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Topic : Raising a Special Needs Child

Number of Replies: 715
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 12:48:15 pm
Author : dataimport
Do you have a child with special needs? Share your advice and support with others raising a challenged child.

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October 17, 2005, 5:52 am CDT

thank you

Quote From: boynemamma

I can,t imagine what you are going through.  But  I was sexually abused as a child by a very close family member and again what has helped me the most surrounding myself with healthy people. Even when I did not want want too.  When I was a young teenager it was me against the world every one was out for something of their own( or so I thought) and I trusted no one.  I went to counseling but I was not honest so that did not work so I ran of and got married two weeks after I turned 18.  That did not work either.  I would really suggest that you make sure that even though the truth hurts and that she may believe no one cares about her even though they say they do that you remind her every day every minute no matter what no matter where you will always love her that she is a worthy person.  To open up and talk about the shame the pit of emptiness she feels about loosing a person so close to her.  Keep her in counseling no matter how long it takes she needs to know you will never let go and that there is a future and a good future for her.  Iwould say that maybe you should go to counceling too. A behavior therapist can be a great asset at these times to teach you how to deal with her. God be with you and your family. Missy. 

Thank you missy for your support and I will do that. THank you for repiling to this it makes me feel I am not alone and that there is hope.
 
October 18, 2005, 4:17 am CDT

Smith-Magenis Syndrome

These are my three children.  The oldest is Delaney, will be 5 in December, Seth, 3 1/2, and my sweet sunshine, Owen, turned two in August.  This picture was taken in February, when Owen was 18 months old, and two weeks away from sitting on his own.  My dear Owen has Smith-Magenis Syndrome.  We are extremely lucky to have a diagnosis at such an early age.  This often gets misdiagnosed as autism, ADHD, anxiety issues, among several others.  This condition is caused by either a deletion or abnormality in the 17th chromosome, and needs a special chromosome test called FISH to find it.  There are only 600 labeled/diagnosed cases in the world.  There are common anomolies associated with this syndrome.  I'd love to go into detail, but I think I'll share my story tomorrow, for now anyone interested in learning more should visit  PRISMS.ORG  this is a site I found extremely helpful in supporting me in my time of confusion.  It broke my heart to learn what kind of child he was going to grow to be, then I realized, I'm going to be growing with him, not just handed some child that beats himself up.  It took me a while to be okay with everything, and I'm so glad he happened to me.  As I stated before, he is absolutely my sunshine!  Feel free to ask any questions.  My family is envolved in Early Intervention, and they have obtained most of their knowledge from me.  It is my pleasure to inform as many people as are interested in learning.  Thanks for reading.
 
October 18, 2005, 7:10 am CDT

Movement Disorder

Hi! 

  

My name is Carol.  I am new here.  I was wondering if there was anyone who had a child with a Movement Disorder.  

  

My son is 8 years old, 100% dependent and in constant motion.  He is not able to control his movement. 

  

Just want to share, 

Carol 

 
October 18, 2005, 12:56 pm CDT

Raising a Special Needs Child

Hi my name is Velvet and I am the mother of 7 children.My oldest is deaf in one ear but no other problems and I thank the lord for that. My third child is diagnosed as Bipolar  and  he has autisum (high functioning). We have done all the ieps and appointments until I wanted to scream. But all well worth it because I remember who I am doing it for not for myself but my child just like all of  you . Our children are gifts given to us not for punishment but for hope for the future . We as parents have to educate those who don't  know  what these special children can do. We must also remember that what works for one may not work for another. I consider myself very blessed to have all my children because I was not supposed to have any. I have a poem I would like to share with you that someone shared with me the other day I hope you find in it what i did thank you...velvet 

 P.S. We have just stated down a new road for my fourth child who was diagnosed with ADD            
Welcome To Holland
by
Emily Perl Kingsley


I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this......

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy."

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.  

 
October 18, 2005, 2:42 pm CDT

Do It With Humor

I am the mother of five daughters... some step, some adopted, some homemade and some with disabilities.  My oldest daughters with disabilities are in their 30's now, living as independent adults, making their own life choices.  Perhaps not the choices their mother would choose, but it's their life and i have to respect their choices.  

