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Topic : What's Your Payoff for Being Overweight?

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:37:55 pm
Author : dataimport
It's time to reflect on what makes us stay at an unhealthy weight. Share your story and get support from others who understand.
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happyann28
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August 20, 2007, 12:15 pm PDT

I know how you feel

Quote From: fxymama

This is my first post ... I'm 26 and about 75 pounds overweight. I'd have to say that I am the way I am because, simply, I eat way too much junk food and sit on my expanding behind a bit more then I should. I think about dieting and changing my diet, but then i drive past McDonalds and think about how it's been like two weeks since that last burger. I know ... it's sad. I'd exercise, but I am so out of shape that it's actually funny now. Did I mention that I'm a smoker? No? Well I am. Quitting's on my to do list. It's right up there with diet and exercise. I'd say that i don't care about my weight, but I kinda do. I don't want to look the way I do or have to shop in the "Plus Size" section anymore, but when I think about all the work I'd have to do it's like ... Oh well. I'll be the first to admit to being lazy and the queen of procrastination. It's always going to happen ... someday.

I know how you feel.  It's not easy getting back into shape.  I lived the the 14 years over 100lbs over weight.  I have tried all the diets out there and I would say they didn't work, but they would have if I would have put in the work that I needed too.  In Feb. I was feeling really bad.  I was tired all the time and was having a lot of headaches.  I went to the doctor and I found out my blood pressure was really high.  The doctor told me I had 1 month to get it down or I was going to be on medicine.  I didn't want that.  I started walking not much at first but I did what I could and I also got some light hand weights and done arm exercises with them.   I cut back on my eating and I try not to eat potatoes, foods high in sugar or sodium and fried foods.  I have lost 89lbs so far.  I look back now and I don't understand why I kept giving up all these years.  As you lose weight it does get easier.  You start loving yourself again and you find the person you lost long ago.  My life has changed so much and I have a ways to go still.  I would like to say to anyone who is trying to lose weight, its not going to come off over night but if you don't take steps forward your going to spend years of your life hating yourself and your going to get bigger and bigger.  Thats what happened to me.  Every year I just got bigger and bigger.  Take small steps and you will see the payoff, Getting your life back and enjoying it to the fullest instead of setting back and saying I wish I could lose weight, I wish I was smaller or wish I could ride rides, or wish I could wear cute cloths and it goes on and on.  Wishing doesn't get you anywhere.   You have to make a choice  to do something and not give up.  Small steps are better than no steps.  Good Luck to  everyone who is trying to lose weight, don't give up your worth it!!!
 
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debrasatt
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chillin'
August 28, 2007, 3:49 pm PDT

over wieght husband

my husband finaly is paid a big price for his over eating. One eye he had a stroke in it.Now he is finaly seeing  a doctor.He has lost 8 ;pounds at this point.But my biggest fear is that this is only temporary as it has been in the past.He had a apointment with a person who looks at your food I can't remember what she is called.I had to go with him since I cook.I guess she was expecting me to be as fat as he is and the rest of the family I brought my daughter with us she wanted to run some erands .When I walked in behind him with owr daughter she looked shoked.Then she asked about the wight of my other kids she still looked shoked.I am 5ft 4 and weigh 134ponds my daoghter is 5ft5 and wieghs 115 punds.my two boys are skinny two.She then was telling me that I had to stop cooking the foods I cook and cook for my husbnad.I cook haelthy food he would just go out to eat or eat the entire meal.When I would try to explane this to her she would pat his arm and say oh I understand you've got to be understanding. I got home and felt as if I was in the wrong and it was my fault he was over weight.I told him That it was not my fault.I was not his mom.I was not going to chase him around with pills and food and change mine and the kids whole eating habits just cause he can't control himself.It was not my rsponsiblity to fix him.He was mad.support is suport not a mom.I have three kids I feel this is up to him.I am sorry he never had the parenst he needed.I do suport him.But I am not going to change my whole life just for him !!!!
 
