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Topic : What's Your Payoff for Being Overweight?

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:37:55 pm
Author : dataimport
It's time to reflect on what makes us stay at an unhealthy weight. Share your story and get support from others who understand.

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February 11, 2007, 1:23 pm CST

YOU ARE SOOOO RIGHT

Quote From: kattrikk

Hi ladies (and certainly any men who are brave enough to wade through the Dr. Phil message boards!)!

 

I check out these boards from time to time to remind myself of the importance of the ultimate goal , which, for me is that this lifestyle thing is forever. Its not until Ive maintained for a certain number of months/years/whatever. As much as I would like to take a break from my routine, at least ONCE in awhile (say, from Thanksgiving to New Years would be great!), I know what the result of that is. Ive done proven that one more than once. I feel like I was truly blessed with finally getting it and above all else, I am surprised on a daily basis at how simple it all is. Not necessarily easy, but definitely simple. I want to give hope to those of you still suffering this wretched battle. If I,  someone who doesnt want to make any money off any of you, can inspire just one person, then Ill be happy.

 

I am 32 and the mother of two. I got married at 18 and got pregnant right away. I went into that pregnancy 40 lbs overweight and came out well over 200lbs. I am 53. I had another baby within a year and got even heavier. I was miserable. I felt like such a worthless loser. I remember standing in front of the mirror naked and saying utterly cruel things to myself- putting myself down. I used to grab fistfuls of stomach/thigh fat/back fat, whatever, and squeeze so hard I would bruise myself. Wow, thats the first time Ive ever admitted that to anyone. Makes me sad to think about. My self image couldnt have been lower.

I did lose weight and regain one time and looking back, it was certainly no surprise. It was a fad diet and I did get to my goal. The problem was that when I got to goal, I went off and regained. This was no surprise to me.I was sort of expecting it but was also hoping against hope that I could be that one person who defied the odds! I wasnt. It did take years to put it back on, and I didnt let my weight get so high that losing again seemed impossible, but nonetheless, I gained a lot back and went right back to the same hopeless place.

 

I was depressed about my body. I thought about it every minute of the day. If I did manage a happy moment, it was never more than a few minutes that reality struck back into my consciousness and I thought 'oh yeah, I'm fat..' I'm sure many can relate to that.  Mainly, I felt like losing weight was shrouded in this mysterious enigma that only a small select few are privy to understanding . I certainly didnt think it could or would ever happen for me. It did though and I want you to know that there is nothing that sets me apart from you. I was a size 20 and now am size 6. I've stayed this way for years now and nothing could make me go back.

 

My biggest message for those still struggling is that it only takes one day to change your life. All of those incredible life changing before and after stories you see where the person actually changed their lifestyle and is now fit and healthy? They all made a decision and commitment one day that wasn't there the day before. It can change in a day. A moment. A lifetime of diet failure can and will change the moment you allow it to.

 

The decision is yours. Once you make it, you will let nothing stand in your way. You will exercise in the rain or to an aerobics tape while the kids are napping. You will wake up at the crack of dawn so the rest of the house sleeps while you do it. You will fiercely protect your exercise time and your eating plan against all excuses and saboteurs and you will love every minute of it. Well, you will love most minutes of it! When your thinking changes in these ways, you can NOT fail. It won't be acceptable to you.

 

I hope this did not sound preachy because my heart goes out to those who suffer. I cried when I read many of your stories. I am frustrated because I know that beating yourself up about your weight on a sometimes minute to minute basis is SO MUCH HARDER than just doing what it takes to change. It's ten million times easier than the mental and physical hell that is being fat.

 

For anyone that read through this, God Bless you.

wHEN DID YOU FIRST READ THE BOOK ? WHAT DO YOU TELL YOURSELF SO YOU DON'T GIVE INTO THOSE CRAVINGS? WHAT DO YOU USE FOR SUPPORT? BOARDS MEETINGS?

 

DENSIE

 
February 11, 2007, 1:53 pm CST

What's Your Payoff for Being Overweight?

Quote From: w8lost

wHEN DID YOU FIRST READ THE BOOK ? WHAT DO YOU TELL YOURSELF SO YOU DON'T GIVE INTO THOSE CRAVINGS? WHAT DO YOU USE FOR SUPPORT? BOARDS MEETINGS?