  

What you all are doing is hard... I've been there and i know how hard it is... I was doing it as a single mom for most of my kids formative years.  Money was always tight.  We used to play, "prove to me your undies are worse than your sister's undies... and we'll see what we can do next payday."  There were times when i thought i had totally lost my sense of humor. 

  

I'm dead serious about getting kids the services they need, but i think you can do it without losing yourself or your sense of humor.  I am on the Board of Directors of an organization called, Mothers From Hell 2 (A name given to us by school bureaucrats for daring to stick up for our kids... the two is because the org folded then rose from the ashes like a phoinex.).  Our website is full of good solid information for parents AND, it's a place to go to regain your inner clown... start smiling again and send you running to the store to buy a bag of groucho nose glasses and tiaras. 

  

Google us.  Good luck, be strong and hang in there. 

Cilla 

 
October 18, 2005, 4:19 pm CDT

High School at home

Quote From: tammyo1973

Although my daughter is not been diagnosed with adhd or asperger's, bipolar is often present with other mood disorders. I feel your pain with school. I tried for months to get my daughter an IEP and kept being told no when "problems at home settle down she will" Just a side note, we were not having home problems other than her coming home from school and raging on me for hours at a time. It is that bad kid bad parent mentality of society that bugs me.

Anyhow in 01-05 she threw herself down 16 of my stairs because she couldn't handle school. She tried so hard to fit in and be accepted that it was mentally draining her. Once she was admitted to the phos I called the school and told them what happened and then requested an IEP again. This time they listened. ALthough she went on homebound through the school district for 3 months, she did go back to school half day. It was the best part of school for her. She just doesn't have the emotional or mental maturity to handle more than 3 hours in a school setting. THere is social phobia, school phobia, perfectionism, etc all working against her. I am sending her to high school this September and I am so scared, but now I have the IEP, I have the symptoms of a breakdown and I will not let anyone bully me into thinking I am a bad mother. If I see the signs she is going back to half day ASAP! :)

I didn't really have a question or anything just wanted everyone to know my story and I feel for you. Kudos to those who can homeschool, I thought about it but cannot even do homework with her so we will keep her in the public schools but do have the option of a doctors half day and a homebound teacher.

Have a sunny day

Tam

Many public school systems now offer the option of taking classes online, and the cost of the classes is covered by the school district.  Sometimes students can take some favorite subjects at school for the opportunity to socialize, then take other classes at home toward earning a diploma. 

One national private online highschool is Keystone, found at www.keystonehighschool.com.  They are accredited and we have been impressed with their program.  Our daughter is happy with her classes, and while we do help her when needed, she has regular teachers guiding her through the classwork. 

Good luck! 

 
October 18, 2005, 4:37 pm CDT

Cathy To.

Cathy I like the picture of a duck flying and it is funny and danger aswell. do not show it again. See you sometime soon. From Russell Vlaanderen.-------------------------------------------------------------------
 
October 18, 2005, 8:51 pm CDT

Child with special needs

I have a 17 yr old with Aspergers and a 6 yr old with PDD.  The oldest was first diagnosed with ADD at the age of 7 a few yrs ago we found out it is really Aspergers.  All during the time he was growing up I knew very little about ASDs now that I found out that the 6 yr old (diagnosed at age 3) has PDD I have begun reading and studying everything I can find, some is good and some doesn't work.  I have begun to study Wrights Law, NCLB, writing IEPs and have taken a very active role in every aspect of his education.  I attend a support group weekly that is lead by a Phd who has a lot of clients with Aspergers and am learning more all the time.  These children need first and foremost to learn social skills; how to ask for what they want and need, then we can teach them academics depending on their funtionability.  Their behaviors are fear and anxiety driven and as such we need to do all we can to lessen their anxiety and stress.

