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Topic : Raising a Special Needs Child

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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:48:15 pm
Author : dataimport

Do you have a child with special needs? Share your advice and support with others raising a challenged child.



 
twistedpixie
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April 16, 2007, 7:35 pm PDT

please help

i am a mother with a 10 year old child who has ADHD combined type  he needs to be placed in a special day class at school and  I'm having a hard time getting the school to meet my child's needs, because the other kids make fun of him and he always seems to be  in trouble at school, it has become a hostile environment for him, they look at him as a problem child, not a child with a problem. he has alot of emotional problems and the problems I'm having with the school only makes things harder. my son has so much anger it frightens me. what can i do?
 
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blynn
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April 16, 2007, 10:00 pm PDT

fight hard for your child

Quote From: twistedpixie

i am a mother with a 10 year old child who has ADHD combined type  he needs to be placed in a special day class at school and  I'm having a hard time getting the school to meet my child's needs, because the other kids make fun of him and he always seems to be  in trouble at school, it has become a hostile environment for him, they look at him as a problem child, not a child with a problem. he has alot of emotional problems and the problems I'm having with the school only makes things harder. my son has so much anger it frightens me. what can i do?
  I haven't personly had to deal with this, except the first school district try and hard to push that my doughter was adhd. But she is not and I did know that much. If they are not helping your child and only makeing matters worse fight them loud and hard. And if that don't work then get the doctors involed and mabie move him to another school. He is not a problem he has one. Thats what they did to my doughter she was a problem. They didn't care to try and find out what it is or was she needed. The teacher had the attitude that she was a waist of her time and a problem and the rest of the school folowed in her lead. I have moved and my doughter went to a difrent district and school and sence then she has gotten the help she needs and has improved. And all her teachers in the last 3ys have noething but nice things to say about her. But that one teacher scared my doughter she hated school and thought she would never be good at anything she had no self estem at all. It took alot of hard work and everyone family members the school and my house and her dad house to build her back up. So please do not alow that to happen to your son. fight for him if u are not shure what his rights are and yours find out and use them. They are not sapose to single out kids and make issues worse they are sapose to teach and help our children. Its the law and there right to a far education. Keep me posted on how its going for u all. OH try councling for your son as well I did that also.
 
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mbsassy
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April 17, 2007, 3:30 pm PDT

Raising a Special Needs Child

Quote From: twistedpixie

i am a mother with a 10 year old child who has ADHD combined type  he needs to be placed in a special day class at school and  I'm having a hard time getting the school to meet my child's needs, because the other kids make fun of him and he always seems to be  in trouble at school, it has become a hostile environment for him, they look at him as a problem child, not a child with a problem. he has alot of emotional problems and the problems I'm having with the school only makes things harder. my son has so much anger it frightens me. what can i do?
Do you have a Dr. diagnosis of the ADHD? Your son my also have ODD. <oppositional defiant disorder>Mine has both he is 13 and gets into trouble a lot. You have to request the school to test him to see if he is LD<learning disabled>  Mine tested average to above average not uncommon w/ ADHD children. Get to the top person inthe Special Services department and ask for your parental rights paperwork. If you have a diagnosis they have to either put your son on a IEP or a 405 plan. Also find a lawyer for the rights of the disabled. I did this.  the school wants to keep you in the dark as to their responsibilities. Start asking questions ,tape record what they say! The law office I consulted was free. Get all the info you can. I have even called other school districts and asked them questions not telling who I was and what school was giving me a hard time. What ever you do please read on the net all you can about how dangerous these meds are before putting your son on then   Good luck and fight tooth and nail for him!!!!
 
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twistedpixie
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April 19, 2007, 9:29 pm PDT

thank you

Quote From: mbsassy

Do you have a Dr. diagnosis of the ADHD? Your son my also have ODD. <oppositional defiant disorder>Mine has both he is 13 and gets into trouble a lot. You have to request the school to test him to see if he is LD<learning disabled>  Mine tested average to above average not uncommon w/ ADHD children. Get to the top person inthe Special Services department and ask for your parental rights paperwork. If you have a diagnosis they have to either put your son on a IEP or a 405 plan. Also find a lawyer for the rights of the disabled. I did this.  the school wants to keep you in the dark as to their responsibilities. Start asking questions ,tape record what they say! The law office I consulted was free. Get all the info you can. I have even called other school districts and asked them questions not telling who I was and what school was giving me a hard time. What ever you do please read on the net all you can about how dangerous these meds are before putting your son on then   Good luck and fight tooth and nail for him!!!!
thank you for taking the time to read what im going through, its a good feeling knowing im not alone with whats going on with my son. i hope things are working well with you, i know it can be hard seeing our children go through, what they go through.
 
