Topic : School Issues

My 12 year old son is a 7th grader. He is not doing assigned schoolwork.  He gets B's and A's when he does his work.  We have tried punishments; he has lost privileges for TV, PC, PS2, phone and any activities outside of attending school and church. We have tried talking to him, that school is a job, that the work has to be done(whether or not he likes the work or the teacher) We have tried positive reinforcements; offered to pay him for good grades or get him a cell phone. We have tried getting very involved in overseeing his work and making sure it gets done.  We've also tried removing ourselves completely, making him totally responsible.  We have talked to his teachers. I think because our son is well behaved and there are students with worse grades they don't really notice anything about him.  Their only words of wisdom for us was that getting kids to do their work is the number one complaint from parents at this age. This has been an ongoing struggle for a few years now and he is doing it to the point of failing classes this year.  He is a kid who has always been well behaved, is very afraid of getting in trouble, except for schoolwork. As Dr Phil would say we haven't found what his 'currency' is yet - can anyone help??? 

Lack of motivation at this age is a HUGE factor in less then "good" home work/ school work for kids your sons age!! I know that being told that doesn't help or make anything better, but just know, you are not alone.  

My daughter also started seriously slipping in school at your sons age. She was always quiet, shy, didn't cause any classrom problems, etc. But what happened when she got to middle school was that she had culture shock- things were so different!! We also couldn't find her "currency" as Dr. Phil would call it. Finally, one of her teachers who was so nice told me that she did her master's thesis on learning problems and how some kids slip through the cracks because they don't have the "hyperactivity" part of ADHD. This put the wheels in motion for us to get our daughter tested, and guess what? She has Add... she has been just barely getting by all these years. Living in a small town where everyone knows everyone, she has been able to charm her way through, but once she got to the middle school, which is  in the same building as the high school, it was obvious she couldn't keep up with the rest of her class. I felt angry that no one suggested testing earlier on in her life- yet, I can't blame anyone, really... the system has always been this way and I actually feel blessed that we now know she has a learning disorder , she is now getting help for it, and she is now in the 9th grade and getting A's and B's in everything. Your son can do it, too! It might not be lack of motivation, mom... I urge you to get him tested ASAP. Your best bet is to do it outside of the school system because the system has a way of dragging their feet and it takes forever. Look in your yellow pages for testing for learning disabilities. Please know this is not a life-long 'label'... your son really may need help. Good luck to you. 

It really does seem simple from the outside. I sincerely doubt it is a matter of the school not thinking the school nurse is a sound investment. I am a teacher who gets about two dollars per student per year to buy my supplies. I have watched schools, at least in California, eliminate musisc, counseling, services for students in resource programs (students with diagnosed learning disabilities), and the list goes on and on. Your problem is really with your state legislators. Naturally you suggest that the parents get a lawyer. Of course that always the answer to not having enough money. I would suggest you talk with the principal and your child's teacher to see what you can work out. I would also suggest that you take the time to ask how your school receives its money. Find out how much of the money is already earmarked for what programs, these programs being regulated by statute, and how much the school and the district actually receive. I think you will be shocked at how much of the money goes to duplicate work at the state level. It has become so fashionable to take shots at schools, like they have set this up themselves. School funding never keeps up with inflation and legislators frequently add requirements and programs that they neglect to fund. Reading posts like yours is disheartening. Parents are really the only advocates schools have. For parents to not bother to understand the issues becomes self-defeating. You are not fighting the enemy, you are fighting your ally. In education it is only the schools who are accountable. I would just once like to see parents, politicians and their lawyers held even partially accountable.

I am the mother of a newly diagnosed first grader.  During the first few days, the school reassured me that they have dealt with type 1 diabetes with many children.  After a month, my six year old was offered candy by the principal, left alone to walk the halls with a blood glucose of 34,  and found out that only 2 out of 10 teachers who directly supervised her even knew that she had diabetes.  I requested some help and they said that they did not get any funding to care for a child with diabetes.  They denied me a Section 504 Plan - and finally I had to threaten a federal lawsuit.  I have found out that this particular school district has gone to court twice before for dicrimination of children with disabilities.   

