Topic : Raising a Special Needs Child

My son will be 11 yrs in another month.  He has Aspergers & ADHD.  I homeschool him so I am with him all of the time and my husband is often away from home so I seldom get a break.

 

Lately my son has been having less emotional control and more anxiety and it is frustrating me because I can't seem to help him with this.  He is crying over every "little" thing, has mood swings, easily frustrated, and his stuttering has become much worse.  His fears seem worse right now and I lose my patience after a while.

 

Can anyone relate to what I'm going through?

Deb

I can totally relate to what you are going through.  My children are 13, 15, and 17.  My two youngest have been diagnosed with ADHD and my youngest - well, he has been diagnosed also with OCD, ODD, anxiety and depression and now they are finally seeing what I see and are saying they are leaning towards Asperger's or PDD NOS (Pervasive Developmental Dissability not otherwise specified) which are both on the autism spectrum.  I don't really feel like most people understand.  Right now he is in a behaviour classroom which I am now finding isn't the best situation for those with autism because they are dealing with the behaviour instead of what is causing the behaviour which is alot of sensory issues.  We have lots of meltdowns - sometimes I don't even know how to deal with the meltdowns.  Alot of days I am overwhelmed.  Sometimes he likes back massages because he likes the deep pressure (sensory thing) and it seems to calm him down.  I have been fighting with the school district since he was three trying to get help (he is now 13 and in Jr. High - big tansition period).  I wish there was more help out there that made things easier like getting the brain scans that Dr. Phil was talking about.  We were on a 2 year waiting list to get evaluated and I finally gave up because he was in a special ed. class and on an IEP (individualized Education Program) and felt we didn't need the label.  Most recently I have been on 2 waiting lists because I found that we did need the label to get help for him.  We are finally being evaluated but it is a long process.  I have thought about homeschooling several times but felt that he really lacks in social skills (even though he has had social skills classes the last 2 and a half years).  I really felt he needed the interaction with other kids and I truly needed a break and wasn't really sure I knew the best way to teach him.  The teachers were able to come up with additional ideas that I hadn't even thought of.  Some of our teachers are highly skilled and good at what they do.  Bravo for you for home schooling.  I admire those that do.  Keeping up with him is a full time job and I have to check up on him alot.  I was thrilled that Dr. Phil had something about Asperger's on his show.  I really feel that we have had to educate our school district on Asperger's and how to deal with children with AS since it has only been a diagnosis since 1994.  My doctor who is highly skilled in ADHD saw just that instead of the underlying problem and I felt alot of signs were there.  I just wanted to let you know that I feel for you!!

When they have the meltdowns seems to be not the time to try to "school" them.  I just try to get him through the meltdown and acknowledge his feelings (he sees a counselor every week & she told me that giving voice to his feelings is very important before addressing any issue).  Then at a time when he's calm I will talk through a scenario and ideas of what to do when that scenario appears.  It is exhausting when they have the meltdowns, isn't it?

 

He was tested and diagnosed in 1st grade when he was 7 yrs.  He went to public school and the teachers & school counselor kept saying "Something is WRONG with this child."

 

I know what you mean about the social issues, but that is exactly why I DO homeschool.  The social behavior he picked up at the public school was all of the bad behavior!  He sensed he was different and wanted to be accepted and popular and would emulate any behavior that would get him that attention and picked up some terrible stuff.  I try to get w/ other homeschooled kids in the area for soccer & field trips and play dates, etc. but it's a constant search for kids to play with.  Being an only child and very sociable child he get's very lonely.  He doesn't understand why kids react to him like they do and get's very depressed.

 

It's hard to not being able to help the hurt, isn't it?  The counselor has been trying to help me w/ that.  I feel helpless that I can't "make things better" for my son.

 

And you mentioned how people don't understand.  They don't!  That's why I thot I'd check this board for support.  So many people think he's just a bad kid & we're bad parents.  That's hard, too.  It isolates us.  (I'm also on a weight loss board.)

 

As far as the ADHD diagnosis, I have found that my son can not have artificial food colors such as red and yellow (blue, green & orange!).  It makes him SOOO hyper and not able to control his emotions.  I read Dr. Lawson's book on ADD.  I didn't know Dr. P talked about Aspergers - I must have missed that one.  I'd love to see a show on it so the country could get educated re it.

 

Thanks for listening - Deb

Although my daughter is not been diagnosed with adhd or asperger's, bipolar is often present with other mood disorders. I feel your pain with school. I tried for months to get my daughter an IEP and kept being told no when "problems at home settle down she will" Just a side note, we were not having home problems other than her coming home from school and raging on me for hours at a time. It is that bad kid bad parent mentality of society that bugs me.