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mbsassy
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April 20, 2007, 9:31 am PDT

Raising a Special Needs Child

Quote From: twistedpixie

thank you for taking the time to read what im going through, its a good feeling knowing im not alone with whats going on with my son. i hope things are working well with you, i know it can be hard seeing our children go through, what they go through.
 Your welcome. No your not alone and yes it is hard. But your a good Mom or you wouldn't care so much. I always said God made my son this way for a reason. We did move to a new school this year. My son hated the last school. Teachers just wanted him doped up even though  he was having bad side effects from the meds. Even now some of the boys on his ball team are mean to him and don't like him. He is high energy. I try to explain to him to slow down or try to be quieter but he can't help it. I've heard it explained like try to Imagine ants are crawling all over you
 
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kat869
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April 24, 2007, 5:28 pm PDT

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Hi all,

 

I am a 37 yr old wife and mother of 3 beautiful children...2 boys (Cody 12, Zach 3 and my newest addition...my preemie baby girl Adriana).  I have struggled for the last 9 1/2 yrs to find help for my oldest son Cody and his trials in being diagnosed ADHD/ODD.  He has NOW been labeled bipolar.  For the past 5 yrs, my husband has been 'introduced' into being a step-parent of a special needs child & has found it equally, if not, all the more frustrating, since he is still kind of new to this.

Here's my dilemma:  Since the age of 2 1/2, Cody has been 'released' from a daycare facility, 3 schools, babysitters refusing to babysit him, taken to juvenile detention twice (once for a safe school violation and another for domestic abuse against my husband and his younger brother Zach), and NOTHING has seemed to phase him.  He has been on a string of meds since he was 4, ranging from Concerta to Strattera, Adderal to Methylin, a few more I lost track of in between, and currently taking Focalin and Depakote.  I am worried about shoving all these medications down the back of my son's throat, not knowing the side effects or long range complications they can have.  I feel the doctors are too quick to diagnose and are playing Russian roulette with my child, while we are standing back and letting them do so.

I am worn out and frustrated, depressed and stressed to the max.  I am literally running out of options.  He most recently spent a week on & off in a rescue intervention facility for unruly behavior.  Just the other day, my hubby called me during a doctor's appt. to get home fast because he had called the police to come out and have a talk to Cody.  Needless to say, I was FURIOUS!  It seems lately like my husband's first reaction or verbal comment whenever he has a meltdown is to 'call the cops and have THEM deal with it'.  It is straining our lives, the lives of those we come in contact with, and our marriage.  I am at the end of a short fuse about to explode.  Strange thing is; he and Cody were the best of buddies BEFORE we were married, after we got hitched, that relationship went straight to hell!

I know there is a great deal of emotional abuse locked within Cody.  I can not confirm or deny that "I" am part to blame in his development.  This kid has been caught in the middle of several heated battles between his biological father (who recently passed away from a long illness in January, he was 4 yrs younger than me), my parents and I, and my husband and me.  Although he lost his real father, Kevin has been there from day one, whereas his own dad rarely ever was.  There might be a jealousy issue inside too...my other two children have a father, Cody in HIS eyes does not.

JAIL is the LAST place I want to have my son sent to.  I have heard the "tough love" stories, and have lived a few, but this is MY son, and I CAN'T & WON'T give up on finding him the perfect solution, or at the most, a happy medium.  I have considered boot camp or military school in the hopes of knocking some sense into him or giving him the guidance/discipline he so well needs.  However; I am running out of options and resources to help him on his journey to the positive. 

Can someone, ANYONE, offer me some advise?  I am afraid that if he can not be reached soon, we won't be able to save him from himself.