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sharkbait
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September 6, 2007, 10:54 pm PDT

People are cruel

Mygirlmoo said: "Do I like being fat?  No, it is embarassing and I don't think people take me seriously as a creative professional.  I think if I looked sleek and polished people would take me more seriously - so that isn't it."

 

I know how this feels.  I've been both sleek and polished, and overweight.  Neither are appreciated (depending on who your friends are).

 

When I was pretty, I was hated by women.   Making friends is difficult for me because I push people away.  So, when a woman came up to me in church and wanted a hug, I thought it was nice someone was reaching out to me.  I'm not one to reach out first.  While she was hugging me, she was wispering in my ear that I better not be there for their husbands.

 

She was one of the lead singers in the church.  Another member of the churchh pulled up in my driveway and told the same thing.  And yet another member of the church called me over to her chair (we were friends) and said "I just wanted to tell you you're a very beautiful woman" then ended our friendship.

 

I let myself go.  I stopped dressing up.  I got addicted to sweets and started eating junk for comfort.  Then when I got overweight, it was rejection because I was fat.  I was in business but was told I didn't belong in business.   A news agency's owner told me he uses people like me for my talent, but that women shouldn't be in business.  I was teased.

 

I pretty much gave up on everything.  I'm trying to lose weight now because I have a trial in February and I fear being in front of the jury, the judge and all the lawyers while I'm overweight.   I know starvation is out of the question.  Been there, done that, and I started blacking out going 65 mph.  I was able to stop before I completely blacked out, so I was very lucky.

 

I started walking and my neighbor cracked jokes about me, and said I won't make it, and I'll gain it all back.  I pretty much just stay in my house, and only go out if I have to.  I'm in a city that resents me anyway, but I still have to figure out a way to get skinny again, and not be afraid of being pretty.  I forgot what it's like.

 

My payoff for being overweight is being able to say I don't care anymore and not having to be close to anyone.
 
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ritehere
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chillin'
November 1, 2007, 7:47 am PDT

Self-hate

Quote From: sharkbait

Mygirlmoo said: "Do I like being fat?  No, it is embarassing and I don't think people take me seriously as a creative professional.  I think if I looked sleek and polished people would take me more seriously - so that isn't it."

 

I know how this feels.  I've been both sleek and polished, and overweight.  Neither are appreciated (depending on who your friends are).

 

When I was pretty, I was hated by women.   Making friends is difficult for me because I push people away.  So, when a woman came up to me in church and wanted a hug, I thought it was nice someone was reaching out to me.  I'm not one to reach out first.  While she was hugging me, she was wispering in my ear that I better not be there for their husbands.

 

She was one of the lead singers in the church.  Another member of the churchh pulled up in my driveway and told the same thing.  And yet another member of the church called me over to her chair (we were friends) and said "I just wanted to tell you you're a very beautiful woman" then ended our friendship.

 

I let myself go.  I stopped dressing up.  I got addicted to sweets and started eating junk for comfort.  Then when I got overweight, it was rejection because I was fat.  I was in business but was told I didn't belong in business.   A news agency's owner told me he uses people like me for my talent, but that women shouldn't be in business.  I was teased.

 

I pretty much gave up on everything.  I'm trying to lose weight now because I have a trial in February and I fear being in front of the jury, the judge and all the lawyers while I'm overweight.   I know starvation is out of the question.  Been there, done that, and I started blacking out going 65 mph.  I was able to stop before I completely blacked out, so I was very lucky.

 

I started walking and my neighbor cracked jokes about me, and said I won't make it, and I'll gain it all back.  I pretty much just stay in my house, and only go out if I have to.  I'm in a city that resents me anyway, but I still have to figure out a way to get skinny again, and not be afraid of being pretty.  I forgot what it's like.

 

My payoff for being overweight is being able to say I don't care anymore and not having to be close to anyone.

