Topic : Pre-school

Actually my Amy's emotional issues have nothing to do with things like bipolar and all that, it is more of an esteem thing which actually comes with being a perfectionist and it can affect her physically.(and it has) It is really something that we do not talk about much as talking about it makes it worse, she doesn't like change and over stimulation seems to cause her a little stress,we are careful on her activity and all but yet at the same time we don't discourage her from doing the things she does, She has to know what is going on around her, especially of any changes, Like for an example, a surprise birthday party for her would probably casue more harm for her then fun. The good thing about her disorder that becasue she is so young and we discovered it when we did, she should outgrow it and in the past few months things have been well for her, we are working her up to preschool and she is looking forward to it and we have already visited and all, she knows a littel about what to expect and this is what she needs. Any way, I have pretty much decided that if it isn't one thing it is gonna be another and I am learning more and more every day to put my trust in God for He and only he has all the answers.

Today was my 8yr olds first day of school.  Friday is my 5 year olds first day.  He is starting kindergarden, they way this school does it is, they split three days up between the class.  So today was the first day for some (kindergarden) and after taking my 8yr to his class I popped over to the kindergarden class, a friend was thier with her little guy and immediatly I had tears.  I didn't think I would do this (cry) but heck I was tearing up over someone else's son going!  What will it be like on Firday when my little one goes!  I hope he does well and wants to go.  I  did learn something when my 8 yr old went to kindergarden, the first day he cried and didn't want me to leave same with the second day, so the third day I stayed home and he walked with his older brother - guess what no tears!  So we'll see how it goes and take it one day at a time.  But yes I am really looking forward to having some free time to my self.  I dont feel selfish about that, I haven't had any "me time" in 15 years, (my oldest son is 15).  And I had him when I was 15, so I have been longing this moment!  I plan on working out 3 days a week at the gym, and the other day cleaning the house and the 5th day I will volunteer in the class! I am very excitted about that!  Anyhow, I just wanted to get some thoughts out.....take care!

Hi there. My name is Carrie. I have a 4 year old song who just started Pre-school today( 2nd yr pre-school starts at age 3 here)  

  

My problem is he is uncontrollable at home, his father and I am divorced and he has no discipline there.  

I try to discipline him here and he throws the worst temper tantrums I have ever seen in my life. He also swears and I'm to the point by the end of the afternoon I am in tears and just waiting for him to go to sleep so I can get a break. 

  

He is NOT like this at school, and he wasn't last year either. 

  

Does anyone have a suggestion or any idea as to what I can do with him.  

  

I feel like a horrible parent and I am to the point that I am in tears every day and I can't figure out what to do with him. 

  

  

  

The fact that he is good at pre-school is a good indication that there is nothing medically responsible for his behaviour. Maybe he is angry or upset about the divorce, if he lacks the langauge to express his distress he will find other ways. Could you sit in with him for a couple of pre-school sessions and interact with him on his own turf so to speak. Take a back seat and observe the enviroment at pre- school what ideas can you copy and use at home. 

Nobody likes the prison guard, try not to overuse the wagging parental finger or raise your voice, kids learn very fast to tune it out. Instead of your will against his you need to make it a team game, its you and him against the world. Praise, no matter how small the contribution or effort made by him then gradually increase the level of effort needed to get the praise. Don't expect overnight success. You need to change what you do rather than try and change him, when you change your interaction he will still use the tools he has eg the tantrums be the imovable object tell him what the appropriate response is and only react and respond to that response.  Do not underestimate his intelligence. The tantrums work, they get your attention and when your worn out  and vunerable they get results. Get yourself some help, some good friends or family to help carry the load. check your own health, are you depressed or suffering from any type of emotional or stress disorder as a result of the divorce or lifes wear and tear. You need to take care of yourself if your going to be able to help your son. 

You have to do the hard work now, a tantrum at three is bad enough, but if he's still using anger to get what he wants into his teens your really going to be in trouble.  

You can do this his behaviour is a temporary hiccup that you can steer back on course and enjoy your son. Despite everything he loves you and he needs your help. good luck. xx 

"The fact that he is good at pre-school is a good indication that there is nothing medically responsible for his behaviour. " 

  

This is not always true.   