Anyhow in 01-05 she threw herself down 16 of my stairs because she couldn't handle school. She tried so hard to fit in and be accepted that it was mentally draining her. Once she was admitted to the phos I called the school and told them what happened and then requested an IEP again. This time they listened. ALthough she went on homebound through the school district for 3 months, she did go back to school half day. It was the best part of school for her. She just doesn't have the emotional or mental maturity to handle more than 3 hours in a school setting. THere is social phobia, school phobia, perfectionism, etc all working against her. I am sending her to high school this September and I am so scared, but now I have the IEP, I have the symptoms of a breakdown and I will not let anyone bully me into thinking I am a bad mother. If I see the signs she is going back to half day ASAP! :)

I didn't really have a question or anything just wanted everyone to know my story and I feel for you. Kudos to those who can homeschool, I thought about it but cannot even do homework with her so we will keep her in the public schools but do have the option of a doctors half day and a homebound teacher.

Have a sunny day

Tam

Hi i saw this and right away wanted to post here.my sister in law has to be the strongest woman live today.her and her husband have ten kids .they all have gone through school except for two.she has had it hard also .one of her kids almost dies from menigitis and wass left a little slower to progress .now she looks after everything at home her husband is no help whats soever but wants the glory of the way his kids are raised not his doing for dam sure.It was all her after she had her second last bably ,her dr. told her not to have anymore because she was at risk of dying or the child not being born without anyhandy cap.well what does she do gets pregnant and not her fault either he does not believe in birth control so they were just cautious ,huh !not cautious enough.well her last baby was born with downs first off.then when she was 8 months old had open heart surgury new this when she was born with a heart defect.then if that was not enough she (the baby)gets a bacteria ecoli poisoning not much older maybe a year or so now her husband takes her to hospital baby was airlifted to hospital out of province ,he takes her there waits for some of us to get there and he leaves and comes home.Now his child is fighting for her life and the docs said because she had downs thats what saved her they fight harder than any normal child would so she my SIL is there herself at hospital and hes home working .can leave when he wants has no excuse not to be there the other 9 kids at home were all well looked after and he stays home.anyhow she escaped that one by the skin  of her teeth.but thats not all than because she was so sick from ecoli she is now a diabetic inssulin 4times daily maybe a little less now that she is older.M y SIL has to learn how to give her needles and manage her diet and look after the house and other kids he comes home from work go to bedroom and watches tv.now this little walking miracle has just the fight to live ans she wasn't going out without a fight either.now she's in grade1 almost can talk quite a few words thaanks to my SIL goes to school knowing her ABC'S THANKS TO MY SIL, KNOWS NO#UP TO TWENTY THANKS TO GUESS WHO AND LOOKS AFTER ALL THE REST IN BETWEEN.BOY WOULD I EVER LOVE TO OWN HIM FOR A DAY HE'D LAY IN BED AND WATCH TV ALRIGHT.BUT YET IF THERE IS ANY FUSS MADE TOWARDS THEIR LITTLE MIRACLE HE IS RIGHT THERE TO GRAB THE GLORY.NOW THATS A MOTHER. 

 

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

Wow! She definately has her hands full. I, too have a 5 y/o who is diabetic and is insulin dependant. That alone is a JOB in itself! Bless her heart. God has given this woman courage to do all that she has done for her children, maybe he will give her the courage to put this man out on his butt. (sorry, just my opinion). I am glad my husband helps me with our son who is diabetic, it gives me a break every now and then to "de-stress". Give her a pat on the back, because she definately deserves one! Give her husband a kick on the rear, he deserves that one.

Wasn't really sure why I was coming to this particular board til I read your last message. If this guy thinks he is pleasing God with his attitude and the way he treats his wife, he is dead wrong. I am a Christian and my Bible tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and Christ sure the heck did not manipulate and abuse the church, he loved the church so much that he gave his life for it. We are taught to love and honor one another and he needs tog et off his high horse and start treating his wife with love and respect. The Bible does not talk about how many kids to have and all that but I do believe that God wants us to use the brain that He gave us. This woman really does need to step up to the plate and take control of her own body. he is purposely harming her in more ways then one and he doesn't seem to care and if the doctor has told her not to have more children and he is not doing anything to help this from happpening, this is all the proof she really needs to know that he doesn't care. I realize that she might care for this guy, she definetly deserves to be treated better then this. If I were her, If I were in her position, I would not be having sex with this guy, Maybe you can get her to read these messages, He is not treating her as God would have him to, he needs to read the new testament about marriage. No where does it say that the husband is to abuse his wife and mentally drain her. Maybe get him to read this message, I'll tell him what a christian husband is like and it certainly is not him. I know guys like this who take the scripture out of context so they don't have to feel responsible to help take care of his family, including his wife. He definetly is a loser when it comes to being a husband and father and he definetly is not the christian role model. She is to be admired and my prayers are with her.

I have a 9 year old son whos been dealing with many health issues since he was born! He's always had a hard time in school but it just seems to be getting worse every day! I feel the same helplessness you do. All I want for him is to have a "normal" life! He is so emotional at school! He's not as bad at home! For whatever reason my husband isn't very understanding about anything our son is going through!! Try and take care of yourself and remember your not alone! Sherrie