 Sharkbait- your username says it all doesn't it?
Listen, you don't need others to fill in your blanks for you. Wouldn't it be liberating to set your own standards and live up to them, and stop living up to what others have in mind as your best interests? People are going to be people, some won't like you if you are slim and pretty, some won't like you if you are jumbo sized and depressed. The lesson to learn here is that you can't please all of the people all of the time, and if you try you will go crazy.
But you CAN please YOURSELF all of the time! See, your big mistake is trying to adjust your size so that others like you. When you became large, it was your inner desire to develope a "thick skin." But it didn't work did it? Now you are unhealthy, uncomfortable, blaming others for your condition, and depressed.
I've been there and done that.  You have to figure out the size and shape YOU want to be and everybody else be damned. They're not living in your skin are they? If you're "competition" for other wives, then ask them why they are threatening you, what's the problem with their husbands that YOU would get threatened? They're problems are not yours to fix, it's there's. I know exactly what you're referring to here. I've had the cold shoulder from wives with wayward husbands and took the blame on myself too. Let it go, your challenge is to be happy with yourself and not worry about solving other people's problems or letting their problems be your excuse to not go after what you want.
I suggest reading SELF MATTERS along with ULTIMATE WEIGHT SOLUTION. It's your life, nobody else's.
 
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speckledcat
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November 4, 2007, 2:16 am PST

What's the husband's payoff??

Quote From: ritehere

 I've begun my weight give-away program. I lost 50 lbs 1 1/2 years ago and have watched myself gain back 25 of it. Since I was within 10lbs of my goal, I now have 35 to lose. I'm doing it Dr Phil's way this time, as I suspect that since I didn't have all of his keys down cold last time, I was not able to make the life changes necessary for long term success. I started reading the ULTIMATE WEIGHT LOSS SOLUTION  on Monday and am holding at chapter 2 while I write out my goals. I'm giving myself plenty of time to be as thorough and detailed as I know I need to be. If anybody would like to join me, I'd love the company. I've posted my dietary, exercise, and other issues on the other boards. It's a great way to gather your thoughts to write those goals.

Now for the pay-off. I've been thinking about this alot lately. I know what my pay-off was in the past, but things have changed for me in the last 5 years. I'm no longer the pathetic whiner looking for pity.
But I've come to the conclusion that I still have some traits that need work. I gave up my goal when my husband told me I looked fine, I needed to "get back to normal." When he meant normal, he meant spending more time doing things that were important to him. Now, it's not as selfish as it sounds, because I have let slide some things that I used to do that others have now had to pick up the slack on. Like house work, and finances. I don't live in a pig-sty, but it's not immaculate like it used to be. Taking care of myself, has taken precedence, and I figure if it bothers my husband and 2 sons, they can grab the cleaning rags and do it themselves. The finances don't need a microscope on them either, if my husband needs me to ride herd on his spending habits, that's his problem not mine. And there's other things that were on my husband's list for "normalcy."

The thing he doesn't seem to have "gotten" is that I HAVE been getting back to what was normal before- I've been gaining weight, feeling "what's the use?", getting depressed and basically going back to where I was. And I hate it. I know better and there's no going back. I will not be that unhappy slob anymore. He's just going to have to get used to it,  ALL of the changes. My pay-off was going back to the "who cares?" mode I guess, only it didn't work this time. I've become to in touch with my authentic self to go back there. So, I'm back in the saddle again.

I encourage you to examine why this man is trying to sabatoge your efforts to lose weight.  Why would any spouse, parent, child, friend or significant other behave like this unless there is an ulterior motive?  Unless he has the IQ of an earthworm, your husband has to know that minor inconveniences are a small price to pay for the gains you are making in your health and self esteem.  Why does he fear that you will succeed?  I don't know the answer to this, but Dr. Phil's book "Self Matters" may be very helpful to you. 

 

Keep up the good work, and don't be discouraged by people who aren't looking out for your best interests!

 
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ritehere
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November 4, 2007, 5:57 am PST

Interesting...