Depending on your school district (some welcome parent involvement some don't) you can be a proactive advocate for your child no matter what the age.  I do know that it is a 24/7 job of teaching them acceptable and appropriate behaviors and social skills.  We use social stories, at this point they are picture and word stories that help him to understand what is expected and how we should behave and talk to people.  These children are very "rule" oriented, logical in their thinking and we must make sure that the schools provide the services that our children require and deserve no matter how much they resist. 

Home schooling is a tough job even without disabilities and perhaps for some kids this might work, but how do you teach them the social skills that they so desparately need?  How to interact with peers and get them the individual services they need?  Insurance doesn't pay for Applied Behavioral Analysis, Floor Play Therapy, etc.  I have purchased several books and manuals to teach me how to teach my son.  He is now in Kindergarten and I very closely monitor what and how the staff are doing and make sure they are following the IEP that has been written, I even write the agenda for the IEP meetings and run the meetings myself because I feel that is what I have to do to address the needs he has.

Going to the Wrightslaw web site will give parents a lot of helpful information and links to other web sites that have a wealth of information and support for parents.  I wish families of children with disabilities the best and just remember you're not alone, there are good days and then not so good days and we are so blessed to have them in our lives because they do enrich our lives so much, even as difficult as some days may be I wouldn't change anything about my boys.
Mary
 
October 19, 2005, 7:53 am CDT

saturated, overwhelmed, incompetent failure

I have been a single mother for almost 16 years.  I failed miserably as a parent.  My youngest child has multiple diagnoses since age 4 that change with the breeze.  he's been on drug after drug after drug in spite of my not wanting to put him on drugs.  Our school system here insists on drugging kids that don't assimilate into their molds, though, I do know my son's behaviors were outlandish and extreme.  However, I still want to know why they can't test him for allergies as it seems to me that's a root cause of his chronic sinus and ear infections.  Why can't they do a scan to actually diagnose him properly instead of the county psychologist lying to me and telling me that the diagnosis doesn't really matter, because they have so many wonerful new drugs with no side effects....gives him risperdol which should not have been given to anyone under 18 and has potentially deadly and potentially irreversible side effects???? 

  

I'm so frustrated!  I am growing a deep seated hatred for life and for our society, its systems and it's government, which has permeated every facet of our lives.  I'm so angry that it wouldn't take much to send me over the edge.  I oscillate between exrremes of anger, guilt, fear, hopelessness and despair.  I feel so helpless to help or protect my child.  The things he does are so extreme and so outlandish that no one can tolerate him for extended periods of time.  I've lived in chaos for so long I don't function normally anymore.   

  

If I let Child Protective Services place him in a group home with wrap around services, they have to write a report to the court that I'm an unfit, neglectful or some words which will take away my rights as his parent.  I won't have a right to see him or have home visits with him, nor to have any say in his education or treatment.  They cannot place him without removing me because they are not there to protect the child from anyone but the primary caretakers and they are certainly not there to protect the parents from the child. 

  

Mental health doesn't want to step up to the plate and make a placement that would not remove me from my sons life and should he stabalize enough he'd be able to come home.  Though, I doubt I'd have the true right or power to say, "No more drugs!"  I got married in 2003 to a non-resident alien M.D. who was here for 30 days a couple of years ago and was shocked at the drugs he was on and questioning his prescriptions.  At the time he was on three drugs, one of which was imipramine that he'd been on since 4 years old.  My husband said that drug has a side effect of anger and violence.  geee, are you serious??? That's what we got from it!!! And the next drug was to treat the anger and violence....then I looked up the imipramine and it's not supposed to be given to anyone for over 4 months!   I truly believe deep in my heart that children treated through the public mental health system not only get substandard care, but that they are being experimented on without our knowledge or permissions.  I would bet money, if I had it, that my son and others are secretly part of trial studies on these drugs. 

  

My son rages, hits me, destroys property, refuses to cooperate unless there's a 'bribe' for him to do so.  He steals, not only from me but from others and stores.  He told me last week during a lucid moment of conversation that he's got a problem with stealing.  I told him last night I think he has another serious problem with lying and asked what he thought about my observation.  He first went to babytalk and noises and I told him to just stop and answer me, I want to know what he thinks.  He stopped making the baby stuff and peeped at me over the edge of the pillow, looking into my eyes as if trying to decide if he should talk to me or not.  He finally lowered the pillow with a matter of fact tone and a look as if I'm pretty dense not to see the obvious, "Mom, you have to lie to steal." 