 

DENSIE

Hi Denise,

 

I actually lost weight some years ago after reading Oprah and her trainer, Bob Green's book, Make the Connection. That book was my bible for a long time. I later read UWLS because I am a big fan of Dr. Phil and thought I could get additional motivation from reading it. I am glad I did. I read it about a year ago and I learned a lot about the emotional side of why I ate so much when I was overweight. I was able to apply some of the tools in his book instead of just white knuckling through a sugar craving.  Even though  I had already lost my weight when I read it, I still got a lot out of it.

 

To answer your question regarding what I tell myself so I don't give into cravings: I tell myself I don't ever want to go back. I don't know whoever said Nothing tastes as good as thin feels, and that expression used to bug me before, but in all honesty there is so much truth in it. Another big part of it is that you really do get out of the habit of eating junk. At first, you just practice lifestyle change, but after awhile, you really do adopt it without much thought.  I also treat myself to something sweet when I want it, which is pretty often (I have a wicked sweet tooth), but I am always aware of  what I ate that day, whether or not I worked out, etc. My personal plan is all about checks and balances.  I am really big on eating good food. I have never purchased a low fat product in my life but have been subjected to fat free mayo and the like on occasion and personally, it's not for me. I appreciate real food way too much. I would say the portions were the biggest change I made. I still eat what I like, just a LOT less. Same goes for dessert. Eat when hungry- stop when full. The trick is really learning what those two states are. For a lot of us, we have to reteach ourselves what it is to be hungry/satisfied.

 

For support, I do like to surf message boards and read others' success stories. Ialso workout with a girlfriend a couple days a week and we bounce ideas off each other. 

 

Take care and thanks for the questions! Julie

 
February 12, 2007, 6:56 am CST

The effects

Can anyone tell me the effects that may come with a major weight loss?  My wife and I have been together for 12 years and she has recently asked for a divorce.  The problem is that she has also just recently lost over a hundred pounds and I was wondering if this could have anything to do with the sudden desicion.  I won't get into the details because this forum is for weight loss but there is no abuse or anything along those lines and when I mentioned something to her about the weight being coincidental with this major desicion she just seems to deny it.  I have never gone through what she has, but I know it has to change a person, to lose that much weight.  I would love to hear stories or anything that may help me educate myself on what she is feeling and what I should be doing.  Thank you
 
February 12, 2007, 11:09 am CST

JULIE

Quote From: kattrikk

Hi Denise,

 

I actually lost weight some years ago after reading Oprah and her trainer, Bob Green's book, Make the Connection. That book was my bible for a long time. I later read UWLS because I am a big fan of Dr. Phil and thought I could get additional motivation from reading it. I am glad I did. I read it about a year ago and I learned a lot about the emotional side of why I ate so much when I was overweight. I was able to apply some of the tools in his book instead of just white knuckling through a sugar craving.  Even though  I had already lost my weight when I read it, I still got a lot out of it.

 

To answer your question regarding what I tell myself so I don't give into cravings: I tell myself I don't ever want to go back. I don't know whoever said Nothing tastes as good as thin feels, and that expression used to bug me before, but in all honesty there is so much truth in it. Another big part of it is that you really do get out of the habit of eating junk. At first, you just practice lifestyle change, but after awhile, you really do adopt it without much thought.  I also treat myself to something sweet when I want it, which is pretty often (I have a wicked sweet tooth), but I am always aware of  what I ate that day, whether or not I worked out, etc. My personal plan is all about checks and balances.  I am really big on eating good food. I have never purchased a low fat product in my life but have been subjected to fat free mayo and the like on occasion and personally, it's not for me. I appreciate real food way too much. I would say the portions were the biggest change I made. I still eat what I like, just a LOT less. Same goes for dessert. Eat when hungry- stop when full. The trick is really learning what those two states are. For a lot of us, we have to reteach ourselves what it is to be hungry/satisfied.

 

For support, I do like to surf message boards and read others' success stories. Ialso workout with a girlfriend a couple days a week and we bounce ideas off each other. 

 

Take care and thanks for the questions! Julie

Thanks for the post. It is so true when Dr Phil says weight loss is managed not cured. I know exactly about that white knuckling thing your talking about. I was white knuckling it  for the last year. And the harder I held on to not gaining another pound the scale would go up another pound. I am now back on track luckily I was able to pull my head out of my ass before I did to much damage. Staying on top of things is key.

 

Denise

 
February 16, 2007, 7:09 pm CST

What's Your Payoff for Being Overweight?

