Topic : School Issues

I'm glad to hear that you are meeting now to get Wyatt's education plan in place for next year.  The BIGGEST help is COMMUNICATION with the teachers...you need to be in the loop about what the assignments are, how Wyatt is doing when he is in class, and whether the work is being done and turned in...we have to keep a close eye on Scott...

Scott finished his homework on Friday...or so he says...I forgot to check it...he wanted some time on the computer, but he was supposed to rake the leaves in the play area first...not a huge job, but he kept making excuses that the job was "impossible" to do up to our standards...DAD went out and did a patch of it to show him how we want it done, and that it is NOT "impossible"...he didn't get it done yesterday, so he has to work on it an hour a day after school until it is done...in addition to his homework...really, the job shouldn't take more than an hour...he just needs to quit dinking around and get it done!!  I could do it faster myself, but we really feel that the kids should do their share around the house...and they have to do it to OUR standards...

Matthew still has swollen tonsils this morning...the doctor said to call the office if they were still giving him trouble today.  Since he was able to play all weekend, and he has no fever, I made him go to school today...he can't afford to miss school...he is an excellent student, but if he gets behind, it's very hard to catch up...even in 4th grade...when he missed school on Friday, I went to the shool to pick up his assignments...he did them with no complaints...I'll see what the doctor says...it isn't strep...but the tonsils do look sore and angry...I gave him some ibuprofen this morning...I hope it helps...I don't think he's contageous...no fever or cough...just big tonsils...

I still have it on my list to get the medical bills copied and sent to John's culinary school, for grant consideration...I've got the 2007 bills together...next will be the 2006 bills...I hope it helps him...

Becky

My youngest daughter, a Kindergartner, is very bright (don't get me wrong); however, she is very impulsive.  The teacher has noted, on her mid-term report, that the problematic area involves being too exciteable and that she often gets distracted from her work.  Even at home, with a consistant routine, I have to remind my Kindergartner not to be too loud, to return to what she needs to do, or that she needs to control her body.  When I know that we're going to be busy -- even if we're getting ready to leave the house -- I try to keep all noises off, and yet, she can't go into her room to put on her shoes without finding some type of distraction.  I want to take her toys out of her room but that feels mean -- okay, maybe it's not, though. 

Our household has a routine that she knows well.  I've helped her practice it.  I've written the "activities" and "rules" on a chart to remind her,  given her verbal instruction, and a count-down as to which event will take place next (i.e., "Five minutes until.... "  then "Three minutes until..."  then "You have one more minute left, then we need to clean-up and go do...").  I've tried following her around to help her get ready, which negatively effects the timeliness of arriving to our destination on time without proper planning, mostly because I will still have to find time to get myself ready. I've tried giving my Kindergartner positive feedback and reinforcement when she does something right and disciplining her (with time-outs, and last-restort "groundings" ) when she refuses, or is throwing a fit about doing what is needed to be done.  Overall, I feel very overwhelmed.  My husband works a lot, and his work schedule varies so usually, I'm trying to discipline the kids alone. When he IS at home, he understands the importance of maintaining a routine, and jumps in to help when he is able. 

I have nothing but love for my girls and I try so hard to do what is in their best interest, but I must be unintentionally misguided, or I must be doing something wrong entirely for my child to behave so badly at school.  I was flattened and embarrased by this negative review of my child's school performance.  Perhaps, I just felt that a slight insecurity in presuming that her teacher must be misjudging me as a neglectful or uncaring parent who allows their children to be "babysitted" by cartoons -- which is not the case at all!

So, this is a long msg, but... any thoughts on what I can do?  Any advice, even constructive criticism is welcomed.  Obviously, keep it as nice as possible.  :)  Thanks a lot for your time in reading this!

It sounds like you're on the right track with the routine at home...your daughter is very young yet...has the teacher ever mentioned why she thinks your daughter is misbehaving? 

Maybe you could meet with the school counselor to discuss the behavior at school.  Perhaps he/she could observe your daughter in class and give you some feedback. 

Also, if possible, volunteer to help in her class...just a couple of hours per week...this will give you a chance to observe the class while you are helping out.  I've learned plenty while volunteering in class...you can see just how the teacher interacts with the kids, and how the classroom structure works...and you develop a closer relationship with the teacher, and you can have a chance to ask more questions...I've been volunteering in my kids' classrooms for many years...the youngest one is in 4th grade...the junior high and high school don't really have a place for parent volunteers in the classroom, but I do help out with the high school band.

