I have been a single mom for the past 9 years. I have two children, a 14 year old son and an 11 year old daughter. My daughter is a piece of cake. Respectful, sweet, nurturning, loving, etc... my son on the other hand is a different story. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, however I don't believe that is his primary problem, I truly believe he is bi-polar, and needs more help than I have been able to find for him.
He has been on meds since he was 9 years old. He probably should have been on them long before that, but I was avidly against them for years. I just thought he was a "spirited" little guy, that never walked, always ran, jumped from couch to couch, or table to table. People used to ask me if he knew how to walk because he ran and climbed everywhere we went! Until he started declining in school, I didn't even consider meds.
The scary thing about my son is his rage. He gets so angry, that he scares me. His sister has been in the emergency room at his hand more than once. He slammed the door on her face when she was a baby and her finger was in the hinge and she had to get it sewn back on, he stuck her in the eye with a protractor when she was about 4, he has pushed her off of the bed and caused her to need stitches in her face, he has punched her, kicked her, pulled her hair, and hurt her more times than I can count. He does nothing for himself, if he is hungry he will call for me or his sister to get him something, and she does it because she is afraid not to.
In November he was arrested for assault against me. He was angry with me because I wouldn't take him somewhere he wanted to go (because of his behavior earlier in the day), and he called me to find out when I was coming to get him to take him and his friend to our local arcade sort of place. When I explained to him that his behavior didn't warrant a reward, he proceeded to break any and all glass that he could find within his reach. When I got home (just a few moments later) he was laying on his bed reading a magazine like nothing had happened. With me were my boyfriend, my best friend (who was visiting me from California) and my daughter. I went into his room to talk to him, and tell him he needed to clean up all of the broken glass that was covering my entire livingroom, dining room, and kitchen. He told me he was not cleaning it up, and never would. I grabbed his arm, and told him he needed to get up and come with me, and he hit me. By the end of this argument, he had pulled out some of my hair, I was bleeding, bruised, and my heart was broken. My boyfriend (thank God he was there) came in and just held him down. The rage that was in him was frightening to say the least. It took both of us to hold him down, and he fought every single second. My boyfriend asked me if it would be okay with me if we called the police, as this really was our only option at this point. We called the police, and then Michael just went limp, He laid on the ground and sobbed and sobbed. We sat there and rubbed his back and his legs until the police arrived, all crying. He was drained from the adrenline rush and just laid there, not moving but crying. When the police got there it started all over again. They had to physically pick him up and carry him out of my house, kicking and screaming the entire time.
30 minutes later, the police officer called me to tell me he was being released, there was no room for him in the juvenile detention facility. I went and picked him up, amazed that there was nothing else they were going to do.
He is maintaining a perfect 'F' report card, he doesn't care about school, he only cares about his friends. He is smoking, and I know of at least three times that he has drank alcohol. I found marijuana in my back yard, which call me naive, I questioned him and his friends seperately, and got the same story from all of them, and at that time I truly believed that it wasn't his and he didn't smoke it...but still, it was at my home...He has no regard for authority, no respect for me, and no thought of anyone but himself. I have taken him to psychologists, psychatrists, church youth pastors, talked to school counselors, teachers, principals, guidance counselors, special ed groups, etc... and when I did everything I knew to do, I tried again, and started over...
...then I called his dad. He hasn't been a dad for 9 years, and wasn't much of one before that. But his dad said to send him to him in Florida (we live in Texas). So in February, I sent him there. It was the hardest decision I have ever made, but for my daughter, and myself and hopefully for him, I thought I was making the right decision. My boyfriend asked me one day how long I was going to sacrifice one child for the other, and I never realized that I was doing that, but he was right. I sacrificed daily her well-being for his. She took a back burner because I always had to have my attention on him, he just demanded so much. My boyfriend asked me what kind of relationships I was setting her up for? I was teaching her how to be an abused wife, and how to live in fear with someone that hurts you, and he was right, but I had never thought of that before. So, we made the decision, as a family to send him to Florida.
Well, he has bombed there too, a week ago last Friday he ran away from his Dad's. His dad called me and told me that he cannot come back there, that if he does his wife and year old son are going to leave him. Since he left, I have moved into my boyfriends parents basement, where I share a room with my daughter, and he can't live here. I can't afford to move, and for all of the same reasons that I sent him to his dad's, I am afraid to have him come home. I have talked to him, he is staying at a friends house for now, and I have no clue what to do or where to go from here. I have to make a decision in the next two days, and I don't even know where to begin...
Please Help!