I am happy to fight for schools to get more funding  - however, the school has made themselves the enemy and maybe you should look at the issues from the other side. 

Dawn 

I am the Mom of a 16 yr old girl......since she started highschool last year I have had a constant struggle to get her to go and actually stay all day:(...she started of this year at one school and DEMANDED to be transferred to a smaller , more local school or she would drop out.....well now after being in the new school for 3 months....she has gone back to the daily stuggle to get her to go and stay without calling me 4 to 5 times per day with some sort of made up excuse to come home!!  I refuse to go get her and I make her stay and stick it out for the day....well, today was a paticularly bad day at school with a student verbally attacking her (  with fat, b****, w****, etc)...I got right on the phone and spoke to the Asst. Principal and demanded he look into it-was fixed immediately....not an hour later she called me in tears as her Home Ec. teacher embarassed her in front of the class and accused her of stealing M&M's out of the cupboard- which I know she did not as she has been taught since birth if it is not OURS we do NOT touch it!...it was the straw the broke the camels back as they say because as soon as she walked in the door she called her Dad (whom she has been seeing only since Oct 2004-he was absent for 15 yrs of her life)and asked him if she could move in with him......he is picking her up this Sunday and she has deopped out of school!!!....what kills me more than the fact that she is leaving me is the she has dropped out of school!!!!...education is THE MOST IMPORTANT part of a persons life......and I am afraid that she is ruining her life!!!  I want more for my daughter than haveing to settle for  a minimum wage dead end job like her 20 yr old (drop out) cousin has!!!!  I am fit to be tied......I am exhausted not only from this daily struggle but from my daily battle with MS....HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I am the Mom of a 16 yr old girl......since she started highschool last year I have had a constant struggle to get her to go and actually stay all day:(...she started of this year at one school and DEMANDED to be transferred to a smaller , more local school or she would drop out.....well now after being in the new school for 3 months....she has gone back to the daily stuggle to get her to go and stay without calling me 4 to 5 times per day with some sort of made up excuse to come home!!  I refuse to go get her and I make her stay and stick it out for the day....well, today was a paticularly bad day at school with a student verbally attacking her (  with fat, b****, w****, etc)...I got right on the phone and spoke to the Asst. Principal and demanded he look into it-was fixed immediately....not an hour later she called me in tears as her Home Ec. teacher embarassed her in front of the class and accused her of stealing M&M's out of the cupboard- which I know she did not as she has been taught since birth if it is not OURS we do NOT touch it!...it was the straw the broke the camels back as they say because as soon as she walked in the door she called her Dad (whom she has been seeing only since Oct 2004-he was absent for 15 yrs of her life)and asked him if she could move in with him......he is picking her up this Sunday and she has deopped out of school!!!....what kills me more than the fact that she is leaving me is the she has dropped out of school!!!!...education is THE MOST IMPORTANT part of a persons life......and I am afraid that she is ruining her life!!!  I want more for my daughter than haveing to settle for  a minimum wage dead end job like her 20 yr old (drop out) cousin has!!!!  I am fit to be tied......I am exhausted not only from this daily struggle but from my daily battle with MS....HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

This must be very difficult for you!! Of course you want what is best for your daughter. What you've got to do ASAP is find a professional therepist with experience with teens and make an appt. for your daughter and yourself to talk about all of these issues- there are a ton of issues! If your daughter is being teased and harrassed every day, that can really wear down a person's spirit. Have you considered home schooling with an occasional private tutor as an alternative to dropping out? 

Another question, her father is fine with his daughter dropping out of school? 

Her relationship with her father is a big part of her self esteem, or lack of it. It would be best if she could slowly build a loving, trusting relationship with this man instead of running to him to get away from her past. What you need to do is take immediate action, your daughter is still a minor and you do still have control, what you need to do is use that control as best you can right away. The best thing to do is get pro-active right now!!