Topic : Pre-school

I am a teacher assistant at a Montessori school for children age 2 1/2 - 6 and I'd like to tell you what we do for discipline that generally works for most of our children when it comes to temper tantrums. 

First, if a child is throwing a temper tantrum we usually wait for them to calm down before talking about it.  For that to happen we ask the child to sit nicely in a chair (or wherever you'd like).  Until the child is sitting nicely in the chair (this means without flopping over, etc) we aren't available (we don't talk to them or help with anything unless it is to remind them to sit nicely).  If they won't sit nicely in the chair then we wait as long as neccessary, reminding them occasionaly what is expected of them.  "As soon as you're sitting nicely in the chair we can talk about why you're so mad."  "Sorry, I'm not available until you're sitting nicely in the chair."  This shifts the control back over to you. 

Once the child is sitting nicely then we thank them for listening and talk about what exactly is going on.  Children usually scream, whine, etc. because they don't have the words they need to communicate.  You may have to ask questions and do some guess work to find out what's wrong or you may already know.  If your child threw something across the room and you took it away and they errupted into a tantrum then you may want to just explain that we never throw our toys.  You could say things like, "Thank you so much for listening to my words, you're sitting so nicely.  It's so hard for me to understand you when you yell, did you mean to say that you were upset because ...." 

To combat screaming and yelling you can try saying things like, "When you yell it really hurts my ears.  Please go away from me until you're ready to talk normally."  You may also need to remove yourself from the yelling so your child knows that it isn't okay, but always follow up with trying to give them the proper words to use instead. 

To follow up on the example of throwing a toy across the room, if you were to take the toy away and your child began to yell at you, you could try giving them words to say instead.  "Instead of yelling did you want to say, 'Mom, I really want my toy back.' "  Which you may have to say, "You know that we never throw toys.  It's so dangerous and someone could have been hurt.  Tomorrow you may have another chance and use your toy again.  Why don't we play outside for now." 

Remember to always follow through with what you say and be consistant!  I hope this helps a little. 

~*Amy*~ 

I have a problem that maybe some of you pre-school moms and dads could give me advice on. I have a 4 1/2 yr old little girl. She has never really had a problem at school until recently.  After Easter break last week I took my daughter back to school, she was happy to go back, but I thought I'd see some tears, because during Xmas break she started to cry a bit but no big deal. I expected the same after the Easter week off but all went well until I got a call from school about an hour in. I go to get her, and she seemed to be over whatever was bothering her. The teacher said she started to cry went into the corner and was asking for her bear. So I decided to leave her in class but stayed because she only had maybe 30 mins or so left. I figured seperation issues. She goes to school Mon. Wed. and Fri. and she had "meltdowns" those days as well..but not as bad. I finally got out of her that a kid in class was sitting somewhere he wasn't supposed to be and she apparently told him to go away but he didn't. That is all that she would tell me. Anyways today after a nice weekend and talking to her I took her back  to school and as soon as this kids car pulled in next to ours she went off the walls yelling and screaming sayings he wanted this kid to go away. I told the teachers and I told them to keep this child away from mine, but my daughter will not tell me what if anything happened other than him sitting on the chair next to hers. When I told the teachers all of this the teacher said she did notice that when this child was acting out in class on Friday that she was getting upset. Other than keeping my child away from this other kid I have no idea what to think or do! Any advice anyone?!?! She was fine all up until Easter and the whole week she was home..but something has it the fan so to speak and I' at a loss here. Sorry for the ramble but I need a venting and some suggestions/advice  

I have 2 wonderful little boys.  My 4 year old recently started pre-school and he seems to be doing fine.  But I have a problem with my 3 year old.  I recently enrolled him in the 3 year program at one of our local churches.  For the first week he was fine.  After that he started crying and the teacher had to call me every day.  I dont really want to pull him out becouse of the fact that if I let him get away with it once it will continue to happen.  I dont know what has happened to him but he says he does not like his teacher and on top of that he just says he wants him mommy.  I noticed that there are two Jacob in the class and she calls one by just jacob and she calls my son by his whole name. I dont know if that might have alot to do with it.  If you have ideas please let me know.  

To some degree, wanting to always win,  to have the most, to be the best is totally age appropriate behavior in a 4 year old. It is more pronounced in some kids, definitely. 

I found this out, I'm embarrassed to say, when I was talking to a friend about my nephew a few years ago. My nephew was 4.5 and during our summer vacation, he drove me absolutely nuts constantly telling my 2.5 year old how much better he could do everything. My little guy would throw a rock into the ocean and my nephew would say "I can throw farther than you." When I was complaining to my friend (whose son was the same age) she told me that she'd learned through research that it is a developmental thing with kids that age, and that it eventually passes or diminishes. 

I will say that this trait has continued to some degree with my nephew largely because his father is super competitive and communicates through example that his son should be better than everyone else. But, my nephew has gotten a lot better as he's gotten older and I think a big factor has been peer pressure. Other kids don't want to play a lot with someone who gloats when they win and sulks when they lose.  

I'm seeing some of this in my son now. If someone says they have something, he'll tell you he has the same thing. He's not so bad about losing, I don't know why. But, he'll tell you all about his possessions, etc. Even food! If you offer him a yogurt, he'll say "I have yogurt at home." OK, kid, but do you want a yogurt NOW?  

One thing we've done is not to tell him that it doesn't matter if you win or lose, because we thought it was a little disingenuous. I mean, everyone likes to win, right? So, we've told him that it is fun to win, but that sometimes, you will lose because that happens to everyone. You try your best, and if you are the winner, you tell the other people/person "Good game, you did well" and be happy. If you lose, tell the other people/person "Good game, you did well" and know that another time you'll win. 

When we play games with him, sometimes we let him win, and sometimes we don't. This may sound weird and manipulative, but if he is gloating over winning or freaking out over losing, we'll say, "I don't want to play this game with you any more. You're hurting my feelings and I'm not having fun." We don't get angry or refuse to play with him at all, and we don't mirror the behavior back at him, we just calmly refuse to play that particular game anymore and explain why. 

Some kids (like adults) are just more competitive than others. We just try to show our son that you behave a certain way, whether that's your gut feeling or not.  

The right preschool will probably be good for your son in this regard. I think a lot of kids take constructive criticism better from adults other than their parents some times. Mine does! 

Anyway, your little boy is acting like a 4 year old! :)