Quote From: stpvdpjcp

Can anyone tell me the effects that may come with a major weight loss?  My wife and I have been together for 12 years and she has recently asked for a divorce.  The problem is that she has also just recently lost over a hundred pounds and I was wondering if this could have anything to do with the sudden desicion.  I won't get into the details because this forum is for weight loss but there is no abuse or anything along those lines and when I mentioned something to her about the weight being coincidental with this major desicion she just seems to deny it.  I have never gone through what she has, but I know it has to change a person, to lose that much weight.  I would love to hear stories or anything that may help me educate myself on what she is feeling and what I should be doing.  Thank you

        I have been heavy and thin over the years.  After being heavy for many years and you loose a considerable amount of weight you have a feel that you have missed out on things.  When you are heavy you believe that no one can love you that is what society teaches us.  Once you loose that weith people both male and female treat you at a complete 180 turn around and you begin wondering what if.  I would love to tell your wife that if you and her had a loving relationship when she was heavy there is no one else who will lover her like you do.

        I was thiner when I meet my fiance and have since gained 80 pounds he loves me more today than when we first meet.  I can tell you that at points when i was heavy and then i lost weight and looked great i had men who paid me attention who would not do so when i was heavy and now that I'm heavy again they would not give me the time of day..  She needs to set back and re evaluate your relation ship.  If she loved you when she was heavy then I can tell her the grass is not greener because she lost weight.  What if life is not good and she leaves you and then gains the weight back 95% of the time a man will love you only thru thin not thick but we being female do not see that when we lost our weight we found many thing we lost being over weight.  Best of luck

 
March 16, 2007, 12:31 pm CDT

my payoff

Hi,   I am 29 years old and I weigh at least 250 at 5'4"

 

This is my payoff:  I have severe social anxiety disorder.  Being fat gives me an excuse not to participate in life.  It gives me an excuse to hide. 

 

 I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder 10 years ago but my mother says I had it as a young child, as young a 5 years old.  Even after being diagnosed, I didn't admit it to myself until 2 years ago. 

 

My "a ha" moment came when 2 years ago, some close family members came to visit from out of state.  We were all planning a 2 day vacation together to an amusement park.  You would think that I would be excited, seeing as we have not seen them in over a year.  I did not want to go.  At first I used the excuse that we have a 3 year old daughter and she would be in the way, so I should stay home with her.  When my husband didn't buy that I used the excuse that I didn't want to go because I might not be able to fit on the rides.  It was true that I was a little afraid of that but I was actually glad that I had that excuse to use.  I did go to the amusement park that weekend but I waited at the exits with our daughter while everyone else rode rides.  I was very happy there by myself.

 

Now my husband and I want to have another baby.  I really would like to ideally lose 80 pounds before then.  We have 2 children, a son who is 8 and our daughter, who is 5.  I am a stay-at-home mom and I try to walk everyday.  I'm not really watching what I eat but how much I eat.  I'm not sure if that is paying off or not.  I don't weigh myself. 

 

I'm really scared about losing weight because I don't know what's worse, letting go of this wall I hide behind and being forced to be out there in the world, or keeping my security and jeopardizing my health.  I just wanted to share my this with you all.  Thanks for reading.

 
April 19, 2007, 6:41 am CDT

i know

Quote From: retailgirl01

        I have been heavy and thin over the years.  After being heavy for many years and you loose a considerable amount of weight you have a feel that you have missed out on things.  When you are heavy you believe that no one can love you that is what society teaches us.  Once you loose that weith people both male and female treat you at a complete 180 turn around and you begin wondering what if.  I would love to tell your wife that if you and her had a loving relationship when she was heavy there is no one else who will lover her like you do.

