Topic : What's Your Payoff for Being Overweight?

 Your reasons to want to lose weight are very good ones. Your husband's reasons to want you large have no merit, and he may need some help to realize what he is doing to you.

Does he realize that this kind of controlling, suspicious attitude ruins and ends marriages all the time? Wouldn't it be horrible if you split with him, lost weight, but still never re-married? Would it take that to prove to him that if you wouldn't cheat at jumbo size, why would you at your ideal weight?

His fears are his responsibility, and hopefully you can get him to see the light. They have nothing to do with you unless you decide that his opinions are better than yours and you should abide by them.

I battle this same attitude myself, and you just have to forge ahead. He will either get used to trusting you, no matter what size you are, or not. His perception has nothing to do with your reality.

I am currently recovering from femur surgery. I had the surgery two years ago & I use a cane to get aroung. It is very hard to bend my knee because of the metal plate on it.  It is very frustrating to not be abel to do everything I want to. Any one have any suggestions on what kind of exercises I might do to help myself.....it would be greatly appreciated.

I understand how you feel.  My relationship used to go this way also.  My advise would be to LOSE THE WEIGHT!  My husband learned to adapt to me when I lost weight.  He was actually in Iraq when I decided to revamp myself and he was very concerned I was doing it for someone else.  Simply not true....instead when I started losing the weight he was the one who gained more.  I had more energy, my moods were better, and because my self esteem was better I was able to show him more attention and love with confidence.  If your husband doesnt adjust, maybe someone else can help you out with advise.  My husband is a wonderful caring man so he is the exception.  When he would get a little nervous (remember he was in a war zone) I would just stick to my guns and let him know I was doing this for me, he could either enjoy the benefits or be miserable.  Just make sure your husband knows you are only interested in him and keep doing things to show him.   

     I  started to gain weight  when I  was in my  early twenties.First it was 10 lbs, then 15 lbs over weight.  I'm 29 years old,and  I'am  95 lbs  over weight.  How  did that happen? It happen so fast, that I was blind to  it. I  just always saw myself  slightly  over weight, cute and chubby.Until  I got a reality check, I saw myself in pictures,home videos, my pant size  got bigger.At  this point I'm very uncomfotable.I'm so anxious to start losing the weight,but I can't seem to stick to a healthy diet. The temptations,the urge and cravings are intense. I'm a quiter at every inted to lose the weight.  I think about my weight every second that passes by. I know  if I  lose the weight, I'll  be so happy ,healthy and damn good looking! I  want that  back in my life,I  want to be sexy again. I know I can do it, but doing is my problem!

To be honest, I dont know if I am emotionally ready for the up and down roller coaster of losing weight but I am going to just jump in.  If I wait for the right time, I will never be ready.  I am going to just give a few of my tricks.  I recently lost 30 pounds but have only been maintaining that weight loss without any new loss.  First, I do not put junk food in the house.  I am a person who eats from lonliness or boredom so I cant have it on hand.  I keep things like raisins (they are sweet), fruit and cereal bars in the house.  I dont buy soda, cookies, snack foods or chips unless its something I dont like.  I have a husband and 2 teenange boys.   If I crave chocolate (dont happen often)  I go to the store for a 3 musketeer (has less fat) and then I automatically break it in half and put the rest in the trash before I even get to my car.  If I am craving a burger I do the same thing.  But I get the little cheeseburgers at Burker King...no fries.  I also weigh myself everyday.  This keeps it real for me.  When I weigh in everyday, it makes me think before I put anything in my mouth because I have to face the scales the next day.  I basically eat what I want but in smaller portions so I dont feel deprived.  I dont use mayonaise or butter and I buy only lean meats.  I dont make extra food and I always eat last (3 other males in the house). The only thing lacking for me is exercise which my husband has decided to help me with.  I have teenange sons who will soon graduate and go on to have careers and families.  I want to be an active grandma.  Sounds crazy I know because I am only 34 but I plan to be around awhile and finally get my hubby all to myself just like it used to be. :) 

  Everything was going good in the morning.I woke up early to get ready for work, I had my healthy breakfast shake. Then for lunch I had  a frozen lean cuisine w/ plenty of water to drink. than about 45 min. later I started to feel hungry, I was holding it till I get home and have a healty dinner w/ my family. When I got home I was like a  hungry lion from Africa who just got a taste of  fresh blood. I went to a trance... and ate 2 sandwiches with white bread, 1 camble soup,and some doritos.plus what I cooked for dinner. so I had to many calories for today. I'll try it tommorow again. Dr.Phil is right I need a plan?  what kind of plan? help

Congratulations!  You made an effort which is applaudable.  I used to do that too...pig out when I got home.  To make it easier you will have to snack on healthy things between meals.  The less you eat the more you sabotage yourself and your metabolism, I have learned from experience.  Take things like raisins, fruit, granola bars, etc to have on hand.  Remember you cant eat it if its not on hand.  When I first lost my first 30 pounds, I ate lots and lots of subway sandwhiches.  For me a 6 inch was alot of food.  It was very filling and I was fine until dinner time.  You just have to keep tweaking things till you get it right for you.  But stick to the water.  This is my new goal...get my water. 

  I am 31 years old a and 165 lbs. overweight -and what keeps me large is my own limitations I do not know how it feels to be thin I have been heavy since jr. high and just keep gaining more and more. I think for me I don't allow myself to loose the wieght or give it my all because I am afraid of failure. I see my weight as an excuse to not be successful in my life, my carreer and my marriage. I see myself as less of a person because I am overweight. But that has got to change and I am working on loving myself the way I am.  Really I get in a rut because I say to myself, If I loose the weight and I still have no succcess in my life what then, the truth is I need to believe in myself now at this weight because it is my self talk that keeps me from success in all areas of my life. 

  I think you need to dig deeper for a reason, a pay off everyone has one. I used to be the same as you and think I really don't have a pay off- but you do or you wouldnt keep doing the same thing over and over- you could feel like you have "control" when you eat (this is true for me) or use it as an excuse to fail ( your weight) you have to DIG DEEP believe me there is a pay off!!!  

    I know you can do it to but as they say one day at a time. I know what you mean by the cravings I eat at night but now I have decided not to eat after dinner and it is so hard my body goes into binge mode at night I had to find something else to replace eating at that time of night, so I scrapbook or make cards while I watch tv and I no longer have to eat, when I go to bed I have beautiful cards to show for my hours in front of the tv, and I don't gain weight!! good luck! 

Kristen- welcome aboard I am new too I have to say finding my pay off was really hard it took a while before I admitted I had one. I finnally realized that I used my weight as a crutch to stop me from doing the things that I was too insecure to believe in myself about.  My marriage has been plagued with my feelings of unworthyness, my career brought to a halt because of the fact I felt noone would want to come to a fat hairdresser, ( although I am excellent at what I do) and the fact that I allowed myself to feel like I was "in control" when I decided what and where and how I ate!!! I realized that what I thought I had "control" of I really had no control of!  

    It is hard I know ask yourself what do you get by being fat or what do you get to avoid?