Keep in contact with the teacher...I know how easy it is to feel "judged" by the teachers...try not to let that get in your way...the negative review of classroom behavior is NOT a reflection of your parenting skills...your daughter is responsible for her behavior at school...maybe she just needs some time to mature...you're obviously NOT an uncaring parent...communication is the key here...KNOW what your daughter is doing on a daily basis at school...if you can, pick up your daughter at school and pop by the classroom to find out how the day went....or, if that's not possible, email your child's teacher...ask questions...

I hope this is helpful...Becky

I wanted to add to what I said last night...the behaviors you describe sound a lot like my older two boys, who were diagnosed with ADHD.  The oldest one had trouble paying attention and sitting still, trouble with staying on task at school and at home...but the doctors wanted to wait for him to mature...he didn't get on meds until 2nd grade.  The middle son got on meds in kindergarten...but don't jump the gun...ADHD meds have some pretty bad side effects...look them up online...

AND my boys were on the ADHD meds for years until we took them to a sleep specialist.  Over 1/3 of ADHD cases have underlying sleep disorders causing the behavior problems.  It turns out that our oldest son has Narcolepsy, and our middle son has Restless leg Syndrome and Narcolepsy.  Our youngest son has Restless Leg Syndrome.  The meds to treat these are NOT ADHD meds...so my kids were on the wrong meds for years...and the middle one had mood problems related to the Adderall, and it stunted his growth.  He was always so tiny, and when he went off of it, he grew a foot over a span of one year!!

So, don't take it lightly if your doc says ADHD...but at this point, she is only in kindergarten, and it could very well be an issue of immaturity...

I'm NOT a doctor, so obviously, I can't make a diagnosis...keep doing what you are doing at home...keep a close eye on her because kids who don't stick to what they are told to do need more supervision to make sure that they stay on track.

We had trouble with our kids being really slow to get ready in the morning...this is going to sound funny, but when they were younger, we had them sleep in their clothes, so we would have one less battle in the morning...our mornings were much more pleasant after we started doing that...

Also, like I said in my last post, try not to feel like your parenting skills are under the microscope...the teacher is just informing you about your daughter...talk with her...keep the lines of communication open...also talk with the school counselor...if the behavior continues, have the counselor observe your daughter in class and give his/her evaluation of the situation...

I hope this is helpful...Becky

Our 14 year old, Scott, is in the same boat.  I talked at length with the school counselor.  We have tried banning him from everything he liked for not getting his work done...with NO success and NO progress...The counselor suggested that we give IMMEDIATE rewards for any bit of success.

Assigning additional work isn't the answer...if he's NOT doing the work he is supposed to, he probably won't do the extra work either.  Is his teacher actively involved in re-directing your son back to his school work when he gets off-track?  I'm sure the absence of his dad has a lot to do with his behavior, but that still doesn't excuse it.  You should definitely keep in touch frequently with his teacher.  Our school district has "behavior report forms", which are signed by the teacher daily, and brought home for a parent signature.  The form has room for a daily report on the child's behavior.  You could volunteer in his class...in 6th grade, the teacher might have you making copies, or grading papers...it will give you a chance to observe your son in action, and a chance to get to know the teacher really well...in a positive atmosphere.

If you can't be at the school, try emailing the teacher on a regular basis...as often as you deem necessary.  Ask questions about his assignments and classroom behavior.

It is SO easy to focus on the NEGATIVE, ignoring the POSITIVE...

We recently instituted a HOMEWORK CONTRACT with Scott, and so far, the results have been very positive...you could tailor it to suit the needs of your son...here it is...

HOMEWORK CONTRACT

1.  Scott will bring home his school work every day and show it to MOM or DAD, for each class.  As a reward, Scott will earn 5 minutes of time on the computer for every current assignment that he brings home.  For every completed assignment, Scott will earn an additional 5 minutes.  For assignments requiring multiple days for completion, 5 minutes will be awarded for completion of a prescribed portion of the assignment for a given day.

2.  For assignments that were completed in class and turned in that day, Scott will have the teacher make a note in his planner and sign it.  The same will be true for days when ther is no assignment for a particular class.