  

He told me last week when trying to talk to him that he knows what he's doing and he's doing it on purpose because he's angry and I don't pay enough attention to him.  oh there's so much and so much history I don't think I can even say it all.  But, I'm afraid.  I'm afraid for him and I'm afraid for myself.  he's going to hurt me or kill me, not meaning ot or meaning it at the moment then being sorry later.  I'm not sure I value my own life that much, I feel really like the biggest failure and most useless piece of flesh on the planet, but I can only imagine what he would go through afterwards.  Even though, when I ask him what he wants to be when he grows up he says I serial killer and that I will definitely be seeing him on the news one day. 

  

So why is it so difficult for me to make the decision to give up and walk away so he can get help?  One I'm not convinced they can or will help him.  I think the drugs have effected him.  though, I think I've lost my ability to know what is cause and effect in his case. 

  

He doesn't want to live in a group home again.  He spent 18 months in one before and he was doing better, maybe, because of the strict structgure and the staff are able to force and enforce the routine and rules and to physically force compliance if necessary, where if I were to do what they do,I'd go to jail for child abuse.  Believe me, I've been told in no uncertain terms that I cannot put my hands on him even when he's attacking me, my only option is to call the police.  That's mental health's answer also...they don't want to make the placement but they want me to call the police and turn it to a juvenille criminal matter ending in his incarceration and/or placement through the criminal system.  He may be committing crimes, but it's a mental health issue!!!  Child Protective Services will take him if I tell her to write that report (yes I'm a monster he needs to be protected from) but his social worker wants me to put it back on mental health by taking him to crisis.  I've done that since he was four years old.  In all of those years they only hospitallized him twice for 10 days which resulted in taking him off of all of his medications, giving him a new diagnoses and a new medication and releasing him no better than he went in. 

  

I live in a house across the street from an apartment complex.  One guy has busted my door down coming after Chris, his brother - in -law broke it down a few weeks before that and it was only my quick actions that saved my son from a beating.  A month or so later that same neighbor attacked him in my front yard, throwing him against teh garage and holding a knife to his throat.  That neighbor has threatened his life and my older son's life a few days before that.  Just a week ago I was in the ER twice due to adverse reactions to the risperdol in which he was having uncontrollable jerking and stiffening of his limbs and trunk which terrified me.  Two days after that my neighbor in the apartment next to the other guy thought it was funny to shoot the neighborhood outcast.  This grown man first shot my son in the chest with a plastic BB that left a red mark.  My son burst into the bathroom with his shirt up to tell me the guy had shot him.  I told him to stay in the house as soon as I'm off th toilet I'll go take care of it.  No, he didn't listen, he went back out again and the guy shot him again, this time with a metal BB that sent us to the ER and is still in his hand. 

  

The police were called, but the officer sent out has a brother who was a mental health patient.  He went on to tell me that he is useless, became a crack addict, isn't allowed at any family member's homes and is nothing but a drain on his mother, etc.  He went on to, what I think, transfer all of his opinions about his own brother onto my son and came to the conclusion that he wasn't a credible witness so they couldn't prosecute, even though the guy knocked on my door and told me directly he's the one who shot him. 

  

Here's an example of one night at home.  This is what it's like 80% of the time that he is awake: 

  

He’s been running around with an empty camera making threats by pulling his pajama bottoms out and aiming the camera in and saying what if I take these pictures and say you molested me? 