 

Thank you in advance,

 

Kris Cunning

 
 
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mbsassy
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April 25, 2007, 2:59 am PDT

Raising a Special Needs Child

Quote From: kat869

Hi all,

 

I am a 37 yr old wife and mother of 3 beautiful children...2 boys (Cody 12, Zach 3 and my newest addition...my preemie baby girl Adriana).  I have struggled for the last 9 1/2 yrs to find help for my oldest son Cody and his trials in being diagnosed ADHD/ODD.  He has NOW been labeled bipolar.  For the past 5 yrs, my husband has been 'introduced' into being a step-parent of a special needs child & has found it equally, if not, all the more frustrating, since he is still kind of new to this.

Here's my dilemma:  Since the age of 2 1/2, Cody has been 'released' from a daycare facility, 3 schools, babysitters refusing to babysit him, taken to juvenile detention twice (once for a safe school violation and another for domestic abuse against my husband and his younger brother Zach), and NOTHING has seemed to phase him.  He has been on a string of meds since he was 4, ranging from Concerta to Strattera, Adderal to Methylin, a few more I lost track of in between, and currently taking Focalin and Depakote.  I am worried about shoving all these medications down the back of my son's throat, not knowing the side effects or long range complications they can have.  I feel the doctors are too quick to diagnose and are playing Russian roulette with my child, while we are standing back and letting them do so.

I am worn out and frustrated, depressed and stressed to the max.  I am literally running out of options.  He most recently spent a week on & off in a rescue intervention facility for unruly behavior.  Just the other day, my hubby called me during a doctor's appt. to get home fast because he had called the police to come out and have a talk to Cody.  Needless to say, I was FURIOUS!  It seems lately like my husband's first reaction or verbal comment whenever he has a meltdown is to 'call the cops and have THEM deal with it'.  It is straining our lives, the lives of those we come in contact with, and our marriage.  I am at the end of a short fuse about to explode.  Strange thing is; he and Cody were the best of buddies BEFORE we were married, after we got hitched, that relationship went straight to hell!

I know there is a great deal of emotional abuse locked within Cody.  I can not confirm or deny that "I" am part to blame in his development.  This kid has been caught in the middle of several heated battles between his biological father (who recently passed away from a long illness in January, he was 4 yrs younger than me), my parents and I, and my husband and me.  Although he lost his real father, Kevin has been there from day one, whereas his own dad rarely ever was.  There might be a jealousy issue inside too...my other two children have a father, Cody in HIS eyes does not.

JAIL is the LAST place I want to have my son sent to.  I have heard the "tough love" stories, and have lived a few, but this is MY son, and I CAN'T & WON'T give up on finding him the perfect solution, or at the most, a happy medium.  I have considered boot camp or military school in the hopes of knocking some sense into him or giving him the guidance/discipline he so well needs.  However; I am running out of options and resources to help him on his journey to the positive. 

Can someone, ANYONE, offer me some advise?  I am afraid that if he can not be reached soon, we won't be able to save him from himself.

 

Thank you in advance,

 

Kris Cunning

 

First I suggest you and your husband read all the warnings on these meds. Look at your son are they helping him? After Reading on the Internet about the dangers of the ones my son was on He at age 13 flushed them. Second I've heard Dr. Phil warn about getting the police involved in family matters. If you plan to live in this town for a long time have you thought of the long term damage this could cause? Bad reputation /other kids parents unfairly judge him/ police "knowing " him could make him a target later to them. For a child with ODD to try and get tough hasn't worked for me and mine. He is DEFIANT that's the disorder. We tend to try and deescalate the situation with a calm voice. The police couldn't scare my son when he was in second grade either. He had no fear of anything.  Rational thinking:  try to show him that he doesn't need to sas me when I'm nicely asking him to get up. The school has a hard time with any child that won't fit into their mold not just yours! I hope you have an IEP so he can get help. In my state ODD is not recognized as a disorder as far as the school so we worked in a plan called 504 for that. I suggest counseling for you and your husband with some one who is qualified in your area of need. And counseling for your son where he can learn to verbalize his feelings. The therapists can teach him how to do it in an acceptable way. Maybe your husband could spent some time with Cody alone doing something they enjoy so they can laugh. Throw the ball. Go for a hike.Go fishing.Something where your son can be praised. As time goes on and with proper knowledge your husband could have father son talks about varies subjects. Being a parent is the hardest job we ever take on in life.I have cried in talking to my son how overwhelmed I was due to his behavior at school. Thankfully things are getting better this year. Not huge progress but progress. These kids need more love and praise and attention than a child without ADHD. Set up opportunities for your son to succeed. Teach him to cook and when everyone loves the food he gets a pay off. Keep your chin up. Your doing the best you can.
 
