Topic : School Issues

We recently moved to a new house, about five minutes from our old house. My 7 year old is in second grade, he is having an awful time adjusting to his new school and new friends.  He still occasionally sees his old friends when he plays sports, etc. but that doesn't seem to be enough.  He is upset that we had to move because he LOVED his old school.  He had SO MANY friends.  I thought he would make friends easily in his new school because he did have so many friends but instead he comes home and tells me and my husband how mean everyone is to him, and how he hates his new school.  He cries, he tells us that he's never going to make friends.  He told me that it is all my fault because we moved, he says he never wanted to move.   

Part of me thinks he isn't making friends because he really doesn't want to, deep down inside I feel like he's wishing we'll put him back in his old school. 

My husband and I used to think it was just a phase, it would pass but now we're working on two months.  What can I do to make him happy?  He cannot go back to his old school, we moved out of that district.  I feel horrible what can I do? 

My four year old step son started school this year. According to his teacher, he is having a hard time sitting down and listening. He was sent to the prinicpals office one day because he would not do as he was told in gym class. What can I do to help? 

Your 4 year old started school?  Do you mean kindergarten or pre-school?  Is he one of the youngest in his class?   Did he turn 4 recently, or is he going to turn 5 soon?  Without knowing more about him and the type of program he's in, it's unclear whether the expectations are not appropriate for his age level, or if he's really having a problem.  By all means, DON'T let anyone pressure you into putting him on medication.  There are a lot of other things you could try first.   

What is he like at home?  Does he listen to and follow directions at home?  Is his behavior hard to manage at home?  Does he have a melt-down every time that he doesn't get what he wants?  Is he constantly active, or does he sometimes engage in a quiet activity?  Is he used to being around other children his age?  Is he impulsive, always getting into trouble? 

I'm a 1:1 aide for "Jamie," a 3 1/2 year old with symptoms of ADHD, who is an integrated preschool program.  I also have a 16 y/o son who was diagnosed with PDD (an autism spectrum disorder that is a lot more complex than ADHD) at age 3. . . My gut feeling is that there are a number of factors here.  If he's not used to being around kids his age, that could definitely be a factor, but there are probably other reasons for his behavior as well.  It might help to get him tested and hopefully "identified" by the school, so that he could have a 1:1 aide.  "Jamie's" behavior improved a lot when I came into the picture.  (Make sure that his teachers are carefully documenting every episode so that it will be easier to make your case to the committee.)  Your little guy also needs a consistent plan for dealing with his inappropriate behavior.  Everybody that is responsible for managing his behavior needs to be on the same page. 

I also think that it's very possible that there are foods in your step-son's diet that could be triggering his symptoms.  We put my son on the Feingold diet (see www.feingold.org) starting at about age 4.  It helped a lot, but wasn't the total answer.  It turned out that my son also had some sensitivities to some natural foods that were allowed on the Feingold Diet.  For help identifying other possible problem foods, I recommend reading Is This Your Child? by Dr. Doris Rapp.  I took my son to a dr who did the same type of testing and treatment as Dr. Rapp.  It made a world of difference.  (You don't have to see a special doc.  You can just follow the guidelines in the book.)  At first, it seems like a lot of work, but there are big pay-offs in the long run. 

To say that my son has come a long way over the past 12 years is an understatement.  He was in a self-contained special ed preschool class and got every single service that they had to offer.  His preschool teachers doubted that he would be able to function appropriately in a regular kindergarten class.  Fast forward to 11th grade . . . My son is in all college prep classes.  He's even in 3 honors classes (2 of which will enable him to receive college credit by the end of the school year).  He gets extra time for tests, but that's it.  He needs no other supports.  His teachers all love him.  They're constantly saying things like "He's a pleasure to have in class."  His peers admire and respect him.  He even has a date for the prom already.  I'm not saying this to brag.  I just want to make the point that positive changes are very possible, and my son has been able to make all of these changes without ever going on medication.