Topic : What's Your Payoff for Being Overweight?

You aren't the only one that doesn't know what the payoff is.  I remember my childhood.  I was a very skinny kid up until kindergarden and had my tonsils out.  By 4th grade they had me on a diet and i lost a lot of weight.  Since then it has been a roller coaster.   I know the Mom thing myself.  I just came back from a 5 day visit with her for Mothers Day and 3 days before the trip I replayed the conversation over and over in my head of her comments on my weight.  Mind you she is 135 and has been that as long as I can remember.  It took me many years to realize I don't need her approval just her love.  I know I have it yet I still feel trapped in the approval thing.    My boyfriend and I live together and he is overweight after kidney cancer and diabities and I catch myself making comments or thinking things that I would never say or allow him to say to me.  I see that vicious cycle starting and am doing my best, and often failing not to repeat my Mom's words.    I am sure most of my issues lie with my relationship...past and present....with my Mom.  Now how do I figure out what that is and how do I reslove it? 

 Excuse to lay around and hide from my life..If I had to guess ..that says it all...I think if I lose weight ...I'll have no excuse- not to get dressed up and get out there in the world ...I am lazzzzzzy and I have low self esteem ...I fear failure big time ..I mean seriously if I really try to lose weight and I cant then I fail ..but if i give it a half hearted go and- I give up then I dont fail - I quit ..make any sense to anybody....

    I really dont eat enough and what I do eat is never at the proper times ...im thinkin one of my many pay offs is time with my husband ...the only thing we ever do together is eat ...and our time out of the house is spent at take out places or bbq's out in my yard ...so my pay off is his attention ..he keeps telling me he likes me like i am ....would he love me skinnier????

I'm 55 and for about 20 years struggled with my weight before I got it off.  I learned to love exercising !  55 min. cardio and 30-35 min resistance training  5 days a week.  I even bike and hike extra in the summer.  I finally took off 60 lbs. but couldn't maintain it and have gained back 20 lbs even with all the exercise..  Now I wonder if I'm supposed to love the new me or be on my guard for the next 20 lb. gain. It's really very tough.  Yes I want to look nice and feel good, but do I have to live it 24-7-356?  I'd like to be able to relax and enjoy this time of my life not have to fight my way through it.  good luck to you, I hope you succeed.

hi every1...my name is paula, i'm 40 yrs old, 5'4", 186 lbs...i was just reading back thru all the posts & feel that this message board is right up my alley....i think my payoff is showing people that i'm in pain, kind of asking 4 help & understanding...i've always looked @ overweight people & thought, "wow, he/she is so unhappy"......even tho i am overweight myself, i c it so much more clearly in other people.....i think if u internalize ur issues-& let's face it, we ALL have them-they manifest themselves somehow, weather it b thru alcohol/drug abuse,promiscuity,overeating or medicating w/food,road rage,starving urself or purging,etc....it's just strange that a lot of us choose food/fat as our method of manifestation...i mean, if ur an alcoholic or a druggie u can hide ur problems a lot easier than if ur fat.....& if ur underweight or anorexic, it's not only accepted but practically glorified in this messed up culture of ours.....but we choose 2 b fat-it's like we want people 2 c we're in pain...i myself think i was abused @ a very young age & that's where my pain comes from...i'm not sure about it, but just some behaviors of mine r classic symptoms of survivors of molestation/abuse.....so my course of action is 2 c a therapist...i have an appointment a week from 2day...i can't really go 2 my parents 2 ask if they kno about any incidents when i was young, as my dad is passed & my mom is ina nursing home w/dementia & doesn't even kno my name.....but i do feel strongly that it wasn't them who hurt me...not intentionally anyway, more just emotionally absent.....they didn't kno any better, they did the best they could i guess...i just want 2 b healthy so i can raise my daughters 2 b healthy, confident & able....sorry 4 the long post, i'd really like 2 hear some feedback about what any of u think......peace,p  

   I can't figure out what my payoff is!    I'm  not sure how to figure it out ! Help 

 I have a lot of reasons for wanting to loose weight but one that I think is hurting me is that I want to be small for a wedding, but everytime I start to loose and my boyfriend of 4 years has not asked me to marry him I stop the progress, because if I am not small I wouldn't be ready in my mind to get married anyway.