Quote From: speckledcat

I encourage you to examine why this man is trying to sabatoge your efforts to lose weight.  Why would any spouse, parent, child, friend or significant other behave like this unless there is an ulterior motive?  Unless he has the IQ of an earthworm, your husband has to know that minor inconveniences are a small price to pay for the gains you are making in your health and self esteem.  Why does he fear that you will succeed?  I don't know the answer to this, but Dr. Phil's book "Self Matters" may be very helpful to you. 

 

Keep up the good work, and don't be discouraged by people who aren't looking out for your best interests!

 If you notice the date on the post that you replied to, you will see that it was quite awhile ago.
At the time, I did just what you suggested, I looked into my husband's motives for sabotaging me. It turns out his ex did a major weight reduction just before she left him for another man. We explored, together, how that wasn't going to happen with me and he let go of his need to derail my efforts. He has been very supportive of me since then.
And yes, I've read SELF MATTERS many many times and still refer to it regularly. I'm glad to see someone else out there keeps the faith too.
 
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melissanvega
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November 16, 2007, 1:13 am PST

What's Your Payoff for Being Overweight?

This is my first time posting. I am hoping to just vent and perhaps discover a solution to an ongoing weight problem. I was once a size 5. Since that time, I have been married for 18 years and have three beautiful children(all boys). Now I am a size 14 and I am disgusted with myself. I can't do the things I use to, I can't look good in anything I wear, and I fear my husband is not attracted to me anymore. The true dilemna is when I was still an attractive size, men made advances towards me. I am not always that strong woman people see me as, okay.  I want to lose the weight, but subconsciously I may have gained weight to remove temptations from my life. My husband is a wonderful man, whom I adore. I want to be that attractive woman he fell in love with, but I don't want to ever be that weak woman I became all those years ago.
 
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ritehere
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November 16, 2007, 7:42 am PST

Try this:

Quote From: melissanvega

This is my first time posting. I am hoping to just vent and perhaps discover a solution to an ongoing weight problem. I was once a size 5. Since that time, I have been married for 18 years and have three beautiful children(all boys). Now I am a size 14 and I am disgusted with myself. I can't do the things I use to, I can't look good in anything I wear, and I fear my husband is not attracted to me anymore. The true dilemna is when I was still an attractive size, men made advances towards me. I am not always that strong woman people see me as, okay.  I want to lose the weight, but subconsciously I may have gained weight to remove temptations from my life. My husband is a wonderful man, whom I adore. I want to be that attractive woman he fell in love with, but I don't want to ever be that weak woman I became all those years ago.
 I'm not sure what your goal is, but is it realistic for your age? Size 5 may not be practical anymore, but you don't say whether you're trying for that size again or not.
Try aiming for something in between, like size 10. At that point evaluate how you feel and look.
 
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trip52
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hopeful
May 20, 2008, 3:27 pm PDT

e-mail support in west texas

   I am a 55 y/o fat nurse and I am tired all of the time. I want to loose weight for my health and also to improve my mobility.I will have knee replacement surgery soon. I want to loose weight before the surgery.

I would love an e-mail buddy of any age for co-support. I  am a nice person  that happens to be over 60 lbs over weight.
 
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amy_20
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June 9, 2008, 8:27 pm PDT

i really don't know? can someone help me? please

I am 20 years old with 2 kids, a 2 year old and a 10 month old i have been over weight my hole life and now i have had my kids and don't want anymore i really want to lose weight, i have tried and have lost 9 kilos but i just lost my will power and my partner is starting to get angry with me, he is very skinny and just can't understand how or why i would just give up when i was going so good, i don't even know that is the problem, i can't answer him. i don't think i have a payoff or a deep reason why i am overweight i just remember always being like this. i am not an emotional eater, i just really never feel full and just snack alot and not even on unhealthy stuff all the time i do eat a lot of veggies and healthy food i just eat large meals. i don't know how i can do this by my self. i have tried to get my partner to help me as much as possible but he gives in to me to easily like when i ask him to get me KFC for dinner he does, i don't have a license so i can't which is real good i think, i don't want to pass this on to my kids they are at a great weight right now but that could change in just one year. please someone help me....
 
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