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optimistic77
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April 26, 2007, 1:53 pm PDT

A message to Kris Cunning

Reading your story was like re-living 5 years ago I have a son who has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, ADHD, ODD, and PDD. He also had a rule out of Aspberger's Syndrome. My son is now 9years old and when he was five I thought I was going to go crazy, I have a boyfriend now of four years and he has endured just as much as I have if not more. My son has witnessed alot of domestic violence when I was in the relationship with his biological father, and although he hasn't been apart of his life for years now he displayed all that aggression for what he was feeling. There were days when he was completely obsessed with finding a way to kill him. At the age of 5 my son was escorted home by the police 28 times, suspended multiple times for fighting, they also devised a saftey plan for the class for when he escalated. The restraints at home ranged from 6-8 times aday and could last anywhere between 5minutes to a couple of hours. I had meetings at least 4-5 times a week. He was hospitalized 4 times, and I had an intervention team come in for added therapy to the one day a week to outpatient therapy. In the wraparound agency if achild had 20 hours of their services it was a extreme case. My son was noted as extrememly emotionally disturbed and he started with 40 hours a week and it increased to 50. I worried about him constantly and just wanted him to be happy, I wanted him to be able to play with the other kids, engage in social activities, I never though I would see a better day....That was 5 years ago and now he's going to be 10 in a few months, He has made a tremendous amount of progress, he is no longer violent at home and He has few restraints at school. My son still stuggles with some issues everything hasn't been peachy but I am thankful for these moments. I was in tears when I was reading your story, I want you to know that there is hope and he will be okay always remind him that you are never going to give up, no matter what.  Some things I have learned is that you have to be consistant with what you do. When the workers came to my house they said that I should try and count to three...I was thinking to myself "Are you people crazy?" This kid is ripping my house to shreds and you want me to count. I have already tried that" What I didn't realize is that it was how I counted, I use to say One,..Two,...Two and a half.....Well there was my mistake, I needed to count One, Two, Three, then consequence. That is just an example of some things I have picked up on over these years of what I was doing wrong. I also know that you should trust your instincts when it comes to making the decisions for your son, the professionals don't always know what is best for your child, I've come to know that hands on experience,  beats text book any day. I don't want to write you a book like I probably just did :) but I wanted you to know that you are not alone. It will get better even if you can see it now, just have faith.
 
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pixiedust247
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May 7, 2007, 8:12 am PDT

Raising a Special Needs Child

Quote From: kat869

Hi all,

 

I am a 37 yr old wife and mother of 3 beautiful children...2 boys (Cody 12, Zach 3 and my newest addition...my preemie baby girl Adriana).  I have struggled for the last 9 1/2 yrs to find help for my oldest son Cody and his trials in being diagnosed ADHD/ODD.  He has NOW been labeled bipolar.  For the past 5 yrs, my husband has been 'introduced' into being a step-parent of a special needs child & has found it equally, if not, all the more frustrating, since he is still kind of new to this.

Here's my dilemma:  Since the age of 2 1/2, Cody has been 'released' from a daycare facility, 3 schools, babysitters refusing to babysit him, taken to juvenile detention twice (once for a safe school violation and another for domestic abuse against my husband and his younger brother Zach), and NOTHING has seemed to phase him.  He has been on a string of meds since he was 4, ranging from Concerta to Strattera, Adderal to Methylin, a few more I lost track of in between, and currently taking Focalin and Depakote.  I am worried about shoving all these medications down the back of my son's throat, not knowing the side effects or long range complications they can have.  I feel the doctors are too quick to diagnose and are playing Russian roulette with my child, while we are standing back and letting them do so.