        I was thiner when I meet my fiance and have since gained 80 pounds he loves me more today than when we first meet.  I can tell you that at points when i was heavy and then i lost weight and looked great i had men who paid me attention who would not do so when i was heavy and now that I'm heavy again they would not give me the time of day..  She needs to set back and re evaluate your relation ship.  If she loved you when she was heavy then I can tell her the grass is not greener because she lost weight.  What if life is not good and she leaves you and then gains the weight back 95% of the time a man will love you only thru thin not thick but we being female do not see that when we lost our weight we found many thing we lost being over weight.  Best of luck

IN 2003 I LOST A 185 POUNDS AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I WAS ON TOP OF MY LIFE ! IF I WAS ABBLE TO CONTROL MY FOOD INTAC  ITS WAS FOR ME THE BIGGEST TING I NEVER ACHEIVE IN LIFE !    I DIDENT HAVE SEX WITH MY HUSBAND FOR A YEAR BECAUSE A STARTED TO FIND THAT DISCUSTING? AND DIDINT WANT HIM TO TOUCH ME ! BUT THE REAL PROBLEM WAS ME I TOUGHT THAT I WAS GOING TO BE OK AFTER LOSING THAT WEIGHTBUT NO IT ESCALADED IN A BLACK HOLL I COUDENT LIVE A NORMAL LIFE ANY MORE MY LIFE WAS BASE ON ME AND HOW LITTEL FOOD A WAS GOING TO EAT ! SO IF YOUR WIFE IS DOING THE SAME HOPE IT WILL BE BETTER SOON !

 

I WANT CRYING TO MY DOCTOR NEEDING HELP IM STILL TAKING ANTIDEPRESSENT MY WEIGT LOST TURN IN TOUT BOULIMIA AND GAIN ALMOST EVERYTHING BACK NOW I STUGLE AGAIN WITH THAT BUT ME AND MY HUSBAND ARE STILL TOGUETTER   YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG  !

 
May 3, 2007, 6:50 pm CDT

What's your payoff for being overweight

Quote From: stpvdpjcp

Can anyone tell me the effects that may come with a major weight loss?  My wife and I have been together for 12 years and she has recently asked for a divorce.  The problem is that she has also just recently lost over a hundred pounds and I was wondering if this could have anything to do with the sudden desicion.  I won't get into the details because this forum is for weight loss but there is no abuse or anything along those lines and when I mentioned something to her about the weight being coincidental with this major desicion she just seems to deny it.  I have never gone through what she has, but I know it has to change a person, to lose that much weight.  I would love to hear stories or anything that may help me educate myself on what she is feeling and what I should be doing.  Thank you
I use to be fit and very happy. I was assaulted at age 35. I grappled with what had hapened. instead of dealing with the pain ( actually I did but the wound was deep) I remember making the choice to hide my body so that this would never happen again. 25 years latter I healed all aspects of that and then I had to deal with my weight. 240 at 5 7. Very hard to get rid of and I have sports induced asthma tha tis severe. Round and round I go. I regret the step I took to protect myself. I think I was just tiered. Women where cruel adn I do nto get that because when one is good looking others are jealous. The constant hit on by men no matter where I was was tough to take. Today; I find that I am just as tiered of all those in my face in cruel ways because of my weight adn the breast size really bothers them. I can not write what people say as it is just sooo cruel and horrid. I look at me the same me who has lived all of my life. I love me and I do nto give a rat what others think and feel about me but I do. I choose to make amends to myself. Raise my self esteem so insults would not hurt me. The tears may form in my eyes but I think what a sad world that this person is living in to be so cruel. I have no problem dating or with friends. I do have bopundries and I make sure that they are manitained. No one gets close to me anymore unless I allow it or make the choice. The weight loss is slow and over time I think will be ok. I may need surgery down the road to nip and tuck which I will not be able to afford. The proper food is hard to come by and easy for otheres. I have 55 food allergies so I have to monitor what I eat. I eat one meal a day, salads two or three times a day. no carbs. no sugar or sweets and my weight is the same. Go fiqure. I have difficulty exerscies because of VCD and asthma. Oh well every time I slide into illness I start again. Preverbiale optomist I am. I think what I feel is that it does not matter how overweight you are; it is about how you feel inside abnout it and that is the turn key to change all habits or one. We may cover our emotions but this always makes me roar as a friend of mine sdaid it to me... everyone already knows what you are in denial of so you might as well stand up to the plate. I think the most important step to healing amny aspect of ourself is to heal the wound and then get on with what we need to do. We can not control otheres but we can manage our responce. Besides my weight - I would only want to loose about 40 lbs. I dig well rounded bodies without bones. I laugh inside when when women that are so skinny are so proud of themselves because I woul dnever want to be them and to me they are no example of anything except a magazine and film image that is not real. The oinly diffearnce from when I was in great shape and now is that now I have more complianments or gratitude in anything I do where before it was more worded around my beautry and certainly not my mind. I cheer all women on to loose weight so that they feel comfortable for themselves.
 