  

 

7:30 PM  This was after a long day, the bus didn’t drop him off as usual because he told the driver he was afraid the neighbor would shoot him again.  There was something on his IEP marked not to drop him off without supervision, but they’ve been dropping him off for almost three years now and that was an error, to be corrected tomorrow.  I had to leave to go get Sonny and picked up a few things at the store on the way back along with sandwiches for dinner.  He put his hand in his pants and was grabbing his penis and rubbing and squeezing it and hitting it with a piece of plastic singing something about a monkey a naughty monkey, then moved from in front of the TV as I used planned ignoring.   Monkey, come here monkey pooh.  Monkey, Oh big ? monkey.  Oh no I didn’t say anything.   Singing Wake up wake up wake up monkeys, monkeys get up and wake up.   

  

 

7:43 PM Sonny is asleep in his room, Chris now calmed down and laid down on the floor on a blanket watching Bernie Mac show.  I am asking him to go take a bath and he’s arguing with me that his feet don’t stink   

  

 

8 pm 80 bajillion a number that’s how much money you could save, going to capital one.  What brings that up?    The little kids on that capital one commercial.  

He told me about the commercial. 

 Mom…why did Kermit the frog’s finger smell like pork?  Ahahhahaha moved away from me to the end of the couch laughing….repeated the joke…planned ignoring then he’s bouncing up and down calling Mom, mom….tap tap tap tap  Monkey monky poking my arm with a nudge/finger.  Then he went and laid down again. 

  

 

He’s a but picking monkey.  He’s a hairy but picking monkey.   Gave him his depakote and took it with a problem by pretending to spit it out under a blanket, then when I put my fingers in his tmj and opened his mouth to see them still there, he finally took them with some juice, saying, did I really take it or did I spit it in the juice bottle?  He’s a finger buttlicking monkey.  He licks his but finger.  Mmmmm yaaaaahhhh  baby it’s stinky pooh, poopyy 

  

 

  

 

8:30 pm he popped up at a fisher price commercial saying, “Mom I want that” with an excited look on his face (exaggerated).  I looked at the commercial to see the baby toy and babies about a year old playing with it and laughing.  I looked at him and said, “Oh you want a baby?”  He said, “No, I want that toy”  then he lauged/giggled with the babies. 

  

 

That didn’t get a response from me so he said he was going to pour out the sunny D because it had his medicine in it.  I said don’t pour it out because I didn’t buy it to have you pour it out.  He went outside the front door for two minutes and came back saying he pissed in it, then bringing it in front of my face saying he pissed in it, I ignored it and he then drank from it and went across the room and began talking normally abut the program on TV. 

  

 

8:34 PM  I’m asking him to take a bath.  He is ignoring me, looking at acomic book and telling me he knows what game he wants from a gameboy advance from cartoon network.  I’m asking him to go take a bath and he’s dancing to the sitcom music on tv.  “I love you, shooba dooba doo” he said.  Chris, go take a bath.  He told me he had a bath yesterday and I said he has to take at least one a day and some days he might need two.  He was trying to rub my arm and I told him not to touch me that he’s had his hands on his pecker and hasn’t washed or bathed and he then started trying to touch my face.  I moved away and ignored him.  8:37 PM he went back to the love seat and is reading a comic book. 

  

 

8:46 PM  He said his teacher’s mom died.  I said tabarak’s uncle died.  He said so what, who cares?  I said I do. He said it’s tabarak and he’s going to go to hell, he’s going to stand on a bungie chord with a razor blade and get killed and go to hell.  I asked why and he said, (because) He’s been a terrorist he cut somebody’s dick off.  He had sex with his wife and he got his dick cut off…with who’s wife?  His brother.  Fake grin, “I think it’s really funny” 

  

  

I wish someone could say something to me that would penetrate my heart so I can give up gracefully admitting that I failed instead of thining, "OK I can't live like this anymore and I'm insane now, He's out of here!" then a few minutes or hours later, "he has no one but me and if they say he's now Reactive Attachment Disorder as his primary diagnosis and I abandon him to a group home, how can that not increase his problems especially when they will give him drug after drug "cocktails' they call them and I know by fact kids are raped by other residents in the older group homes and the staff does not intervene or protect the kids.  I know that because I knew a woman once who worked in a teen group home and it was their policy not to intervene.  If my son is talking so disgustingly and acting like that, he's going to be a target for sexual predators.  However, I know I can't keep him safe from those kinds of people here either when he won't stay home and roams the neighborhood at will. 