I am worn out and frustrated, depressed and stressed to the max.  I am literally running out of options.  He most recently spent a week on & off in a rescue intervention facility for unruly behavior.  Just the other day, my hubby called me during a doctor's appt. to get home fast because he had called the police to come out and have a talk to Cody.  Needless to say, I was FURIOUS!  It seems lately like my husband's first reaction or verbal comment whenever he has a meltdown is to 'call the cops and have THEM deal with it'.  It is straining our lives, the lives of those we come in contact with, and our marriage.  I am at the end of a short fuse about to explode.  Strange thing is; he and Cody were the best of buddies BEFORE we were married, after we got hitched, that relationship went straight to hell!

I know there is a great deal of emotional abuse locked within Cody.  I can not confirm or deny that "I" am part to blame in his development.  This kid has been caught in the middle of several heated battles between his biological father (who recently passed away from a long illness in January, he was 4 yrs younger than me), my parents and I, and my husband and me.  Although he lost his real father, Kevin has been there from day one, whereas his own dad rarely ever was.  There might be a jealousy issue inside too...my other two children have a father, Cody in HIS eyes does not.

JAIL is the LAST place I want to have my son sent to.  I have heard the "tough love" stories, and have lived a few, but this is MY son, and I CAN'T & WON'T give up on finding him the perfect solution, or at the most, a happy medium.  I have considered boot camp or military school in the hopes of knocking some sense into him or giving him the guidance/discipline he so well needs.  However; I am running out of options and resources to help him on his journey to the positive. 

Can someone, ANYONE, offer me some advise?  I am afraid that if he can not be reached soon, we won't be able to save him from himself.

 

Thank you in advance,

 

Kris Cunning

 

Holy cow!

Frst of all, I think the whole family needs to get in some form of family counselling to learn ways to deal with the everyday issues of having a special needs child in the house.

Second thing I would do is try homeschooling your son. Get him out of school and keep him home where you can 1. monitor his behavior better, and 2. monitor the effectiveness of the medications better. Is he in a special classroom? Does he have an IEP?

3. does your son see a psychiatrist to monitor the medications? ideally, a psychiatrist should be prescribing/monitoring rather than a family dr. or developmental ped. Do they have suggestions for behavioral interventions?

4. you say that your son "could" have emotional abuse issues relating to his early years. Has he been in therapy for that? Has he rec. counselling to deal with the death of his dad? Things that happen pre-verbally can have a tremendous impact on the central nervous system and the developing brain. Could he have PTSD? If so, he needs to be treated for that! That will not go away on its own!

5. has he had any brain scans? there is a dr., Dr. Mena who does spect scans. You can google him, he has tons of very interesting research that concerns blood activity in the brain, viruses, yeasts and foods and thier impact on the brain and issues. look him up and read some of his articles. perhaps contact him? I don't know what your situation is--if you have the means for this.

6. Please don't do those boot camp type places, it's obvious that your son has some mental illness right now. it would be totally unfair to put him in a situation that could demean and shame him for something that he can't control. He needs to be treated, not just with medication, but along with a plan of therapy. If your current psychiatrist or psychologist is not doing this, get another one. IS there a large Children's Hospital in your area?

I wish you luck in your journey. And with your other children.
 
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pixiedust247
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May 7, 2007, 8:18 am PDT

Raising a Special Needs Child

Quote From: twistedpixie

i am a mother with a 10 year old child who has ADHD combined type  he needs to be placed in a special day class at school and  I'm having a hard time getting the school to meet my child's needs, because the other kids make fun of him and he always seems to be  in trouble at school, it has become a hostile environment for him, they look at him as a problem child, not a child with a problem. he has alot of emotional problems and the problems I'm having with the school only makes things harder. my son has so much anger it frightens me. what can i do?
Sned a letter to the head of the child study team and specify that you would like your daughter placed in an appropriate class based on her need for xxxx (which your doctor should specify). They are required by law to respond to any written request. If your child has a diagnosis, they SHOULD respect that, but don't HAVE to. (This may very by state). HOWEVER, you can request a full evaluation of your child based on issues she is having in the classroom and at home. And they have to accommodate you.

Good luck!

If they are anything but accomodating to you, contact an education lawyer.
 
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