Topic : What's Your Payoff for Being Overweight?

    Because of being overweight, i don't like to see anyone of my relatives & freinds & have not seen my 2 best friends for almost 1 year! my husband doesn't like to touch my body very much & I can't wear what I like as a 26 years old woman! I always have pain in my knees! Don't like to go to any party . But the hardest thing is that my husband doesn't like my body at all!!!!!

i completely understand how you feel, i am about to go back to my home state for the holidays and i am going to be afraid to leave my mother's house and go in public in the horror that someone i used to know might see me

Hi everyone,

It's been a long time since I have been here, on the boards that is, but I came back because I need some help.

When I was younger, I was a rail...literally.  My largest was 130.....now, I can't get down below 180. ( I am 5ft7in tall)  There are a lot of things that have contributed to my weight, first was getting pregnant with my 2nd child.  I was considered to be a "high risk" because I had my first at 31 weeks, and she weighed in at 2lbs, and I only gained 10 lbs.  My 2nd, I gained 50, he was only 6lbs of that.  Since then, I have been overweight.  I also got really sick about 6 years ago now, and it took a long time to determine what I have.  There are a number of conditions, none of which I will bore you with, but these conditions keep me in constant pain....24/7, among other problems. I am finally on medications that are starting to help, but it still prevents me from anything physical, I pay dearly for what is classified as normal for most.  I can accept the illness, I have no choice...the pain is  a constant reminder.  I have tried to accept myself for what I am now, but it just is not good enough.  I don't want to look this way, I don't want to feel this bad about myself anymore, I don't want to avoid mirrors or the cute little clothes that I was able to wear at one point....I want to wear them again. 

My dilemma is simple....how do you loose weight when you can't exercise?  I can change my eating habits, but you can't loose by not exercising, and I can't without putting myself in a severe flare up, which will keep me immobile for days.  The medications that I am on can only do so much, I can't depend on them to keep me going....I have to "pace myself".  Even vacuuming is out of the question. 

I do hope that there is someone here that is in the same boat.....and has the same issues.  I need some insight, and I definitely need someone who has some suggestions, or can offer anything that may help.  I have Dr Phil's book, but I got frustrated as it doesn't touch on the issues that I have, at least not what I have read.  I am however going to the bookshelf where it has sat for a few years. 

My almost 18 year old is also overweight now, and I am afraid that she is following my footsteps, she shows signs of having the same conditions as I do, and I want her to stop her destructive behaviour before it is too late......at least the weight anyways.

Looking forward to hearing from someone that can help!!

Tammy

Hi,

I read Dr. Phil's book.  The part that I liked the most and what stuck with me what in regards to the question "what is your locus of control?"  That really is the million dollar question.  By asking this question and finding the answer I had to do a lot of soul searching.  For me my locus of control is motivation.  That doesn't mean will power or desire.  It means there is nothing to motivate me and I don't believe in myself or anyone else to make this change happen, especially a forever change - freedom!  I have such a rebelliousness about me.  I need to gain control of that "rebel", "little girl" or whatever source is keeping me in bondage to this eating.  I eat when I am not hungry and that really bugs me.  I can stop when I am satisfied, which is new.  I have gotten full once in the last couple months.  Still because I am eating when I am not physically hungry I cannot lose the weight.  I don't just eat because it is meal time, I eat to get high.  I choose food based on how "high" I think it will get me.  I have overcome other mountains that I have spun around for a long time, and I will over come this too.  I am a psych. student and have been studying motivational therapy.  Not for myself, though I do look for personal development as I learn.  The reason I focused on motivation is because, as you know we can do nothing without it.  I hope you are blessed by Dr. Phils book and get the insight you need to be free and live the real you.  I hope you have supportive family members in your home.  I hope you can feel safe there as you go about this journey.  I have a great husband, and a 4 year old son.  My husband is very supportive of me in everything and loves me unconditionally.  Even at 350 lbs and 5ft 3in, he still loves to be close to me.  He has the heart and wisdom to know that this is just a chapter of our married life, of my life [yeah long chapter, but one none the less].  A saying I like and would like to remember more often is "never trade what you want the most , for what you want at the moment".  I goes back to the question of "how's it work'n for you?" 

Sincerely, Terri

If we focus on what we can't do, we have a hard time seeing what we can do.  It sounds like you want to be physical.  Well, go swimming.  I know a bathing suite may not be the choice piece of clothing right now, but remember it is about you not the idiots that might think or even say something to their idiot friend who is willing to listen.  Is there any other reason that could keep you from the pool?  Many people lose weight without exercising [not that I recommend it].  I guess the thing to that is realizing that our body doesn't need much if we are just sitting around all morning, evening and night.  There is a lady that lives my me that is overweight and has a pin in her knee and other stuff [plus she smokes] and she gets around in a skooter.  I see her walking outside once in a while, even though it hurts.  I am not telling you to suck it up and go for a walk.  I am saying each person knows [or should know] their limit.  If you are within yours and know it [truthfully in your heart], then stop feeling guilty about your activity level.  Remember there are bed ridden people that lose weight.  Most are probably either too ill to eat, have their food controlled or in a coma.  The don't have a choice.  You have a choice as to what and when and how you eat.  You can do it.  Search deep within and find out what is going on there.  If you try to deal with this at the surface and success will only be temporary.  Enjoy Dr. Phils book.

Thank you, writing you encouraged me.  I hope I was of some help to you.

Regards, Terri

I too will avoid people, even and especially my family.  I think people get rated by how they look, even by family.  I am learning how to make this about me and nobody else.   I have had experiences in the past when someone would stare at me and then wait for me to pass so they could catch what the back end looks like.  I would stop, turn around, and give them the up and down scan with the most discusted look I could throw on my face.  Okay, I don't do that anymore, but I still get mad.  Do you remember back when it was "okay" to make fun of a "retard".  All the sudden the world go politically correct, but forgot about fat people. [Ah, just a vent, thanks]  Anyway, you mentioned about not wanting to be single anymore.  You can be happy that you are single right now.  You, if you've chosen, are embarking upon a journey that will teach you so much about yourself and take you to a place of emotional health where you will when ready find an emotionally healthy man.  About the "buff" part.  If you are unwilling to take your close off in front of a man consider that a good thing and leave it until your married.  I suppose you think that sounds old fashioned.  I like to keep things "simple and stupid".  Life was easier before when values were in place.  So what if you are "forced" into this value.  You are better off.  Many times I have been thankful that I have always had a weight problem.  I had such emotional problems that, oh man I don't want to imagine how my life would have really sucked.  Anyway.  I hope you can surround yourself with people who love you just because.  Don't reject them though.  Make plans to get together with your loved ones.  Addictions are isolating.  Maybe connecting with them will be a beneficial step for you.  I wish you the absolute best.

Blessings, Terri