  

How can I get through this, do what's best for my son and keep my sanity or should I say, regain my lost sanity?  We have a court date on Nov. 4th and I have only a matter of days to decide what to do and stick to the decision. 

  

  

  

 

 
October 20, 2005, 8:29 am CDT

has chromosome testing been done?

Quote From: donna66

I have been a single mother for almost 16 years.  I failed miserably as a parent.  My youngest child has multiple diagnoses since age 4 that change with the breeze.  he's been on drug after drug after drug in spite of my not wanting to put him on drugs.  Our school system here insists on drugging kids that don't assimilate into their molds, though, I do know my son's behaviors were outlandish and extreme.  However, I still want to know why they can't test him for allergies as it seems to me that's a root cause of his chronic sinus and ear infections.  Why can't they do a scan to actually diagnose him properly instead of the county psychologist lying to me and telling me that the diagnosis doesn't really matter, because they have so many wonerful new drugs with no side effects....gives him risperdol which should not have been given to anyone under 18 and has potentially deadly and potentially irreversible side effects???? 

  

I'm so frustrated!  I am growing a deep seated hatred for life and for our society, its systems and it's government, which has permeated every facet of our lives.  I'm so angry that it wouldn't take much to send me over the edge.  I oscillate between exrremes of anger, guilt, fear, hopelessness and despair.  I feel so helpless to help or protect my child.  The things he does are so extreme and so outlandish that no one can tolerate him for extended periods of time.  I've lived in chaos for so long I don't function normally anymore.   

  

If I let Child Protective Services place him in a group home with wrap around services, they have to write a report to the court that I'm an unfit, neglectful or some words which will take away my rights as his parent.  I won't have a right to see him or have home visits with him, nor to have any say in his education or treatment.  They cannot place him without removing me because they are not there to protect the child from anyone but the primary caretakers and they are certainly not there to protect the parents from the child. 

  

Mental health doesn't want to step up to the plate and make a placement that would not remove me from my sons life and should he stabalize enough he'd be able to come home.  Though, I doubt I'd have the true right or power to say, "No more drugs!"  I got married in 2003 to a non-resident alien M.D. who was here for 30 days a couple of years ago and was shocked at the drugs he was on and questioning his prescriptions.  At the time he was on three drugs, one of which was imipramine that he'd been on since 4 years old.  My husband said that drug has a side effect of anger and violence.  geee, are you serious??? That's what we got from it!!! And the next drug was to treat the anger and violence....then I looked up the imipramine and it's not supposed to be given to anyone for over 4 months!   I truly believe deep in my heart that children treated through the public mental health system not only get substandard care, but that they are being experimented on without our knowledge or permissions.  I would bet money, if I had it, that my son and others are secretly part of trial studies on these drugs. 

  

My son rages, hits me, destroys property, refuses to cooperate unless there's a 'bribe' for him to do so.  He steals, not only from me but from others and stores.  He told me last week during a lucid moment of conversation that he's got a problem with stealing.  I told him last night I think he has another serious problem with lying and asked what he thought about my observation.  He first went to babytalk and noises and I told him to just stop and answer me, I want to know what he thinks.  He stopped making the baby stuff and peeped at me over the edge of the pillow, looking into my eyes as if trying to decide if he should talk to me or not.  He finally lowered the pillow with a matter of fact tone and a look as if I'm pretty dense not to see the obvious, "Mom, you have to lie to steal." 

  

He told me last week when trying to talk to him that he knows what he's doing and he's doing it on purpose because he's angry and I don't pay enough attention to him.  oh there's so much and so much history I don't think I can even say it all.  But, I'm afraid.  I'm afraid for him and I'm afraid for myself.  he's going to hurt me or kill me, not meaning ot or meaning it at the moment then being sorry later.  I'm not sure I value my own life that much, I feel really like the biggest failure and most useless piece of flesh on the planet, but I can only imagine what he would go through afterwards.  Even though, when I ask him what he wants to be when he grows up he says I serial killer and that I will definitely be seeing him on the news one day. 