3.  Scott will earn an additional 20 minutes of computer fime for one hour of reading his AR book, for a grand total of one hour of computer time per day.  All assignments must be completed, and reading must be done before time on the computer is allowed.  Computer time must be used on the day it is earned, or it will be lost.

4.  Scott will be allowed to do his homeowrk in his room, undisturbed, as long as he is making satisfactory progress.  He will have to show his work every 30 minutes.  dIf a satisfactory amount of work has NOT been completed, Scott will have to leave his room and continue his work on the couch, or other disignated spot, where MOM or DAD can supervise him.  Satisfactory progress will be defined according to the requirements of the assignment.

5.  Scott's homework allowance iwll be 50 cents per day, based on bringing home all assignments to show MOM or DAD, and completing them, or having his planner signed, as stated above.  ALL classes must be accounted for, every school day.  Scott will earn 50 cents per day on weekends and school holidays and vacations with one hour of reading an AR book, or other book approved by MOM or DAD, and doing a prescribed amount of homework, if any is pending.  Non-school-day reading will earn one hour of computer time for each hour of reading.

6.  Scott will improve his percentages on his overall grades over time for each class.  This will be accomplished by doing and turning in his school work.  Make-up of past missing assignments will not be required, however , make-up of these assignments will improve the overall percentages.  For each percentage point of improvement in each class, verified by the Skyward grade postings every Thursday, Scott will earn one point toward a separate incentive benefit.  The postings will be recorded on a chart.  Points can be spent, or saved for a larger reward.  Rewards include:  Bonus Hour on the computer: 1 point.  All-day Saturday TV: 5 points.  Purchase of one Pay-Per-View movie: 10 points.  Family trip to Baskin Robbins: 20 points.  Purchase of item up to a value of $25:  100 points.  At the end of the school year, if all class grades reach 80 percent or better, MOM and DAD will purchase a DVD of Scott's choice.  Points will be subtracted if percentage points are lost (the opposite of improvement).  On school days, these points can only be redeemed if ALL assignments and signatures are brought home, and all homework and AR reading is completed, as stated in the terms above.  NO EXCEPTIONS!!  Additionally, on non-school days, reading, chores, and pending homework must be completed before points can be redeemed.

So far, this has been very successful.   Scott is bringing home his homework, however, he is not always getting the signatures for classes where there is "no homework"...his loss...he has the short-term immediate reward for his daily work (daily computer time), and the long-term rewards for improving his cumulative grades.

Prior to the contract, Scott had 3 F's.  One of those has been brought up to a D, and the other two classes he was failing have shown significant improvement in his overall percentages...still not passing, but improving...if he keeps it up, he will bring them all up to passing, and hopefully, up to decent grades.

He still has a room for improvement in the honesty department...I saw a missing creative writing assignment that due on April 23rd...it was assigned before the contract took effect, but it is a HUGE part of his grade.  I asked him about it, and he said that he DID turn it in.  In checking with the teacher by email, I found out that the assignment has NOT been turned in.  The teacher asked him to be honest with me about work in his class.  Additoinally, Scott said that he had the assignment saved in his personal folder on the school's computer.  If this is true, he should be able to print it and turn it in.  He is supposed to be saving all work done on the school computers to his flash drive...this assignment is NOT on his flash drive...we checked this morning. 

 I hope this info is helpful to you...remember, keep it positive...Becky

When I was a kid, we moved in the middle of the school year a couple of times.  My dad was a welding engineer.  It was an adventure, but it was difficult to get established with new friends. 

How does your kids' mom feel about the issue?  How do the kids feel about it?  How old are the kids?

I think that it could be detrimental to the continuity of your kids education.  The new school probably isn't at the exact same spot in the curriculum as the old school.  Do they use the same books?  (That would help the transition).  Kids are resiliant, though, and they might do just fine....still, with 7 weeks left of school, I would think it would be better to wait until fall to change schools.,,I guess it depends on how mom feels about the driving.

I hope this helps...others might have different opinions...Becky

Becky, thank you for your advice!!  It is so good to hear from another perspective from a parent who has been through the same situation.  I've been following up with my little Kindergarten's teacher, like you have suggested.  We're working together for improvement, and I'm already seeing some changes.  It's too early to tell for sure, of course, but so far, it's good.  I'm very pleased.  Thank you for your input.  It's much appreciated!