 I've been here before. My past reasons for getting and staying fat no longer apply, so I had to do some serious thinking to realize what it was this time. I've formerly lost 50lbs, but have gained back 30 of it over the last year. I was increasingly depressed which caused me to want to eat (old habits) and was struggling with a "what's the use?" attitude.
I was depressed because because my youngest graduated high school, will be going off to college in the fall, and my life as an active mother is over now. I was a relunctant mother to begin with, but found it to be my calling. So now I need to find something rewarding to do with myself. Change is inevitable, and logically I knew this day would come, but it still hit me like a mack truck.
I don't like changes, and my husband was also looking at changing jobs, which meant moving to a different area away from my kids. It was too much for me and I sank into a puddle of self-pity. Food does not change, and I used it once again for my solace. I virtually quit the things that truly make me feel good- exercise and meditation- and I kept sliding further and further down that slippery slope. My pay-off was that I felt like I had no control over the way my life was going, so I would take no control over the things that I DO have control over. It was a sort of rebellion that leads to no-where. So I'm now back at that place where I'm taking stock and not liking what I see. Getting fat again helps nothing. I'm uncomfortable, sluggish, and my clothes are too tight!
But, I didn't gain back everything I had lost. I caught myself before I ballooned back up where I was and possibly added more, which I have done in the past. I've learned some things about myself. It's all a learning process, and I will be vigilant for these pitfalls in the future.

hello, my name is marla, i am 22 years old and i have a 9 month old daughter....before i had my daughter, i was  a size one, and had a super high metabolism, so i literally ate anything and everything i wanted and never gained a pound! well, during my pregnancy, i gained about 67 pounds, and to this day i still have about 30 pounds that i need to lose. it just seems so hard to do, i cant get out of my eating habbits, i try the whole "health food" kick, then i stray away, i was actually doing really good with excersing but i just feel like between work and my daughter i really dont have the time or energy to do it. I am getting to the point to where i think about my weight all the time, and am starting to feel depressed, i know what i need to do, i am just having a hard time doing it, so if anyone has any motivational advice, or tips for losing baby weight, i'd love to hear it. Thanks!

WOW - is anyone out there just happy to be alive?  My name is Lynn and I weight 260.  I am not bitching or moaning about it.  I give less the 2 figs for what people say about or too me.  I am me.  I am happy to see my face and body in the mirror everyday.  I love this big ole girl!  I have tried to diet and found it way to hard.  I thought for a second about gastro surgery and then the next second I thought NO way am I only going to be happy eating 3-4 shrimp.  I come from a family that is big.  We are not small people, the height is there and so is the weight.  I know that there are health risks and I do the best I can with what I got.  I am not living for anyone but me.  I am not worrying one day about what someone else thinks about how I look.  Unlike a few folks I have friends who will tell me in a mega second 'girl you do not really plan on going out in that-do you?  Which translates to yes they made it in every size but that does not mean you can wear it.  I live in Germany where my husband works for the army.  I love the diversity in food, and people and do not want to change it for the world, except maybe to live the rest of my old days in aussie, working beside my brother on a family business we are dreaming to come true.  I promised myself I would not live one day regretting living it.  How about you?  I do image arobics--I imagine myself working out, wipe off the sweat, and smile.  I have been skinny and for most of my life I have been overweight.  I liked the skinny part, but then I ain't not liking the heavy part.  I have a best friend in texas, that is always trying to lose those pounds, we talk on the phone everyday and have great laughs, I understand her obsession, but I also understand she likes to eat great tasting food as much as I do.  Only she will feel guilty afterwards, not moi, I am still smiling over the french onion soup with the loads of bread and cheese.  I tell my friend that I used to see that skinny person in the mirror--I ate her.--I love to live and live to love.  That is where I am with me.