  

So why is it so difficult for me to make the decision to give up and walk away so he can get help?  One I'm not convinced they can or will help him.  I think the drugs have effected him.  though, I think I've lost my ability to know what is cause and effect in his case. 

  

He doesn't want to live in a group home again.  He spent 18 months in one before and he was doing better, maybe, because of the strict structgure and the staff are able to force and enforce the routine and rules and to physically force compliance if necessary, where if I were to do what they do,I'd go to jail for child abuse.  Believe me, I've been told in no uncertain terms that I cannot put my hands on him even when he's attacking me, my only option is to call the police.  That's mental health's answer also...they don't want to make the placement but they want me to call the police and turn it to a juvenille criminal matter ending in his incarceration and/or placement through the criminal system.  He may be committing crimes, but it's a mental health issue!!!  Child Protective Services will take him if I tell her to write that report (yes I'm a monster he needs to be protected from) but his social worker wants me to put it back on mental health by taking him to crisis.  I've done that since he was four years old.  In all of those years they only hospitallized him twice for 10 days which resulted in taking him off of all of his medications, giving him a new diagnoses and a new medication and releasing him no better than he went in. 

  

I live in a house across the street from an apartment complex.  One guy has busted my door down coming after Chris, his brother - in -law broke it down a few weeks before that and it was only my quick actions that saved my son from a beating.  A month or so later that same neighbor attacked him in my front yard, throwing him against teh garage and holding a knife to his throat.  That neighbor has threatened his life and my older son's life a few days before that.  Just a week ago I was in the ER twice due to adverse reactions to the risperdol in which he was having uncontrollable jerking and stiffening of his limbs and trunk which terrified me.  Two days after that my neighbor in the apartment next to the other guy thought it was funny to shoot the neighborhood outcast.  This grown man first shot my son in the chest with a plastic BB that left a red mark.  My son burst into the bathroom with his shirt up to tell me the guy had shot him.  I told him to stay in the house as soon as I'm off th toilet I'll go take care of it.  No, he didn't listen, he went back out again and the guy shot him again, this time with a metal BB that sent us to the ER and is still in his hand. 

  

The police were called, but the officer sent out has a brother who was a mental health patient.  He went on to tell me that he is useless, became a crack addict, isn't allowed at any family member's homes and is nothing but a drain on his mother, etc.  He went on to, what I think, transfer all of his opinions about his own brother onto my son and came to the conclusion that he wasn't a credible witness so they couldn't prosecute, even though the guy knocked on my door and told me directly he's the one who shot him. 

  

Here's an example of one night at home.  This is what it's like 80% of the time that he is awake: 

  

He’s been running around with an empty camera making threats by pulling his pajama bottoms out and aiming the camera in and saying what if I take these pictures and say you molested me? 

  

 

7:30 PM  This was after a long day, the bus didn’t drop him off as usual because he told the driver he was afraid the neighbor would shoot him again.  There was something on his IEP marked not to drop him off without supervision, but they’ve been dropping him off for almost three years now and that was an error, to be corrected tomorrow.  I had to leave to go get Sonny and picked up a few things at the store on the way back along with sandwiches for dinner.  He put his hand in his pants and was grabbing his penis and rubbing and squeezing it and hitting it with a piece of plastic singing something about a monkey a naughty monkey, then moved from in front of the TV as I used planned ignoring.   Monkey, come here monkey pooh.  Monkey, Oh big ? monkey.  Oh no I didn’t say anything.   Singing Wake up wake up wake up monkeys, monkeys get up and wake up.   

  

 

7:43 PM Sonny is asleep in his room, Chris now calmed down and laid down on the floor on a blanket watching Bernie Mac show.  I am asking him to go take a bath and he’s arguing with me that his feet don’t stink   

  

 

8 pm 80 bajillion a number that’s how much money you could save, going to capital one.  What brings that up?    The little kids on that capital one commercial.  

He told me about the commercial. 