  

My daughter who has bipolar, post traumatic stress disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder is wonderful most days at school and even out with other people.  She "holds it together" while at school or out and then comes home to her "safe zone" and "releases" on me. 

  

Just because kids behave in school doesn't mean you are a bad parent or that they do not have a medical condition. Medical conditions may include mental disorders such as mood and emotional disorders. 

  

If you suspect a mood disorder or emotional disorder I would contact a child psychologist or psychiatrist who deals with children of divorce.  

  

I am not trying to worry you or scare you I am just saying my daughter presented very "normal" at school during her elementary years and I blamed her at home behavior on my parenting. I found out it was not that.  Please seek help for you child even if you find out he is just upset about the divorce you can give him a safe outlet to discuss his feelings instead of taking them out on you. 

  

If you think it could be a mood disorder and want to ask question to parents with experience please go to www.bpkids.org 

  

You can also email me if you would like 

mommaoof2@yahoo.com 

  

Tammy 

I think what you are feeling is normal. Communicate with your daughter on a regualr basis as well as with her teachers. Hopefully her school has an open door policy where you as the parent can drop by anytime of the day and observe and ask questions, whatever. Be involved in your child's school as well as much as possible. As far as home schooling goes, it is a great option for some and kids CAN develop social skills and friendships through it, they do not have to enter the system to develop these things, it depends on the parents and how involved they get with the schooling and all. My oldest is in preschool now, And you bet I will be at every function and be involved in everyway that I can, And when I feel the erge, I will pop in and see how things are going, My children even as young as they are, are very outgoing and friendly, they have many friends and very bright kids and it isn't because of the system, it is because I and my husband have worked with them and because of our life styles, they get out in to the community and around people, This is the first time my daughter has ever been in a school setting other then church and she is already ahead of her class. The imporant thing here is to know your child's surroundings and know that you can pop in any time of the day and keep communication lines opened with her as wella s the school staff and most of all know that you are doing the right thing for your child and giving her the best education possible. Follow your heart and don't be afraid t speak up if need to, if you are worried or concerned about something, talk to some one who can help you. My daughter and I talk about her school alot, when I ask her how her day was, she will respond and we go from there, She tells me who she plays with and what she played with, her favorite activity of the day and even tells me about her teacher. I have even asked her if she had any visitors in her class and she will respond. This tells me who was in her classroom and if some one different comes in, I will ask her why they were there and she will tell me. She is only there for 2 in a half hours and becasue I am familiar with the school and staff, I am sure she is fine but Iw ill continue the communication with her and will do what ever I need to do to make sure she is fine and I am still leaning toward homeschooling which can actually have a lot of advantages over the system.

it is a change for you as well as your child.  

  

I just put my son in preschool last week.  He went to school at the Y two days a week and all his friends have gone onto to preschool so I tried to do the same.  He didn't like the idea it would be new teacher/kids/school etc. so I put him in new school two days and kept him in old school three days but old school schedule doesn't start til next week.   

  

So last week and this week he was to go to new school only.  He wouldn't let me leave the first day (I snuck out while he was busy coloring.)  The next day he told me he would be fine in the car and then when I went to leave same thing as first day so again I waited til he was busy.  I hate leaving like that as it is sneaky.  This week I brought him to school and he didn't want to go cause his sister was home sick from school so he wanted to stay with her.  Then he was okay to see her after his school til we got there and another boy was crying when he had to get out of the car -- so he started crying!  He teacher had come to the door for the other boy so she came back for my son.  He wouldn't stop crying but teacher said it would be okay -- then he was fine after I left.  When I picked him up he blew his new teacher a kiss goodbye!  Unfortunately the other day he was to go he was sick. 

  

So we'll see what happens Monday...I know he will be fine at old school but the new school is taking him some getting used to.  (I think it is also because they are more structured.  They sing Pledge of Allegiance and count etc. Plus the old school his teacher is 18 years old whereas his new school the teacher is older than 40 year old me!) ;-) 

  

So hang in there! 

  

Marie 

I hate not having edit -- I forgot to say...let us know how it went since I believe it was to be his first day today?! 

  

I miss having that edit part.  There is alot of times that I forgot to say something and then I have to re-post! LOL