtrites1990@hotmail.com
Hey, I started the same way. it wasn't unusual for me to be offered on a single plate, ecstacy, herion, or coke for me to choose my buzz for the night. I slept with who ever, did what I want. I was your age. I dropped out of high school. And I partied. At 16 I was with guys in their 20's. And, then still did worse things, unmentionable.
I ended up getting pregnant at 17. Then I had no choice but to change or I would screw someone else's life completely. You don't need that, hey, I spent 2 months recovering from what I did while I was pregnant, that was not cool. I used to cut, I have manic depression, and it's a daily behavioural change that I need to work through. And, you must realize, though it may be the thing to do now, go visit others who never changed their ways. Where are they? Still doing the same thing, but I bet living in dirt holes, nothing to show for their lives. Eating just to survive, hey, one muffin lasted me a week and that was often. Mostly toast, but a muffin was a treat for the week!
When I needed people to help me, when I found out I was pregnant, no one was there. I did it all by myself. I got myself into the messes I did because I was so angry that no one listened to me. My mom did nothing but tell me I wasn't good enough. My dad wasn't there enough, and my sister still hates me just because I was born. Find a way to channel your anger into something positive. It could also be sadness or loneliness, whatever is driving your need for friends that aren't real friends, you need to look at it and realize, it's not worth it. You have to be productive in life. High school is about finding out what you want in life. Find it, and do it.
I am now 22 years old with a 4 year old daughter. I'm waiting the arrival of my son, and I am now engaged and we're living a good life. I found where I belong, and to be honest, my fiance is my first real friend that I've ever had. All the people I knew in high school or in my party days, are either in jail, dead, or still in the same spot, not moving forward in anything they're doing. They're just wasting space.
You need to talk to your dad and mom, say things like, "I feel, I think, what I have seen" Instead of "You never, You didn't, You did this to me" If you put ownership on how YOU feel, they won't block out what you're saying. Tell him you feel left out from their lives, and that you miss talking to them and spending time with them. When I started doing that with my father, we started a great relationship, that now I am very proud of, and he tells me things like he's proud of me, but he couldn't until I started talking to him first. He was scared. And your dad is terrified for you.
Try it for a while and see what happens, okay?