 Mom…why did Kermit the frog’s finger smell like pork?  Ahahhahaha moved away from me to the end of the couch laughing….repeated the joke…planned ignoring then he’s bouncing up and down calling Mom, mom….tap tap tap tap  Monkey monky poking my arm with a nudge/finger.  Then he went and laid down again. 

  

 

He’s a but picking monkey.  He’s a hairy but picking monkey.   Gave him his depakote and took it with a problem by pretending to spit it out under a blanket, then when I put my fingers in his tmj and opened his mouth to see them still there, he finally took them with some juice, saying, did I really take it or did I spit it in the juice bottle?  He’s a finger buttlicking monkey.  He licks his but finger.  Mmmmm yaaaaahhhh  baby it’s stinky pooh, poopyy 

  

 

  

 

8:30 pm he popped up at a fisher price commercial saying, “Mom I want that” with an excited look on his face (exaggerated).  I looked at the commercial to see the baby toy and babies about a year old playing with it and laughing.  I looked at him and said, “Oh you want a baby?”  He said, “No, I want that toy”  then he lauged/giggled with the babies. 

  

 

That didn’t get a response from me so he said he was going to pour out the sunny D because it had his medicine in it.  I said don’t pour it out because I didn’t buy it to have you pour it out.  He went outside the front door for two minutes and came back saying he pissed in it, then bringing it in front of my face saying he pissed in it, I ignored it and he then drank from it and went across the room and began talking normally abut the program on TV. 

  

 

8:34 PM  I’m asking him to take a bath.  He is ignoring me, looking at acomic book and telling me he knows what game he wants from a gameboy advance from cartoon network.  I’m asking him to go take a bath and he’s dancing to the sitcom music on tv.  “I love you, shooba dooba doo” he said.  Chris, go take a bath.  He told me he had a bath yesterday and I said he has to take at least one a day and some days he might need two.  He was trying to rub my arm and I told him not to touch me that he’s had his hands on his pecker and hasn’t washed or bathed and he then started trying to touch my face.  I moved away and ignored him.  8:37 PM he went back to the love seat and is reading a comic book. 

  

 

8:46 PM  He said his teacher’s mom died.  I said tabarak’s uncle died.  He said so what, who cares?  I said I do. He said it’s tabarak and he’s going to go to hell, he’s going to stand on a bungie chord with a razor blade and get killed and go to hell.  I asked why and he said, (because) He’s been a terrorist he cut somebody’s dick off.  He had sex with his wife and he got his dick cut off…with who’s wife?  His brother.  Fake grin, “I think it’s really funny” 

  

  

I wish someone could say something to me that would penetrate my heart so I can give up gracefully admitting that I failed instead of thining, "OK I can't live like this anymore and I'm insane now, He's out of here!" then a few minutes or hours later, "he has no one but me and if they say he's now Reactive Attachment Disorder as his primary diagnosis and I abandon him to a group home, how can that not increase his problems especially when they will give him drug after drug "cocktails' they call them and I know by fact kids are raped by other residents in the older group homes and the staff does not intervene or protect the kids.  I know that because I knew a woman once who worked in a teen group home and it was their policy not to intervene.  If my son is talking so disgustingly and acting like that, he's going to be a target for sexual predators.  However, I know I can't keep him safe from those kinds of people here either when he won't stay home and roams the neighborhood at will. 

  

How can I get through this, do what's best for my son and keep my sanity or should I say, regain my lost sanity?  We have a court date on Nov. 4th and I have only a matter of days to decide what to do and stick to the decision. 

  

  

  

 

I recently posted a story the other day.  I don't think what you said sounds like what my son has, but he has a genetic syndrome that affects many different aspects of being, from muscular development, to behavioral.  He has chronic ear infections and he also hurts himself often by scratching, hitting his head off the floor, or hitting himself with a toy, or he bites his hands.  I'm not suggesting that this is what your son has, all I'm saying is maybe he has a chromosome problem that makes him behave the way he does.  I wish I could help more.  So I'm just wondering if any genetic testing has been done,  or has it all been just observative? 

 
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