May 4, 2007, 1:14 pm CDT

success w/stomach reduction--no weight loss

Greetings

          I have successfully reduced the internal size of my stomach.  It has taken 2 years of portion size reduction.  How do I know that it's occured---the horriffic stomach cramps if I eat early or use the wrong size plate.  Last Thanksgiving I took one of my daughter's dinner plates and filled w/o realizing how much food I was putting on the plate.  I use a dinner plate a little bigger than a child's.  I had 6 hours of pain; I am used to filling my small plate I forgot to look at portion size.  During this past lent, I decided to stop for a piece of fish early---3 hours after eating lunch.  I didn't want to have to get back into the car  an hour and a half later just for a piece of fish.  I also endured hours of pain because I ate early.

 

         Today, Friday 5/03/07 Dr. Phil mentioned in home exercises that Robert Reames created I can't find this exercise list. 

 

        It doesn't take much to put my knees, that are bent in varing degrees of angle to rebend them.   

 

         I listened to a stupid physical therapist---I was complaining that every once in a while I found myself leaning over---I was wanting to know the reason.  The physical therapist said it was just old age.  What I didn't realize is that my knees were becoming permanently bent. 

 

       Is it bad to continue to walk w/bent knees ?? does this do more harm???  any hints for fixing this situation.

 

      I lost a lot of weight using a rollator, I used it sitting and going backwards through stores---I lost 63 lbs doing this.  Unfortunately, they are designed poorly and the frame falls to gravity and breaks.    

 

      I am starting my own in-home exercise program ---that I developed having to wait on people, while in the car, when I couldn't go into the facility.

 

      Thanks Jean

 
May 9, 2007, 12:16 pm CDT

whats you pay off

Quote From: melissa1116

Hi,   I am 29 years old and I weigh at least 250 at 5'4"

 

This is my payoff:  I have severe social anxiety disorder.  Being fat gives me an excuse not to participate in life.  It gives me an excuse to hide. 

 

 I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder 10 years ago but my mother says I had it as a young child, as young a 5 years old.  Even after being diagnosed, I didn't admit it to myself until 2 years ago. 

 

My "a ha" moment came when 2 years ago, some close family members came to visit from out of state.  We were all planning a 2 day vacation together to an amusement park.  You would think that I would be excited, seeing as we have not seen them in over a year.  I did not want to go.  At first I used the excuse that we have a 3 year old daughter and she would be in the way, so I should stay home with her.  When my husband didn't buy that I used the excuse that I didn't want to go because I might not be able to fit on the rides.  It was true that I was a little afraid of that but I was actually glad that I had that excuse to use.  I did go to the amusement park that weekend but I waited at the exits with our daughter while everyone else rode rides.  I was very happy there by myself.

 

Now my husband and I want to have another baby.  I really would like to ideally lose 80 pounds before then.  We have 2 children, a son who is 8 and our daughter, who is 5.  I am a stay-at-home mom and I try to walk everyday.  I'm not really watching what I eat but how much I eat.  I'm not sure if that is paying off or not.  I don't weigh myself. 

 

I'm really scared about losing weight because I don't know what's worse, letting go of this wall I hide behind and being forced to be out there in the world, or keeping my security and jeopardizing my health.  I just wanted to share my this with you all.  Thanks for reading.

Hi there just catching up on drphils message board.  I am also sitting in the same situation as you are.  I quit my job as a hairdresser because of my anxiety.  The attacks were coming all the time and i just couldn't deal with it anymore.  I sat on my couch and watched the world go by.  I would not travel, just the simple joy of going for a ride in the country was terrifing .  I felt i let my husband down and my children.Read alot of books and this is something i can control, sometimes the what ifs can be overberring and freightful but the not doing hurts even more. I choose to live my life.  what i had fears about i learn about . fear is the lack of knowledge.  If im afraid to travel i find out where in i am going and i plan. If there is times where i cannot control my enviroment and i find myself having a aniexty attack  i tell myself to stop, distraction, breath  and if this doesn't help i ride the wave.  I know it will not last long I know i will not die.  Just relax.

   For weight loss i take one day a time i go to the gym mostly every day.  I do not diet i am eating healthier .  making better choices.  You know what made you fat, don't hurt yourself anymore.  Take this time for yourself fall in love with you at any size .  because the only person who really matters is you.  You cannot give if you do not have. 

 
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